Your Top 3 Rules

My nephew turns 2 in just under a month and I was out shopping with him and my sister last weekend. As we were driving down the street, a motorcycle passed by and he shouted out "rule number 3!" so I asked my sister what that meant. As my nephew has grown up, the most important things my sister thinks he needs to remember are assigned as rules, and the latest to be added to the list was #3 - Motorcycles are death traps. Naturally, I asked what the other two rules were.
Rule #1 - We do not eat cats.
Rule #2 - Don't shit in the tub.

Focus: If you're a parent, what are your Top 3 Rules for raising your kids (the funny ones, not the 'look both ways before crossing the road' ones)?
Alt-Focus: If you aren't a parent, what funny rules do you remember your parents imposing on you in your youth?

 

Bump.

 

It's illegal to swear until you're 35. My mom and her family swear like sailors and don't censor themselves around children. Obviously it would be hypocritical to say swearing is bad and never should be done, so she just said you can't do it until you're 35, her age at the time. The shit hit the fan when her 29 year old sister swore up a storm near me and I was like "YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE!" I seriously thought she was going to get arrested.

 

1) Don't touch your sister.
2) Don't touch your brother.
3) For the love of God. Please. If you value your lives, keep your fucking hands off of your siblings.

 

One and two would just be 1 since I have two girls, but number three would go like this in our household...

3) For the love of God. Please. If you value your lives, LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!

(If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.)

 

I've got a kid who's almost two. As of right now, my 3 rules are:

1. Don't throw food to the dog.
2. Don't hit dad in the nuts.
3. No floor surfing by holding onto the dog's tail.

 

1) If you ever want to eat, stop doing stupid shit so I can make you food.
2) (I have this converation constantly) food, drinks, and medicine go in your mouth nothing else. Siblings do not fit in any of these categories, nor do toys, cats, insects, clothing, electronics, cardboard...ect.
3) If you would simply do as you were told, you would have a far better chance of surving to see grade school.

 

1. Do not raise your voice at me.
2. Do not hit.
3. Your bad mood is not an excuse to be a shit head and ruin other peoples day.

 

Gotta go with Coach Finstock: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

 

Nice of your parents to keep you away from pedophiles.

FOCUS: Is it weird that I don't remember any hard and steadfast rules? Two things that standout though are whenever I was being rude or speaking out of line my mom would just sternly say "Thumper", like Thumper from Bambi.."If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Or, if I should have said please or thank you and didn't, my mom would tug her ear.

 

The girlfriend has three rules for me when I go out.

1- No strip clubs. (It has more to do with intoxication than other naked women, long story.)
2- No cops.
3- No crying.

That's pretty much it.

 

I imagine Dixie would have a hard time dating you're girlfriend, especially because of the no crying part (just kidding DB).

 

Did she rattle a can of dried beans if you put your feet on the couch? My mom didn't train me like a dog, but I don't remember any steadfast rules either. I was a shy, shy boy so the most I recall is being told to say "thank you" when appropriate.

No, instead what was ingrained on me was less about being an accomplished, thoughtful human, and more ways to keep from dying in absurdly impossible ways.

1. Don't ride a bike, you'll die.
2. Don't knock on anything but a door because your grandmother told me that's how you invite the devil in your house.
3. You jumped in the pool when it was 60 outside?! YOU'RE GOING TO GET PNEUMONIA AND DIE BY DROWNING TO DEATH IN YOUR SLEEP, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!??! *tears own hair out amid sputtering tears*

I wish I was kidding.

 

My top three rules for my daughter:

1) The lid for the toilet will remain closed at all times while not in use. (Daddy doesn't feel like calling a plumber to retrieve your Barbie doll or Nerf ball from a blocked pipe)

2) Do not make mommy angry (See Now Slappy's post)

3) If Daddy says you will have fun, you WILL have fun (to counteract the inevitable whining when she thinks she doesn't want to go somewhere or do something that I have planned. Recently she admitted "You're right Daddy, we always DO have fun!)

 

My cousin has a good set of top three rules for her daughter (my second cousin? Cousin once removed?).

1. Let Mommy and Daddy have their coffee.
2. Don't kill the cat.
3. They will listen to her CD of kids' songs ONE time before listening to grownup music in the car.

My dad didn't set rules as much as he made me promise a few things:

1. Don't die my hair an unnatural color.
2. Don't get any piercings besides one set in my ears.
3. Don't get any tattoos.
4. Don't write to any men in prison.

I've broken all of those promises except for the last one. I find that one really entertaining and I have no idea what could have prompted that being a primary concern for him. I recently brought it up and asked him what the deal was and he had totally forgotten about it and just started laughing at me for a very long time.

 

Growing up, I didn't have really many rules, just basic expectations that if weren't met there'd be consequences, so I guess they count as rules.

1. Go to college
2. Don't get married in college
3. Don't flunk out of school

 

I don't really remember too many rules but when I was leaving home at the airport Dad did say one thing to me. Don't do anything I wouldn't do but if you do and enjoy it, do it twice just to make sure.

 

Off the top of my head:

1. No smoking or drinking. My dad was an ex-smoker and told us repeatedly that if he ever caught us smoking or with cigs he'd make us sit down and smoke the entire pack in front of him.

2. TX - keep your legs closed.

3. TX bro - don't let some whore trick you by faking a pregnancy or blaming some other asshole's mistake on you.

No arrests, stints in rehab or unwanted pregnancies, so I guess it turned out okay.