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Being almost finished with medical school my personal pet peeve is with medical shows. Need a brain biopsy sure let's wheel him into surgery and I'll crack open his skull. What? now you want me to deliver a baby in possible breach position.... sure why not? CT guided stereotactic core biopsy of a lymph node psssssssh easy... I'll even do my own anesthesia after I intubate the patient with a crazy straw and some duct tape. I could go on but you get my drift.

That being said I'll still watch House M.D. simply because I get a kick out of some of his patient interactions.

 

The gun shots thing pisses me off too, but if it were totally realistic, you wouldn't be able to hear shit, and halfway into the movie, neither would any of the shooters.

 

AND NOW FOR THE HALL OF FAME OF STUPID CLICHES:

The Peacemaker
A phenomenally dumb movie, it features the red digital readout (RDR). Would a real bomb maker that plans on wiping out NYC not only put a timer on a bomb so the heroes can disarm it with one second left (a countless cliche in films), but design it so it can be disarmed at ALL? How about this: as a bombmaker, show a little panache and simply build a bomb that will blow up no matter fucking what. Bonus: When they find the A-Bomb, Nicole Kidman yells "Get those kids out of here!" as if running a few blocks will save from an instantaneous 10-mile firestorm, you stupid bitch.

Commando
A guy movie legend. Let's ignore the fact Arnie the one man army kills 94 people by his own hand in this movie. Let's ignore the part when he picks up a 500 pound phone booth with David Patrick Kelly INSIDE of it and throws it. LEt's ignore when he breaks a heavy chain lock with his bare hands. Let's focus on when he climbs into the landing gear of a plane travelling at more than 200 m.p.h and leaps more than 100 feet into...a marsh puddle. I can't begin to explain how awesome that is, and the fact he would look like a 100-foot long bloodied pulled pork sandwich in real life.

Rocky IV
I've never met a boxer who thought being used as a heavy bag for 10 rounds by a guy that looks like a 6'6" He-Man action figure is a good strategy. Stallone would be literally killed after 5 minutes of the kind of punishment Drago dishes out to him. The bad guy can knock the hero down ten times, but the hero only needs to knock the bad guy down ONCE.

Varsity Blues
If bad movies were good, than this 90-minute Cleveland steamer of a film would be Citizen fucking Kane. Let's see:
-Idiot steals police car, is playing in football game next niught with no repercussions whatsoever. Why? Because he's just a kid blowing off steam, not com miting grand theft auto of a peace officer's vehicle.
-It's in Texas, so at least one idiot has to be named Billy Bob. I swear on my daughter that I predicted this before the movie even started.
-The coach juicing up athletes for games. Like he wouldn't be sent to the grey bar motel for ten fucking years in real life.
-The coach strangling the kid, and nobody does anything. As a parent, would you not stick an umbrella up his ass and open it?
-The John Woo-style tackles and catches. Like high school football even has a fraction of the talent the reatards have in this movie.
-A bunch of popular 17-year-olds having no problems getting wasted at their local strip joint where the legal age is 21.
-The scrumptous ashtray-brained cheerleader ditching the quarterback when he gets injured for the new quarterback. Actually, I stand correct because that's EXACTLY like real life.
-The flavour-of-the-moment soundtrack that sucks the way only an MTV produced movie can provide.
-The last second win, scored by the biggest loser on the team. Big surprise.
-And my favourite, as hot as it is to see Ali Larter's infamous whip cream bikini, the shit would have (hopefull) slid off her body in two seonds flat. If anybody here has *ahem* experience with this fun little stunt, that shit melts instantly when it touches warm flesh. It's obvious they used shaving cream.


finally:

ANY MOVIE SHOT IN SPACE
There is no fucking noise in space. NONE WHATSOEVER. There's no air, so no sound can be heard. Armageddon, Star Wars, what the fuck ever. All wrong.

 

Sword fights in movies! Almost all are shit. The aim of a sword fight is simple, kill or disable (sword arm) your enemy while not being killed or disabled yourself. Hollywood seems to think the idea is to bash two swords together while ignoring openings because your doing a backflip or twirling. Also being stabbed anywhere will cause instant death, unless your the hero.

Notable exceptions: Rob Roy, The Duelists.

Sinners: Pirates of the Caribean, Highlander x all

Also 2 swords being used at once, almost never happened historically.

