hunting camp esta muy fucking good-o! the charter has been fucking decimated ant the fucking jenga has been toppled! rawr!
To all of you going out and having a fun time tonight while I'm nursing car accident wounds (with pot), I just have to say: Fuck you. I hope you get your long island iced tea thrown in your face. And another thing, what the hell are you doing drinking a long island iced tea, douchebag? Staple your balls back on.
Whatever, dude. I'm studying for an infectious diseases exam. I hope your ureters reflux urine back into your kidneys and you get pyelonephritis. Sitting at home, presumably high on painkillers, smoking pot and thinking about fuck all sounds like a damned good time right about now.
Last night I was talking to some ladies at the bar. I reached across the table to shake hands with one of them and I knocked a beer over into another one's lap. Now the beer was mostly gone, probably only a quarter left, but it was enough to drench the front of her pants. She was pretty upset, but luckily not pissed at me. Apparently she had to drive home, so she was worried about smelling like beer if pulled over. I saw a few orange slices on the table and the intensely lubricated wheels of my brain started to turn. I convinced her to rub the orange all over her crotch, squeezing out all the juice, so it would "smell nice, like oranges." She realized that it really wasn't such a good idea five minutes later, when her thighs were sticky as hell. Then she poured water all over herself, to get rid of the stickiness. Then I went around telling everyone to "Check out that drunk girl over there, she pissed herself." Fun night. Just got done working out, sitting in the library at school. About to head down to the beach and meet a couple buddies, have a few beers and watch the sunset, maybe fire up a doobie, who knows.
I resent that. I HATE painkillers and thinking about fuck-all. Pot, on the other hand....as the gay men say: "GUILLLLLLL-TYYYYYY!!!!!" So, please don't hex me to get my [10 cent phrase] into my [other 10 cent phrase]. As for your exam, that sounds extremely unpleasant. I went through med school too. I was an ass model for medical textbooks.
No. It shames me. I was young, and I needed the work. Besides, it was the mental peer pressure that did me in. You try paying your way through college and going to a school that has an emblem that literally looks like a gaping human asshole:
What in the fuck is wrong with you, son? Staple your balls back on for drinking a Long Island? That is one ass backwards statement. Vodka, tequila, rum and gin with a splash of color is not a 'manly' cocktail to you? Well then what the hell is?
I'm a sophomore but we're now going to one of the off campus bars after six cups of the death juice so you may want to adjust those odds. My friend is visiting from out of town and just asked me to not let him spend all his money. Good luck friend.
Yeah, well, I've seen 8 month old babies cut up into inch thick slices and preserved in formaldehyde. Were you one of those? Also, you could have had a disorder of sexual development and had your misformed genitalia and lack of pubic hair on display, without even the benefit of your eyes being blacked out. Or had pictures of syphilitic sores on your hands taken while still wearing your wedding ring. Come to think of it, the only ass pictures I've seen are either 3 months old with diaper rash or have dozens of tapeworms exploding out of them. Good times.
Well, my drinking options tonight have been reduced (in a matter of minutes) to sitting at home alone finishing off a case of Old Milwaukee. I decided to watch The Transporter. This movie is retarded. I don't care. I will commence making a beeramid. That should make the movie better.
Jesus, it's probably been an hour or so since the old man has given me a facial. I am such a cheap drunk. I had a beer, a glass of wine, and two of these Blue Petes. Blue Pete: one of those mini bottles of gin. Same amount of lillet blanc. Same amount of blue curacao. Same amount of OJ. I had two of these, after beer and wine. An hour later and I am still fucked. It may not seem like it because of the spelling, but that is the one thing I won't compromise. It may take me forever to post this, but by god the spelling will be accurate. Such a cheap drunk and the old man loves it. He loves it when I am smashed with so little to get me there.
I apologize. He pointed out that I had another beer. But we're not talking guiness or whatever. It was one of those michelob limes. I don't like strong beer, tastewise. So it shouldn't really count.
Installing Windows XP on my father-in-laws' computer and on my 8th Jack 'n Coke. He only plays solitaire on the fuckin' thing but I'm in the doghouse with my wife for making a slight off color comment about her sister. Because he's 80 years old, the family won't allow him to be on the internet. I had to drive 2 1/2 hours, one way, to pick up his computer and bring it back here. I have to drive the same distance tomorrow and hook it all up for him. I have half a mind to take him to the local watering whole and treat him to a beer or three while we watch football.
You know, that is a pick up line where I am from. Some girl would call that out, and someone would be all over her. Sadly, Jägerette would be too. Or plusly.