Rant: I fell asleep at 9PM on a Friday night. This is my last weekend at home and I spent Friday night asleep. No ass, no liquor, no going out. I am so pissed at myself. At the very least I could have went out by myself to a Lounge I frequent and had a couple drinks on the house because the bartender/half owner adores me. Rant: I'm cold as hell. Rant: Saying goodbye to everyone.
The Bengals have only made the playoffs four times in my lifetime. I'm going to the game today! I'm taking my parents, who are life long fans, but have never been to a playoff game. I just have one question.... WHO DEY?* *- I expect you all to say jets when they lose
RAVE: I dreamed I had sex with my wife's younger sister last night, and it was hot and dirty. RANT: I don't really like her sister, she's a lying, loudmouthed, idiot. RAVE: My wife's horny and wants to have sex tonight by the fireplace. I win all the way round!
Rant: FUCK. How the fuck do you lose that game UConn? You got fucking outscored by one fucking player in the second half. FUCK, FUCK and FUCK.
Rant Xbox Red Ring of Deathed yesterday. I've got an entire week right now with nothing to do but drink and play video games, and now I've only got Starfox 64 to keep me company. Rant Fucked my hand up punching a hole in the wall as a result of the above. Somehow this did not fix my console.
RAVE: Once again have Internet access from home. Went almost a full week without it, and it sucked. Had limited iPhone access, and couldn't really do much from work as we're too busy. RANT: Seems that there's something wrong with the line into my place, as there's a crapload of noise on the line now, and it's causing my signal to be reset every half hour or so, and limiting my connection strength/bandwidth. The tech came out and tested the line, and thinks that it's a problem somewhere in the 500 yards of line between my house and the main access road. I'm personally/financially responsible for that line, and the quote he gave me to re-string it is fucking ridiculous. Seems like it's time for me to dig out my tree-climbing spikes and splicing kit, and go fix it myself.
Rant: Cunt customer today. It takes a special cunt to actually rile me. Rave: Didn't get fired or even chastised for treating her the way she deserved to be treated. She may have actually been inspired to think next time. Double Rave: She still tipped! I think that may have been some kind of accident.
RANT/RAVE: Punched a lemon. He was giving me shit about how much more citrusy he was than me, and in my 'hood that duck don't walk. I gave it the old Tiger Uppercut, and now he dead. Justified? Yes. But that lemon took a bullet for me in 'Nam. I see a red door and I want too paint it berrrlaaaccckkk.
Rant: It's my time of the month (I know, TMI), and I'm feeling murderous. I will definitely be drinking tonight to rid myself of this misery. Rave: It's my husband's birthday tomorrow, and I got him an awesome gift - a membership for the 12 Club at Threadless.com. He loves their t-shirts, and now he'll be getting a limited edition one every month for a year.
RAVE Just got a new Macbook, and damn is it sweet! RANT Just spent a buttload of money purchasing said Macbook.
I dun woked up. The alkeyhol iis in ma brains but as gonna kil demm bitches whos hurt ma paw. Pew pew pew bang! Yous dead likew disco mofo. Stabby stabby cubt face with extra raarrrra and yo momma. word to the muthafuka . straight outta compton. no racusm-wes all pweeps, so luv thy nebsbor cos he love yo back-an he kill them xenomorphss. Ripley!!!!
Jus had this permagrinned chump try an sttrt some static. I fuked him up wib m gat and hiz posse dont gets no ice cream you dig>? I IS GIBBS!
Getting really interested in a cute girl from home. I'll spare you the sappy crap. Which would be great.....if I wasn't leaving to return to London in 8.5 hours. Ugh. But Zyron's misery is making me smile. HOYA SAXA MOTHERFUCKER! God I love Austin Freeman.
Rave: I don't remember how I found this website, but after the RMMB went down and it was started, I apparently bookmarked it and forgot about it. I clicked the bookmarks tab today, saw something called "The Idiot Board", and found it to sign up. Good thing I did, I missed the old board, with its insane mods and funny stories. (For reference, I was Harryballsonya before it was banned, then AfternoonDelight) Rant: For some reason I started drinking today at 3:00 while playing Call of Duty, passed out by 8:00, and just woke up. All my friends are too drunk to pick me up, I don't have money to pay for a cab, and I have no car to drive anywhere. Guess I'll go back to bed.
Rave: Flying to Austin tomorrow for two job interviews, the company for the first of which is reimbursing 2/3 of my travel expenses. Rant: Monday's interview is technical and 5 1/2 hours long. Nervous does not begin to describe my feeling right now, which would explain the erection. In these technical interviews I always go in wondering "what do they know that I don't?" and "what if I have a complete brainfart on the supposedly easy stuff?" Super Rave: Either position is up to a 50% pay raise.
