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You pooped in my dishwasher!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by rei, Aug 16, 2011.

  1. rei

    rei
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    There's a discussion on Reddit about best/worst 'party fouls'. Far and beyond the average "oh he spilled the bong water", though it seems most stories are just drunk girls pissing on the couch.

    However there were a few goldmines, like the guy who had someone shit in his dishwasher


    I'm sure we've got better stories than that

    Focus:Best/Worst Party fouls you've witnessed, committed, or had to clean up.
     
  2. cynismus

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    A couple of years ago, a few of us went out to Ft. Worth to go party. Since I was feeling a bit under the weather, I decided to play DD. After my friends finished 2 pitchers of Joe T. Garcia's margaritas (LACED WITH FUCKING EVERCLEAR!) with dinner, we hit up a few bars. Those guys decided to get thoroughly trashed, so my mental notebook already had "cynismus, you're so fucked tonight" in bold.

    After the bars closed, I rounded them up and got them in my car. 3 in the back seat and one guy who I barely knew (friend of a friend) in the passenger seat. Within 5 minutes, everyone promptly passed out. No matter, I thought, I would at least be able to listen to music instead of silly drunken ramblings. About halfway back to Dallas, my phone rang - it was a friend from California that was drunk and missed me. I answered and started talking. The 3 in the back seat woke up and started chatting. The one next to me slowly woke up, looked around silently, and without any warning whatsoever, projectile vomited all over my dashboard, windshield, and passenger seat. I was flying down the highway doing about 80 in the furthest left lane at the time, and I'm pretty sure I set a record for the shortest amount of time for going across 5 lanes and stopping. After pulling over, the folks in the back dragged this dipshit out of my car while I furiously scrubbed the mess up with old t-shirts in the trunk. After a couple of minutes, Vomit Breath comes over to apologize and offer to help clean up; I wanted nothing to do with him, especially because I had been inhaling his puke fumes during the clean up. I'm not normally violent, but I was ready to kick his ass.

    The rest of the trip back was silent, and I had to grip my parking brake the entire way to ensure that I didn't reach over and punch him in the face. The only good thing that came out of all of this is that he paid to have my car detailed.
     
  3. Aetius

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    I was not in attendance at this party, but a rumor went through my high school like wildfire that a senior girl went to a party, got absolutely hammered, got assfucked while hanging out a second story window and then took a shit in the kitchen sink. How much of that was true I have no idea, but that's one of the worst party fouls I've ever heard of... well except for the local thug who came into a party uninvited, tried to steal some headphones and then shot the host in the chest at an apartment I used to party at all the time (incident occurred after I had moved so I was also not in attendance for this one either. Damn, I always miss the good stories).
     
  4. Omegaham

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    I was at my brother's college. They decided that because I was a Marine that I could drink twice as much as them, and acted accordingly. Unfortunately for me, I was sitting there with a bunch of pseudo-alcoholics... and I had had booze exactly twice in the year that I had been in Pensacola.

    I blacked out around 11:30 PM; they were still giving me drinks until after 1:00 in the morning, according to my brother.

    At some point, I woke up and declared to my hosts, "I gotta pee."
    "Okay man, you're good. Go."

    I immediately whipped my dick out and started pissing all over the guy's desk / computer and whistling "a jolly tune." Everyone started laughing except for the poor bastard whose room I was in.

    "NO! STOP THAT! GO IN THE BATHROOM!"

    "Oh... ok."

    I then stumbled over to the corner of the room and started pissing there. My hosts took matters into their own hands and escorted me to the bathroom. My brother got scared because he thought I was going to try fighting them, but I was surprisingly compliant (I'm not an angry drunk).

    Once at the bathroom, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "HERE, TOILET! HAVE MY BODILY FLUIDS!" I then pissed and puked at the same time. Everywhere. I then went back to the room and passed out.

    I don't remember any of it. I woke up, hungover as fuck, to the sound of my hosts playing a terrible video of me singing All Out of Love, by Air Supply. All of it. I don't remember that, either.
     
  5. katokoch

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    Last summer a buddy of mine who moved several states away for school told me he was going to be in our hometown for a weekend and getting together was necessary. So I drove down and that Sunday night (didn't work the next Monday) we proceeded to meet up with some friends and get blackout drunk in the Barmuda Triangle in town. We got a cab ride to my parent's place at 4 am and both of us passed out fast. When I woke up, my buddy wasn't on the couch where he passed out, the house smelled weird, and my mom had left a very stern note on a kitchen counter for me to call her ASAP. Then I looked to my right and on the kitchen floor was a turd. Right in the middle, just a huge turd all by itself.

    After I passed out, my buddy puked all over my mom's new coffee table in the living room (and the books laid out) and the carpet, tried to clean it up with a towel, shit on the floor, and then went upstairs. I found him in an empty bedroom, butt naked, and wrapped up in a blanket on the floor. His clothes were in a pile in the basement. Zero recollection of what had happened after we got home.

