It's that time of year again...wedding season!!! Where people ask you to get dressed up, give them some cold hard cash or a kitchen gadget, and watch them profess their undying love for each other. Sounds fun, right?? I'm actually getting married in October, and registering this weekend. I've lived on my own for the past 4 years, so I don't need to register for much, and that got me thinking... FOCUS: since the majority of couples live together before they get married, what's left to register for? I really want a complete set of pots and pans, a new blender and food processor and a KitchenAid Mixer. My grandmother tells me I should register for bath towels and sheets because we'll "be looking for them later". I'm not really sure what she means by that.
I think that I have posted this before here, but this was my favorite registry that I have purchased on (I typically give cash, really it is what most people want). Some of our friends did a honeymoon registry. They picked the location and then registered activities and events that people could purchase, from the standard like airline and hotel costs, to snorkeling trips, breakfast in bed, a bike ride up a mountain with a picnic lunch, hot air balloon rides, etc. It was managed by some site, so I am sure that you can find more details via google if this is anything you are even remotely interested in. I liked the thought of being able to help provide somebody with a memory more than the third toaster they will receive.
My friends just got married last month and I gave them cash with explicit instructions to use it on their honeymoon. They went to Spain and the Canary Islands and set me an email telling me that my friend, who is soccer mad, got a pretty sick Barca jersey and his wife got a "super cute" dress using my cash. That gave me far more satisfaction than buying them a stainless steel blender or a chromed out Brita. I remember when my cousin got married, he mentioned that they used their registry for "things we could use but would never want to pay for".
Are y'all telling me that nobody actually likes the fruit cake I've been giving away at people's weddings? But it's fruit cake. EVERYBODY LOVES FRUIT CAKE.
Whats left to register for is a bunch of fucking shit you don't need, my wife decided she wanted some kitchen stuff and it is still in my garage in the boxes from the store they came from. We did the honeymoon registry thing as well and it actually worked very well, they company that did the registry gave us a visa debit with all the cash on it to use for whatever we wanted, we put a range of activities from $20 to $500 to pretty much cover any gift buyers budget. Did I feel bad about using the "romantic sunset cruise" money to ride in a helicopter, not one bit. One thing we did is send all those people postcards from Maui saying thanks for buying us the handjob with sap by a midget afternoon date, we had a blast.
I have never been married, so take this with a grain of salt. I only have 4 possessions that mean anything to me: 1. My car 2. My TV 3. My snowboard 4. My golf clubs 5. (in the process of buying a home now) I'm not much for possessions, I greatly prefer to go do things. And as such when I get married I would rather just get money from everyone, so me and my future wife can go do something fun. If there is anything left after the fun, we can get matching plates. Maybe I could register for things for the condo? Hard wood flooring - Amount needed - 700 sq ft. Stainless Steel Refrigerator - Amount needed - 1.
So I take it sex toys are an appropriate gift? A friend of mine's registry was flat out insulting. She was registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond... and Nordstrom's. Some of the items: all clad cookware (several hundred dollar sets), porcelain dinner service, silverware, every countertop appliance, silk bedsheets, stainless steel tea pot. Her husband was po-dunk white trash and only had a couple army buddies. All of her friends were either in college or just out of it. Who the fuck did she think was going to buy this stuff? I bought her some baking implements, strongly hinting I hope she makes some bomb ass cookies. Never did get those cookies even after they divorced. Bitch. I don't like the idea of anyone contributing to the household because that gives them the idea they're entitled to come over when I just want to sit on the couch in my underwear. If anyone should contribute like that it should be the immediate family. Friends should cough up a few bucks towards a honeymoon. That seems like an appropriate homage; instead of purchasing, like everyone said, appliances and other unnecessary niceties that end up unpacked in storage. Unless the friends are all loaded. Then cough up something nice, buddy.
Yeah, our travel agent mentioned the idea of registering for honeymoon activities but we decided against it. Not to sound greedy, but if do decide to do anything that's not included on our trip, we'd rather get the money to pay for it ourselves. Plus some of the prices of certain activities were ridiculous. $240 for a couples massage for only 50 minutes?? I don't think so.
If you cook, definitely go for the pots and pans, but order them individually rather than the complete set. I use two pots and two pans on a regular basis that are perfect sizes for what we need. (Not including a 20 quart stock pot for soups, gumbo, red beans, stocks, etc.) When you get the full set you end up with odd sizes that end up being useless. The KitchenAid mixer is a definite must have. We still have ours after almost 14 years. Your grandmother is right. Ask for some sheets. There really isn't anything better than good high quality sheets.
When I got married we had a fairly normal registry with various household things on it. The only real keys are to make sure to stagger price ranges and to not ask for multiple copies of the same type of item. Someone mentioned a third toaster earlier in the thread, that's registry mismanagement. Don't put four kinds of blenders unless you want four blenders, and so on. In terms of money, one thing I didn't realize (and kind of wish I had prior) is that it's a fairly common tradition for people to include money in the the congratulations wedding cards they drop in a box at the reception. Or at least around here. $50 to $100 isn't uncommon and for us served to enhance the honeymoon and help us buy a TV later on. As for specific things, high thread count sheets, new towels, a great coffee table were all things we got that incrementally make life just a bit more pleasant and enjoyable. We asked for various small appliances that we wanted and the only one we don't use is the panini press someone got us that *wasn't* on our registry. They thought they would get us something "better" than what we asked for (a specific sandwich press). I wanted to put some fun electronic stuff on the registry as well, but the wife said no. She was probably right, but if you don't think it's inappropriate it could probably be a good way to go. Ultimately, don't fall into the trap of putting things you don't want on there. *Do* put luxuries on there that maybe you wouldn't get for yourself but would be nice to have. It's your wedding and your new life together, it's ok to have a new down comforter and entertainment center. I get that a lot of people like to talk about the evils of materialism, but seriously, it's a registry for a wedding, it's ok to relax and enjoy nice things.