RAVE Oh...mygod. I drank so fucking much last night. This might get complicated. I think I need to make up some names to keep this straight. Also, spoiler tags for length. Spoiler My friend Jeff was invited to a birthday party, I was invited to a Metal concert, a girl we know, Susan, came with us and was invited to a third party, and we were going to hit up this awesome bar that brewed its own high quality beer for happy hour before the sun had even gone down. Plus this girl Matilda came up to party with us from my hometown and she and Susan are really overt and like to drape themselves over me, grab at various bodyparts, and just generally play around coyly. They also have a penchant for making out with each other to garner attention (At my friend's 21st birthday party they pulled a tag-team lapdance for him after having already made out earlier that night) and they are both actually really fucking smart and a pleasure to speak with. Needless to say, I was pretty fucking stoked. My night was gonna begin after I finished working at my lab at about 4PM, since that was when the happy hour was, but it turned out that this did not happen. My bike, on which I had only days before replaced the inner tubes for flat tires, had two flat tires and in the time it took me to reinflate one tire the other one would deflate. I sent an email to work saying I couldn't make it, and I went to Jeff's apartment 2 hours early. It turned out that Jeff was entertaining guests from his hometown that were coming with us to the bar. They decided they wanted a tour of campus, and so we spent two hours giving them an extensive tour before returning home to depart for the bar. Jeff, his two out of town friends, myself, and Matilda arrived at the bar and joined a massive table full of people we were apparently meeting. Jeff had been raving about the place for weeks, and wanted to make a weekly event of going to that bar and I was afraid that all this hype he was putting forth was going to set me up for disappointment, but I was amazed to find that the place really did live up to the hype. I had home made potato chips (chips like Lays, not like fries) that were amazingly crunchy and freshly cut covered in Gorgonzola. The pitchers were $10 each and the beer was as amazing as Jeff described, it was thick and smooth and full of flavor and it was brewed with honey, and Matilda was elated by the drink as well. Each of us got a glass and then Matilda and I split a pitcher between the two of us. We were pretty well into warm fuzzy drunkenness by that point, and Jeff drove us back to his place. At that point his two friends left and we all set about maintaining our buzz with experimental rum concoctions. It was about 6 or 7 PM and we were just kicking back, drinking, talking, listening to music and waiting for about 9 PM to roll around to leave. At one point my next door neighbor Jane arrived to join us, and she's blonde with gargantuan tits. Matilda picked up her phone, pushed a few buttons, and showed it to me. She had written a text message "Oh my god! Her tits are really huge!" Then there was a lot more drinking, and at one point Matilda and Susan jumped on Jeff's bed, tossed me Susan's camera, and started posing and making out while I took pictures and Jane was amazed and excited to discover the liveliness of us all. After that we downed our drinks and headed on out. By this point we were all fucking hammered and we made our way drunkenly towards the Metal concert, but became distracted and stopped in on a random dance party along the way. Everyone else started dancing and shit to the techno and the lights while I worked my way to the keg and actually got something to drink. While in line I talked to a bunch of random people and found out it was a short dude in a suit's 19th birthday. I also got told by a couple of black guys that I looked like Jack Black and we all started laughing and talking. It turned out they were all on vacation from Florida and down for the parties. Without hesitation I invited them all to come with us, since we were going to another party and a concert, but after 10 minutes they still didn't have their shit together and so after I danced for a while and got ground on by a few women from our group we moved on without them to the metal concert. The concert was fucking awesome, loud, good music, a keg, fucking awesome. And I ran into MetalGuy, who I've known since middle school. Jeff was a little saddened by the fact that Jane was more or less ignoring him to hit on other men, and I tried to drunkenly console him, but got distracted by a cute blonde and started talking to her. She was a third year communications major and I don't remember much of our conversation except at some point I started telling her that I am about to graduate with the very distinct possibility of going off to work on some tropical island. She seemed interested in the conversation, but after a little while I could tell she wasn't feeling it beyond that so I decided not to waste my time and moved on for more drinking. It was at this point that I realized that my friends had left. Fuck. I'm borderline blackout drunk, separated from my friends, my phone battery is dead, and now have to successfully navigate the streets to find Jeff's friend's birthday party. I fucking ran through the crowds jumping around and shouting at random people like an idiot, but eventually I reached a corner I recognized. Holy shit, I think I actually made it. I ran behind the house into the pitch black carport, through the gap in the fence, through the parked cars, and up the side steps to get to Jeff's friend's apartment...and it was empty. Totally empty. Fuck. What now? Well I looked around and realized that, even though this was definitely Jeff's friend's apartment, there was a huge party next door, so I wander over to that party and get in the second story room. There's a ton of people crammed inside, but none of them want to talk to intoxicated old me, I tried asking around if it was Jeff's Friend's party and if Jeff or any of my other friends were here, but no one else knew. A group of guys in soccer jerseys came up to me and told me they were all from Brazil. I asked them