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You can eat green beans over MY DEAD BODY!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by kuhjäger, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. kuhjäger

    kuhjäger
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    So over the weekend Jägerette and I stopped by her parents place for a visit. As usual, I was rooting around in their cupboards for anything tasty, when I actually bothered to look at a list that was taped to the back.

    The list was of 7 food items, such as zuchinni, kidney beans, prime rib.

    I thought it was strange, as it clearly wasn't a shopping list. So I asked about it, and Jägerette's mother informed me that it was her funeral menu. The 7 foods she hated so much that she would never serve them, so she figured that we can finally eat them all at her funeral.

    I tried to come up with a list of things that I would have at my funeral.

    So far I have "Cilantro"


    Oh, and bleu cheese. Fuck that stuff.

    Focus: What is your "funeral menu"
     
  2. shegirl

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    Hookers, babies, cats and cauliflower. Yuck.
     
  3. Maltob14

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    Mayonnaise. Just barels of mayonnaise that people would be forced to drink, not eat.
     
  4. shegirl

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    Look at me bumpin' threads. *buttbump*
     
  5. bewildered

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    Meatloaf and lima beans. BARF.
     
  6. Samr

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    My seven:

    Tomatoes: I've found that I can pretty much stomach any vegetable if sliced fresh and served with ranch to dip. Fresh, raw vegetables or any kind of bean is not only healthy, but incredibly delicious. Except tomatoes. They look so tasty on the outside, or when they're placed on top of other superior foods (such as meat, in hamburgers), they sound so delectable when you hear recipes involving them, hell even the name isn't all that offending. But on the inside, they taste like pure shit. They're like the P. Diddy of vegetables -- they find a way to get involved in, to get their flavor on, absolutely everything. And they fucking ruin it. Why yes, I would love a salad. It looks incredible. But... what is that slimy, seedy, bitter-tasting viscous liquid on it? Was that bird shit I just felt in my mouth? No, it's fucking tomato spluge, that attached itself onto the lettuce several years ago in the leaf's infancy and made it's way through the packaging process and into my former fucking delicious appetizer.

    Boiled okra: The common description I hear of the dish involves the words "slimy" and "goo." Fuck that too.

    Corn: I'm not gonna lie. I don't eat it because I cannot get over the fact that it comes out whole in my shits. Yes, I look at my shits. I am proud of them. What are you gonna make of it?

    Lonestar beer: Yes I live in Texas. I watch NASCAR. I own several guns, a fishing boat, and I live on a ranch (in fact, I just came back inside from walking around the woods behind me with a .20 gauge looking for living pests I want to make dead). But I cannot stand that piss. I will reluctantly guzzle Natty Light. I will turn Lonestar down.

    Shrimp Ramen: I have expendable income; I still always keep a case of chicken-flavored ramen in the pantry. It's awesome, and great for hangovers if you put some cayenne pepper in it. Beef, roast chicken, pork, oriental, and even salsa-flavored are all acceptable. Shrimp ramen, on the other hand, can go suck a chinese cock.

    Caviar: I love escargot (snails) and carpaccio (raw beef). I even enjoy a bit of caviar on different foods. But by itself, it is one of the single nastiest things in existence, and I don't know how or why people enjoy it. It tastes like what you would imagine conglomerated whale shit to be like.

    Chewing tobacco/dip: Put this one in the Lonestar category. Not only is the habit disgusting, it tastes like rotten coffee grinds. I'm sure a few of y'all on here do it, as does a good majority of my great state, but how you enjoy it is absolutely beyond me. I tried it once while drinking and I puked. I have NEVER puked while drinking (because I don't want to waste the alcohol, and also because I don't enjoy doing it).
     
  7. Bebe

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    Hash browns, ranch dressing, sauerkraut, and rum. In fact, I think I'll leave a clause in my will that states that no one inherits a dime until they consume all those items, blended together.

    Edit: I remembered another, carrots cooked in brown sugar. As a kid, I used to pray that I would get diabetes so my parents wouldn't make me eat them.
     
  8. Fernanthonies

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    There isn't much I don't like, but the few things on that list I avoid like the plague.

    Stuff like Dill Dip, radishes, Artichoke hearts, and any form of okra are gross.

