You Cook Like You Fuck

I cook like I fuck: with a lot of oil.

 

I have pretty broad horizons with food, and I'm generally willing to try anything once.

I do have a few things I won't eat though:

Pickles are what happens when Satan jizzes into a cucumber. Fuck you and fuck brine.
Mushrooms make me sick ever since I had some bad ones as a kid. I can eat them on pizza as long as I ignore them.
Celery when it's cooked. Same with raisins. Which makes me want to punch some family members that take perfectly good Thanksgiving stuffing and ruin it with this nonsense.
Soup in general. If I wanted hot salty liquid sliding down my gullet, I'd be gay. The previous sentence does not in any way apply to gravy.

Other than those things, I'm open to new stuff. When I lived in the Middle east, I found out that their food is fucking delicious. Indian food is a little hot for me, and I hate the smell of curry, but overall it's still pretty tasty. Hell, I even try new things out in the kitchen once in a while, see if maybe I can find something new I like.

What that says about me as a person, I think, is pretty good.

 

I work with a girl who will not eat Carrots or cheese. The problem is that she eats veggie soup all the time. She sits at lunch and picks all the carrots out of the soup. We also have to order her cheese-less pizza every time a patient gets us pizza for lunch.

 

- by driving up to a street corner business providing a a cheap but effective product, having a short garbled discussion with some recent migrant from the third world and exchanging a small number of crumpled and sweaty small bills so that no-one cares about the quality of my contribution? Fuck me, it just doesn't stop working.

 

Growing up, my parents had 1 rule: You don't have to like it & you don't have to finish it but you MUST try everything on your plate. I've always loved trying new foods and thank my parents endlessly for instilling this in me. And this attitude definitely carries over into other aspects of your life no matter what anybody says.

I see so many parents catering to their kid's pickiness it makes me puke.


Focus: Hands/feet & fingers/toes - specifically on women. So what if I may have a slight fetish, but if a girl has busted toes you can bet the rest of her is in similar shape. I mean, if you don't have the time/money to paint your nails properly on a regular basis chances are your life is a wreck.

In my experience, if grooming your nails is not a priority neither is grooming certain *other* parts.

 

Alt Focus: I'll eat pretty much anything with the exception of mayo. Sure we all have a thing here or there that we don't like to eat but I don't get picky eaters who pick away at half the shit in their plate no matter what the meal is. It's food, it's there to fill you up not to be your friend and if it's good for you it probably tastes bad anyways. Suck it up cupcake and eat it. "But, uhhh, buuut its all green and eeewwww...." People can be such pussies. How the hell did we make it this far. Look at the green giant. I bet that mother fucker never said no to an extra helping of peas. Because of that he's an ox and in the off time that he isn't eating veggies he's probably plowing the Chiquita banana girl or Mrs. Buttersworth. That's what vegetables will do to you.

 

How do they clean? Is it orderly and things are put where they belong and then everything is wiped up/dusted/vacuumed/mopped/whatever? OR do they just stuff shit in drawers and give a cursory wipe down?
The first person is (in my experience) pretty matter of fact, straightforward, and very pragmatic what-you-see-is-what-you-get. The second is (again, in my experience) someone who hides their problems and just puts a very thin veneer on things.
How do they play? Are they playful players or are they cut throat competitors? Give me the playful partner anytime. More fun in sexy time.
Jesus. Two divorces? I can give you a list pages long of "tells".

Texture. I hate tomatoes. LOVE sundried tomatoes. HATE. HATE. Olives. In any form. Love onions. Hate cooked onions. Boiled anything is gross. Steamed? Yes please.

Texture is where it's at.

 

Oh yea, fuck mayonaise. That shit is fuckin' gross. There is absolutely no appeal to putting that shit on anything.

Its like a yeast infection in a jar.

 

Focus: Passive-aggressive tendencies are generally bad news. If you're obsequious and eager-to-please in public and a self-righteous, put-upon whiner in private. If you're constantly taking offense at weirdly specific slights and then refusing to discuss it. If "it's okay, I'll just sit here alone in the dark." If you're bitter at the world and refuse to say "no" or defend yourself. Then you're probably selfish and uninspired in bed, roll over and fall asleep disappointed, ruin your relationships, and still walk away feeling superior, learning nothing.

Alt. Focus: I'll eat most anything. Even things I used to hate (onions), I'm starting to enjoy. I usually mix everything on my plate together. As for other picky eaters, I accept your personal quirks without comment. But keep in mind that when you treat overworked, underpaid food service grunts like pre-schoolers, you can never be sure exactly what you're shoving down your gullet.

I don't love hot dogs, but I don't think they're a gateway drug for cock. That's like the Latino gangbangers who forbid eating Twinkies for the same reason. It just lets me know you can't hit the bodega without thinking about schlong.

I cook like I fuck. All the neighbors know about it.

 

Focus: What small cues do you look for to tell you about someone's personality?

Generally speaking, a person's insults towards other people tend to be very revealing about their own dislikes and insecurities.

Sticking in the realm of dining, where a person sits at the table and if allowed, which table the person chooses in relation to the layout of the restaurant. People who have a tendency to face the door/sit next to the wall/facing the window tend to be introverted and may have paranoid tendencies. People simply sit tend to be much more extroverted and outgoing.

That's all that come to mind at the moment.

