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You Make Me Feel LIKE A NAT-TUR-RAL WOMAN!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. Blue Dog

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    My girlfriend is getting her masters, and one of her professors gave her this assignment. She has to interview two people, a man and a woman, on the question below. Guess who she picked as her subject?

    Anyways, I figured this might have some legs here (plus I had to write this shit for her anyway), so imagine yourself in this scenario (this was for me, so imagine the opposite of you are a lady-person):


    The Official Office of Birth Records sends you the following letter:

    Dear <Your Name>,

    According to our records, you were to have been born female (or male) to another set of parents, far from where you were raised. However, the rules being what they are, this error must be rectified, and as soon as possible. So at midnight tonight you will become a woman (or man). Not only your name will change but your appearance too; however, inside you will be how you always been. Your knowledge and ideas will remain the same. But outwardly you will not be recognized by anyone you know. Because of this mistake, my organization is prepared to give you money to compensate for your trouble. What sum of money will you ask for, as remuneration? *You are expected to live another 50 years as a woman (or man).

    1) What factors do you use to decide on the amount?

    2) What would happen to your education, relationships, savings, jobs, significant other, wealth, etc?


    Here is my answer:
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    Good question. I think being able to sleep with anybody as good looking as me just by asking might make it a wash. Do I have to menstruate? I guess so. Maybe just a lifetime supply of pads, then.

    EDIT: By the way BD I don't know what your girlfriend is getting her Masters in, but if that is a real assignment you might want to work with her practicing how to say "do you want fries with that?"
     
  3. Disgustipated

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    How much is gender reassignment surgery? I'd be right on to that after after taking out, say, a year to play with my boobs.
     
  4. Aetius

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    How much would I ask? How is this not automatically "everything you've got"?

    Is the sex change a magic wizard type deal where it's just a flawless switch so my body seems like it's always been female, or is it one of those "well we're trying" sex reassignment surgeries that come out a bit wonky even in the best of cases? In the case of the former I'd probably get on with life as a lipstick lesbian eventually, in the case of the latter I'd probably descend into madness and rage and eventually enact some large scale revenge on society as a whole, and bureaucrats in particular.
     
  5. JoeCanada

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    You don't think a masters degree in "things 6th graders talk about during recess" would be useful??

    Anyway, I would ask for $10 million. Having to completely redefine myself and my identity? How do you put a price on that?*

    *$10 million would be fine though.
     
  6. ghettoastronaut

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    So, wait, I was born a woman and some doctor crazy-glued a fully functioning male reproductive tract onto my vagina? How has this man not won a nobel prize? I also find it funny that my knowledge and ideas would stay the same if I were a woman. We know that can't be true.

    The factors I use to decide on the amount...

    1. What things, as a woman, will I not be able to do as a man? Boobs and reduced upper body strength will get in the way of heavy lifting. Will I still be able to skip around with a 40 pound backpack as easily (see boobs again)? Will I still be able to walk around alone in the city at two in the morning and not get raped? Will I be able to hack around Europe by myself? The answer to all of these is most probably, especially since my inner thoughts and experiences will be the same, but will I be able to do it without being told that I am crazy and suicidal and without people sticking their noses into how crazy and stupid I am for doing it? Because holy fuck will that be annoying. Then again, think about it. Given a typical touristy situation, between a good looking guy and a good looking female, which one is more likely to try to be scammed or approached by an unsavoury character? And then consider the touristy situations I get myself into, namely, wandering back to the hotel at 2AM after more than a few beers without actually knowing where the hotel is, or being the only guest in an isolated mountain hut where the staff don't speak English.

    2. Nothing would happen to my education. My faculty is already 2/3 female. My relationships? My girlfriend would still like me, but I've asked and she isn't into girls in that way. Most of my time trying to meet women in bars would be with drunk university girls who would make out with me just for the attention from other guys, which would be devastating. Most of the people I know are pretty open-minded and wouldn't be freaked out by me suddenly taking on a female form (as long as it was a legitimate female form), but still, it'd fuck shit up. Suddenly I couldn't meet new people without them at least, in some way, wanting to sleep with me. There might even be sexual tension with my guy friends. Would it still be the same thing except me with boobs (and me letting them see my boobs because, hey, they're awesome?) or would it get weird? I'd put money on weird, at least to some extent. It wouldn't affect my savings (how could it?). As for my job, well, it might even improve my future job prospects. Government work is all about preferring women and minorities to better over-represent equality in the workplace.

    Ultimately, as long as I wound up as an equivalently good-looking female with equivalently sized boob-for-penis ratio, I think I'd manage to survive okay. As such, the money I'd try to request is going to be the same amount of money I'd request if someone offered me without having a sex change. A few million bucks so I can live worry-free, be generous, travel, etc. But I'd tack on a request for an expense account so that I can charge for extra mechanics fees, hair-dos, birth control pills (84 days on 5 days off, motherfuckers), and other shit that girls have to do that I prefer not to think about.
     
  7. Sherwood

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    I think $50 mil sounds about right. Enough money to hire a sexy lesbian personal chef, a sexy lesbian personal trainer, and be attractive enough for all the sexy lesbians to want to have sexy lesbian sex with me. right?

    Actually, the number would depend. On factors, right? I'd have to add in the cost of a boob job if i was born with small boobs. A boob job from a sexy lesbian plastic surgeon, yeeeaahhhh.
     
  8. Frank

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    I'd at least need enough to get my college degree in math again. Then I'd probably be making triple what I do now with better security at the same job because there's such a shortage of female actuaries so the rest would be a wash.
     
  9. McSmallstuff

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    One BILLION Dollars!

    First and foremost giving up guaranteed orgasm from sex seems like a big sacrifice. That's a good million right there.

