Shoot that bitch and grill his ass up. And since you already have one bearskin rug, I'll take it off your hands.
Those are all different bears in each pic. I had a sloth of 5 bears (yes, a group of bears is called a sloth), come through last week. Come home from grocery shopping, and there are 5 of the fuckers standing on my lawn; a momma bear, 3 cubs (never seen 3 before), and a 2 or so year old male. Next week, it's on.
Do you have tags for hunting those things? And more to the point- what's a homie gotta do to get a rug up in this bitch?
Somewhat related story. My family went camping in Colorado one summer and a bear got into our shit. I slept through the whole thing and my dad scared it off with a flashlight without having to shoot the damn thing, but it did leave a huge claw mark in our brand new jumbofamilysized kethup container. I probably showed that bottle to my friends fifty times telling some exaggerated bullshit story about how a bear attacked our camp. Most bad ass ketchup bottle ever.
We do have bear tags, but it's not bear season yet. It'd effectively be poaching, except for the fact they're considered a deadly nuisance at this point, and really, it'd be hard to find a jury that would think otherwise. It's a case of the laws being stupid and unreasonable, and being able to safeguard your property against dangerous wildlife. The Wildlife officers are on my side, and that's all I need to hear. The problem is that there is so much snowpack this year, like record amounts, that it's pushing all the wildlife down off the mountains to find food. It was bad last year, but even worse this year. And it's also causing a ton of flooding right now, as the snow pack is just starting to melt, and it's melting kind of fast. Combine that with stupid people that don't deal with garbage properly, and you get bears trained to associate people noise with tasty num-nums, and they stop being skittish. For instance, in this first video I posted a few days ago: That bear exhibited proper "HOLY FUCK I'VE GOT TO RUN AWAY AS FAST AS I CAN" behaviour. This bear, from last year, was the exact opposite. I tapped on the glass, and it stopped, looked at me, and then came towards me. WHAT. THE. FUCK. That is the exact opposite reaction and behaviour a black bear should exhibit. I continued to yell and move around to scare it away, but she came towards me, looked at me through the window, walked down the deck a few feet, and tried to push my door in with her two front paws. By that point, I had my shotgun loaded and with me, in case she did make it into the house. (On a few occasions, I've not quite closed/locked that door, so there was a bit of a chance her pushing on it could actually have opened it and let her into the house). All kidding aside, it was an adrenalizing few minutes. Lately, though, there's a young cub roaming around that is NOT showing the proper fear response to people or noise. Like this video. That's why I make the comment in the vid that I do; it's not showing fear, and it WILL become a dangerous and problem bear, and it will be shot, I have no doubt. When I tapped that glass, it should have run away. Last year the Wildlife officers killed 5 or so bears within 500 yards of my house because they were no longer afraid of people, and were wandering around the park with tons of screaming kids in the area. (Hell, I'M afraid of screaming kids). They were becoming aggressive and territorial and hungry. Not a good combination. And as much as I'd love to send you a bear skin rug, the paperwork would be damn near impossible. It's hard enough shipping an animal rug across the country, never mind across the Canada/US border. Seriously... I made that mistake when I flew back to BC with my first bear skin rug that my parents made me (I shot the bear, and unknown to me, they had the skin preserved and mounted into a rug). The box got inspected at the airport, and I missed my flight as the RCMP dragged me into their interrogation room and asked me for my animal parts shipping paperwork. I'm allowed to ship the parts, as I was the hunter, but I had no idea I needed special paperwork. It got kind of serious in a hurry, but luckily I had some pics of the hunt with me as well, and they finally realized I wasn't some Asian gang smuggling bear galls, and it was just a gift from my folks, and let me go.
I always found it interesting that people just don't realize how crafty these fuckers are. People think "bear" and think "half-retarded bumbling brute." Those things are SMART. Hiking in the Adirondacks, the rangers there told us that we couldn't use any sort of bear bags; the bears knew that if there was a dangling rope, pulling on it would magically produce food. We couldn't hook our bags on carabiners and put them onto the steel wires over Marcy Dam; the bears would walk on the freaking line, (50 feet up) snag the bags, and pull them off. You couldn't even climb a tree and dangle a bag off a high branch; the bears would climb to a higher branch, jump, and grab the bag on the way down. So, instead we got "bear canisters," which are basically big Nalgenes that you stick under a rock somewhere. The rangers flat-out told us, "These things won't stop a bear. They just make it frustrating and annoying, and hopefully the bear will find some other dipshit camper and take his stuff instead." The first night we actually spent in the backcountry, a bear found one of them. The thing looked like it had been in a war zone; the bear had tried clawing it, then gnawed it, and then got pissed and slammed it a bunch of times on a rock before giving up. We took a look at it and said, "Yep, they're out there." We then thought, "Hmm... we're the smart group. I wonder how the idiots are doing?" Our Boy Scout troop, on trips, divided into "experienced" campers, which were people who knew how to hike, and "beginner" campers, who were fucking retarded. They spent the week at Marcy Dam, making day trips around the place. A bunch of them decided to leave food in their lean-tos so they could stuff their fat faces during the night. We come back from a week of hiking to find a bunch of very hungry kids. The bears didn't come, but the raccoons did, and they completely cased the joint. We laughed at them. Fucking stupid.
Am I the only one wondering why you're wondering? Have you not heard about the potential trampoline party at my place? (Best reason yet to get rid of the bears).
You have to be kidding me. I just went to my cousin's wedding registry, and there is so much expensive shit on there it is unbelievable. Now, I am one of those annoying people who hates material goods, and hates getting gifts to boot, so our wedding registry last year totaled 700 dollars in total goods. The only reason we had one was because people insist on giving you shit, even if you have been living together for years. We also told our youngest family members to not get us anything as they all had kids who could use money more than us. There was a suitcase on my cousin's registry that cost more than my wife and I's entire registry. To hell with it, I am slipping them a 50 and pretending to be poor. Bourgeois fucks.
<a class="postlink" href="http://vimeo.com/23885207" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://vimeo.com/23885207</a>
I'll be starting to drink when most of you will be tucked in quietly sleeping through a hangover. I should be home from work at 7:00AM and then I get to enjoy 1 or 6 of the yeunglings in the fridge before I pass out for some sleep. I also bought a variety Leinenkugels summer variety. I've enjoyed the hell out of it. Most of the beers are very light, but tasty as hell.
It's officially 5/21. Spoiler alert: I'm not going anywhere. And fuck all the 5/21 believers...everyone KNOWS the real end of the world is 12/21/12. We have a whole other year. And whohooooo for that. I have a whole lot of mess to sort out and new people to bang. PS. I'm way fucked up. Shrooming even. Oh boy. Such an example for youth. Happy Rapture!
Holy way too long post. My brain just exploded. Woah! Shit...there's two of 'em. Fuck. Can't process.
This is pretty amusing. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.wecantknow.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.wecantknow.com/</a>