The fact that I sincerely doubt my ability to turn down the vast amount of hot girls who prance around my college is one of several reasons why I don't date at the moment. In the words of a great fictional character, "When we cross the Bridge of Swords into the Otherworld, brother, we won't regret the battles we didn't fight, we'll regret the women we passed by". At the same time, I know a fair few guys who are dating and don't let that stop them in the slightest. Fuck that. Ironically, despite the admittedly vast number of notches on my bedpost, the ONE time I've ever had an STD was when a longterm partner gave me thrush. That cunt. Slightly Deviant Focus: I had a long discussion with some friends once about whether sleeping with a prostitute is cheating, or at the very least if it's as bad as "regular" cheating. I still maintain it's not. To cheat, you have to (as a rule) go out and actively make an effort to interest and intrigue a girl to the point where she wants to let you put your pee-pee in her pah-pah. With a prostitute, you're basically talking about an assisted masturbation session. She's just a tool you've picked to get you off, there's no emotional connection. Likewise, I believe I'd be shattered if my significant other ever cheated on me, but I'd take it a lot less seriously, for the above reasons, if she'd hired some dude to do so. I'm just curious about other people's input.
Someone add a poll to this. 1. Yes I have, and it was great. 2. Yes I have, and I wouldn't again. 3. No, but I would if no one found out 4. No, and I never would, no matter what 5. I'm just here to fuck a guy with one kidney
That was one of the things that really irked me about it. The entire tone and discussion of it never once mentioned the fact that women may also cheat.
There are two reasons women cheat (that I have seen). 1. No emotional connection anymore 2. No physical connection anymore (generally stemming from boredom, which leads to number one)
I think this is ridiculous. Why is fucking some girl in a bar not "assisted masturbation"? Why could you not use a prostitute to form a false emotional connection the same as you could use a stranger in a bar, or a friend? And why have you arbitrarily drawn the line at "emotional sex"? I'd suggest that most people don't need the "emotional" part to consider it cheating. What if I can easily separate out emotions from sex - does that mean it's okay to cheat all the time, since it's always just assisted masturbation? Anyway... I can't do it. Cheat, that is. Too much guilt. By the same token, that's pretty much a deal breaker in a relationship. I'm very trusting in relationships, and I don't think I could move past it if my partner cheated. I'd constantly be thinking about it, worried about it when they were out and wondering about the guys they hang out with. To the best of my knowledge, I've never been cheated on and I just don't think it's something I could accept and compartmentalize.
I could never cheat. This is exactly why, and the reason why I wonder why anyone cheats. I think more people need to be honest with themselves when their relationship isn't going like they want and probably talk to their partner about. I've been the other guy and frankly all it did was hurt me. I went into the "relationship" with the hopes of actually having a relationship with her. I loved her and I thought she loved me but she did too many things to make me feel like shit. I'm starting to think she was right when she said "once a cheater always a cheater." I wasted too much time on that shitty "relationship." Edit: It's nice to see that in a depraved environment such as this one, the members are truly good people!
No. People who use statistics comparing us to other primates or animals are ones who want to justify cheating. I mean, humans are the only primates who will slash my tires while screaming "I will cut a bitch!" in a jealous rage, too. It feels natural to me - not always being exclusive, but once you are exclusively in a committed relationship. To me, that's part of the bond you form of sharing yourself only with each other. And speaking of statistics: WTF, Dcc? No politics doesn't apply to you? If that's true, there's a ton of reasons other than the "Repuplicans are repressed closet sex fiend hypocrites" or whatever shit you were implying. Like, for instance the Super Bowl takes place on one day and the convention is 3x longer. But, you know, whatever.
Jesus, I had to check the web address to make sure this wasn't a Christian Dating site. Given the proposition above, i.e. 'could you get away with it,' would I? Yup. However, that being said, the second part of the focus, 'no such assurance can ever truly exist' is the kicker. Meaning, no, in real life I wouldn't. Not just because 'getting caught' has repercussions to me, but because the pain it would inflict on my wife. If the whole 'wouldn't do it because I know I'd get caught' somehow makes it a morally inferior position, so be it. But if there were TRULY no consequences? Yeah, of course I'd love the opportunity to have sex with new women.
Well, now that someone brave has said it first, I will second this notion. I love The Dude immensely, but if there were some way that I could bang whomever I'd like without any painful blowback on him, or any exposure-related negative consequences for me...I would do it. I assume the arrangement would work the other way as well, with The Dude banging whomever he likes without me finding out? Fine by me. I've always said that he's welcome to cheat as long as he's good enough to never, ever get caught.