    Also I would loose all of the fun of having to try for sex. I mean I feel I would be born a hot young woman, and therefore getting sex looses all of it's challenge. It becomes more letting some lucky young lesbian (And one guy just to see what it's like) touch my naughty parts. For loss of the hunt that's another mil.

    I have spent the better part of my 27 years on this rock building up a herculean tolerance to alcohol. While being able to get drunk on less than 4 pitchers of beer would be nice, I would loose a great deal of respect for my degenerate abilities. I'll say loss of respect for myself, and that of my drunken peers is another 5 million tacked on.

    Also my decrease in body strength, and lack of muscle memory from wrestling and other combat sports, would greatly erode my confidence in any given physical confrontation. This would greatly diminish my shit talking. As is mocking the shortcomings of others is one of the great joys in my life, I would have to charge 1,000 million pennies.

    As others have said, the dynamic between my friends, girlfriend, and family would be greatly strained. Such a shift in my social dynamic is going to be tallied up at 13 million.

    Then finally I would have to BLEED FROM MY FUCKING SEX ORGAN! I don't care if it's only one time until I have the entire plumbing system yanked out! That shit right there is easily worth the remaining $970,000,000!!!!
     
  10. lust4life

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    Considering I'm 47, I'd be entering my "womanhood" just in time for menopause, denied the opportunity to give birth, denied the opportunity to "experiment" with my hot Asian roommate in college, the process of getting my wife to move to the other side of the plate...add in pain and suffering. Oprah's net worth X 3 should cover it.
     
  11. effinshenanigans

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    I'd need enough money to purchase a suitable and furnished mansion, hire a personal chef (who will have access to a kitchen filled with the latest appliances and stocked with the finest ingredients) and a couple of butlers, and maintain a stocked walk-in beer fridge with no less than 250 different kinds of beer at all times. I would also require a similar room, unrefridgerated, for scotch and bourbon. The money would also have to cover bi-monthly parties where only the hottest bisexual or lesbian women would be invited. The parties would last 5 days.

    Once I turn old and the party scene at my staffed and lavish mansion no longer interests me, the money will also have to cover the purchase of a yacht, no less than 200ft. in length, that can easily handle international travel. It will be fully staffed. It is then that I'll spend the rest of my female life cruising the world.

    As a quick addendum, I'd also require an accountant to take care of all of my bills and finances.

    Whatever amount of money that comes to (probably somewhere in the vicinity of half a billion) would be what I'd require. For all that, I'd live with the monthly gash bleed.

    As far as education is concerned, I'd change nothing. My life is paid for at that point, so why bother? Relationships would be a different story, but I figure if I was a hot enough girl, and the same person on the inside, I could convince my girlfriend to stay. The bi-monthly hoards of hot lesbians might be a problem, but since this is hypothetical, she'd fucking love it too.
     
  12. Supertramp

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    Frylock, I think you're short selling the girlfriend, the correct phrase would be something like "[Name of Firm], how can I direct your call?"

    At one point I was in a Liberal Arts college, on scholarship, and my father had three secretaries at his work. My father is and was strongly into the maths and sciences and was more than displeased by my faggy liberal arts studies, we'd clash over it every week. All three secretaries had to replaced for one season so he had a lot of resumes to deal with. He was grinning when he delivered the stack to me and asked me to take a look at them. Every single one of the resumes were BAs or MAs. Every. Single. One.

    Today, I'm chipping away at an Engineering degree but I'd rather have any work experience than to blow 4 or 8 years and costs on an Arts degree. Unless it's an honest academic pursuit, in which case who are we to judge?

    Focus:

    I wouldn't demand a ridiculous amount of money, it ruins the flavor of the question.

    If I'm the same person and am equally good looking and all that I'll be fine for the next 10 years. The real scary part comes when I turn 35 and my (sexual) ship has sailed. Then what? The only legitimate route to success would be to pursue my standup/comedy and be the only funny female comedian in the history of mankind. But I'd rather be poor than compared to Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler 24 hours a day.

    edit: I find it amusing that every man that posted here thinks they'd be a good looking, big titted girl.

    Proposed Alt. Focus: What if we came back as some fat, greasy, hairy and just plain ugly wildebeest? Would you just kill yourself? Reverse applies for women, what if you became an uncharismatic, short and prematurely balding man?

    I think I'd consider suicide, given the sudden change and the experiences I've had making fun of ugly girls- it's a no brainer. It would be macabre, karmic justice.
     
  13. Aetius

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    Well I'm a good looking, big tittied man, so why wouldn't I be?
     
  14. Fernanthonies

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    Exactly. I think as a man I am reasonably attractive since I dress well, although I'm not in the best of shape. As a woman I know for a fact that I would be the funny girl that was slightly "thick" but still "cute" and had a great personality. You know, the kind of girl you would take home from the bar because you were drunk and never talk to again.
     
  15. Disgustipated

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    I don't need the tits to be big. I'll play with small ones too.
     
  16. Danger Boy

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    Pedophile.
     
  17. Crown Royal

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    25 million and I'm off to the Swedish blade-swinger faster than you can say "Wachowski". Is that cheating?
     
  18. Frank

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    I'm going to have to add this to my demands. Clearly when I become a women I'll no longer understand how to manage money.
     
  19. Chellie

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    It would have to be a ridiculous sum to make me want to become a man and actually have to put effort into finding willing sex partners. Although, the fact that I could fuck as many people as I wanted without having to worry about the Slut Score I was racking up might make that a wash.
     
  20. Saint

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    And we collectively piss and moan about the current quality of education and its relevance to the real world. My, don't we appear foolish.

    (Coonass translation: we done constantly bitchin bout them edumactional skools. Where else thay have such deep thinkin as this. We stupid)