Yesh, Mish Moneypenny?

I work in a male-dominated world where most of the guys were social pariahs throughout their entire young lives. Amazingly, most of us have moved beyond that and can have normal, professional relationships with women in the workplace. However, 20 or 30 years ago, it was apparently Mad Men to the extreme - there was a secretarial pool made up of all women, and they went through a rigorous corporate training course on how to be good secretaries, which apparently was as much charm school as anything else. That kind of thing.

There are always a few guys who are still holding on to that era (even if they were too young and missed it), and it's funny to run into them and see how out of place they are.

What amazes me is that apparently the people in my business are nothing compared to the average sales and marketing department at any other company. My brother the sales manager regales me with tales about company-sponsored boondoggle meetings where the wedding rings come off as soon as the plane lands and shit like that. I've met some of these sales guys. They think they're Don Draper, but in reality they're all in their 50s, fat, bald, and with one or two alimony checks to pay every month. I guess they do OK, though.

FOCUS: Experiences with sexual harassment in the workplace? Is it really sexual harassment if the guy is super good-looking? Do you have That Guy at work who always starts every private conversation with "did you see the tits on that one?" Do you have That Gal, who dresses up a little too much every day?

 

I got fired from a job in a shithole kitchen for saying "I'll finger your chicken" when a waitress rang in an order of chicken fingers for her staff meal.

Take from that what you will.

 

For the time being, I'm working in very female-heavy environments. For some reason, women think it's appropriate to call me things like "sweetie" or "dear" and ask probing questions about my personal life. I suppose it can't quite be called sexual harassment when you consider that they'd behave the same way towards a woman of the same age, and it's not done maliciously, but if the men in these workplaces exhibited the same behaviour towards the younger women, there's no way it would fly.

 

I've traditionally worked in very heavily male dominated areas (warehousing) however one job I worked with the public in was radio. In this line of work, the hearsay was that everyone slept with everyone. Fortunately I never managed to sleep with anyone there, however I did have my female boss ask to "see how big I am" because she was curious.

 

The owner of our company (my boss) will meet with any saleswoman, selling ANYTHING, so long as shes attractive (even slightly so).

When I was younger I found it funny and amusing, now it's just sad. Some of these women walked away with hundreds of thousands of dollars of shipping business, or trade show planning/design not because they had the best price or stuff but simply because they new how to flirt a little.

The best part of all this was in 2009 when we were at our major industry trade show in Chicago and the young transportation sales rep stopped by the booth. It was the end of the day and as usual our entire group was going to a bar around the corner for an after show drink. My boss decided to join us and invite her.

After two rounds she was flirting and touching him and he was salivating. Like this was his big chance to cash in on all the business he'd thrown her way over the years. He had absolutely NO game and I could tell she was getting bored.

In walks another group of guys and she perks up announcing that she knows one of them. A very big client of hers and she should at least say hello but will be "right back".

She never came back.

The other client probably spent more with her and the guy was better looking and appeared to be running some game on her. My boss sat there like a stood up date trying not to be obvious as he looked over his shoulder to where she was sitting with her new friends.

Hahaha.

As for fucking secretaries... now that I've got a Keurig in my office what else are they good for?

 

I had a boss who constantly flirted and occasionally slept with several of the women in our workplace (a restaurant). I was always friendly and polite to him because he was the manager, but that was it. Anyway, he asked me out three times. Every time I told him I thought it was a bad idea. After the third time he started treating me like dirt...he'd ignore my schedule and time-off requests, give me the sidework that nobody wanted, and put me in really crappy seating sections where I was pretty certain to make no money. Did I mention that this guy was old, bald, overweight, and had no redeeming personality traits? It was like I was being punished for not making out with him. I figured it'd blow over in a week or so. It didn't, and I quit a few months later.

That was the most blatant form from a supervisor. I won't go into the wandering eyes and creepy sexual innuendo.

It's funny because back in the day, my parents met at work. My dad was the supervisor of my mom's boss. Can you even do that now in corporate America? Ask someone out in your department that's definitely beneath you?

 

I worked in an office with a (married, incidentally) woman whose behavior made me uncomfortable on a regular basis. Not because she was lascivious, but because that's not how I operate professionally, especially when I don't really know the people I'm working with. Some examples:

-We were having cupcakes and champagne. I don't remember what exactly we were celebrating -- by the fourth or fifth time you get one of those emails, you just skim it and grab a flute. She asked if she could have some of my cupcake, and when I agreed that she could, she dipped her finger into the frosting and sucked it off. Then she lamented the fact that she never got a chance to be a sorority girl.

-We were the last two people in the office. Me, because I had class in the morning and thus often came in late, and her because despite her sometimes odd behavior, she did work quite hard. She sidled up to me, and asked me how long twelve inches was, explaining that she was blonde and stupid. I wasn't aware that she'd found a colorist who could shave off IQ points, but I gave her a rough estimation with my...hands, and added that I was sure she could print out a ruler from off-line. Curious at this work-time request, I asked, "so what's 12 inches?". She giggled and scampered away (though later she explained she was redecorating).

