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He was a senior and she was all of fourteen. Next you'll be complaining that Lolita never would have slummed it like Nabokov wrote it.

 

YEAH, and she was attractrive and he's the most irritating fucking nimrod in the universe. Every time he opened his mouth in that movie I wanted to spear it with a trench shovel (I don't think I'm alone here). There was what, three years difference in their age? Compared to the decades of difference in Lolita? My wife is five years younger than me, is more educated and has a better job. Older doesn't mean better. It doesn't mean anything at all.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Getting a blowjob in a car is illegal? What if she's wearing her seatbelt?

 

He was a senior, she was 14, and she was drunk/drinking. Plus he was at least cool enough to have one of the popular senior girls make her propose to him earlier in the day at the hazing.

 

The atomic bomb that blows something up WAAAAAAAAAAAAY bigger than it should. Yeah, I'm talking to yo, Armegeddon (a.k.a the 2.5 hour trailer). So you're telling me after landing on an asteroid the size of TEXAS, if you drill a microscopic 800 feet into it and detonate a bomb that would'nt blow up half of Houston it would crack the thing in half like Humpty Dumpty and miss the earth perfectly?

Come to think of it, this movie was a giant cliche throughout. Every single thing about it. The slow motion. The rubber stamped performances. The sappy, stupid-as-can-be melodramatic conclusion. The ridiculous/impossible science. You know something's bad when it's MICHAEL BAY'S WORST FILM, a guy who has never directed or produced a good motion picture in his entire career.

Fuck you, Jerry Bruckheimer. Fuck you until the end of the earth.

See also: Deep Impact and Independence Day

 

It drives me nuts that the protagonist is never held accountable for any of the stuff he does, simply because in the end, he gets the villain. In the movie world, an average citizen can destroy millions of dollars worth of property, murder, torture, and maim people, spit on the local po po, and endanger hundreds of innocent people. At the end of the day he just gets to go home and have dinner because a handful of the people he killed were guys doing something illegal. Lookin at you, every Bruce Willis movie ever.

 

To continue with this theme: In any movie where the hero is framed for a crime (usually murder of his wife/best friend/partner) he will end up with horrible legal council. His lawyer will seemingly hate his guts and snarl hostilly at him if the hero suggests any possible evidence that will clear his name, and will always advise the hero to "take the deal" and avoid the trial.

This of course leads to the hero having go to on the run from the law to try to clear his name on his own, because it's obvious that his lawyer isn't going to lift a single finger to help him, despite the fact that it's the entire fucking reason for having a lawyer in the first place.

 

You have to admit though, when Jim Carey was throwing up in Ace Ventura, he did an awesome job and his head was in the bowl. By far the best throw up scene I've ever seen.

On the subject, they should have these actors attempt the gallon challenge (drink a gallon of milk in under 1 hour) so they puke something other than a mouthful of crap. Usually when you throw up, it's a lot more than that.

 

I agree that he was a neurotic twat, but don't you know that young high school girls will go for older guys, regardless of what a (relative) loser/douche he is? It's the reason you don't get with girls in your class as a freshman in high school-they're busy getting fucked by seniors-and the reason my dirtbag college-aged friends get with high school seniors. This one is actually plausible.

Also, re: Varsity Blues (you've posted like ten times on this thread so I'm not going to quote it specifically), isn't the whole point of that movie that it's over-the-top and absurd? Would it have made for a funny movie if Scott Caan had gotten arrested and suspended from the football team when he stole that cop car? I just hope your next post isn't a rant about all of the unrealistic nature of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

 

People who "partially" suspend disbelief crack me up. When I saw ID, after the scene where Will Smith punches the alien in the crash-landed ship, a buddy yelled, "Oh, like he could knock him out with one punch!"

Wait, you mean, you'll accept that aliens are here, and that Will Smith can successfully battle against his space ship in a fighter plane, but the part that troubles you is the power of his right hook?

 

The shit that really irritates me (aside from whats been mentioned) is the way Hollywood completely fucks up military uniforms. Patches in the wrong place, ribbons out of order, boot laces hanging out, and don't even get me started on the damn berets. Drives me nuts.

Also, and movie where a standard car is able to chase and catch the motorcycle our hero is riding-most bikes will SMOKE a car. And when the guy takes a tumble off the bike he gets up with nary a scratch.

 

This entire thread is just screaming for a link to this site. Be careful though, you can waste hours realizing all the dumb cliches you never knew were in your favorite movies.

FOCUS:

You basically stole what I was going to say. Yes, hapless protagonist, be the shoulder she cries on when her boyfriend isn't treating her right. The universal barter economy of pussy will ensure you are properly rewarded for your supplication. I'm actually looking forward to Youth in Revolt for this reason: it's the first movie I've seen in a long time that doesn't carry this implicit message. Kid creates an asshole alter-ego to get chicks? I'm shocked it hasn't been thought of before.

