THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TOO MUCH DAMN BACON!!! That turtle thing looks fucking disgusting. I mean it looks cool as hell, but that, and any other "bacon, wrapped in BACON, covered with CHEESE, COOVERED IN BAXCON!!!1!!1" type recipes are gross. I love bacon. I'm not trying to be a bacon hater. I just hate it when people pretend that eating a gallon (take a milk jug, fill it with bacon, then WRAP IN IT BACON, then...) of bacon wouldn't make you vomit. Think of it this way: Obviously boobs are the greatest invention since vaginas, but these? No thanks!
I can't find it on youtube, but go listen to a snippet called "Dog Treat", by Tom Waits. Lyrics/transcript below, for those interested. Spoiler Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh... Most of us have dogs, allright? (applause) I don't know if it's a local thing where I live, or if it's everywhere, and I'm checking it with you because uh, I don't get in the area that often and I'm just checking to see if... There's a new kind of a dog treat. And uh (where I live) and they're available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a frank. Or uh... I wasn't really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said "Bull Penis" (laughter). I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world. You can get a whale's pancreas if you'd want one! I can get you one! (laughter) But c'mon, a bull's penis! How busy they were their whole lives. And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! (laughter) Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren't they? Doesn't that make you a little weazy? Makes you wanna live a long time. And on the back, on the bottom it said: "100% natural"! I mean... that's the part that really got me. And it said: "A Real Meat Snack". There's just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway... The other thing is that they're 36 inches long! (laughter). They're so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions. And then they take two of them and braid them together. I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh... This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom... That's a lie!
That's what they make canned dog food out of, Dix. For a hot dog to legally be considered a beef hot dog, it only has to be 51% beef. To be a Kosher hot dog it has to be 100% beef. So then what is the other 49%? Horse cock? Dog testicles? Butcher's thumbs? Hey, that's a good question: What DO they do with horse/bull/sheep/goat/hog penises? I mean, those things are pretty big, so there would be a lot of meat on them, and it would be a waste to just throw them out. Does anyone know?[/quote]