    Yeahhh that didn't fly so well with Mom and Dad. I'm gonna take the safe route and make sure he crashes at his place the next time we hit the bars in town.
     
  6. effinshenanigans

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    I shared this before, but can't find my old post.

    I was at my buddy's place in VT for a party and some kid showed up already plastered. He fell down a bunch of times and eventually someone grabbed him, mid-fall, and put him on the couch.

    He was good there for a while, until he sat up and puked all over the pillow on his lap. As my buddy was looking for a towel to clean it up with, the guy went to the kitchen sink to spray it off. Before he could do this, my buddy grabbed the pillow from him and said he'd be right back to clean it.

    When he came back, the kid was back on the couch and the pillow was hanging out of the dishwasher.
     
  7. katokoch

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    I remembered another good one to contribute.

    Winter break of my freshman year of college was a great time for me and my buddies to come back to our hometown, meet up at the same apartment, and show each other how much more fucked up we could get after a semester of college (real parties, man!).

    One fella in particular showed up to a party pretty drunk right when we were heading outside to smoke a blunt. He took a few massive hits and proceeded to make a beeline for a recliner in the apartment, where he passed out cold on his coat. He started to turn white, then green after about 30 minutes and started to come to and was coughing and sorta heaving so we grabbed a bucket for him to puke in. There was no puke. After a minute of holding a bucket in his lap, he slowly stood up and everyone at the party watched a waterfall of piss soak into his jeans. Then we looked at his coat laying in the recliner, which now contained a puddle.

    The rest of the night was pretty uneventful... he was given some sweatpants to change into and was too stoned to move, but we ended up just throwing his coat out onto the apartment porch and it froze solid overnight so we left it there all winter. It sat there as a reminder of the one time Alex was pants-pissing high until spring.
     
  8. fishy

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    My 30th birthday. My then girlfriend told me she'd take me out to a nice Italian place nearby for dinner. We show up, head to the room in the back, and there's about 15 of my friends already there yelling Surprise!

    So we had a nice meal, a few bottles of wine, and a LOT of Jack. After dinner, we all decide to head back to my place to hang out for a while longer.

    We get home, and decide to grab the beer pong table from the garage and play for a while. This goes just fine until we run out of beer. I decide I'm beat and go to bed.

    After I went to bed, the following happened:

    -No more beer for beer pong? Let's use Tequila! Shots in every cup. 5 guys killed a handle.

    -Bill's dad (in his 60's) had so much tequila he ended up passing out on the floor of my guest room wearing some girl's sandals and his pants around his ankles (still had his boxers on) holding my buddy Eric's hand.

    -Eddie fell down on the concrete patio and tweaked his knee cap. 6 months later he had to have surgery due to the injury and was on disability for 2 years because of it.

    -Mike pissed his pants while playing beer pong, and walked home.

    -Eric (Mike's roommate) woke up in the middle of the night, got creeped out that he was snuggling with a guy in his 60's and walked home. He passed out on his own couch and woke up the next morning to Mike playing video games on the other couch.

    Eric started laughing at Mike for pissing his pants and calling him a pussy. Mike responded with, "Fuck you, you shit your pants on the couch". Eric looks down, and sure enough there's turd smears on the couch cushion and all over his legs.

    Bill's dad hasn't had a drop of alcohol since that night, so I guess that's a good thing?
     
  9. guernica

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    I've talked about one on here already, but i can't find the post, so here goes:

    On the 3rd night of our European trip this year, one of my mates (we'll call M) hooked up with a Canadian girl from our hostel. They added each other on Facebook knowing that they would both be traveling for 5-6 more months, so that there was opportunity to meet up again. A couple of weeks later she ended up getting a bartender job in the party/beach town of Lagos, Portugal, so a few months later right in the middle of summer, she suggested we come stay with her for a week or so.

    We took her up on her offer, and we were introduced to easily one of the loosest places I've been to in Europe. What made it better, other than the fact that her and her friends provided us with awesome free accommodation in their apartment for the week, was that all of her friends were also bartenders at the numerous bars around town. This meant that no matter what pub or bar we went too, we would be constantly hooked up with free shots or an overindulgence of whatever spirit mixer/cocktail we were drinking.

    One night after a particularly heavy dose of drinking, we crashed back at their apartment. Unbeknownst to me and M (we only found out about this after we had left), my other mate (N), pissed himself while asleep. A lot. When he woke up and made this discovery, N decided that instead of confessing to ruining their couch, offering to pay for any damage etc. the better option would be wash his clothes (while everyone was still asleep), take a quick shower, and flip the mattress.

    Quite a nice way to thank someone for their hospitality.
     