I hated having to register. I would have rather had a no gift affair, except for close family. My Father-in-Law wanted to invite everyone (including the family dentist, I shit you not), and I felt uncomfortable getting gifts from people like that. By the time you have lived together for a while, you have everything you need. Maybe some nifty stuff, so we had a ton of small things that got bought up quickly. Someone got us white towels, and we didn't know who. They must think we live in a Motel. However, while we went cheap, one of my cousins married a girl from rich blood. Their registry was absurd. Thousand dollar suitcases, 3 grand knife sets, and so on. It was laughable. I give the marriage another year. You have to wonder when every wedding speech talked about how different they are.
Truth, all of it. We also use attachments on the KA to grind meat and make pasta, haven't bought ground meat at the grocery store since we got married. DO register for high quality knives, we use ours every day and could not be happier, but DO NOT register for knife sets either. The only true necessities are a serrated knife, a chef's knife, and a paring knife. Add some bomb scissors that will slice through chicken carcasses and you're set. This also means that someone can buy you one knife instead of having to pony up for the whole set - sets are the enemy when registering! I also felt squicky about registering, it is a weird thing in concept that people get you shit just because you decided to make a romantic commitment to someone. However, the smart thing to do is get over yourself and create a registry that will make you and your future spouse happy. People WILL get you shit, and if they're going to do that, it might as well be shit that you want and will actually use. Otherwise, you will spend your first year of marriage trying to find a place for 5 large silver picture frames and taking back ridiculous items such as a crystal cake plate from Tiffany's. We had a pretty fucking comprehensive registry with a wide variety of price points, and the above STILL happened to us.
I always make it a point to give some weird gag gifts whenever a friend gets married. I'll give a legitimate gift under my real name, then give some weird ones anonymously or under a fake name. Gifts I've given in the past: -A half empty jar of peanut butter. - A can of soup - An old light fixture cover - A black thong that would NEVER fit the bride However, since my friends know how my sense of humor works, they usually figure out it was me. EDIT: I do the same thing for birthdays and Christmas.
I know I'm in the minority, and I know I'll get shit for this post... But I don't get shit for people in a wedding. Even if I'm in the bridal party. And I've been in more than I can count. I call it the 217 rule. If I don't think the marriage is going to last, you ain't getting shit from me. Don't like it? Have a nice slice of go fuck yourself. I'll be in your wedding, I'll even attend the stupid Mass. But what I won't be doing is springing for honeymoon in Cabo with a chick you met at a fake Irish pub during two for tuesdays. And its not even that I'm cheap. I'm not. I love giving gifts. But what I won't do is celebrate your marriage after I watched you rail a stripper at your bachelors party. And don't think I haven't seen it. A buddy of mine proposed to his wife the same day me and him had sex with two chicks on his boat in Chicago. I've watched others have sex the night before their wedding. Yeah. That's gonna work. I don't know if they're shit people, or just like slaying poon, but either way, I'm not going to lose a minutes sleep wondering when I'm going to make time on a Saturday going to Bed Bath and Beyond buying Egyption ten thousand count so can get divorced 3 years from now. Go fuck yourself. And I say that with all sincerity, I love you man, but that's like throwing money in a furnace. What I want to say to my buddies is: You know, I've been with my girlfriend for 9 fucking years (anniversary on Sunday), and nary have I asked you for shit. I don't ask you get gussied up in a tux, or buy us a cuisinart, or pony up for a boys night out where I cheat on the love of my life........ So why am I doing this for you because you knocked some chick up during Karoke night when low shelf Teguila was on sale? Why motherfucker? Why is my checkbook light because she gives great head? You'd think that if you were responsible you wouldn't rely on the fiduciary compliance from your friends to get your "dream" started. I did just fine, without the help of your mongrels. So in closing. I love you. And we will always get shit faced together, and I'll never forget that one time you "had my back" but...... you're wife isn't that hot, and your kids probably gonna be ugly too. Resume thread, didn't mean to derail.
^ So, basically, if your friends are a bunch of morally bankrupt and/or moronic dickheads, you're exempt from giving them a present? Frankly, I don't think I'd be going to their wedding in the first place.
Why not, free booze tastes better, its a fact Generally my rule is if going to the wedding involves airfare and hotel, your not getting shit, sorry. I spent 2500 going to my cousin's wedding on a cruise AND I had to pay for my own booze, fuck that noise, never again.
Nothing is free in life. There is always a cost. I am extremely lucky in not being close to anyone anymore, and haven't been for quite some time now. I don't think I've ever really been close with anyone in particular, not even when I was at school. I've only attended one friend's marriage (and that was 4 years ago - and she put me with the loud aunt/cousins), and I did get her something on her registry - a set of 4 whiskey tumblers. I will, however, be attending my cousin's wedding - my parents will be sorting out the gift for that, though. I also will not be getting married in the future so none of these problems apply to me. Feel free to get me exactly nothing. For the others who have made no attempt to see me in 5+ years or at least talk to me or drop an e-mail - I'm not going to your wedding. I'd rather watch paint dry.