-Once, during after work drinks, she talked about how few black guys there were in Australia and how hot she found black guys. This conversation makes me uncomfortable even when it's not initiated by a VP at a company where I work.

-She once commented on one of my Facebook notes that I was "naughty."

-She asked to be my Yahoo messenger friend, and literally as soon as I signed on asked if I was seeing anyone.

-She got a blackberry in some sort of gift bag, and offered it to me. I took it, and thanked her many times. Several times afterwards, she reminded me that it was quite the gift and that I'd have to repay her somehow...somehow.


This is just what I can remember off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more that I've blocked out.

 

In my last job before grad school, I was a fundraiser for one of the professional schools at a very well renowned university. When you are a fundraiser, a large part of your job is to keep your donors happy. You will do ridiculous shit for them, up to and including personal secretary type stuff, as long as they keep giving money to the programs that need it. On the flip side, fundraising is usually considered the most professional function in a nonprofit, requires the most education, and tends to be the highest paid, so right or wrong the donors respect you a lot more than program people.

We started having informal drinks/food outings for the board after their quarterly meetings. My job was to set everything up, make sure the glasses stayed full, keep eyes and ears open for interest in new programs, and generally make nice with everyone.

At one point, I found myself sitting at a table with one of the other fundraisers and a couple of fiftyish male board members.

After a few minutes of polite conversation, one of the board members puts down his glass and gives me an interesting look. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

There is no way this is going anywhere good. I have no idea what to say, but I know I can't piss the dude off, he's in the midst of negotiations for a multi hundred thousand dollar scholarship. In what I hope is a professional and non-flirty tone, I respond, "You can, but I may not answer."

"Why do you have a nose ring? My daughter wants to get one and I don't know why."

Again, trying to keep an even, disinterested tone: "I thought it looked nice."

"Did you get it to get guys' attention? You're a pretty girl, you don't need that."

At this point, my poor co-worker's eyes are bugging out of her head, and she quickly swoops in and changes the subject. Typing it out now it doesn't sound all that bad, but between the clear lack of boundaries, the superior tone in the guy's voice, and the careless look on his face, it made me feel about six inches tall and covered in shit. It was obvious that, instead of a professional, he saw me as his daughter's BFF that he jerks off to in the shower.

 

Most of the sexual harassment I experience at work is just jokes with me and a small Asian. We constantly slap each other's asses, he tells me my boobs are too big, jokingly tells me to lean over folding tables and requests that I wear slutty clothing.

Things that have actually made me uncomfortable:
-At the till, we always ask if anyone was helping the customer out since we make commission. I asked a customer and he inquired if that was because we made commission. I nodded, and then he said "Well, in that case, honey, you helped me out! And since I'm helping you out, maybe you can help me out later," followed by a wink and a creepy ogling of my chest. I'm sorry sir, but the commission I'd make off your $30 underwear purchase is nowhere near worth that. I rang it in as a house sale.

-A customer responding to the "Who was helping you out?" question with "The girl with the big tits." Really? Most people just say "The blonde girl."

-A customer purchasing a shirt with people having sex on it went onto a tangent about how hard it is to find good NSA sex. And then asked me what I was doing after work.

-General comments of "I'm not staring at your chest, I'm just trying to read your tattoo." Mhmmmmmm.

- Guys asking me what my tattoo says (if You're an ocean, i wannna jump right in) and then responding with "Well, just call me the ocean!" Fuck you, that's not even close to the meaning behind it.

 

You are gonna get mad at somebody trying to read THAT? It's plastered across your chest and unless you are wearing a burka, everyone can see it. It has words. Maybe he was really trying to read it? Nope, totally just checking you out.

 

I'm curious as to whether anyone knows exactly how hostile workplace laws operate.

Is there a way to work around them so that you can say whatever you want in your company?

 

You know, my original guess was, "no", but it seems like the answer might be yes:

I also like that they hedge their bets when it comes to what constitutes "severe" incidents.

 

In response to some rep and PM's, I'm aware my tattoo is quite noticeable and that people are obviously going to ask about it/try to read it. That's fine by me. What's not fine is when creepy dudes try to use it as an excuse.

 

I'm guessing though that when a hot guy uses it as an excuse it's ok. Seems like a nice double standard to me.

 

Yeah, and I'm guessing that most guys stare at your chest because you have big tits. And they're guys. Whether or not they're creepy doesn't factor into the staring part.

 

Or just a happy coincidence. Like how you never see a really hot homeless chick with huge fake tits.

I would think by definition, a "creepy" guy wouldn't need an excuse.

And is it the guy or the act that is creepy?

 

Do you really think it would be a creepy act if a hot guy did it? It's obviously the guy, not the act.

 

I meant it in a chicken/egg type scenario. Was the dude creepy before he stared at her tits, or was it the act that put him in the creepy category?

Like if the same guy was just drinking a cup of coffee, would he still be creepy?

Or what if the hot guy that was staring at your tits was found later fucking some road kill in the parking lot? Does that now make his staring "creepy"?

 

We have lost the focus here. Let us not forget that the tattoo takes up 1/4 of her thorax.