I missed two balls tonight (playing pool weirdos) in the final match only because I was rushing to get the fuck done with the tournament in time to make it to the liquor store before 2. I won, and I got my vodka and greean apple ice tea. Seriously my favorite drink, try it sometime. So tonight = win money, get booze with said money, get fucked up. WINNER
God damn, fuck people. No seriously, fuck every one of you stupid fucking humans. I hate all of you. Die in a fire. "Breastfest" was tonight, and I volunteered to be a bouncer at the gate letting drunken slobs in to slather over mondo titties. God fucking damn. I am now of the opinion that there is no acrtivity that makes you more misanthropic than dealing with people at their most selfish. Let me give you a bit of context to put this all in perspective: It was a party to donate money to the breast cancer charity thing (whatever it's called) and entry was $3 for guys, free for girls until 10 PM at which point they would have to pay the $3 entrance fee as well. This was all laid out nice and clear on the facebook group, but I still had retarded sluts showing up at 10:15 screaming "OMG I have to PAY?!??!" I was sympathetic the first two times, but by the fifteenth or thirtieth I just didn't give a fuck. Fuck yes you have to pay, bitch. Buy a fucking wristwatch. And the cops showed up less than an hour after we started. Told us that we couldn't sell tickets to an event with alcohol unless we had a permit to sell alcohol. Well fuck, we just took all the money handling operations inside instead of out front. The problem with that was that now we had to let people in before they paid, so in order to keep any sort of control over the situation we had to let in only 5 people at a time, wait for them to pay, and then let in 5 more. The constipation at the gate was ridiculous. "Dude, I've been waiting in line for 5 minutes, let me in!" I heard a few dozen times. Fuck you, so has everyone else. "Dude, I was in front of that guy and you let him in before me!" I heard at least 9 times. Well fuck you and your inability to grt to the front then. I'm just working the gate, fucking stab him to establish dominance for all I care, I'm just trying to let people in in a controlled fashion. "Dude, I know [insert random names]" I heard many times. Fuck you, I don't know who lives here. You'll wait your turn and then if you can convince the cashier WHO LIVES HERE that you know anyone here, then you can get in free, but until then GET IN FUCKING LINE. Then there was the fact that every time the gate opened there was a general push to get in. Beyond just obstructing the way there were several times when I was actually forced to shove back. I can now claim that I've pushed a crowd of at least a dozen people with only my own strength. There was also a point where I accidentally grabbed a girl with mondo titties right between the tits, getting an ample handful of both in one hand, and pushed the whole crowd with those tits as leverage. There was also a point where I accidentally K.O.'d a guy trying to sneak in under my arm when I dropped my elbow without realizing he was there. Downside was that he actually lived in the house and was a little bitch about the incident after the chaos. This was all going well for a while, and by "well" I mean "shitty", and then the cops pushed their way in. At this point I'd given up the gate position out of pure unadulterated misanthropy and hatred, but the guy working the gate, who was right next to me, was told to "get the fuck out of the way" by the cops. Apparently some of the people in front of the house (more than 5) were drinking on the street, and that was all the reasonable cause the cops needed to bust into the party. Suddenly the constipation reversed, and the massive tide of people trying to get in was actually outweighed by the even larger tide of people trying to run for their lives out the only entrance. On the upside, the people fucking loved me on their way out. Voicing sympathy, appreciatiopn, high fives, invitations to parties down the road, it was all there starkly opposite what it had been less than an hour before when they had entered. Another upside was that I saw 5 seperate sets of tits tonight in lieu of the $3 entrance fee. I have no complaints about being flashed. After the cops arrived the party broke down and was deserted. Fortunately the cops didn't go after any of the people working the party (myself or the other bouncers, the DJ, the people serving drinks, etc) they made a beeline for the girl handling all the money, who also lived in the house. She came over briefly after 10 minutes of interrogation to cry on one of the other bouncer's shoulders before the officers called her for a second round. It was at this opportune moment that two drunk guys tried to force their way in. They made it clear that they wanted to use the bathroom in the house, despite the fact that the cops were in plain sight, the party was deserted, the house was sealed with several "DO NOT ENTER" signs tacked to the door, and no one had been able to get in and use the bathroom for the entire duration of the party. They argued with us for 10 minutes. We kept telling them to just piss off the cliff 30 meters behind them, that the cops were the only ones in the party and being extremely drunk in front of cops was probably not a good idea, and the fact that there were 5 big bouncers with their hands on these two skinny guys ready to forcefully kick them out. After 5 minutes of arguing the smallest bouncer starts getting pissed off and tells the guys that he will personally force them to leave if they don't get the fuck out. This is when they get indignant and start pulling macho crap on the guy despite the fact that 4 other massive guys have their hands on the skinny guy who is arguing and the cops are right behind the bouncers. My neighbor had come to the party and had the good nature to transport two 40s of Steel Reserve from my