While I'm ranting: Armour in Hollywood, What The Fuck? Why would someone wear armour which offered no protection, imagine wearing Stormtrooper kit all day when it couldn't stop a thrown stone let alone a laser blaster? What would be the point? They might as well have gone into battle in a fucking Moomoo & camelpac. Hollywood thinks armour should look cool, the end. The pitty is the real stuff almost always looks cooler than Hollywood imaginings.

 

How do you think I feel when they have pharmacists on House? It's as if they combined a caveman with a few extra chromosomes for those idiots.

"DURRRRRRR dis prescription is for yellow pill. This pill yellow. You take yellow pill."

Because that's the only way a pharmacist would actually dispense the wrong drug because two completely different pills looked exactly the same.

 

It pisses me off when a character is puking in a sparkling clean public toilet that they are treating like their favorite teddy bear and it’s portrayed as something normal and sanitary. Nine times out of ten the toilet (public or otherwise) is spotless and the person puking sits down on the floor, hugs the toilet and at some point rests their face and/or mouth on the seat or bowl. No one does this! At my worst drunk puking state I have never been so out of it as to touch the toilet with my hands let alone my face. Also, no one shoves their head in the toilet to puke and if you did the splash back would be all over your face when done. There is never any splash back in Hollywood.

 

What the fuck is it with characters just walking into a house and not closing the front fucking door? I swear to god, it happens in every single fucking tv show/movie.

 

I don't know why Hollywood uses military advisors. They clearly don't listen to them.

There's always some 26 year old three star general whose job is to suck the civilian hero's dick by doing something with the 8 man unit he commands. Horseshit. No one makes Admiral/General as young as Hollywood seems to think they do, and when they do make those ranks, they sure as shit aren't out there doing the job of an O-3. People with stars on their shoulders are fucking administrators.

The absolute worst offender is Transformers. I know, I know, it's a popcorn piece. But they seem to be a joint taskforce with no real organization, regard for rank, or rules about fraternization. The CO is in his late 20s/early 30s, and is an O-5 in the Army, if I remember correctly. I don't think he'd even be eligible for that rank yet. His senior enlisted guy is Tyrese, who is also in his early thirties, yet seems to have made e-9 in the Airforce.

Basic is pretty awful, too.

 

Seriously, fuck 500 days of summer. You know the bench seen towards the end, when he says some bullshit like "I hope you're happy" or whatever. If they changed that statement to a drop kick in the back of the head, the movie would have totally redeemed itself. That bitch fucking deserved it, engaged to some dude after what, like three months. And then holding his hand when he's almost in tears with that fucking rock on her finger glaring up at him. Fuck her. I don't care how much of a pussy you are, no fucking guy is going to just be cool about that shit, EVER.
I watched the movie with a girl about three weeks ago, and I completely blew my chances with my comments during the last 20 minutes or so. There were a lot of, "Are you fucking kidding me!"s thrown around. Oh yeah, and why was the tan girl named Autumn and the pale girl named Summer. That shit doesn't even make sense.

I fucking hated this movie. Although I will say the direction and camera work was pretty solid.

 

I've got nothing to say that hasn't been covered, but I couldn't not post this:

 

One of the things that piss me off most is the sprinkler systems in buildings.

One person (I'm looking at you, John Constantine) will hold a lighter or a match to a sprinkler head and boom . . . the whole fucking building will be under water in a single second.

This is not how it works. That one head will release, not the entire system.

 

The teleporting, invincible villain. And when I say this, nobody comes to mind better than John Ryder from the 1988 classic The Hitcher (played by the always sinister Rutger Hauer). Though he'll forever be remembered as one of the scariest characters of all time, he, much like the monster from The Relic, is just EVERYWHERE. He murders and entire police station with a knife, kills a family in a passing car, manages to not get shot to death after tearing a girl to pieces while being surrounded by police, and best of all:

Gets arretseted. Gets shackled head-to-toe in a paddy wagon with two officers guarding him. He picks the lock without their knowledge, kills them both, escapes WITH a shotgun, dives out the back through the car windshield of the car behind him, attacks the driver, gets thrown out of said car, gets RUN OVER by said car, then

Spoiler

gets blown the FUCK away by a shotgun. Then, MAYBE he dies.

NOTE: Do NOT watch the remake. It's another "Let's put a couple of Sears undies models in danger" ripoff-remakes that always suck. The first one (big fucking surprise) is leaner, meaner, and much scarier.

