So I was talking with one my co-workers and the subject of laundry came up. I said it was that time of the week to wash my towels. He looked at me very strangely and said that every day should be a day to wash your towels. Talking with my other co-workers ALL of them wash their towels every day!! I wash my bath towel once a week and that's just how I was raised. I get out of the shower clean, dry off, and hang it up. I always thought it was an odd thing that hotels give you a fresh towel everyday. However it turns out I'm the strange one for not using a freshly washed towel everyday! FOCUS: What have you done thinking it was completely normal only to find out the rest of the world does it the exact opposite way?
When I was a kid I'd drum my fingers on the table from the index to the pinky. I was told this was backwards, so now I do it the other way. I didn't realize there was a convention, and if there were one, it seemed unnatural to start with the pinky, which I consider the last finger.
In light of the recent changes to our laws making the penalty for simple personal possession of marijuana up to 2 years in jail, apparently: smoke a joint. Oh, and make a daiquiri without ice. Every time someone asks me for a daiquiri and I give them one, I get 'this isn't a daiquiri.' Yes, yes it is, and I hate you.
Until I was about 10 or 15, I used to swallow toothpaste while brushing my teeth. No one ever told me to spit, so I never did. This only changed because I went to overnight camp saw everyone spitting out toothpaste.
You think that's crazy? Try making a martini with gin. People look at you like you're nuts. Of course, those are the sort of people you don't want to know. FOCUS: I eat standing up. Like, all the time. This really perplexes my entire family, nuclear and extended. There's a saying in Tamil that if you eat standing up, all the food will go to the Earth goddess. I say, fuck it, I've got enough of a belly already. She can have my cheesecake lunch.
I did this, also. When I was a kid I blow-dried my hair by just letting my hair go crazy. Instead of using a brush and aiming the dryer at my recently-brushed hair with the bristles at the bottom of the strand, I let the air aim wherever with no brushing. I didn't figure it out until I moved away from home in high school and saw other girls doing it correctly. When I figured it out, it took about half as long to do my hair and it looked about 20 times better. Oops.
All growing up we used to put our tooth brushes in a container in the shower and I would just brush my teeth during the course of the shower, usually after putting on conditioner so it could set in for a minute. I never thought this to be weird and only a logical thing to do in a morning routine seeing as I never ate breakfast. Once I moved out of the house and into my first apartment, I tried pulling the tooth brush stunt and my roommates became very quizzical. At first I was confused as it had never really dawned on me that that was not the norm, so I wanted to stop being ostracized and stopped it. After a few months I noticed that I was only brushing my teeth maybe twice a week. I could not for the life of me remember to do it once I was settling down for the night, and if I was already in bed when I remembered I hadn't brushed then I always said fuck it. Eventually I had to move the tooth brush back to the shower and will always continue to keep it in there. To me it just seems natural to keep it there. It's convenient to the morning/night routine, and for some reason everybody thinks it's the weirdest thing ever.
Wow, I thought I was the only one on earth doing that. I've never wiped sitting down, ever. And why would I? Who wants to risk smearing poop on the small of their back? My only problem is I'm a little over 6'2", so in a public bathroom my head sticks over the top of the stall when Im standing and my pants can clearly be seen around my ankles. Awkward.
- Until I was 19 I had the worst shoe tying method, some random Chinese girl taught it to me when I was 5 and it stuck with me until one of my college friends noticed and taught me the regular way. Now my shoes actually stay tied. - I was never unaware of this being different, but I've always eaten my pizza crust first, it's amazing how many people comment on it. Fuck you, I'll eat it any way I want, I hope you enjoy your plain bread at the end moron. - I stand firmly on this one, I peel bananas from the 'bottom' so I'm holding the stem side when I eat it. This confounds people, but it's so much better that way. Apparently it's the way Brazilians do it and their women have the best asses of any culture around. Coincidence? - When using a fork and knife I don't switch which hand is holding which instrument and think anyone that does is an incompetent fool. I was flabbergasted when I first noticed people do this in high school.
Did you guys miss the TMMB thread on this? That thread was fantastic. I think I red-dotted all the standers and green-dotted all the sitters. You people are freaks. All of the excuses given are bizarre. WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER SMEAR POOP IN THE SMALL OF THEIR BACK? Do you have a muscular disorder? And why would standing up, which decreases the angle from ass to back, improve your chances of not getting shit on your spine? Focus: my girlfriend had a pretty funny one when I met her. We had only been out a few times and she was at my house, and we got to talking about something or other that she wanted to look up the answer to on the computer. I left the room for a minute, and when I came back, I did a double take. It took me a second to realize what was wrong, but she had the mouse turned around backwards, so her palm was resting on the buttons. It turns out she had formed this habit as a kid. It was called a mouse, so in her mind, the mouse was upside-down if pointed in the "normal" way. Nobody ever corrected her, so she didn't know until she got to college and used a computer in front of someone - but at that point it was so ingrained in her that it was hard for her not to adjust for the backwards movement and reversed buttons.
Nope, didn't miss it and I remember it clearly. Who smears poop on their back? Sitters do (probably). It's easier to go in for the kill if your standing up, you have more wipe range. Plus when youre sitting, you risk touching the rim of the seat where some ther guy probably pissed all over it. The only down side is, when you throw the toilet paper into the bowl, it sometimes lands on the seat if the trajectory is off.
After observing the various excuses/reasons you people give, I am firmly convinced that standers are covering up for a significant coordination deficiency. You see, I have been blessed with the precision coordination wherein I can sense when I reach the end of the wipe zone and can bring my hand away from my ass, thus preventing a skidmark from being left on my back. Additionally, in 29 years of wiping my ass (minus the time that my parents were doing it for me... so 15 years), I have never touched the rim of the toilet.
By the way, Ken Jennings agrees with me, so any other arguments you have on the subject are invalid. (link to the rest of the Jennings Reddit discussion, which is awesome)
When I eat a cupcake, a relatively common occurrence with children, I tear it in half and put the icing side in the middle so it makes an icing sandwich. People look at me like I've grown another head when I do it.
Big deal, Ken Jennings is a puss. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino stands to wipe and he pulls more ass than Ken Jennings can look up on YouJizz on his loneliest night. As for hooker: god damn, girl.
What the hell is wrong with you mutants? When you stand up, your ass cheeks close in on each other, meaning that there is a better chance that you miss something. I bet you weirdo's wipe back to front too.
Yes! And all the shit smooshes together and makes a really awkward, sloppy mess! If you sit to wipe, everything stays separated and ready for your shit-tickets to do the job properly. Wait... wait... just kidding. Girls don't poop.