The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

The Prime Minister of Russia frowns upon your shenanigans.



Sidenote: Google Images + "putin gun" = awesome

 

Maybe poorly phrased questioning of whether he should have waited so long.

 

So I had my company christmas party last night. I got drunk and told a couple of my better blow job stories to my boss, my boss' boss and my boss' boss' boss. Yup, 3 chains of management heard me explain the time I got mouth raped by the ugliest girl I've ever met and the time I filled a girl's mouth (who I affectionately refer to as "Pisser") with about 3 weeks worth of splooge and then explained "God damn Pisser, you were fucking hungry!"

And then I topped it off by buying them all an abortion shot*. Did I mention that they're more religious than most, and one of them had a pregnant friend with them? And then, for some reason, one of them tried to set me up with her niece who is actually kinda cute. I can only assume that she is batshit insane. And there is no way that I'll ever hook up with a boss's family member again.

Fuck, what's the rule for apostrophes after words that end in "s"?

*

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Abortion shot: 3/4 peach schnapps, 1/4 Bailey's floating on top, a couple drops of grenadine to pull the Bailey's down.

 

Anal. Every time.

It's dirtier.

 

I know I have little boobies, but referring to me as a he is uncalled for.

I still haven't started yet, I'm slacking. Now I'm trying to decide if I want to go with beer or whisky tonight.

 

Actually, it's 'whisky,' Crown Royal to be exact. I don't want to start the whole whiskey/whisky debate but get it right man.

 

Scotch and Hardee's is fucking brilliant.

And maybe you should get an avatar so there is no gender confusion. I suggest women in compromising positions. Like being confronted with their physical exam results in front of one of their girlfriends. "No, I lost ten pounds! Yeah, I'm only 130 now!" Or I suppose some kind of "sexy" shot. If you're into that sort of stuff. Pff.

 

Why choose? Have a few boilermakers.

 

Just finished watching Bad Santa. Possibly my favorite Christmas movie. New avatar from the end of it. Aside from Full Metal Jacket, this has some of the highest quality insults, usually from Marcus talking about Willy.

In other news, just got off the phone with my sister, we're going to the Winter Classic. Hells yeah, GO PENS

 

Agreed. I was inspired to google "ass gifs" Below are some of my findings. Individually spoilered in an effort to avoid a shegirl smash.

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I'm thinking its a Jim Beam Black kind of night. If you're a fan of Jim Beam, treat your taste buds and get a bottle of Beam Black.

Unfortunately I am on the West coast, so by the time I'm good and liquored, all you East coast people will have passed out.

 

Crown and coke it is. I don't have much left, I hope I have enough to make it through the night.

My western marathon didn't last long. I watched Wyatt Earp and now I think I'm going to put in Boondock Saints if there's nothing good on HBO.

 

They are the ultimate time-travelling tool: Blackout City. A mean mix, I've had some serious gaps put in my memory from attacking those things and I'm not known to be a blackout guy (until lately). The worst part is that they wire you so you can't sleep off the malignant, impulsive evil coursing through your system.

Anna Faris

 

Seriously, fuck finals. I have absolutely no motivation to do any of this work, especially on a Saturday night. This has been a really shitty six months and everything is just piling up really fast, but thankfully man made a beautiful concoction called beer to take the edge off these situations. After I finish my workout, I'm gonna try and focus on this bullshit bookwork while I have a few beers.

I'm telling myself that in hopes I'll actually believe it, instead of saying fuck it and just enjoying my night.

 

We need some titty gifs up in this shit.

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Achewood is an amazing comic strip.

 

In my professional teaching program, one class has as one of its main projects, a fucking scrap book. We have to make a two page entry for every class. Obviously I left it all until now, so I have, by my best estimation, 18 hours of scrap booking to do in the next two days. It's not going well.

I've never been good at getting shit done when I'm drunk, but I don't know what else to do. I think it's time for a whole bunch of drunk scrap booking. I am a little afraid it's slowly going to depart from covering the class material, to just a bunch of ass pics like the ones in this thread... Drunk Joe is not to be trusted, but I'm handing him the keys to this thing anyway.

 

I think I just did the most childish thing of my adult life. My mother and I got into an argument over a fucking tube of Origins face wash that was on my Christmas wish list* so I threw the entire list in the fireplace and told her I'll buy my own damn presents.

Origins has a good bonus gift thing that ends today so I just passed on the info and she flipped. According to her, I have a "product obsession" and she "won't be responsible for my indulging behavior". (I don't have an obsession, I do skin care for a living... it's kinda my thing.) It's not like I use the most expensive products on the market either, the aforementioned face wash is $18.50.

*Seriously, she's been my mother for 29 years and cannot buy me a gift. I loathe returning/exchanging things so I make a very specific list at her request.

 

Interesting. So are you saying I can justify my obsessions by turning them into livings? An alcoholic liquor store clerk would be both an asset and a hindrance.

In terms of childish things, I'm in a prolonged not-talking stalemate with some guy in my class. One day he blew up in unhinged anger at me over something stupid. I told him to grow up, shut the fuck up, walked away, haven't spoken to him since. It's actually not that bad overall because he's kind of annoying but really, a more adult version of me wouldn't just use the silent treatment.

My girlfriend has bought me a cheesecake. This is most excellent.

 

Huh. I just took vengeance on my mother's attitude today. She told me how much she hated blue Christmas lights and how she had "Better not see them on my (Crown Royal's)house." So, not breaking stride I went out on bought three different blue shades of LED lights and blue floods to wash the entire front of the house. It looks like a 60 ft. Smurf got drunk of blue lagoons and pissed all over the house. I can't for her to shit Tiffany cufflinks when she sees it.

You don't own me, woman. You never really did. I previously bought zebra and cheetah print beanbag chairs for my "Dude's Den" (my wife calls it the Ugly Room) just because I knew she would hate them. Then I painted the room royal purple just to fuck with her some more. Sometimes parents need a kick in the shins to remind them you are not playing in the goddamn sandbox out back anymore.