If you lived in the U.S. for example, the school I went to, the University of Connecticut would cost you about $30,000 a year for an out of state student($21,000 for instate). That is not a top school as much as I love it. So please don't talk to people who face a fortune when you pay less for your entire education than others do for a year.
I appolgize, I forgot to add they each did this for years. One (the female) said she worked half a year/ travelled half a year from when she was 18 until she was 31. To me it makes sense how she couldnt settle down. By the time she came back to live at home permantely, time was running out to find a good man, get married and have a kid or two. She had some bad luck with guys Im told and her biolodgicial clock just wore out.
You have to look at why you travel. My father, for instance, could care less if he ever sets foot on a plane again. He's lived in as many countries as I have (although different ones), for much longer than I ever did. He did it for work, and subsequently he associates travel with hard work, pain-in-the-ass problems and a giant drain of time and energy. Lucrative, yes, but it takes its toll and you pay for the time you spend away in more ways than one. I think that this type of travel is not what the people on this board are advocating. Go someplace to learn and enjoy and do it with enough time so that you can pause to soak up the culture. THAT kind of travel is always worth it. Jesus Christ, how old do you think 31 is? Or 34? Your biological clock isn't "worn out" by then, and unless I missed something guys over 30 still date. Perhaps it's time to leave the 'old' thread to the 'old' people.
There is a world of difference between a bar skank and a "desirable" girlfriend /mate/ wife, ect. Telling the difference is the key to the advice. It was aimed at the few who end up in a long term / marriage with whore. The focus being advice for what you know, I have been to my share of bars. Most of the time it's a meat market. I know alot of dudes that have gotten involved with trash, and it ends in a spectacular nasty redneck divorce. I should have said " Don't marry nasty skank bar trash". Also, what's panthetic about a girl who doesnt do anal? Seems pretty damn normal to me.
No I dont plan on attending any higher education, the only reason Im going to school is to make my resume look better when I go to apply for an apprenticeship to become an electrician. One day I want to own my own electrical contracting company. And yes sir you are correct BL1Y has a law degree. Heres what he said to me about it though in a PM when I asked him how he incured that much debt from that very same post I quoted: Im not trying to be an asshole here, but as he has pointed out, seems to be unimpressed with how his situation turned out. Maybe about how he went to law school, or how there's no jobs for him in his area is up to speculation as I havent asked him about that. Whos fault is it though that you face a fortune to go to school? I want to be an electrician. Im lucky schooling for it dosent cost a whole lot. If I wanted to go to university I would have to bite the bullet, fork over more money and pay the fee for the choice of school I want to go to. Thats life.
Once again, this isn't an international travel issue. If for example your friend has comittment issues that stopped her from living in same country for more than 6 months for 13 years, do you think not travelling internationally might have changed that, or do you think she'd still be in her mid thirties and having problems with comittment? Also, as pointed out - 31 is not that old. Hell 34 isn't that old. My wife was almost 32 when we married. My mum was 37 when I was concieved. If she's 34 and thinks she's missed her chance to find a man - that's because she's an emo whinger - not because she travelled internationally. If her biological clock has run out - it's because she's got a serious medical condition - not because of her age. Sheesh.
Go with your gut. At 31, I'm still playing the "I KNEW I shouldn't have done this/that/something I knew was wrong" game. If you know it isn't right, don't fucking do it. And I don't mean breaking the law or doing something illegal. I mean dating my ex-moron, going to a college I had no interest in, majoring in something totally wrong the first three years, joining a sorority. I did all these things while this shrill little voice in my head was screaming "NO! NO! HEY! Something is NOT right! Listen to me!" I chose to ignore it. Don't do that.