my questions, but they had no idea, and told me they were leaving anyway and good luck. I told them about the metal concert I'd just been at and told them the guitar player's name so they could get in. They thanked me several times and were off. I decided to brave the even larger crowd of people on the first floor lawn, so I went down and navigated through the blurry alcohol-lubricated mass of gyrating human flesh to scour the crowd. I stopped off at the side and started asking a random guy my questions. He had no idea. Then I asked him why the fuck he was on the sidelines doing jack shit. He tried to play it cool and blame the women for not being interesting enough. I called bullshit. He reluctantly agreed with my assessment and said we should get out there and do anything other than nothing. So we inserted ourselves into the crowd once more and almost immediately I run back into my friends. We were all overjoyed and apparently we'd all been worrying about my ability to find the party. I think the fact that I was talking to three hot women and that they were all overjoyed to see me somehow impressed the hapless freshman who had been standing on the sidelines doing nothing up until the last few minutes. I invited him to come with us. He accepted giddily. However, not long after this reunion there was apparently some sort of big fight that I didn't see/don't remember that I was told about after the fact. It seems that some young lad, possibly with the aid of some intoxicating substances, had attempted to charge the wooden fence between the yard party and the street, and apparently he'd managed to crash through and land flat on his ass on the grass within the party and knocking a few people in the process. This instigated a brawl between himself and some other partygoers (possibly the residents of the apartment he had literally just gatecrashed) and my little squadron of people made a quick decision to get out of there and go back to MetalGuy's house. Jeff decided he wanted to go to sleep, so he went back to his house while we went on to MetalGuy's house. We all sat around for a bit and I managed to get a beer in my hand and polish it off rather quickly before I suddenly realized I had intentionally left my keys at Jeff's house so as not to lose them and that I should therefore go fetch them before he or I passed out or I would be unable to get into my apartment at the end of the night. Before I left, Matilda asked me if I could fetch her purse and sweater from Jeff's house while I was there. I then giddily jogged over to his place shouting at random pedestrians and being a dumbass. I got there, got all the stuff, stuck my head under his kitchen sink for a needed drink of water, and jogged back. I was feeling slightly resentful for some reason that Matilda had sent me as a gofer, so when I got back to the door of MetalGuy's place I decided to put the purse and sweater on the ground next to the door and out of sight before I went in. I came through into the room and Matilda and Susan stared at me blankly. Matilda: "Your arms are empty..." Allord: "Yup! *grabs another beer*" Matilda: "...I can't do my makeup. What the fuck..." after about 30 seconds of confused silence as I just looked at her with a self satisfied grin I popped outside and grabbed the bag for her and they laughed the whole thing off and were much happier to get the stuff than if I'd just brought it in. After maybe 10 more minutes of shooting the shit I could tell that Jane wanted to go back home, and it was pretty damn late, and the freshman was naively trying to hit on the three girls to no success, and apparently Matilda and Susan were whispering to Jane to stay away from MetalGuy while he was hitting on her, so I decided it was time to leave and got up. Everyone else followed suit and I led the migration home. Susan split off to go to her place, but Matilda was staying at my place for the night, and Jane lived next door so we all walked together. Jane jumped into my arms as we set out, causing us to walk arm in arm down the street, and asked me to get a taxi to take us home. I snorted at this "Fuck no, I know exactly where we are and how to get home" "No, get a taxi." "I know exactly where we are, I'm not paying for a taxi. You're just trying to get me alone and vulnerable." at this I playfully poked her and she started laughing and denying all charges. We three managed to get home with freshman tagging along and having to be forcefully told to go home when his turn came up. My roommates were playing beerpong with vodka. They offered us some and we accepted and took a shot or two. Unfortunately Jane is recognized around our apartment block as a mooch who just shows up when the neighbors are drinking and occasionally actually steals shit, so my roommate kicked her out without me realizing it. Matilda jumped in my bed but told me up front she didn't want to do anything so we basically just talked and went to sleep. We got up in the morning and ate some pie I had in the fridge while watching "Southern California's Greatest Beaches" and making remarks about the women in bikinis and which of the beaches we had been to and shit. Then she went back home. So long story short I had a ridiculously fun night where I was extremely drunk basically from 4 PM to 2 AM, but didn't wind up getting any sex. On the other hand Jane texted me wanting to hang out today and she'd been acting coy with me but denying it the whole time. Hell, even Matilda said I should go fuck Jane. But I need at least a day to recover from all that drinking, so I told her to take a rain check. Rant: I'm at the fucking library. Rave: There's a chick a few tables over with THE PERFECT ASS OHMYGOD. And the electrical outlet in the middle of her table is faulty so she keeps BENDING THE FUCK OVER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME TO FIX IT HOLYTITSONASTICK. Rant: I'm at the fucking library, I can't exactly start a long, loud conversation.
Rave: A girl I used to know from high school randomly decided to come stay with me for a week and (hopefully) fuck my brains out. This is especially good because not trying to fuck her in high school is one of my biggest regrets in life.