house. Unfortunately he arrived and cracked open the 40 just before the cops arrived, so when they were in the party he was trapped. Either he dumped his 40 to bail, or drank the whole thing first. He chose the latter obviously, and the time after the 10 minute stalemate with the two skinny idiot drunks happened to coincide with when he finished his 40. I bailed as soon as he did, so unfortunately I didn't see the end of the skinny drunk saga, but at that point I was ready to murder kittens on christmas morning from all the loathing bottled up from a night of dealing with incredibly selfish people. That was when the night took an upswing. I couldn't drink my 40 out on the street, and god knows I needed it, so we found a random party with a live band. They were all fucking hippies, white guys with blonde dreadlocks and playing a reggae harmony with a rock rhythm, and they kept getting weird buzzes and static for some reason. At one point they had to stop mid-song and fix the wires or something, all I know is that I drank my 40 and that's all that mattered. Then we set out in search of Jesus burgers. But unfortunately apparently Jesus Burgers only happens of Saturday. Fuck, I wanted to shoot some holes through a circular argument while eating charred cow ass drowned in sauce on processed wheat. Now I have to wait until tomorrow. It's also notable that the guy who I was drinking with is also a senior, but he is a philosophy major and I'm a science major. We always argue. Extensively. We spent at least an hour total arguing about life the universe and everything, with interludes of crashing raves, keggers, and random kickbacks, but as soon as we'd gotten our alcohol the arguments continued. Finally he went to sleep after I countered his argument that "It's impossible to know anything, anything you think you know is purely cocky self-delusion" with "The knowledge of how to build a car is self delusion? Cars work by pure chance? You're saying if I put together these gears, pistons, and carburators in this order the only reason it self-propels is by the amazing coincidence of defying the probability of failure?" Yeah, he went home after that. Note: I'm now eating one of my inedible Boyardee Mac and Cheese! cans, not because I want to eat it, but because I figured it would go down better massively hammered than sober. To its credit it does taste more like actual mac and cheese while drunk, but the overwhelming flavor of tastelessness and that weird cat-puke flavor still remain. But it does taste slightly more like cheese. Despite the level of drunkenness and dulled perceptions I'm STILL STRUGGLING TO EAT THIS CRAP. Holy shit, this is the worst food I've ever eaten. I want to find the team of people who came up with the chemical formula for this "cheese" and stab them to death with an old school can opener. Fuck, this shit isn't good, or even EDIBLE, drunk. FUCK YOU CHEF BOYARDEE MAC AND CHEESE Even drunk I re-edit my posts several times to eliminate typos and retardedness. Go me.
Yeah I'll read your post in a minute Allord, I first just wanted to say how happy I am that you guys blew up over the keystone=horse piss comment. I honestly don't like keystone, at all. BUT I found some microbrews in the fridge so I was saved--I was at the party talking to a bunch of the other kids about beer and how goddamn expensive it is (Because we are college students--maybe I should have pointed that out at first. It may sound easy to say drop $5 more, but I don't have a constant source of revenue, at all), and one of my friends started going off on how he had bottling equipment. Soooooooo, I think I may start a new hobby with a capital B[rewing]. It not only sounds like it's a lot of fun to do (once you get the hang of it), but if you're good at it, good beer for less. Count me in. Time to start doing some homework on this shit, 'cuz as I said, I'm an academic.
But nothing beats the Steel Reserve 40. I once was broke due to some fucker in mexico cleaning out my account, and had no money until they reversed everything, so I took in all the soda cans I had, and got like 12 bucks. I then went and bought 3 steel reserves and got good and fucked. Anyway, I am at work today. It is only for 4 hours, but it sucks anyway. Took 2 shots before work though.
Well I'm glad I'm not the only one drinking early today. OSU/Michigan. THE Rivalry. Let's go Bucks! I got classier than Keystone today. And by classier, I mean not at all. Miller High Life.
Under no circumstances should you watch the following video while sober. You absolutely, positively must be extremely fucked up upon first viewing it. I laughed harder at this than I have at anything else in about 9 months. Spoiler
I remain undefeated in the singles class of beerpong. Burp. Seasonal Review: Leinenkugel's Fireside Nut Brown - Tastes like tree. Thumbs down.
Here is a fact i just learned that you can mull over as you drink Apparently guinea pigs can fart. So who is down for a shot?
Happy Birthday Nettdata you codgery old fuck. Gin and tonics with a paper thin slice of cucumber in the bottom are good. No, great.
I have a 15 pound Boston Terrier beside me right now that has gas that can/does/will clear a room. I'm not exaggerating. This is epic. Admission: She is on Prednisone, which is a steroid, so I guess thats cheating.
Ok fools post your updates. 15 beers about 5? shots down. Just had roommate drive to get me a bottle of pinot. It's going to be a great night. Here I come Modern Warfare 2...
Drunk off whiskey and watching hockey. Fuck Texas and everything to do with it. Goddammit Lemaire, Marty should be playing...
UConn beats Notre Dame! Probably the biggest win for their football team (I know ND sucks) since they only been Division I since 2003. This deserves some drinks.
I'm riding the Grain Train tonight. My friends down the hall have a water cooler in their room so we filled an empty jug with Koolaid and about a liter of Everclear. I'm interested in seeing how the night turns out.