It seems no matter how much older I get, me and my friends mature at no rate whatsoever. Last night, my best friend left a memorable message on my home answering machine. Now, keep in mind we are both thirty-three years old, married, and have kids yet he leaves this fr my wife to hear: (with an abosultely perfectly disguised gay lisp) "Yo [Crown] this is Lance. We met at that new nightbclub The United Queendom last weekend for shirtless friday. Anyhoo, you promised you'd call me back and still haven't, you big big tease. Anyway, this song reminded me of you: Then, he plays a crystal-clear recording of Prince's When Doves Cry for it's entire duration ending afterwars with: "You can run, but you can't hide BIG BOY!!!" Fucking asshole. Thank God I love revenge. Focus: What are some of the memorable ways you and your friends fuck with each other? Was there tasty revenge that followed?
Oh, that makes it okay then. All this time I was thinking it was one of your friends, which would have been weird.
I had an ongoing joke with one of my friends that her boyfriend was a homosexual. He was really into musical theater and she was kind of clueless about men. We were both friends with her boyfriend's roommate and the roommate was always trying to break them up, so whenever he would go on a tirade about everything that was wrong with her boyfriend, I would have to add "Plus, he's probably gay." Cut to a few months later and she's buying a strap-on so she can give him anal sex. They didn't last long after that.
A couple years back we were drinking at my buddies apartment, and in my severely intoxicated state, I figured it would be funny to take my shirt off, put on a hard hat and pose for a picture leaning against the balcony railing with a beer in one hand and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. It is the single worst, most embarrassing picture of me that has ever been taken. The real shit started about a year later when the guy who's apartment we were at and a girl we were friends with decided to "bling up" the picture in a couple different ways. Today there is a group on Facebook in which 2-3 of my friends photoshop that picture of me into various historic photos or screen captures of movies. I'll admit that some of them are pretty damned funny, but it does piss me off a little when they put it on facebook for everyone I know to see. I have yet to find a way to fuck with them in return. Some day...
When my friends got married in 1999, the bride had a realistic penis straw from her bachelorette party that made its way out to a few parties. Unfortunately, I have (at least) a roll of film of me attacking random men with my penis (straw) hanging out of my zipper. Fortunately, nobody remembers what film is and won't be able to develop it. Also, they're going to feel reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllll stupid when they see dead hooker collection and think embarrassing photos intimidate me.
One time I forgot my phone at a buddies house. They started texting another of our buddies that talked about me "having feelings" for this buddy and then telling him to "forget I ever talked about this." They didn't tell either of us about it for a few days. I've signed friends up, and had myself signed up for them, for random stupid bill-me-later magazine subscriptions. We have a ceramic penis handle mug that goes to whoever had the last birthday. Putting stupid shit on each others facebook if you can get someones phone.
My old roommate subscribed to two different hardcore gay porn magazines under my name. When they showed up in the mail, he tossed them on my lap and said something like, "Why are we getting gay porn addressed to you? Is there something you want to tell me?" Real funny, fucker. I had to send a letter to the publishers to cancel my subscription. As a result of this prank, I ended up on a bunch of mailing lists, so started getting huge amounts of gay/weird fetish porn junk mail. Shortly after that, I got deployed to Iraq. I changed my home address to my parents' place, so guess where all the porn junk mail went? The whole year I was gone my parents got porn junk mail almost every day. Apparently my dad thought the fliers advertising things like "Pregnant and Hairy" and "Naughty Nonagenarians" were the funniest fucking thing he's ever seen. I moved two times before I didn't get that shit in the mail anymore.
The friend I mentioned in the first post of this thread and another particularly sadistic buddy faxed my resume to a gay bar here in town WHILE IT WAS HIRING. They changed my interests on it to (verbatim): I found this out, because I got a call asking me to come down for an interview anyways. On the lighter side, it WAS fun to get vengeance by replacing his condom stash with Magnums. I wish I was there to see his date leaving his bedroom laughing her ass off.
I may have posted this before, but here goes. When I had a roommate, there was a weekend a mutual friend came into town. I was at work, so they went out to hit the bars. I came home to my facebook page open with a new status proclaiming my love for men, etc. along with a profile picture of some hairy dude in leather fetish wear. I fixed everything, laughed it off, and closed the window to see my desktop picture was set to a tiled image of a naked dude, legs spread. Yeah, I got a bit of revenge on that one, but it isn't paid off quite yet.
Continuing the whole juvenile gay porn theme, my freshman year in the dorms, we learned pretty quickly to password lock your computer. I had it down to the point where I could jump on your computer, give you a hilarious gay porn background and screensaver, and be out in less than a minute. The screensaver was the best cause we found basically a gay centaur, and often times it wouldnt appear until you left your computer idle for 15 min, often hours after the crime. Pranking each other got a bit boring, but the pair of brothers down the hall, who would set up Madden tournaments and play shirtless with the door open, in the dead of winter in addition to being decidedly creepy, getting them never got old. Especially since it took them 3 months to figure out how to change their damn screensaver. In more sophisticated fashion, I had friends, over summer break, order a dozen 55 gallon drums COD and have them delivered to a friends house. I didn't believe them till I saw the video from across the street. Rural Ohio fools. My roommate continually threatens to prank me in some way, but he is in Dallas 4 days a week on business, so he knows my ability to enact revenge is unsurpassed. Ive told him my method of choice would most likely be to urinate in a bottle and hide it in his closet and close the door. Anyone who has ever forgotten to flush a toilet overnight knows how awful that would be after 4 days.
I think I've told this one before, but I'll tell it again. A few years ago I lived with two girls, both of whom were older than me and were graduating that year. We lived on the top level of a house, while a group of 3 guys lived in the basement. We all got along pretty well, and one day (April Fools of course) one of the guys downstairs and I decided to fuck with one of my roommates. After she left for class, he came upstairs and we hammered out a letter saying that, due to inconsistencies in some of her work for a class, she was being expelled from the university for violating the academic code of conduct. This was even more realistic because she had just done some online quiz that they were supposed to do alone, but she wound up having a big group of classmates get together and they all did it together on their laptops or something. We also said that the professor would be in contact with her by a certain date to discuss details, and that she could feel free to appeal the process until a certain date after that. We put it together in an official looking document/envelope that very closely resembled what the school uses for any other forms of communication, then left it in the mailbox with all the other mail so she could get it when she came home. A couple hours later, she comes in, says hi to me, and I noticed she had the mail in her hand so as soon as she went to her room, I giggled like a little girl and ran to tell the guy downstairs to come up. We stood in the kitchen outside her room and listened to her as she opened the mail, then she just walks out ashen faced saying she's going for a drive. She's normally pretty outgoing and upbeat, and you could tell she was on the verge of tears. This is pretty much the exchange that happened as we followed her outside to the car: Me: Is something wrong? Her (monotone and sounding dazed): No I'm just going for a drive. Guy: Why? Her: I just have to go somewhere and call my dad. Me: You shouldn't drive anywhere. Guy: April Fools! Her (losing it/not cluing in): YOU GUYS BETTER NOT HAVE FUCKED WITH MY FUCKING CAR. I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS RIGHT NOW. Me: No...(girl)...April Fools. Her (silent for a few seconds):.........what? Guy: April Fools, (girl)! Her: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I ALMOST CALLED MY FUCKING DAD. Then she chased us around the house threatening to kill us for a few minutes before breaking down into a mixture of laughter and tears of relief. She said it wasn't funny, then after taking an hour or so to simmer, we started printing off more to take to our other friends. She never did get me back, either.