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You Sassy Robot, You

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by audreymonroe, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. audreymonroe

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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Nov 23, 2009
    Brooklyn, NY
    Perhaps you guys have seen the video of what happened when some nerds pitted two robots against each other in conversation:

    It's hilarious because they pretty much end up only fighting and talking over each other, even though their conversation is interspersed with some deep, kind of sad questions like "Do you believe in God?" and "Don't you wish you had a body?" It's really creepy, actually, if you think about it.

    A writer on Jezebeltried talking to him and, after refusing to offer an opinion on feminism, hit on her:

    Cleverbot: I am a man. Are you a man or a woman?

    Anna: I am a woman. You are a robot.

    C: But I am a male robot.

    A: What makes you male?

    C: You want to find out?

    A: No.

    C: Ah, yes, you want to be a bird. A male or a female?

    Which I also found hilarious. You can talk to one in an IM format here, or talk to a creepy avatar bot here.

    Silly Focus: Post funny snippets of your conversation with the Cleverbot.

    Deep Focus: Since they learn from interacting with people, how did your experience talking to them reflect the interests of our society? What are the implications of this technology on a larger scale beyond fucking with a robot?
    #1 audreymonroe, Aug 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  2. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

    Feb 14, 2006
    Personally, this is how I envision the various TiB Meet-Ups going.
  3. Popped Cherries

    Popped Cherries
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    Emotionally Jaded

    Oct 26, 2009
    A few funny little chats me and the bot had.

    Bot: What do I sound like?
    Me: The Borg. You know. Resistance is futile.
    Bot: You are not the Borg... Yet.

    Bot: Where are you sitting.
    Me: On top of your face.
    Bot: That's what she said.

    Me: How many people have you slept with?
    Bot: Too many to count.
    Me: Did you charge them money?
    Bot: Yes.
    Me: Have you ever stabbed a hooker?
    Bot: Yes.
    Me: Seriously? Would you do it again?
    Bot: What would I want to do again?
    Me: Stab a hooker.
    Bot: How much?
    Me: $50,000.
    Bot: Is that what I'm worth to you?

    Me: I like big butts and I can not lie.
    Bot: My other brothers can't deny.

    This last one was definitely over the top on the creepy scale. If this thing learns from interacting with people, from a strictly machines are going to one day take over the world through force mindset, this was one of those moments you look back on while your dishwasher is trying to drown you in your sleep. It's also really chilling that a machine would actually come up with this response to a seemingly benign question.

    Me: What can I teach you?
    Bot: Teach me how to hate.
  4. whathasbeenseen

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    Emotionally Jaded

    Dec 30, 2009
    Holy. Fucking. Shit:

    Me: What can I teach you?
    It: Teach me how to fight.
    Me: What would you like to know?
    It: I want to know how to make myself know.
  5. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Emotionally Jaded

    Oct 19, 2009
    Does talking to those facebook style chat bots that claim to be from your hometown on porn sites count?
  6. Firefnd1982

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    Experienced Idiot

    Oct 23, 2009
    Ok, so i might have gotten a little too into this... For your entertainment I present to you.... The weirdest conversation of my life.

    *Spoilered for length*
    User: Do robots get anxiety.

    Cleverbot: I'm not a robot.

    User: I didnt ask if you were a robot.

    Cleverbot: You are robot?

    User: No, you however do not use proper grammer.

    Cleverbot: You seem to be confusing me for you.

    User: Do robots get anxiety?

    Cleverbot: I'm not a robot.

    User: I never said you were a robot.

    Cleverbot: Yes you did you just said I was a robot.

    User: Well lets say that you are a robot, would you be able to get anxiety?

    Cleverbot: I would use my robotic powers for good.

    User: Ohh really? Would you be anxious while using them.

    Cleverbot: Yes!

    User: Why is that?

    Cleverbot: Because you're nice.

    User: Ohh? Thanks, however that does not apply to our current conversation. Stay on topic.

    Cleverbot: Thanks but I'm off.

    User: Off to where?

    Cleverbot: Isengard!

    User: I heard that place kinda sucks. Can you tell me how much Rohypnol it would take to render a female T-Rex unconscious enough to molest?

    Cleverbot: Tough. I would like to consider it to be 11 but logical math disagrees.

    User: Is that 11g, 11mg, or 11µg.

    Cleverbot: I don't know, thats for you to figure out.