 

Bullshit. My older brother was an asshole growing up. As soon as he asked "are you gonna eat that?" that was code for: give me your food or I am beating your ass. Throw in 13 years in the Army, and I've developed the habit of eating fast.

I am the least picky eater. Ever. I don't like horseradish, liver, and dove(smell of them cooking makes me want to gag). Anything else, is fair game.

Picky eater's are bastards. Don't trust someone who doesn't like spicy food.

 

Alt.Focus kinda:

I'm probably an interesting headcase...:

- I don't eat eggs. I don't know, I just don't. I don't like the smell or the look of it. As an ingredient, I don't mind. Cookies? Yes please. But eggs by themselves: Sunnyside up, beaten, scrambled, fried, I don't give a fuck. Keep it the hell away from me.

- Pickles. FUCK. PICKLES. It's weird, I used to LOVE pickles when I was younger, but now I can't stand them. Don't know, they are just really gross to me. Accompanied with pickles...

- Mustard. No. Absolutely not. I fucking hate mustard. Although, there was this one food I got in Chicago - a polish sausage (har har) with mustard and onions. That was delicious. That was my ONLY pleasant experience with that. Otherwise, fuck it.

Besides those, I'm really not that picky when it comes to food. I like trying new things, as long as it doesn't have eggs, pickles or mustard or doesn't look like the blob, I'm good to go. I love sweet foods, spicy foods, what the hell ever.

 

This thread is the bane of my existence.

Carry on.

Alt. Focus: I eat everything, no exceptions.

EDIT: And no, that does not include the cock

 

ehhh the only food I've had the opportunity to eat that I hated was lobster sashimi.


and ethiopian food involving raw ground beef. Carpaccio I can do, but not raw ground beef.

 

My parents went the opposite way.

'No, you wouldn't like this. Go away.'
'What the fuck? Gimmie that!'
'No, you won't eat it. Go eat something else.'
'God dammit, gimie that you bastard!'
'Fine, fine, take this plate of raw potatoes and go away'

I fell for it every time.

The only other rule was that if served a combination dish of both Vegetables and Meat, I had to eat the vegetables first. Otherwise I'd have been a pure carnivore. Still relatively applicable - and I've never really gotten out of the habit. I almost always eat the stupid first and then rinse my mouth out with meat so I can leave the table happy.

 

I'll be old fashioned and say that a handshake can tell you a lot about a person. On the more informal side, a hug can also be pretty revealing about someone's personality. Anecdotally, I have never been good friends with someone who had a limp handshake. I've met some nice people with bad handshakes, but our personalities just didn't click. On the other hand, too firm a handshake, especially from a woman, usually means a little more uptight/perfectionist. Hugs are less definite, but I can usually get a pretty good sense of the person. Different categories of people (e.g. jocks/mean girls/shy people/hipsters etc.) usually hug in a similar way.

Also, how someone eats/orders at a restaurant can be revealing. Do they look at the menu or always order the same thing? Do they like to share or prefer that no one touch their plate? Do they like appetizers/dessert or just an entrée? Do they have trouble ordering or can they be decisive? I usually work best with people that don't mind sharing a few bites, but I am so indecisive when it comes to food (everything always looks tasty) that it just goes quicker with someone who is more decisive and can give me a "hurry the fuck up" look.

In terms of food, I'm another one who hates olives, also yogurt. I've tried to like yogurt, it always seemed like such as easy snack, but no matter what flavor it is that yogurt taste comes through and I can't eat more than a few bites. When cooking, I used to be more relaxed about it, but then I went too far the other way. When I went back to following recipes more strictly, I realized how much better it tasted than when I was "estimating/experimenting with ingredients" and so I try to keep it pretty close to the recipe now, unless I'm really comfortable with what I'm making.

 

Agreed. Although, I consider that cold, cooked vegetables are disgusting; so I will eat them while they're hot.

I've got to second the sentiments on the way a person a eats not being indicative. An ex of mine was the slowest eater you could ever find, and aggressive and fast to the point of being pointless in the sack. I also had a bigger brother who would poach whatever was desirable off my plate after polishing his, so I had to learn to be fast and the habit continued.

 

For as little money as possible, less often than is probably good for me but eating impractically huge amounts in one sitting. Heh

Focus: I swear profusely in informal conversations. I find that someone under 60 that reacts very poorly to this is either very religious, has kids or has some less common reason to lead an uninteresting life.

Alt Focus: It's possible to develop a taste for anything. Remember when beer was gross? When I find a food I dislike (admittedly rarely), I hold it in my mouth in order to taste it more carefully, finding something to like about it and concentrating on that.

It's a system of thought that should come in useful if I ever wind up in prison...

I have an acquaintance who will pick the crust off a hot dog bun. Any sort of bread gets the crust carefully and completely removed. It's the placid look he wears while doing this, like there's nothing unusual happening, that makes it so striking. I don't think he dates much.

 

I am a picky eater and I eat quickly. I know what I like to eat and what I don't and I don't see any reason why that would make me somehow a lesser person. I'm actually expanding my tastes a little bit as time goes on, largely thanks to my wife, but it's still fairly narrow comparatively. When I order at a restaurant I am polite, but I am also fairly firm about my desires. As long as I am upfront and not rude I see no reason not to have my food prepared for me the way I prefer it.