Rave: I love IKEA. Maybe enough for it to be shameful. But not only do they have convenient cheap shit, they have viking hats with detachable beards and various Scandinavian food stuffs that I grew to love while I was in Denmark. Hello flødeboller, proper rye bread and hyldeblomst saftevand. How I missed you! If it was Danish instead of Swedish I'd be begging them to start importing Somersby cider. Mmm.
BEST THING EVER me: OH MY GOD friend: what me: i went to gutiar factory to buy some picsk me: so i grab them me: go the the register me: they're like 5 bucks so i hand the guy a 20 me: he fumbles around with the cash register for a minute me: then hands me back the receipt and a 20 me: and says "I owe you 15.60" me: walks over to the other register friend: :| me: gets the 15 bucks me: hands it to me me: and says "Thanks for shopping at Guitar Factory." me: i fucking ran out of the store I LOVE EVERYTHING FREE PICKS AND FREE 15 BUCKS
RAVE: I made friends with one of the DOC field offices yesterday. They're great down to earth people and all around a fun bunch. They're eager for me to come and work with them. Here's hoping. RAVE: One of the parole officers was a truly delicious man, is from the east coast, commiserated with me about the lack of manners and courtesy in the PacNW, talked with me about the lack of good pizza/Italian and made my day by saying to his boss "don't listen to her. She's a ginger with no soul" and then flirted with me the rest of the afternoon. RANT: Nothing can come of this because I'm married. While I enjoy being married the majority of the time, instances like this make me think "DAMN IT! Now I can't rip off this man's clothes and let him explore my insides." RAVE: Probably better I can't do anything with this guy. Shitting where you eat can be a bitch. Yay for marriage!
Rave: fucking SNOW, dude! And not just the pussy flurries that we're used to in coastal NC. It looks like fucking snowballs coming out of the sky. In one hour, it went from grass to a giant white blanket across campus. Some of you from Minnesota and Canadia are thinking, "Fuck you, guy." I don't care. I'm making Calvin & Hobbes snowmen.
RANT: Dear Pole Dancing Whore: While you may find it "amusing" to phone people on their birthday at 5 AM to wish them a happy birthday, some people do not. Some people find that phoning an 11 year old with Aspergers and ADHD at 5 AM, who doesn't even have a fucking phone in their room, is kind of stupid and selfish. Oh, I forgot. You are, in fact, stupid and selfish. I guess I should explain then, slowly. And. Carefully. You see, some people don't get up at 5 AM. Some people work in the late afternoon into the night and need to sleep in the morning so they are not a fucking zombie and can be productive, so thanks, pole dancing whore. Thanks for waking me up, pissing me off, and ruining my day. I hope you get a chuckle out of this e-mail as I got a chuckle from you 5 AM wake up call, you stupid, pole dancing whore. Ha, ha, ha. Isn't that funny. Now we're all laughing aren't we? Copy of a letter I just sent to my sister-in-law.
Rant: Since my asphalt incident, I've been on Dilaudid for the ribs and collarbone. I usually wake up around 2am to pop one, keep the meds level, so to speak. Last night, I never woke up to do this. Someone called me at 5:30 this morning, which startled me awake, cueing major rib agony. Double Rant: The jackass who called me at 5:30 in the motherfucking morning was the ex, wanting to have phone sex. Are you fucking kidding me?! Rave: I doubt he'll dare do that again.
Rant: Fuck Allergies. To paraphrase the old board (I believe it was Bunny): Dear Allergies, I wish you had a cunt so I could punch you in it. Rave: Parallel parked at school yesterday. Got out and saw that I had about a foot in front of my car, and only two feet behind it. I almost sent my girlfriend a picture of it. I'm awesome.
Rant: One of my co-workers doesn't shower or do laundry on a regular basis. This means she smells like hell, as in you nose starts to burn when she gets within 20 feet of you. Her BO is like the stench of an entire high school locker room confined to one square foot. I can understand and do have respect for environmental responsibility, but holy shit when random people start to complain, something is deeply wrong. I can't even hang up my jacket next to hers in the coat room because after an hour next to it, it smells awful too. Rant: Yep, our bosses know. They haven't done a damn thing. Rave: Two of my classes today were cancelled. Rave: The girlfriend made me cookies for no reason, aside from the fact that I like cookies.