Another one is the portrayal of high school / teenagers. Maybe it's because I'm only a couple years out of high school, but it seems to me that TV shows and movies that have high school situations invariably cast actors and actresses that look way too old to be in high school. Freaks and Geeks was pretty good about this; on the other hand, realize that the actor who plays Finn Hudson on Glee was born in 1982, and his character's supposed to be 17 or so. Also look at the plot of Never Been Kissed:

Even ignoring the stereotypical clique-ism: really? Supposedly this is based, somehow, on a true story; I can suppose only that the person upon whom the character was based did not look like this:


I'm sure y'all can think of your own examples.

 

People, in tv or movies, rarely ever say "goodbye" at the end of phone calls. I don't know why this bothers me, but it does.

 

I stopped saying goodbye if it's close friends. Why waste time?

Focus:



<a class="postlink" href="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_montage.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_montage.png</a>

 

Any show that uses any kind of genetics or DNA technology gets it badly wrong. Look, I understand that you can't show the entire process and nor would I want you to seeing as staring at a tube for a day is lame, but when you scrape some dried blood off a knife and stick it in a tube, you do not get a photo of the perp an hour later.

CSI and all those crime shows can suck my balls. Doing DNA preps/sequencing/SNP analysis takes days, and even then most ot the time you will not find a match.

 

I haven't read the entire thread. Sorry if this has already been addressed, but what scruffy, alcoholic, short-fused detective on the NYPD ever made enough to own a cool, hip 2,000 square foot loft in SoHo? No wonder this country needed a bailout, street cops are pulling in $500K per year, apparently! Also, those same movie cops seem to have a fully tricked out muscle car which easily costs $20K to restore. Ok, I'm done.

 

A Tribute to Coen Brothers thrillers: Cliche dodgers of freedom!!!

No Country For Old Men:
Instead of trigger-happy gunman that wildly fire everywhere, Josh Brolin is very careful with his firearms. IN the pitbull scene, instead of just firing rounds off like any action hero emerging from the water, he realisticly cleans the chamber of the gun before firing. Note he always checks the guns he finds in in the movie. Also, I love the way they show the quiet agony from being shot. The pain, the grimacing, the horibble bleeding....this is as real as real life gets.

Fargo:
This film was probably the best film of the 1990's and it shows: a brutally violent thriller disguised as a completely disarming comedy. Though not actually based on true events (it was a lie), this film gets inside your head like none other: it transports you into the minds of people who are way in over there heads in almost an uncomftorable fashion, especially in the form of William H. Macey's character, who despite his devious acts you genuinely feel sorry for. As unpredictable as it is shocking.

Miller's Crossing
Usually the fat-cat crime boss in the movie is a lazy spotlight hog that sits behind his desk and counts his money. In this amazing gangster flick, the Irish crime lord Leo (Alber Finney) would appear that way, but this film demonstrates how bosses BECOME bosses. especially when a surprisingly athletic Leo calmly puts his slippers on, leaps from the second story of his house and slaughters a gang of assassins without breaking stride. I also like how Gabriel Byrne's blackhearted anti-hero ISN'T Mr. Tough Guy, but a degenerate gambler and drinker that's constantly getting his ass kicked.

Blood Simple
The central murder scene is so uncomftorable in this coal-black thriller it will leave you feeling uneasy for days. Instead of the slick bang-bang killings you see so much in Hollywood "products", a man that doesn't know how to kill is hired to make a hit and kills a man in the sloppiest, most dragged-out and realistic scene possible. This was the Coen's first movie and it's a gem.

 

Any medical drama that shows half the ER staff standing outside waiting for one ambulance to show up. It's not like we have any other patients to look after. We just hang out in the ambulance bay playing basketball and waiting to bypass the triage system.

The mythical 'flat line' death on a monitor. No such thing as PEA in Hollywood.

The phrase 'Bolus 5000 units of heparin.' Really? You want me to BOLUS a dose that comes in 0.2 of a ml ??


Any time you watch a 'gangsta' type movie, you can always tell who is about to be gunned down. Look for the one in the white singlet/t shirt:

 

I just remembered this one.

I was watching an episode of Heroes and this one line jumped out at me and slapped me in the face with incredulity. Here it is:

What? A distillation of your blood? That contains an antiviral agent? Specifically an antigen for this one virus? A distillation?

Distillation is a process of boiling away and recollecting a liquid through condensation. The point is to either separate the liquid from all dissolved solids, or to separate and purify two mixed liquids that each have different boiling points. This means that:

• The process of boiling would denature the proteins in the blood cells and the blood itself, in other words the antigen would be destroyed beyond repair and function.
• The blood distillation would contain nothing but plasma, in other words all those destroyed antigens wouldn't even be in the resulting product, they'd be encrusted at the bottom of the initial container with all the other destroyed cells and formerly dissolved compounds.

What the fuck.

Of course, this IS Heroes, and clearly the writers probably saw no need to pay any attention to biology in high school beyond passing with at least a C. I can't listen to Saresh talk for long without wanting to point out the mistakes and quasi-truths he makes, but then the whole premise of the show is completely ridiculous from the perspective of anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of biology and genetics, so who am I to complain?