I once had a girl break up with me for not having AIDS. Hear me out. When I was 25 or so I was moving from City to City for work and didn't really have time for a monogamy. It seemed everytime that I got serious about a girl, I'd get promoted and it would end the relationship because I had to move. After a while I just stopped looking for girls to date, and started looking for girls that wanted to fuck. Which meant that I racked up a fair amount of sexual partners. When I first moved to Louisville (I've lived here numerous times) I met a girl that was really fun, liked to drink, was smart and funny, and I dug her a lot so we started dating. I figured I'd do the right thing and get checked out since I'm a nice fucking guy, so I got the whole litany of tests. After I got the tests back, and they all were negative I figured a party was in order. Right? So I arranged a "Not-Guilty on the Hivvey Test" Party at my house, and had the test results framed and hung on my wall. I was surprised at how many friends will come from miles away when you're not dying from an epidemic. You'd think she'd be happy. She was not. Apparently flaunting the fact that you had not contracted AIDS is like telling your girlfriend that her boyfriend is a huge whore, and he does not make good decisions in regards to punani. Making her someone who dates guys with low standards. AKA, a whore too. Personally, I just thought it was a great excuse to get drunk and make new friends. She ripped the framed AIDS test from my wall and proceeded to smash it breaking the frame and glass, then ripped the paper into a thousand little pieces in front of me and told me to go fuck myself. Myself and the other party go'ers thought it was hilarious and continued to shotgun beers as she stomped out of my house.
It might just be me but I always wondered how patient zero got the crabs to begin with. Were they rolling on the ground like some mongrel dog? Maybe they were fucking animals like people did with the AiDs monkey? It just seams weird how inspects would be able to get to your crotch.
Which is part of why I insist that protection be used. And before I start unprotected sex with a partner, I get bloods done. I'm not aware of having ever passed it on to anyone. On her part, that's a bullshit act. It's a conversation that needs to had before you get to stage where you're almost mid stroke before they tell you. Your decision on what to do needs to be level headed, not hormone fuelled. I'd heard it was around 80%. Like I said, I'm just an unlucky schmuck who got a strain that reacts with my system. The prevalence of the herpes family of viruses is somewhat similar (the virus that causes chicken pox and shingles is in the family). Its spread is further complicated by what's called "shedders" which are people who are asymptomatic carriers. They don't get the symptoms, but they're contagious and don't even know they're passing it on. A friend of mine got genital herpes this way. A guy went down on her while contagious, but not symptomatic, with the oral herpes (cold sores) virus. Now she gets cold sores on her twat.
My roommate in college gave a girl a great STD scare. Great because it was not in any way an STD. He was chatting up this girl at my party, one thing leads to another and they are screwing in the bathroom. She is on her knees on top of the toilet (seat down), with him behind her. At some point he realizes that she is a little dry, he tries spitting from long distance and misses, so he does the next thing his drunken mind can think of: he grabs something out of the shower to put on there and finishes. The next day I shower and wonder why all my shampoo is gone. After practice a few days later he is doing everything he can not to get his dick wet in the shower, he says that it burns because his skin is peeling. His dick was entirely red and half of the skin was peeling off. Then he tells us the story, I put 2 and 2 together and tell him it was just the use of shampoo. I can only imagine what the girl thought, her vagina would have been hurting, red, and peeling with no reason other then a STD. None of us knew the girl enough to ask her, but she must have flipped out.
You can still get HPV from your balls slapping on her lady parts or vice versa... same for herpes. Yay! Recently they actually approved Gardasil for men 9-26 as well which is good since you would like to tackle the problem from both sides. I personally have never had an STD.... although in recent years I've taken the time to secretly inspect the giner to make sure nothing is visible or detectable via whiff test. Now if I could just convince them to allow me to use a speculum......
So I've got to ask, how do you usually approach this subject? Do you usually go on a few dates and let them get to know you before you tell them or do you tell them on the first date or what?
I dated a girl for 10 months who, to her credit, did stop me the first time things were getting hot and heavy in order to have a serious conversation re: herpes. We'd taken it slow; she'd been reluctant to get physical (which now made sense), so at that point I'd already developed strong feelings for her. Her last boyfriend was positive for genital herpes. He had regular outbreaks. He didn't tell her until after they'd had unprotected sex, despite obviously knowing he had the disease (some fucking people...). She immediately went and got a herpes test, which came back positive. For some reason she continued dating him for nearly two years. Love's a motherfucker, I guess. As she'd never had an outbreak, they took all the precautions as if she didn't have herpes. Which meant they ceased all physical shit when he was showing symptoms. According to her, her doctor said it was possible her immune system was simply suppressing the disease. After they broke up, she got tested again. It came back negative. Again, to this day, she's never had an outbreak. In retrospect, I should have said, "OK, this is a lot to digest, let's continue taking it slow until I understand the situation more." But put yourself in my shoes: I had a smoking hot Latina I thought I loved stripped down to nothing but her red lace thong next to me in bed after 30 minutes of vigorous pre-fucking. All I truly heard were "second test negative" and "never had an outbreak." I fucked her for a month or two exclusively using condoms, and then stopped using them. Needless to say, literally two days after we broke up I was sitting my ass in a doctor's office. Because I'm a pussy, I went under the guise of just wanting a physical and then slipped it into the conversation that, oh yeah, PLEASE TELL ME I DON'T FUCKING HAVE HERPES. The doctor asked me if I had ever had a cold sore. Yes, I get them regularly, and I understand that it's mouth-herpes. He said that a herpes test, then, would almost certainly come back positive. And that 70 percent or more of the American population has some form of the disease. This doctor had spent significant time early in his career administering herpes tests, and told me the results are wildly inconsistent. Besides, if I get cold sores, I already know I have herpes anyway. His advice: Don't worry about it. If I get a genital outbreak, come in for treatment and more information then. I never have. Herpes isn't a big deal, despite being the punchline for tons of jokes. It can be managed with medication, and it's generally safe to have sex with an infected person as long as they don't have an outbreak. Choose sexual partners wisely, use protection, and don't sleep around. Oh, and don't go down on a girl I like if I have a cold sore. For the record, I don't think I have (genital) herpes. I thought I had genital warts once because there was this weird skin growth on my shaft. After looking at thousands of online pictures I can't unsee, I went to a doctor. He told me it wasn't a wart, but freezed it off anyway. That's the extent of my STD experience. I've never had a full-on comprehensive STD test, but I also have never had symptoms other than those I just mentioned.