If you know me from the old board, you know that I have a contentious relationship with my old world Greek father. However, at 35, I realize that there are three things he's taught me, combined with a fourth from my oldest uncle (my pseudo dad) that have really rung true and hit home. 1) "People judge you by the friends you have." I've learned this one the hard way. I always thought my dad was full of shit before one of my best guy friends pulled me aside one night and said, "why are you hanging out with those slits? You're better than that." I didn't realize it until then that I was being judged by the company I kept: desperate, lonely, slutty, and just vulgar. Sure, vulgar and slutty might have been true but people didn't need to know that until AFTER they knew me. 2) "Always hold your position." This one comes in so many forms. Basically, my dad wanted me to know to always hold myself in a way that demands respect. In the workplace it meant that people treat me according to my education and experience. In my love life, it meant to stay focused on what I wanted and expected from the relationship. This one was one of the hardest lessons of my life but I finally understood that "holding my position" meant that I demanded the respect I deserved anywhere I went. Seems simple but knowing what you deserve is not as east as it sounds. 3) "Save your money." Believe me, I wish I would have listened to my darling uncle when he said this to me but when I was 22 and bartending, I was like a drunken sailor throwing my shit around like it grew on trees. Yeah, money is nice and expendable money is awesome. But save your shit for a rainy day. When you're 21 you think everything is in the now, but believe me, it's not. You don't even know what fun is until you and your friends are making real money. Save that shit. 4) "All you have is your reputation." Remember that slut in high school who in reality only banged two or three guys (as compared to the real slut who banged the football team at once)? Reputation is like losing weight: it takes seconds to fuck it up and eons to correct it. Keep your head high, demand respect, and be a person of worth. Otherwise, you'll spend your life trying to live down nicknames, dumb actions, and retarded moves while trying to prove to your community that you're worth something worthwhile. One of my best guy friends passed out in our stumble-bar's bathroom while holding his dick ten years ago and he pissed all over the floor. Everyone reminds him of that incident at least three times a year. Ten years later. Seriously? Seriously...Don't be Mr. Pee-Pee for the rest of your life. Shit like that--being blown in the bar's bathroom, threesome with your school mascott and a cheerleader...are only cool for a short time, believe me. I hate to admit it, but my dad and uncle were right. I'm lucky enough to have dodged a few bullets along the way but only by the skin of my teeth. Now I know how to have a full life and have a great time but within certain limits that you absolutely need to be a successful adult. I'm also writing this drunk on a Wednesday night, so take it for what it's worth. Yay!
Points well taken. More on the money thing: I might catch shit from some around here, but there's nothing wrong with living with your parents while saving some cash in the process. Granted, there's a lot to be said about getting out on your own and making your own way, but there's plenty of time for that. If you have a good relationship with your parents; stick around and put all that money you're earning into savings. I'm not talking about living at home until you're 30, but 22-24? No problem. I've seen several times where people have had to swallow their pride and move back in with the folks in their late 20's early 30's -- if you can put a decent amount of $ in savings before you move out on your own you should never have to deal with that.
Good advice. Be sure to make the distinction between "live with" and "leech off". Making a contribution to the household not only gets you kudos with the parents but it also gets you used to having to put aside a portion of your income for bills. Plus, your parents were probably hoping for a little alone time after putting up with you for years. A few dollars will soften the blow.
I'm 45. Understand that you are responsible to create the life you want to live. Don't buy a fancy car and a big screen tv, and then bitch that travel is too expensive. Don't pursue a career as a lawyer and then bitch that you never have time for anything else. Don't play safe through your twenties and thirties, and think you'll suddenly be able to pick up a guitar at 40 and learn to play the blues, without ever tasting struggle and heartache. But most importantly, know that there will come a day that you realize that life doesn't work the way you thought it would. It isn't about the big giant things, it's about the day to day, it's about how you live your moments. And at some point, you will probably taste the fragility of it all. What you do with that knowledge will come to define who you are. Some people never really get past that moment of feeling fragile, it snuffs out what made them who they were in their 20's, and even their 30's. Life is fragile, and uncertain, and there isn't any amount of saving or preparation or "being careful" that can change that fact. Learn to live with that with strength and without melodrama, and you'll live a better life. Never forget that the Earth turns, every single moment, no matter how hard you try to dig in your heels and stop it.
As someone approximately half your age, that one nailed me in the gut. There's been a few events, both professional and personal, that have deeply affected me over the past two years. Parts of life that seemed to be absolutes like work, marriage, family, and health I now see as tenuous at best. Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is a given. People change and die (yourself included) faster than you can possibly plan for or even anticipate. So what is the proper response to that feeling of fragility if not an evolved sense of what you value? Is it wrong to respond with an increased appreciation for consistency? For things and people that you can depend on?
Well, the only thing or person you can truly depend on is yourself - I'm not saying others aren't trustworthy or anything as cynical as that, I'm saying that you're the only one guaranteed to be there until you die. Everyone and everything else is subject to the laws of the universe. So increase your appreciation not for a consistency that is inconsistent at best, but for the moments that make up our lives, and the ways to instill those moments with joy. Make your life what you want it to be. Every day. And for the record - just because I've experienced enough to know these things doesn't mean that I'm some highly-evolved monk who can live them every moment. I'm a student of this shit, and I'm just sharing what I try to learn and understand more, every day. And I fuck it up to some extent or another, every day. Welcome to the planet. Watch your step and please mind the handrail.
Start building up a collection of tools, learn how to use them. Don't buy cheap tools. Don't borrow your friends tools or lend yours out. If they are a good friend be prepared to help them, if they don’t buy you beer for this it’s ok to never do it again. Learn how to cook and to appreciate good wine. People who think they are cool are just bastards who only care about themselves, let them be cool somewhere else. Same as tools buy nice clothes, it’s better to have 10 good quality articles of clothing than 30 polyester rags. When you go out it’s nice to look sharp. And for men styles don’t change much so a really good jacket will last. As soon as you are stable buy a house. Some will argue this point, they don’t own a house.