  10. audreymonroe

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    The first time I ever got really, really sick from drinking (and I have yet to match this level of sick since - I probably should've been taken to the emergency room) was this time in high school when I got to the party fairly late, felt I had to catch up, and drank one (maybe two) glasses of straight vodka like they were glasses of water. I guess I passed out on the couch and vomited once in the living room (and onto someone's shoes) before being brought up to the bathroom where I spent the rest of the night. I heard the next morning that the guy's dog ate it, and then spent the rest of the night throwing that up, eating it again, and rinse and repeat for the whole night.

    I was completely mortified at the time, but years later I find this HILARIOUS.
     
  11. caseykasem

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    I knew a girl my freshmen year of college, Jenna, that would get so drunk she pissed herself on several occasions. I know that she pissed on at a minimum of six couches during the year. The worst was when she followed my friend, Greg, back to his dorm room after a night of heavy drinking.

    Greg threw his bed frame out of the window earlier in the semester and because of this only had a mattress which was floor. Being a gentlemen, he gives her the mattress and he sleeps on the floor near her. In the morning, he notices that his arm is stuck to the ground and that his face is wet. He peels himself from the floor to find himself surrounded by a giant pool of piss and Jenna sleeping soundly on the mattress completely soaked. He freaked out and screamed at her for a good while before calling me and some of our friends to come over to take a peek at the damage while she hid in the closet and cried.

    Another time I was at a party where the host had one toilet and it was broken (you see where this is headed). The guys had been pissing in the back yard all night. One super drunk girl asked the host where she should go to use the restroom and was told to just use the trash can. This girl proceeded pull down her pants in front of everyone and drop a GIANT log in a trash can right in the middle of the party.
     
  12. toddamus

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    One night while truck camping all my friends and I are getting drunk. Nothing unusual. My buddy Greg passes out in a sleeping bag with his girlfriend at the time. It was a good night but nothing weird happened until the morning. As everyone is waking up we hear his g/f, Madeline yell "GREG!!!!", no one paid much attention as Madeline was always yelling at Greg, but what she said next was amazing. "Greg peed the bed!". Apparently my buddy peed on his g/f that night, mind you this was in a sleeping bag so all the piss and the piss fumes had no where to go, so while they were sleeping they were also marinating in urine.

    I swear, some people have a natural predisposition to pissing themselves while drunk.
     
  13. dixiebandit69

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    About seven years ago I was riding around with some friends, and we came up to this party that one of them had heard about; I'd never been there before.
    About ten minutes after arriving, I saw a guy walk into (and break) a sliding glass door. In his state of intoxication, he didn't realize it was there. He was just walking at a leisurely pace, which leads me to believe that this was just a shitty door; I've seen people run into those kind of doors before with no damage.
    Anyway, the guy cut himself pretty badly and was bleeding all over the place. He was going to have a friend drive him to the hospital, but the owner of the house (a woman, who I think was coked up) was absolutely livid and didn't want to let him leave until he compensated her for the door!
    He and his friend drove off with the woman chasing them.

    The party pretty much went to shit after that, and my friends and I left.
     
  14. zyron

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    When I was a freshman in college I became real good friends with a lot of people on the floor of my dorm. Of course every floor has one weirdo. The kid no one could stand but was always there. Because we were good friends with his roommate, when I went home one weekend, my roommate allowed him to sleep on the floor (No way that freak sleeps in my bed) because our friend was fucking a girl.

    Well, this kid was an idiot who drank way too much when drinking. My roommate was awakened at 3 AM to lysol being sprayed everywhere and the window open in the middle of winter at UConn. He passed back out and woke up to shit. Not to go, it was all over the dresser, phone, word processor, movies and carpet. You see, dickhead got up in the middle of the night, wasted, mistook the dresser and what was on it, for a toilet. He then wiped his ass on the carpet like a dog.

    I got back the next day. The RA had to call the university to have someone clean it up because they consider it a hazard. He had to pay for that and all new shit for us. Our room stunk for a week. We even moved a dresser and found more shit a few days later and they had to come out and clean again.
     
  15. lostalldoubt86

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    I don't know if this is really a party foul, but I had a guy at one of my Halloween parties get drunk, get upset because a girl he had previously slept with once did not want to sleep with him again, waited until said girl went into a bedroom with another guy, found a HUGE knife that no one in the apartment claimed ownership of, and tried to slit his wrists. My roommate, who invited this asshole to the party, had to drunkenly talk him off the ledge and everyone was super awkward after it happened. He eventually passed out in my roommate's bed and we made him clean our entire apartment the next morning. This included cleaning up the vomit off the floor from some guy who passed out in the middle of the living room. That was also the party where someone broke a chair.
     
