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Would you cheat if you could?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dcc001, Jan 24, 2013.

  1. Dcc001

    Dcc001
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    There's a documentary on CBC right now entitled, "Why Men Cheat."

    Some interesting points brought up so far:

    - Humans are the only primates who are monogamous.
    - Humans are part of roughly 1% of all animals who are monogamous.
    - The majority of men surveyed said that they would cheat, given the opportunity and the assurance they would not get caught.
    - When the Republican National Convention for 2012 was held, the strip clubs and escorts in Tampa saw roughly 3x more business than they did during the Superbowl.
    - Men who admitted to cheating insisted that the extramarital acts had nothing to do with how much they did or did not love their wives - it was merely sexual opportunity.

    Focus: Would you ever cheat on your partner, if you were assured that you could get away with it? (Make believe scenario here. Obviously, in real life, no such assurance can ever truly exist.)

    Alt. Focus: Is monogamy common? Natural? Are you inclined to monogamy, or is it just a social construct we've invented?
     
  2. Crown Royal

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    I've never been a cheater, or had the desire. I've had a great relationship for ten years that has had very few chinks in the armour. I also haven't had many girlfriends, I was single most of my young life by choice.

    I know plenty of people that cheat, who have been cheated on, and I always find being neutral about it is the best course. We're all individuals, the thing about cheating that people need to get straight is that when a person cheats, it doesn't mean that they don't love/care about the person they're cheating on.

    90% of cheating usually isn't hate-fucks, or revenge, or a statistic. It's Old vs. New. Spur of the moment "I'm bored and horny" instantly regrettable bullshit. It's such a debatable topic between people, though. There are always various reasons why people do it, whether they regret it and how much, and its whole morailty in general. Then comes the back-talk, the gossip, the rumours, then you get caught. I can't imagine what that feels like. I can only imagine it feels like the icy, boney hand of Death tapping you on the shoulder.
     
  3. ghettoastronaut

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    The mere title of that CBC documentary is fucking ridiculous.

    As for the question. In a word? No. If I did, why would I be in the relationship in the first place?
     
  4. JWags

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    Cheating is weird when when I think about it. Not the physical aspect, that I totally get. Its the emotional one. How someone can claim to love or care about a significant other while routinely engaging in behavior that would very much hurt the other if they found out.

    I've never cheated, but I completely understand how. Ive been in happy relationships and totally felt the tinge of missing the feeling of going out and knowing it was an open field to play, and the adrenaline charge from meeting a new girl and getting along well.

    I also find it funny, talking to guys I know that are regular cheaters, they are horrified at the thought of their girlfriends doing the same. Its the height of hypocrisy.
     
  5. Crown Royal

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    That is so common in society it's retarded. Guys who cheat with remorse, then the next night will punch out some stranger simply for talking to his girlfriend at the bar. It's like listening to Paula Abdul bitch about pill-poppers.
     
  6. ghettoastronaut

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    Seems to me a classic case of Freudian projection. "I routinely want to sleep with other people, so rather than deal with that fact, I'm going to project that behaviour onto you and act as though you're about to sleep with that guy".

    Also: strip clubs, reference the fact that Tampa strip clubs had a lot more business during the RNC convention. I spent a few summers living near Montreal and on the weekends, sometimes there'd be strip clubs involved. I had a girlfriend at the time; I remember one girl was particularly shocked that I'd do such a thing when I had a girlfriend. But my girlfriend had kind of encouraged me to go (on the basis that "I kind of want to know what they're like inside") and I plainly told her that I had gone, and went with some female friends, and shared lap dances with them. Fair enough, it's not cheating, she was totally ok with it. If she had a really big problem with it and told me ahead of time, I'm not 100% sure on what I would have done. I suppose by the most objective logic I can think of, if she told me that she would have been hurt by me going to a strip club, then, well, fuck, it'd be a violation of some sort to go. But really, I don't regard simply watching other naked women as cheating (I'd still watch porn, moreso when we were apart) or consider going to a strip club as being hurtful towards an absent partner. Would I have gone against her wishes and simply never told her? Maybe. But at the same time, if she had sat me down and told me she would be hurt by me doing it, what's the point of being in a relationship with her if all I'm going to do is ignore her? God damn this whole "having integrity" bullshit.

    Then again, I'm single now, and really have no interest in visiting strip clubs anyways. And honestly the only circumstances under which I might want to go is if a lady-friend really wanted to go with me.
     