    But the absolute worst is mayonnaise. Yuck City.
     
  9. Nitwit

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    Brussels Sprouts
    I used to be forced to eat those things as a kid until one night while trying to choke them down in halves with swallows of milk I hurled all over the dinner and everyone in my family I could sling it on. I have'nt eaten one of those fuckers since.

    Cooked Spinach
    This stuff is almost as bad as the sprouts. Popeye was a douchebag for thinking it tasted good.

    Okra
    Not as bad but if I wanted to punish people for coming to my funeral it would be on the buffet.

    Raw Oysters
    Whoever the first man to ever say, "I think I'll break open that rock in the water and eat that slimy shit out of it" must have been really hungry. Starving even.
     
  10. sisterkathlouise

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    Bananas, yellow mustard, mushrooms, fennel, lima beans, tripe and licorice. Eeew.
     
  11. The Dread Pirate

    The Dread Pirate
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    Any fish other than tuna.
    I got food poisoning from fish when I was 8 or 9 years old. As a result, any type of fish with a strong "fishy" taste or texture makes me want to vomit.

    Scrapple
    Put a dirty basset hound in a bathtub, spray it with water, and take a big wiff. That's what scrapple tastes like.

    Coconut
    Just tastes nasty and ruins perfectly good desserts.
     
  12. PIMPTRESS

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    Thousand Island Dressing is a vile concoction.

    Spam is pretty fucking gross.

    Canned sardines and the like are eeeww...those are the only ones that seem truly disgusting to me.
     
  13. fleafly

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    Lutefisk - That shit is like eating a snot ball. Honestly who thought soaking fish in lye and eating it would be good!

    Beets - Not horrible like Lutefisk but I just never really cared for them.

    Buttermilk - It's fine for cooking, but not drinking straight.

    Since that's pretty much it there will have to be mass quantities or every item.
     
  14. Beefy Phil

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    Egg salad. Enjoy your fart paste, cocksuckers.


    How the hell do you hate hashbrowns? Do you hate french fries? Do you hate potatoes in general? If so, from which planet do you hail?

    Also, that combination isn't a punishment. It isn't even a bet. That's called "Tuesday night after 2-fers at the bar."
     
  15. bewildered

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    Okra, canned asparagus, raw oysters.... Call me crazy, but I love the slimy texture. Delicious!
     
  16. Sam N

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    Spam would have been on my list, had I not moved to Hawaii. It's everywhere here, and people love. I still don't like it much, but I can definitely stomach it if I'm starving.

    I can't stand canned tunafish. It makes me throw up. I love ahi, even raw ahi, and all the other types of delicious tuna. But I won't touch that canned shit.
     
  17. Subito

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    Coconuts for their texture. There's always one fucking coconut candy hidden in a box of chocolates, it's like playing Minesweeper with my mouth and I never win.

    Also, fuck bananas.
     
  18. Ganimedes

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    Yeah I can't stand him either and I bet the fat content is off the charts.

    Focus:

    Soft cheese. I'm not sure what that translates to in american, it's kind of a cheese/cream thing that comes in a tube and it's utterly revolting. In my house we were raised to try everything at least once so when I went to kindergarten as a young kinder and they had this at snack time, I naturally tried it. One bite was enough to convince me that this was satan's semen on bread. I refused to finish it and the fucking teachers made me sit at the table for three hours until my parents came, thereby compounding my hate for the stuff and in the process creating a life long aversion to authority.

    Snails. Tried it, I don't think I have to explain this any further. I mentioned satan's semen, this would be what produced it.
     
  19. ghettoastronaut

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    Swiss chard. My parents regularly make soup with this stuff in it. I cannot fathom why. It's like a vacuum that sucks up every last ounce of flavour that might have once been there and then gives it a Cleveland steamer.

    Spinach. My parents used to make "green soup" when I was a kid. Take spinach, boil it, run it through with a hand blender. What the hell were they thinking.
     
  20. Supertramp

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    I think Ballsack and I agree that caviar, especially served off of a hooker's ass after a line or two, is amazing.

    Focus:

    Shrimp. "Hey look, gross looking orange things in disgusting saltwater, let's boil it and swallow them almost whole!"