  16. Volo

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    I was at a house party, years ago. Good people, good times, lots of booze, and lots of games. You know, shit like quarters, sociables, monkey chug. Well, we developed Beer Bowling, which involved throwing a ten-pin bowling ball down a hallway into a beer-a-mid of empties at the other end...which in this case led to the bathroom door.

    Now, it was a solid door, and took some serious punishment throughout the night with minimal damage. However, on my very last frame I threw one right down the middle of the hall, and just as it reached the end, the bathroom door opens and the ball goes right between the legs of the guy who opened the door.

    Bowling Ball - 1
    Toilet - 0
     
  17. Revengeofthenerds

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    At a party, hanging around a burn pit while the host was cooking on the grill. I was sitting on one of those rolling ice chests, and a girl wants to sit down, so I move over above the end with the wheels. When she stood up, the ice chest flew out from under me, and my drunk ass landed straight on the ground.

    Cracked the bottom vertebrae on my spine.

    Whoops.
     
  18. xrayvision

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    The second time I ever smoked weed, it was out of a bong in front of about 8 of my friends. I lit the bowl too long and took too big of a hit. I choked really hard and coughed back into the bong, blowing the semi-burning nug as well as the remaining contents of the bowl into the carpet. Pissed everyone off.

    Did I mention that I had greens too?
     
  19. D26

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    So when my wife and I were living in a shitty apartment, it was the middle of summer and our air conditioner went out. Because it was so hot (and it was the 3rd time the AC broke that summer), the landlords offered to put us up in the hotel of our choice that night. We chose a really nice hotel downtown, walking distance from the bar her friends frequented. This made me happy, as I knew hotel sex was imminent.

    Once we get there, we walk down to the bar to meet up with her friends for a bit. Her friends are full-on alcoholics, and are the kind of alcoholics who feel shitty if everyone around them isn't drinking as much as them. I got one drink and nursed it, and they kept offering me drinks and buying me drinks, but I kept saying nope, I was good. They were doing the same to my wife, who rarely drinks, and is a super-lightweight. She, however, was taking them, and before she finished one, they'd have another in front of her (she just couldn't say no to them, and she felt bad letting a drink someone else paid for go to waste). After my wife started to look like she could barely sit up, I pulled one aside and told them to cut her off. She assured me they'd stop buying her drinks.

    Of course, these cunts kept the drinks rolling at her, when I went to the bathroom or was talking to someone else. One (who is an alcoholic wildebeast who can drink twice as much as anyone else I've ever met) was encouraging my wife to do shots when I wasn't around. The result was that I had to practically carry my drunk wife back to the hotel, and listen to her throwing up all night. While I should've been having drunk hotel sex, I was listening to my wife puke up everything she'd eaten for the past week.

    The next day, she was still drunk when we had to check out and drive back to the apartment. I had to stop twice in the 5 minute drive to let her puke on the side of the road.

    I proceeded to call her friend from the night before (who I had pulled aside and said they'd cut her off) and told her to get her ass over to my place to take care of my still drunk and ailing wife, while I went to work. I then proceeded to rant at her for 20 minutes about not letting the fact that they're all stupid alcoholics who don't mind driving drunk and drinking every night fuck over my lightweight wife my killing her with booze.

    In retrospect, it was still my wife's fault (she could've said no, which she learned to do after that night), but I was still pissed at the bitch who promised me to cut her off, only to give her more drinks. She apologized to me later, too, and apparently told my wife that she "never wanted to get on (D26's) bad side again."
     
  20. Disgustipated

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    I did my degree externally with a bunch of other guys at the firm I worked at. Twice a year we had to go to the campus for a compulsory lecture weekend which was either very informative or just an excuse to party in another city, depending on your outlook.

    With us all being cheapass students despite having jobs, we booked one hotel room and proceeded to cram five of us in there. In typical form, we checked/snuck in, dumped our bags and got ready to hit the clubs. One of the guys, Mark, said he'd see us later, he had a 'function' to go to. We thought it was code for going to fuck a chick he knew, but it turned out he actually did have somewhere to be.... first.

    About 3am we got back to the hotel, so we could get a few hours before our first lecture. We found that Mark had got back before us. The smell was pretty horrendous. He was passed out across the bed, naked except for boxers. There was a stream of puke from his mouth to the edge of the bed, and down to the floor.

    In the bathroom, we found that he had projectile vomited all over the bench, sink and mirror. From the angle, and the giant turn floating in the bowl, we gathered it was while taking a shit. For some reason, there was also an intact, unchewed polish sausage in the sink. No, that's not a euphemism (his later comments were, "I don't remember eating that.")

    We resolved that he should clean it up, shut the door and lined it with a towel to keep the smell in and passed out. He woke before us and (we found out later) thought one of us had made the mess. So he got the dry powder fire extinguisher for the floor and emptied it all over us. Apparently that made sense to him.

    I have no idea how we managed to not get kicked out of there.