Put your fucking hat on straight, and for fucks sake, put a curve in the bill. You look like you have an extra chromosome. Also, it's not a stocking cap, dipshit. Ears go on the outside. Don't ever be afraid of getting older. If you spend your twenties clinging tightly to your youth, you're wasting your time, and it'll only make time go by faster. By the time you hit whatever age it is that you now think is old, you're going to realize how young you still are. Just enjoy yourself and try to learn some shit while you're at it. I'm 29. (In a few months I get to be 30! Yay!)
I'm 38 and the last five years have been difficult. I may sound sanctimonious, but please don't take it that way, the following advice isn't offered because 'I did it right' but because I did it wrong and I regret it and wish I could go back and do it over. Leave People Better Than You Find Them. It shames me to admit it, but when I was younger, I really was a shitty guy. As Kant opined, people are ends unto themselves, not means, treat them as such. If you're going to spend any significant amount of time with someone, they are gracing you with their presence, and probably their affection. Be worthy of it, and return it. Do what you can to make their life better for having invested in you. Repair the Relationships That Are Broken, and Be Sure Of Ending The Ones That Can't Be Repaired. I waited til the eleventh hour to 'fix' the relationship with my father. I can't tell you how lucky I am that I knew my father was passing, and I got this opportunity. Don't be an asshole like me and wait, you may be too late. In the same vein, if a relationship is toxic, and you're sure it is, politely extricate yourself and move on. It is a blessing to both of you, whether you know it or not. Art, Music, Literature and Beauty Are Important. I contend the only thing that separates us from the other species is Art. The expression of our collective predicament, the commentary on our knowledge that we too will pass. I can't give you a well articulated reason as to why these things are important, I can only say they are. As to beauty, it can be found all around you. Courtesy and Class Never Go Out of Style. I am a very salty individual. I probably tell my wife to 'fuck off' at least 5 times a day. I do it out of love and humor (and she knows it, and actually invites it because she just laughs at me), but in public, she's my Queen. As to the public at large, they are people whom are just like you. You walk in their shoes. Remember that. Dare to Follow Your Dreams. Most of you, like it or not, are going to end up an old fuck like me. Doing something you dislike makes life an eternity. I would urge you, to the degree possible, to find something you really like to do when you're younger and adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Maybe it means you have less things, maybe it means you won't have the huge house. I recently eschewed my 'big job' for one that is paying far less. As I said, I'm 38, and have been carded in the past month 3 times because the stress is gone. That said: Financial Smarts Are Important. As others said, get a budget and adjust your lifestyle. It took me waaaaaaay too long to figure this one out. Don't Wait To Stand Up For Yourself. I used to think that standing up for yourself meant getting angry. I was wrong. As others have said, don't be afraid of telling someone, in a nice way, that you don't like the way they are treating you. They may change, and if they don't, you know to walk away. Perfectionism Is A Hollow Mistress. You are going to make mistakes. I recently deleted 90 pages of a book I'm working on because I couldn't stand it. It wasn't perfect. Nothing ever will be, we live in a world of imperfection, don't let the flaws stop you. Again, this was hard earned experience. Always Be You. Maybe you're inconsistent. Maybe you're not. But whatever you are, try to be true to that. Unless you're an asshole like me, but I believe everyone is capable of change and being a better person. I also believe that the better you is the real you. Find him. Be him. Or her. Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help. I've tried to tough many things out on my own, not being willing to admit that whatever task I was undertaking was beyond my abilities. Learn a bit of humility and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Life is tough, we're in this mess together. Always Leave the Other Guy An Out With Honor. Never corner someone into a position that they can't potentially leave the situation with grace or dignity. If they choose not to, that's on them. Finally: Everyone Gets Low, Try to Help Them Up. Be that guy. Everyone needs a lift, they're having a rough day, they're dog died, whatever, we've all been there. Be the person to look at that person on the ground and say 'hey, here's a hand up.'
I'm 43, and the above quote cannot be stressed enough. The implications of this are incredibly important, to wit: Since you are the only person that will always be with you, be someone that you can actually like when you are alone with yourself. Spending your time regretting all the stupid things you did, or the opportunities you let get away, is a waste of your life. Don't make things hard for yourself by consistently making stupid decisions. Everyone fucks up occasionally, but we all know (or maybe we are) that person who doesn't think things through before making important life choices. There will be enough people trying to screw things up for you. Don't go out of your way to screw things up for yourself. People in your life will die. People that you love and cherish, and whom you can't imagine living without. But your life will go on. Missing someone is natural. But for your sake, and the sake of those who may depend on you, don't let it ruin you.