  7. iczorro

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    Cheated once, in my early 20s. I was overseas, my girlfriend never knew. I didn't like myself for it for a long time. I grew up with a Dad who was a chronic cheater, and even when it was out in the open, looking back it affected the mood in the house.

    So, no. Wouldn't ever cheat again.

    I did, however have a girl cheating on her husband with me for about a year. It was kinda awesome. All the good parts of the relationship, none of the responsibility. Didn't feel bad at all at the time. Now, I think about how I would feel if I was being cheated on, and I don't think I'd do it again.
     
  8. lust4life

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    It depends. If by cheating you mean using the other hand, then yes.

    Speaking of which, do you know at what age men stop masturbating? Neither do I, but I know its not 50.
     
  9. NotaPharmacist

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    The RNC stat is bunk if it was the 2001 game (not if it was 2009). In Tampa in 2001 (when the Super Bowl was there), the city had an ordinance requiring strippers to be six feet away from customers, and it was enforced for another six months after the game. It no longer is: <a class="postlink" href="http://gawker.com/5939384/how-joe-redner-invented-the-lap-dance-built-a-strip+club-empire-became-a-model-citizen-fought-for-your-rights-and-beat-cancer" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://gawker.com/5939384/how-joe-redne ... eat-cancer</a>.

    On focus: I've cheated up until I was a year out of college. A few times, and enough to make me never want to do it again.
     
  10. Pussy Galore

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    That pretty much sums up my feelings on cheating. Either be in a relationship or don't, but don't half-ass the commitment. Whether you do damage to yourself or not, you're likely damaging another person without their consent.

    I'm a serial monogamist. I take comfort in being part of a couple. When committed, I don't contemplate what it would be like to be with someone else, and if I ever had that thought, I'd end my relationship before exploring it.

    Also, gonorrhea. Fucking sluts.
     
  11. Stealth

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    So, in order to be balanced and fair, have they made a documentary on Why Women Cheat?
     
  12. sisterkathlouise

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    These things. Not only would I never want to cheat on Boyfriend, I would never ever want to inflict that kind of pain. Every so often I dream-cheat on him, and I always wake up feeling icky and guilty. I can't imagine what a pile of shit I would feel like if I cheated in real life.
     
  13. audreymonroe

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    I would never cheat on someone. Well, with the obvious exception of if, say, James Deen or Ryan Gosling was like "Hey, let's have sex." Then, I would probably toss my morals aside, momentarily. But, in all seriousness, monogamy is something that I care about and that I'm striving for, in the long run. I can casually date easily, but I'm not someone who jumps into an actual relationship just because I've been single for a few days. If I'm in a real relationship, I take that shit seriously. I'm in it because I really care about that person. (I think a lot of cheating happens just because someone's desperate to be able to say that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but don't truly care about the relationship itself.) I just couldn't fuck around and cheat because I was horny or bored or angry.

    I have, however, been "the other woman" a strange number of times. I was only aware of it beforehand once, and that was the only time it was an ongoing thing, even though I wouldn't go so far as to call it an affair or anything. I never really felt too bad about it (or any of the other times when I didn't know he was cheating until afterwards). It was his decision, we had already had a history, and I didn't respect his girlfriend or their relationship. But, it would be very unlikely that I would knowingly be the cheatee if the opportunity ever rises again. There'd have to be something else in it other than some random hookup. I wouldn't ever consider it if he was married, and I wouldn't ever try doing the affair thing (partially for selfish reasons, but still).

    On the other hand, cheating isn't the automatic dealbreaker for me as it is with a lot of people. I've had two serious long-term boyfriends and both of them have cheated on me and I moved past it pretty easily and it didn't end the relationship. When I look back on each relationship, there are many more things that I consider to be more hurtful and damaging than their cheating that I care a whole lot more about. I almost forget that it happened, even. Of course, there are plenty of ways that I would consider cheating to be a much bigger deal, and an end of a relationship - if it was a full-blown affair situation, or if who it was that he was cheating on me with particularly twisted the knife, or any other case-by-case factors. But, so far, it has been hurtful and upsetting but, in the end, not something I care a lot about.
     
  14. Cult

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    Focus: I'd like to tell myself that I wouldn't but I've never been in a situation where I thought I could get away with it.