Rave: Hitting the grocery store in the middle of the day is always an interesting adventure. Aside from the old people clogging the aisles there are always some societal gems that just deserve mention. Today it was an entire family glad in matching galoshes and matching wolf howling at the moon sweatshirts! It was amazing. Rant: I tailed this family through the store for about 10 minutes trying to grab a photo of them on my phone only to have the photos come out blurry and then the camera screen refuse to load. Definitely time for a new phone since opportunities like this don't happen every day. Rave: Free Kindle books.
Rave: Arrested Development. Up until yesterday, I'd never seen a single episode. Only 3 episodes in, and I'm already angry that it was ever canceled. "There was $250,000 in the walls of the banana stand!" "You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her...hard." "You mailed that insurance check, right Gob?" "Oh wait a minute, I just remembered something. Dad's retiring, not turning 6." "I have to think the Alliance is going to frown on this." Incredible.
Rave heard from my brother. He's in S. Chile, so he didn't even hear/feel a thing till the other day. that's right, my family has the capability to sleep through one of the largest quakes of the last 100 years. Rave warmer weather=smaller clothing on women. It's been so long I actually forgot what a mini-skirt looked like till I saw one yesterday...
Rave: I just boiled $10 worth of pennies in a pot, drove out to a soup kitchen, and then threw them all over the ground. I LOLed as the homeless people burnt their hands picking them up! One of them even had his pants fall down, and I got to see his dingle! Next I'm off to make fun of teenage mothers, and maybe scope out some breastfeeding. God, I love me!
Rave: Went out last night with a girl that I wasn't attracted to in any way, and had an absolute blast. Imagine that, a platonic friendship with a girl that results in fun-ness. I wasn't sure I was capable of such a thing. Weird hippy at the bar last night was holding a huge nug of absolutely amazing weed in his hand for some weird reason. When he dropped it and was looking for it, it was I that found it. Which resulted in him giving me a chunk of it that I'm guessing weighs a little over 2 grams. Fuck yeah. And then he said he liked my singing and bought me and my lady friend beers. Woke up this morning quite hungover, missed my first class. Decided to smoke some of the weed the guy gave me and holy shit, bad idea. I'm usually pretty damn goofy when I'm hungover anyways, but this is just too much. Now I'm off to workshop poetry, where I'm sure some nonsensical gibberish will flow out of my mouth.
Wahooooo Stealing: I just saw someone drop 20 dollars in front of me. I didn't tell them, picked it up and am now 20 bucks richer!!! Rave:Will be leaving this hell hole tomorrow for a week for my University's spring break. I will get to see some good friends and hopefully have some good times. Plus it will be warm there, in the mid 40's. Rant:The only contact I have really had with females in the past 5 months has been with friends girlfriends or fiancés. I need to stop being a bitch and move on. It doesn't help that I live in the land of snow cows, am bitter, and will be moving in two months.
RAVE: I, too have just started watching Arrested Development, already on to Season 2 after three days. I love it, it's fucking hilarious! My favourite moment is when Buster starts cursing about his Mum and the rest of his family egg him on. That moment had me in tears!
Jeez man, a rep, PM, and a post? Like I said in the PM, I'd feel bad if I hadn't attempted to give the guy the 20 back. I literally stuffed it into his hand and he gave me a "What are you doing?" Aside from that, there's a huge difference between a giant company and a single person, get off your high horse. And don't worry, I'm sure that karma will find a way for me to lose 20 bucks against my will, and then you can sleep at night. Rant: What the dick why is my shoulder getting sore when I'm practicing shit now? It hasn't gotten sore since I started playing guitar like 6 years ago, blerg. RANT: Why have so many of you not seen Arrested Development?
Just got a phone call that my grandmother has suffered a massive stroke and is not expected to live through the night. Fuck me. I was just in Ontario last weekend, for pretty much no reason. Had I postponed my ticket, I could fly down right now without any issues. This week has been fantastic.