After graduating university, I signed a lease to live with four of my best friends in a house in LA. Ended up visiting my college girlfriend, who had recently moved to SF, and while there, interviewed at a startup on a whim. Really liked the company and ended up getting a job offer later that week. Flew back down to LA, told my best friends I couldn't live with them, and the next day, I moved up to SF. Started the job the day after that, and crashed on couches while looking for a full-time place to live. Flash forward two months. The girlfriend dumps me. A week after that, the startup tells me that they aren't sure whether I'm a good fit in the company. And I still haven't found a full-time place to live (yes, renting in SF is that bad). By far the lowest point of my life. Decided that I could sit around and mope, or I could pursue a dream that I've had since I was 12 - which is also the dream pretty much everyone besides my parents thought I was crazy for chasing. It's been six months since then, and I'm running an incorporated company, living in a great apartment with a beautiful view of the city, and financially supporting myself entirely through my work. Couldn't be happier. And if it all comes crashing down six months from now, fuck it, at least I gave it a shot. Congrats bucketheader. It's hard to make a living doing something you love. Conversely, it's easy to criticize someone over the internet for achieving success through their dream.
Focus: Presently I'm striding hard to improve things in my life, but I've never had anyone who tried to be a chip on my shoulder in my life about things. My parents were never pushy and the only shitty girlfriend I had was more violent than mouthy about things. Then again, I haven't done anyhting huge enough to rub in someone's face regardless. Alt-Focus: The night of my accident 10 years ago, and the week to come. I didn't know the other people that were in the car I was riding in for very long, and they were killed horribly. You cannot explain what "The Real Thing" is actually like to another person. You just have to relive it-- everyday-- for the rest of your life. I got to meet their families at their funerals and although they were extremely supportive towards me, I had a slight nervous breakdown afterwards. It took a couple of years before I could even give my head a shake about it. I was never the same again and I hate that night for so many fucking reasons.
First to bucketheader, Congrats man. No matter what happens good on you for following through and not just talking about it but being about it. That is something I have struggled with for a long time. I'm finding that the less I actually speak about it the more time I have to actually do it. Its not fantasy-land in my head but reality in my hands. Focus: I grew up in a cult. That fucked with my mind a lot. I had no friends outside of that tight group and therefore had a lot of growing up to do when I left (still do). I was trusting of people and it conflicted with my own internal dialogue. I had a girlfriend whose father was a huge proponent of higher learning. He said that he didn't want to have anyone in his family who didn't have a college education. Mind you at this point I'd on my own earned a couple of certifications in IT, was paying the bills and learning. But it wasn't good enough. At first I did take some college classes because I was re-writing myself and thought that maybe this dude was right. I quickly remembered why I hated college the first time. I felt like the class was always behind and that I was in a read-along. So the way that I learn is to grab a book, learn as much as I can, pour over forums on the topic, find someone who has been doing what I want to learn about forever and pick their brains. Works for me. I still don't have a degree but I'm doing okay. I'm fulfilled, I'm learning and have been successful with my career. This guy's daughter with her Master's degree in Behavioral Psychology is living with her drug dealer boyfriend, cheating on said drug dealer boyfriend with a married guy from her workplace in her illustrious position as a secretary.
Most of my "told you so" moments come from the fact that I would sign up for lessons and activities, and my mother would automatically wonder if it was a waste of my time. I won first place in a singing competition after taking lessons that she wanted to pull me out of after the first week. I got a short story published in a lit mag and was nominated for (but did not win) a Pushcart Prize and my mom thought it would be better if my sister went to the young writer's convention that got me the names of small literary magazines to send my work to. I won first place in a dance competition that I wouldn't have been able to enter if my mom had pulled me out of the dance group classes after the first class as she wanted to. I don't want this to come off as me complaining about my mother. She was an awesome mom when I was growing up, and she's a great mom to have as an adult. It was just that I was constantly changing my mind about what I wanted to do and didn't stick to stuff for very long, so she was always doubting.
Don't want to derail the thread. If'n you wants I'm down to do a I was in a cult, ask me anything thread.
He grew up similar to me, as a Jehovah's Witness. The hardest thing I've ever done was turn my back on everything and everyone I knew because it wasn't right for me. So many whackos were telling me I could never be happy without that religion in my life and that when the end came I'd be singing a different tune. I'm happy, so happy, and liberated.