I was a serial cheater until I was 23 years old. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, taunted me about it and then spread it all over his fraternity that I was so stupid I didn't know he had done it until months later. I still hope he dies a horrible AIDS related death. But, it opened my eyes to what I was doing with someone else's emotions. I recognized my "triggers" to cheat (old, lingering feelings for ex's) so I severed ties with the ones I knew had the power to tempt me. I never cheated on my ex-husband. I admit that I fantasize about what sex would be like with people I know, but I'd never act on it. The guilt would be enough to rip my insides to shreds. I don't want to hurt the boyfriend in that way, ever. Not to mention that I sometimes feel like I'm 33 years old, I'm getting too old for that kind of bullshit. Maybe in college when I wasn't trying to juggle a high stress career and how I was going to pay my bills, sure. Now? Ain't got time for that shit.
Depends on the circumstances. I am probably way more okay with cheating than the rest of this board, only because sexual loyalty is such an odd concept to me. I mean, I certainly appreciate it! But it's not required for a successful, happy relationship with me. I would most definitely be very irritated that he let me catch him, though. There are so many things you can do to eliminate potential fallout from a cheating incident (or series of incidents). If you won't take basic precautions to make sure my feelings aren't unnecessarily tweaked, you really don't care about me and that hurts more than anything.
"I’m not mad at you for cheating, I'm made because your stupid." Yeah I don't get it. I don't know about anyone else, but if my partner said to me that it was ok for me to cheat so long as I don't get caught, all I would be thinking about is if she's cheating on me. Then again I'm a pretty jealous person.
I've cheated multiple times on multiple girls, usually it was spur of the moment and it was take it or go home. I've rarely regretted it since I've only had a couple of serious relationships and many more that weren't serious. Its not something I'm proud of; these past couple of years I've gotten pretty tired of having meaningless sex with people I don't have any emotional connection to. Will I continue to do so? Yes; I have a serious lack of control over my libido. As it stands right now, since my ex-fiancee and I have split less than a year ago I've had as many as seven short-term girlfriends and more dates than I can count. I didn't have sex with them all, but I've had a few of them. A few of those girlfriends were concurrent, for example I had three girlfriends at the same time from August until October and I was actively fucking two of them. (Before you ask, I didn't have any group sex.) I was honest with them that I was seeing other women, so I really don't consider that cheating. At this moment I have two girlfriends and I'm talking to a couple of other potential love interests and one possible fuck buddy. If I hop into bed with them I doubt I'll have any regrets over it. So make of that what you will. I'm not endowed with a especially large dick or a silver tongue, I just have yet to find one single woman that I can be faithful to. If I find that one particular woman, I'd probably stop cheating and sleeping around.
But here's what I don't understand. If cheating is acceptable, assuming it's kept off the books, why not just openly acknowledge seeing other people without rubbing it in the other's face? Open relationships, while I wouldn't engage in them, have an element of honesty that cheating clearly lacks. Why open yourself and your partner up to that sort of grief when y'all could just sit down and say, hey, I love you but I don't want to sexually commit to you? Umm. Sorry if I'm being a grammar nazi, but I'm quite certain that you can commit, you just choose not to. And you sound like a super catch, what with how you'll probably stop fucking other girls when you find that special lady. Where do I sign up?
That's not far off the mark, I'm not going to argue with you on that. If I honestly wanted to I could reign in my sex drive and actually commit to one person. Which if you want to sign up, send me a private message with your legal name, address, social security number, and a full body photograph.
No I would never cheat. I've been cheated on and it's the worst feeling in the world. I could never do that do another person. Because of my experiences of being cheated on, I could also never be the guy that a girl is cheating on her boyfriend/husband with.
While I have been absolutely awful about (and at) the whole monogamy thing in the past, I have to agree with this statement. I am always horrified and stunned by people who condemn cheating, say it's intolerable, that you are a piece of shit for doing so, etc., but feel no moral problem in being the person someone they know to be in a relationship cheats with. They make the excuse that the situation is solely the problem and the blame of the person who is in the relationship. It really boggles my mind. I simply can't wrap my head around the fundamental inability to take responsibility and ownership of your own actions. I find the hypocrisy worse than lying and deception.
I'm not sure where you got the "rubbing it in the other's face" part, but my response was based on the (wholly impossible) assumption that there was a 100% foolproof way of banging whomever you'd like without your partner finding out. This scenario pretty much operates like an open relationship, only without the communication part. And since there is no risk of exposure, minus the "dealing with random twinges of jealousy" part as well. And minus the honesty, of course. But in the real world, such guarantees can't be made. Even with the most carefully laid plans, there will always be a possibility that his/my cheating will come to light and hurt everyone involved. However, if you're a masterfully organized person who can smoothly orchestrate multiple partners without dropping the ball... Real talk: He doesn't cheat on me...I feel loved. He cheats on me, but I never find out about it...I feel loved. He cheats on me and I find out...I feel pissed. I don't really care about anything that comes in front of the ellipses.