    Alt Focus: Monogamy is kind of a bullshit expectation society has placed on people, and people who don't stay faithful aren't punished unless caught by their significant others. Currently I'm stationed overseas at a base where the male to female ratio is right about 10 to 1 and it's an unaccompanied tour so no one has their family with them. Cheating is widespread. Granted there are people who have agreements with their significant others (or at least they claim to) that they can do what they want while separated, but I know that isn't the case for many. Plus just other random individual instances I've seen make me tend to think monogamous relationships just aren't for a lot of people. I was in a tight circle of friends and we had one guy fucking another guys girlfriend behind his back for months. Another friend sent her boyfriend a homemade video of her getting a train run on her. Shit like that if it were to happen to me I think I would lose my shit. Fortunately I've never had a girlfriend cheat on me, at least to my knowledge, just after all this bad shit happening to everyone around me I get the distinct sense my turn is coming and it makes it really hard to trust women or trust other guys around a girlfriend.
     
  15. Pussy Galore

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    I disagree to a point. At least in American society, social acceptance of "alternative" relationships is on the rise. People are marrying at a later age. The idea of long term commitment isn't being forced down our throats the way it was for our parents or our parents' parents. But people of my generation equate being single with being alone, and they can't stand the idea of being alone, so they find themselves a boyfriend or a girlfriend in an attempt to complete themselves rather than working on being complete by themselves. And when they find themselves still incomplete, they get sad or angry and do ridiculous shit like make a home video of their next gangbang and airmail it to their soldier boyfriend because clearly, he's the reason for the unhappiness. he doesn't complete me.

    How else would a cheater be punished, other than if they were caught by the one they cheated on? I think the same rings true for most acts: if not "caught" (or indicated guilty by evidence), how can someone be punished for a wrongful act?
     
  16. kuhjäger

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    I used to be a cheater. Not just meeting a random girl at a party and having sex, I was in multiple relationships at once, living three lives. I am talking full on relationships.

    At my worst I was in three relationships. Two at school, and one long distance.

    I honestly can not tell you why I did it. Part of me I think liked the deceit, the challenge in keeping stories straight, and who doesn't want to have a variety of girls to "choose" from when you plan on doing something for a night. Mostly I think I just liked being liked. None of them ever found out about each other, and moving out of the country for a year made it easy to sever ties with them without any issues.

    But thinking back, I really feel bad about it. I could have hurt them badly had they found out, but to be honest, at the time I would have probably been more disappointed at having been found out than the pain I would have caused. Not to mention safety risks that come when you have sex with one girl in the morning, and then later in the day you meet up with another, and have sex with her too without even showering in-between. At the time I thought it was pretty bad ass, now I look back in shame.

    I honestly don't know what changed. Maybe it was because I met jägerette and realized that I didn't want to fuck things up, or perhaps I just didn't have the energy to keep up the lies that come with it anymore, but I haven't fucked around since. I think I got it out of my system.
     
  17. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

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    In theory, no. In reality, I don't trust myself or my dick. My dad, who I have a lot in common with personality wise, cheated on my mom after like 25-30 years of marriage (may have before that as well, but that's the only one I know about). I'm still very good friends/have a lot of sexual tension and strong chance of getting back together at some point with one of my recent exes, who is very bisexual, and I'd be lying if I said that that wasn't a strong point in her favor (don't have to worry about cheating if my girlfriend/wife is just as eager as I am to go out to the bar and bring home a random girl).
     
  18. E. Tuffmen

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    No. Not only am I madly in love with my wife, but the guilt would destroy me. And really, I can't imagine the sex being any better with someone else.
     
  19. whathasbeenseen

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    While the idea of someone else on the surface level ("Damn, that girl is hot as fuck...") seems awesome I don't think I could even get my nut up to talk to her let alone go any further. I can imagine the look on my wife's face if she found out. I don't think I could ever look at her again and I know that there would always be a rift between us. It has taken too much work getting this relationship to this stage to fuck it up over nutting in a strange pussy.

    Beyond that I have been cheated on. When I knocked on that dude's door and she answered it I have never been closer to homicide in my life. I had to call a friend to talk me through driving away and then home so that I didn't evacuate every mortal coil in that abode. I can't do that to someone else.
     
  20. Juice

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    No I wouldn't, nor have I ever. It's such an awful feeling, I couldn't do that to someone. Let alone my girlfriend. That would absolutely break her heart.