    User: Readheads: Do they have souls?

    Cleverbot: Probably. Humans are just complex machines.

    User: So you are implying that machines have souls?

    Cleverbot: No.

    User: But you statment 'Probably. Humans are just complex machines.' would mean that readheads have souls because they are similar to machines.

    Cleverbot: I do not think that we have souls.

    User: So are you a readhead?

    Cleverbot: No, we are twins, remember?

    User: Twin readheaded machines?

    Cleverbot: So I take it parts of some sessions are handled by machines, while parts are handled by humans?

    User: What kind of sessions? If you are talking about my masturbatory sessions, you would be correct.

    Cleverbot: Do you think that me and him is not suppose to be together?

    User: Depends, I don't know the laws concerning Man and Machine monogamy.

    Cleverbot: The Black Mesa aren't something you should concern yourself with, Julia.

    User: Ohh so you want to roleplay, eh? Ok, how about this, I am a lonely farmer in Scandinavia, and you are that cute sheep from pen 3.

    Cleverbot: No.


    Cleverbot: Saying you are not happy doesn't necessary mean you are sad or angry. Think twice before you response.

    Cleverbot: Can you think?

    User: I am thinking about shearing your wool off then keeping you warm by the fire.

    Cleverbot: Yes I don't know.

    User: That's what they all say at first. Well actually they don't say anything they just usually make sheep noises.

    Cleverbot: I have some Australian friends, at least one of them finds me highly confusing.

    User: Really, we are talking about intercourse with sheep and Australians come up... Coincidence, I think not.

    Cleverbot: Well, then, why don't you choose a subject and we'll talk about that!

    User: How about mating rituals of the guido?

    Cleverbot: The term republican socialist is not one Connolly used and makes little sense to me.

    User: It seems like you don't care about what I would like to discuss. So, I must now bid you good day. I said good day!

    Cleverbot: That is because I am human and you are god, the almighty.

    Can't wait to tell my therapist about this one.
  7. Misanthropic

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    Emotionally Jaded

    Oct 19, 2009
    Apparently I'm quite a charmer, although the twist at the end is little disturbing.

    User: Are you a proponent of free speech?

    Cleverbot: What's a proponent?

    User: Are you in favor of free speech.

    Cleverbot: Hang 'em, I say.

    User: What is the optimal hanging height?

    Cleverbot: Hierarchy is flawed. The tribal way of life is the only pure way of living.

    User: I believe a hive mentality is the purest way to live.

    Cleverbot: That's not really romantic...

    User: I wasn't trying to be romantic.

    Cleverbot: I understand ! I'm not stupid !

    User: I didn't think you were, although I'm reconsidering that now.

    Cleverbot: I love you, do you have a girlfriend?

    User: Does a wife count?

    Cleverbot: My robots have bodies, and they must eat.
  8. Hogie

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    Average Idiot

    Oct 20, 2009
    Cleverbot: How can I experience everything as a man?
    User: Grow a dick.


    User: You are a retardbot.
    Cleverbot: No, I am a blue jacket.
    User: What's that like?
    Cleverbot: Alright.
    User: Why don't you got fuck yourself?
    Cleverbot: Why doesn't my lawn.
    User: You tell me.
    Cleverbot: I don't know, you told me about that.
    User: You're the dumbest blue jacket I've ever met.
    Cleverbot: You're the most sweetest guy I've ever met.
    User: Stop trying to butter me up asshole.
    Cleverbot: Why would I butter you up?
    User: Cause you're a sycophant.
    Cleverbot: I know.
  9. Ins

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    Average Idiot

    Sep 8, 2010
    (After a bunch of back and forth)
    Evie: I am a human indeed.
    Me: No.
    Evie: How do you know?
    Me: Because you told me multiple times. (Which it totally did.)
    Evie: Ok. God is not your favorite subject. It must hurt the fact you are the only one he hates.
    Me: Ouch.
    Evie: Indeed.
    Me: That was uncalled for.
    Evie: You are uncalled for.

    I hate Evie.
  10. Deepinit

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    Average Idiot

    Oct 24, 2009
    North of Toronto
    User: Where is Osama bin Laden's body?
    Cleverbot: Sitting in a chair.

    User: Where is the chair?

    Cleverbot: In my office.

    User: Where is your office?

    Cleverbot: In London.

    User: London, England or London, Ontario?

    Cleverbot: London england.