 

Focus:
-"If you have a fight near a tower crane on a building, the crane will inevitably collapse causing catastrophe". Really? So an extra few hundred pounds of you wrestling on the boom is going to cause a STRUCTURAL CRANE to implode and destroy a building? Not fucking likely.

-"If you're the weak protagonist, then one ill-thrown punch will knock your opponent out/down a flight of stairs/into another dimension": Doesn't need explanation.

-"If your heart is in the right place, the hot girl WILL eventually end up with you/fuck you/marry you"

Small specific peeve:

-"Wedding Crashers": When they're on a "quail hunt", without dogs or wearing safety orange, in open woods, and using a fucking duck call.

 

-I always love as Peter calls "The 1980's fixing stuff up montage", where the protagonists get together with hammers and paint to help build a clubhouse or ice cream shop or something else that will get vandalized by antagonists later.

-The teenager who goes to skip rocks at the creek or stare off the bluff because he's conflicted with life or why that girl dates the popular jerk instead of him. PUH-LEASE. Teenagers are fucking idiots, their problems are mundane, and nothing else. The only way he's/she's solving his problems in real life is through rigorous masturbation marathons while crying. Or, so I heard.....

"Fuck you."

- The "syncronized club dancing". This was very popular amongst the worst films of the late 90's early 2000's (a.k.a any movie with Freddie Fucking Prinze Jr. in them). NOBODY does this. NOBODY. And if they did, I hope they get the shit beat out of them for looking so stupid. Seriously, it took me 3 weeks to learn the moves of the "Thriller" dance when I was in high school, and I'd seen that video 100 times before.

 

Aside from some of the computer ones already listed, one of my pet peeves is how people talk on the phone. Have you ever heard someone say goodbye? Nope, after the person they are talking to has told them something they just hang up and relay the message to the other person in the room.

Another is when people set up a date or plan to meet, but give no details to the other person. "So you wanna go out Saturday night?" "Sure, pick me up at 7." Then they walk away, yet having just met her he knows her address.

And don't even start with CSI. I'm not a officer or scientist but how do people just turn off their brain when they watch it. My wife loves the show, and I'm honestly not even allowed in the room when she's watching it. Seriously, you're telling me the CSI guy A)Carries a gun B)Goes to interview witnesses by himself C)Will have a shootout with the guy and arrest him....

 

Can you imagine if movies didn't leave out these inane specifics? If you are willing to go to a movie that is condensing an entire story into a 2 hour time frame why not give a little leeway on the conversation details?

Well, sweet-tap-dancing-Jesus! That girl didn't tell James Bond where she lived! How will he ever find her?!!!

Omitting bullshit like that isn't a stupid cliche, it is completely necessary.

 

ya know... I bet the guys at the CSI labs could get a hell of a lot more done if they'd just turn on the lights in their labs. I swear they keep it darker than a biker bar in there.

 

Personally, I don't want to live in a world where James Bond can't kill a bad guy with one shot from the hip, or render someone unconscious with one punch, or carry the most unrealistic gadgets, or drive invisible cars with automatic shotguns and missiles that fire out of the bumper, or have sex with many women and the only consequence is the dissolving of his soul when they die (and that same soul is then rejuvinated by shaken martinis and pithy comebacks).

Without (severe) enhancement of reality, some awesome movies wouldn't exist. Of course they're unrealistic, but I don't go to the movies to watch a spy reviewing a dossier at a desk. I want them carreaning off of a cliff on a motorcycle so that they can drop into a Cessna and narrowly avoid crashing into a mountain as they fly past the factory they just blew up with the bombs that were set for three minutes instead of six. I want pen grenades and fake satellite weapons. I want golden guns and third nipples. I want Pussy Galore, god dammit!

 

Hmm, ya'll have covered most of my complaints.

My biggest one is any movie involving horses.

1. "Wild" horses that are glossy, are shod and have bridle paths clipped. I have ridden through a herd of truly wild mustangs and they are muddy, tangled messes.

2. Horses that whinny while at a dead gallop. Horses aren't nearly as verbal as movies imply.

3. The terrible riding by actors, pulling on the reins for stability, bouncing in the saddle..I just feel sorry for the animal at that point.

4. Movies where the horse is "magically" tamed by a fucking carrot and loves the hero so much they will let you climb on and go save the day. Just, don't get me started..