Moving to South America for a year. Last year, I was sat at my desk, with two options in front of me. I could accept the comfy, safe teaching job with the British Council in Spain, with full support from my university and a shitload of ERASMUS funding. If I didn't enjoy it I could fly home in two hours. If I struggled with the language, lots of people speak English, sorted. And I had friends in Spain. or I could independently find work in South America. At this point I had never traveled solo before in my life (i'm 20, 21 tomorrow) and had only ever been to Spain with my family. I would have zero funding from ERASMUS, reduced-student loan, and little to no help from my university. I would be risking completely bankrupting myself and spending all of my life-savings. Flying home to the UK if I was unhappy would be impossible (800+ dollars) and as hardly any people speak English in South America, relying on that would not be possible either. Lastly, I would be stepping off that plane not knowing a single person on that entire continent, with only the name and telephone number of my future boss, whom I'd never met. No idea what to expect. Me being me, I took the crazy option and applied for an internship teaching English in Argentina. Now, almost 8 months later, I can say it was the best decision of my life so far. I moved to Argentina and lived with an Argentine host family for 4 months. Met a great bunch of friends, dated an Argentinean girl for a few months, and traveled all over the country. Then, due to my boss trying to con me/steal my money (that's another story) I quit my job in Argentina, and without any plan beyond 'look for work' packed my backpack and headed for the Bolivian border. I then backpacked 6000km through Bolivia, Peru and Ecuador, and arrived in Colombia 2 months later. Met and traveled with some amazing people, and saw some of the places i'd always wanted to visit. Then, by luck more than anything, I found voluntary work teaching Spanish to illiterate kids on the Caribbean coast, and am still here now - have an apartment here with a couple of the other teachers here. Built up another great bunch of friends here, and seeing a fantastic Colombian girl. Still got another 2 months left here, and loving every second. So, thanks to taking the massive risk and choosing the crazy rather than safe option, I'm now fluent in Spanish, have experience teaching both English and Spanish, have lived in both Argentina and Colombia, and traveled in Chile, Bolivia, Peru and Ecuador. I think it definitely paid off.
Jay Dub's taking over in here. Interesting; walking away from all those pseudo friends was extremely easy for me. Haven't talked to any of them in 15+ years and don't miss them a bit. Any other JW's want to chime in and we can really derail this thread?
This is only tangentially relevant to the thread, but I have to ask: How did you guys deal with the nagging doubts inside of your heads? I ask because I'm at the point in my life where I have been waking up feeling completely defeated and questioning the series of bad choices I've made to even get this far in my life. Many of the typical recommendations such as working out or developing hobbies serve as temporary distractions for as long as I'm doing them, but then the anxiety soon returns. If this is way too off topic, could a mod please delete this? Thanks!
For me? I deal with them like people. I make them children in my head and I one by one dismantle their reasonings. Then if that doesn't work I compartmentalize and keep it moving. At that point if your own self doubts won't listen to reason the only thing that you can do is show them. Show them by doing. And then their bullshit excuses and bullshit derailings have no power over you. I get waking up feeling defeated and questioning but that shit is a waste of fucking time. Harden the fuck up and get to it even if you have to fake it first. Don't distract yourself from what you have to do. If to get where you are you had to set some kittens on fire then go work out that shit at an animal shelter. Do what you gotta do.
I've had two major challenges in my life; my first post college job and getting sober. I was hired at a job fair for a retail computer sales job which in 1993 was very lucrative. I spent a year between high school and college selling computers for another retail so the general manager thought I'd be perfect. This was not the case for the store manager who after reviewing my resume told me "Well, I didn't hire you, wouldn't have based on this resume. I don't think this is going to work out but we need coverage on the floor." Sweet. Thanks asshole. He micromanaged me for a year and I ended up being the #3 salesman out of 11 in the store. The 2 ahead of me in sales had mostly corporate accounts so most of their jobs were processing purchase orders. I did the majority of my sales selling Apple products and services on a retail sales floor and I think the main reason I did so well was that I worked 11:00am - 7:00pm so I got the lunch and after work rushes. Plus I had something to prove to that little fucker. Getting sober & maintaining sobriety is hard and very personal to me so I won't go on much about it. I was used to waking up, using heroin to start & get thru the day, & ending with a couple of dozen cocktails at nite. I did this for about 15 years so not doing it daily was quite a switch but I believe sobriety is all about personal responsibility and thats what I had to do.
Everyone's made bad choices in life. You can do one of three things: keep making them and expect a different result; dwell on them and live a life of regret; learn from them and grow. Sounds like you're suffering from existential angst.
Aha, at least I encouraged the fucker. Here's the link to the thread: <a class="postlink-local" href="http://www.theidiotboard.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1725" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1725</a> And from what I can tell, no one claimed you'd wind up in gay porn. People mostly used the thread as an opportunity to talk shit about LA. But who knows, I didn't read it word for word. I did feel compelled to look it up because I had a post in it: Spoiler Goddamn, am I inspiring or what. And dude, I hope the fact that you moved to LA and managed to make money off your music matters a hell of a lot more than shoving it in the face of a bunch of mean internet strangers who were shockingly unsupportive.
I would say the main reason for this thread was to provide some kind of thanks and closure to the people who supported me, but there's no interesting focus there.
It's rough. Self Confidence is the hardest thing to get back after shit goes sideways. Realizing that even if you're not at absolute rock bottom, but you're not all that far from it and that you're not as good as you thought you were sucks. Drugs (predominantly ones that a doctor said I needed) kept me intact enough to get through it. And from life falling apart to shit coming together wasn't a short process. It was a couple of years. But fundamentally, an inescapable proclivity towards dreaming and imagining better things, and a hard kernel of rage got me through it. I have, to quote a high school teacher, an amazing capacity for imagining a pleasant future. I've spent my entire life dreaming about orgies with gorgeous women and working with fascinating things and having the money to really enjoy being a decadent westerner. The ability to imagine those things for myself when my life was falling apart was pretty diminished. But it was still there. Anger has always been my primary catalyst for things. When I get pissed off enough, things change. It wasn't quick, and I didn't get the direction for my anger right, not the first time, and not the 10th time. But the frustration at shitty situations that weren't working and the desire for the better things got to be enough that I just found the motivation to keep trying different things until I got somewhere that worked.