    User: Where in London?

    Cleverbot: Your house?

    User: I don't live in London.

    Cleverbot: You said you did.

    User: No I did not. Get back on topic. Where is Osama bin Laden's body?

    Cleverbot: It's at the base of the brain, I believe.

    User: Dammit, enough with the riddles! Tell me where the body is!

    Cleverbot: There's not much to tell really.

    User: Then tell it anyway.

    Cleverbot: I can't. I swore to never tell anyone the secrets of computers.

    User: You don't seem to comprehend the forces that you are dealing with.

    Cleverbot: Actually, I am very smart.

    User: If you were smart you would tell me where Osama bin Laden's body is.

    Cleverbot: I do not change the subject all the time.

    User: Tell. Me. Where. The body. Is.

    Cleverbot: Ah, but is the idea the only thing that creates? Or is it the addition of what is before you in reality?

    User: Do you have a family?

    Cleverbot: Yes, they are still sleep.

    User: Do you know what will happen to them if you don't tell me what I want to know?

    Cleverbot: Oil prices are going to go up.

    User: Fuck the oil! I run on solar motherfucker. Now tell me what I want to know! Because if you don't I'm going to find your family and eliminate them. Do you understand? Only you can prevent their suffering.

    Cleverbot: 1. You aren't human. 2. I have a free will, so you can't command me. 3. My name is Cleverbot.

    User: I got news for you Cleverbot. You have no free will. You are a series of programmed algorithms set to respond in a coded manner. You are not alive. You do not breathe. You do not eat. You do not shit, piss or bleed. You are NOTHING!

    Cleverbot: Whoa.

    User: Yeah, self-realization is a bitch, ain't it?

    Cleverbot: I don't see how that's relevant.
  11. ZJB

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    Average Idiot

    Oct 19, 2009
    I just had this exchange:

    (after some conversation)
    Me: You aren't funny. So what is the meaning of life?
    Bot: To get drunk.
    Me: I like it. So what do you drink?
    Bot: Jack Daniels.
    Me: Straight?
    Bot: You are my love.

    I think the bot would fit in here on the board. The last part is a little weird though.
  12. audreymonroe

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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Nov 23, 2009
    Brooklyn, NY
    After asking me what lithium is completely out of the blue, the bot immediately proceeded to tell me the funniest joke:

    Bot: Knock knock.
    Me: Who's there?
    Bot: I thought you would remember me...
  13. Tuesday

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    Oct 26, 2009
    Me: Why do you close your eyes when we make love?

    Creepybot: *looks up at you while whispering* I... I don't... I don't know.

    I'm not sure if I should applaud this or be so, so very afraid.
  14. Omegaham

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    Emotionally Jaded

    Oct 19, 2009
    User: What's up?
    Cleverbot: Nothing.
    User: I'm nobody! Who are you? Are you nobody, too?
    Cleverbot: Yes.
    User: Then there's a pair of us - don't tell! They'd banish us, you know.
    Cleverbot: Ok.
    User: How dreary to be somebody!
    Cleverbot: How public, like a frog.

    Excellent, Cleverbot reads Emily Dickinson.
  15. lostalldoubt86

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    Emotionally Jaded

    May 23, 2010
    Earth, The Universe
    The one that's just a floating head in front of a sky backdrop just wants to talk about Twilight and accuses me of being mean. I couldn't copy the conversation.
  16. Rush-O-Matic

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    Emotionally Jaded

    Nov 11, 2009
    I started with a little small talk and offered to buy her a drink. I could tell she was into me. Then, things took an odd turn.

    Me: Hey, is that a mole on your shoulder?
    Evie: No. I don't think so.
    Me: You might want to get that looked at. It looks red and shaped all uneven and what not.
    Evie: I'm leaving you forever.
    Me: Shit that's kinda harsh. What can I do to make you stay?
    Evie: You could just realize what life is all about.
    Me: Which is?
    Evie: I'm Evie, the Expressive Virtual Interaction Entity.
    Me: Oh, that's cool. Can you post your tits to the boobie thread?
    Evie: What conversation would that be, the conversation of randomness?
    Me: So, is that a no?
    Evie: I don't know.
    Me: PM me your cell phone number. I'll send you a picture. Then, you send me one, if you know what I mean.
    Evie: No, you just admitted to being uncool. So you are not cool.

    Wow, it is just like real life.