Rant: I was unaware it was Unofficial Run-Into-Dudes-You-Used-to-Fuck-While-You-Are-Looking-Like-Shit week.
RANT: I'm going to go mad, if I haven't already. Three days off used to be a blessing, but that was back when I could be awake for more than an hour without feeling insane with boredom and loneliness. I've spent the past decade finding things that entertain me or give me enjoyment, but none of them last. I get into a good band and a week later I'm wondering what happened to the excitement and "Not only is this good, this is what I would make if I could make music." I can deal with the self-loathing and social rejection; that much is manageable and most of the time I'm smart enough to realize that most of the people around me aren't worth getting worked up over. What I absolutely cannot stand anymore is the lethargy and boredom. I'm depressed, but I'm miles from wanting to die. I want to live, but for something beyond paying bills and hoping to find a second job so I can pay for college classes for a career that I might like, or might get through 2 years of college and realize I hate. I want to smack myself in the face and force myself to feel alive. Fuck, I want to go to Europe and see another country. I want adrenaline coursing through my veins. I want some goddamn excitement to replace my self-defeating safety shell. I just don't know how to defeat the self-defeating part of myself. There's a fucking conundrum for ya. I need to defeat myself to stop defeating myself. Rave: I do have my own place, a job, a working vehicle, and a brain. That's a start, right?
Rant: Just been "deleted" from a friends life, due to her boyfriend breaking up with her due to me and basically giving the ultimatium of its either me and the social clubs we are in together, or him. It pisses me off, one because I feel like I've lost a good friend, but also because its going mean a lot of the things that make her happy will be removed from her life. All due to him being a jealous person and wanting to control what she does and who she sees. Bigger Rant: She can see that its not a good relationship, isn't happy but feels that because she "loves" him it means she needs to change and make it work.
Rant: Two weeks ago, I received a substantial amount of money from my Grandma who is not doing so well. Immediately I put half of it into savings, used a good chunk to pay off debt, and was left with enough money to buy new golf clubs and take the girlfriend to Vegas again this summer. Well Vegas and golf-clubs will have to wait because the girlfriend's car is toast. We've been together for nearly three years, and (like it or not) I know I need to step up and help her buy a newer vehicle. It's only a matter of time before we take the next step together, and we're definitely at the point where her issues (by default) become mine. I love the girl and I'm happy and willing to put-forth the cash for a down-payment on a reliable vehicle that will last her/us awhile, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit sad that I won't be swinging some new Callaway irons in the spring. Rave: Even amidst that petty frustration, it's nice being in a situation where I am in a happy relationship, debt free with plans of moving forward together. It's still an adjustment going from "me first" to "us first" but it's a transition that I am happy to make. Rave: I'm going to pop the question soon. I've already gotten the face-to-face approval/tears from both of her parents and my Dad, and now it's just a matter of making it official. Add the fact that my Mom also gave me her approval before she passed away. I'm even going to use my Mom's engagement ring. I'll keep you posted.
Rave: Finally got my job offer today from this great Advertising/SEO/SEM/Analytics agency in Chicago. They are paying me 10k more than I asked for. I also get 7 weeks of vacation! Rave: Finally I won't ever have to worry about unemployment certification every Wednesday morning and someone else can get that money. I'll also be able to have health insurance. Rant: No more excuses for me getting my four wisdom teeth out that will be my first surgery every. I've never even gotten stitches. Now that I'll have the money and insurance to pay for it all. Son of a bitch. Rave: I'm rich biatch!
Rant: Fuck you cold weather, fuck you ice, fuck you stupid goddamned fools who cannot drive on this shit, fuck you car dealership for not fixing my car today because you wall went home, fuck you Enterprise for NOT HAVING A GODDAMN RENTAL CAR in a 20 square mile radius, fuck you streets for having ice on them, fuck you front wheel drive cars, fuck you cabin fever, fuck you cold germs, fuck being afoot and having to depend on The Guy for a vehicle, fuck you idiots who call up here saying you want to come in and then don't show up, fuck you people who bought up my Tadasana jacket after I ordered it online, fuck not having a big cup of coffee for breakfast, fuck gas bubbles, and just for good measure fuck the blister on the back of my heel I got from walking around at the Stupid Bowl Sunday.
Rave: I went to Yoga last night for the first time in 4 months. My ass, lats, and tris are appropriately sore. Rant: Snowmegeddon 2011 continues. Fuck this noise. If this continues into tomorrow I will cut a bitch.
Rant sitting in a lecture. Guy comes in late and sits next to me, gets out some drawing and does that the entire time. Keeps bumping my elbow as he messes around with this comic he's working on. This is a physics for engineers class. What the fuck is the point of coming if you don't even pay attention!?
Rant: What the Fuck. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RM4se7IL4wU#[/youtube]
RAVE!!!! I FLEW A HELICOPTER TODAY!!!!! X2 I GET TO FLY ONE TOMORROW AND JUST ABOUT EVERY DAY FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE!!!
Rant: Sick.....fucking first time in like 3 years I want to stay in bed, but I have my longest fucking day in school (8:30am to 7:30pm) Then fucking homework.. god fucking damn it. Rave: At least I had delicious Pho for lunch
Rant: This is bugging the hell out of me, ridiculous as it will sound, and the anonymity of this board is the only place I can vent about it. I'm almost embarrassed to admit I'm on facebook, although I visit my profile maybe once every couple of weeks at most. I also rarely request to friend anyone. A couple of weeks ago I decided to look up and friend request a girl I knew in grammar school. She was one of a group of kids I knew all through grammar school, and we were in nearly every class together. We were pretty good friends, considering our age. We got caught passing notes in class, and I remember her getting very jealous that I had a crush on the new girl. I had moved at age 11, after 5th grade, and of course lost touch with all of them, her included. I never really forgot any of them, but most of them had incredibly common names like Smith or Jones, and there was no way I'd ever find them, particularly on facebook. She however, had a unique name, and she popped up right away when I searched for her. So I sent a friend request. She accepted. This was followed by several awkward e-mails, the contents of which made it obvious she had no idea, at all, who I was, and didn't seem very interested in pursuing it. Now, I know I'm being an ass about this - it was over 30 years ago for fuck's sake - but it is driving me nuts that she doesn't remember me. I'm not sure what I expected - it isn't like I planned on flying across the U.S. to meet up with her or anything crazy like that, or expected her to immediately ask about every aspect of my life since 1978. I was just hoping to catch up, maybe exchange a mutual "hey nice to hear from you again!". I can't even really define what is bothering me so much. But for some reason it does. A lot.
Rave: My weekend starts right fucking now! Rant: My weekend will consist of studying and at most a night or two of something people refer to as 'fun.'
Day 3: montreal. I'm drunk again. This town is too much fun. Got complimented on my inability to speak French but was they loved me because I tried and gave a shit about trying. Nothing else to note. I'm balls deep in all sorts of French.
Rant: The heater core on my '96 Explorer shit the bed today. From reading forums it looks like I can either pull my entire dash and steering column out and try to replace it myself, or spend 900$ that I don't have to have it done at a shop. Rant: I have a date tomorrow and won't have heat in my car. It's cold here. Rave: I have a date tomorrow.
Rant Retarded politicians. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41498568/ns/politics-capitol_hill/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41498568/ns ... itol_hill/</a> This shit sounds like a telenovela.