I had HPV (thankfully a strain without warts) but it was still psychologically awful. I went to get my annual gyno exam in the beginning of the summer last year. They did the normal "We'll call you in two weeks with the results" thing. A long time went by and I realized I hadn't heard anything, so I assumed everything was fine. But, as the summer was ending I figured I might as well double check, so I called them and they got all uncomfortable and asked to call me back. The conversation basically went like: "Oh, yeah....by the way...your results were abnormal...." "Excuse me?" "Yeah.....uh......you have HPV kbye!" I already have this death wish when it comes to cancer, so I spent the first couple of months completely convinced I was going to be part of that, like, 8% or whatever it is whose HPV was definitely going to turn into cervical cancer and it was the worst. But, since it didn't have any symptoms, it faded into the back of my mind for the rest of the year until my next gyno exam. Every now and then I'd remember and freak out but after those first few scary months it didn't really affect me that much. My next exam was pretty frightening, but they actually called me in two weeks and told me everything was fine. It was kind of anticlimactic, but I guess that's what you want std experiences to be.
I am pretty safe (depending on how many drinks I've had) and I get checked regularly. Even so, I have had two cases of NGU. It's because I'm an idiot I sometimes don't wear protection. Though, if you're gonna have an std, that's the one to get. Barely symptomatic, and you take a pill and it's gone, voila! However it can lead to some problems with your current relationship. Want to have the most awkward conversation of your life while simultaneously getting your current FWB to completely freak the fuck out? Call her the day after your doctor's visit confirming your NGU, and tell her to go get checked. Wait a day and have her call you back and tell you that she doesn't have it. Rinse aaaand Repeat.
I went to the doctor to get checked out once and thankfully in the end I was clean. Problem was I had another doctors appointment with an optometrist the that same week and mixed the two up. You can understand my shock when the little asian man who I thought was going to check my eyes, which I described as being "red and watery", looked worried and demanded I pull my pants down.
My dad just took out life insurance policies on me and my two brothers. The agent (who is actually one of my buddies) on the account came by the office the other day with a funny-shaped little cottom swab: Agent: Put this in your mouth and hold it there for 2 minutes. Me: I swear, if this is chloroform, I'mma be pissed *puts in mouth* Agent: No, no. Nothing like that. Its just to test to see if you are a tobacco user. Or have AIDS. Me: ................ Huh. Well I'll be damned. So I guess I'll be able to answer this question less ignorantly in a couple weeks. And whether or not I'm a tobacco user, I guess.
I am and always have been clean as a whistle, I can honestly say I have never had an STD in my life. However in 2 years I have had severe enough cases of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epididymitis for me to have to go to hospital. Every time I was interrogated about my sexual history whenever I responded that i had unprotected sex (in most werewith my girlfriend at the time who were using birth control or trusted hook ups) I got looks off the Dr that made me feel like I committed a war crime and was given a collection of cards with a reference number to give to all my hook ups so they can get tested, even though I was 100% certain that I was clean. Each time I went in and got tested* the results always came back negative. Every fucking time. This didn't stop them from making me see the sexual health nurse to lecture me in the most condescending manner on why I should wear a condom at all times despite the fact that I have what can only be described as a teflon coated penis when it comes to STDs. I'm not saying I believe I am incapable of getting any STDs, but I'm smart enough to know when to wrap it up and when it is unnecessary. Oh, just remembered this story from a friend. J woke up one morning to find his penis covered in welts and other assorted nastiness. Most men in this situation would go to the clinic and get themselves tested. Not J, he rummaged through his kitchen, finding some cleaning wipes that promised "99.9% of germs dead", rationalising that what he had was essentially a germ or bacteria, he proceeded to cleanse himself using a household kitchen cleaning wipe. Lo and behold the next day he was clean again I just feel sorry for girl he has slept with since that. -- *Right, whenever I've had the old swab done and had to lie on the gurney, where do you put your hands?.. I've tried keeping them by my sides, the casual folded behind the head but I've yet to have to balls to go all out and rest my hand on the Dr's head.. but then, I have yet to get an attractive female dick doctor yet.
They're now considered infections, hence, STI. Focus: Clean and happy. I did have one scare, about ten months ago, where I was having sex with a couple friends with benefits. Neither of them were floozies in any sense and I had known them for quite a long time but I developed a rash on my leg near my junk. It scared the fuck out of me, so I went and got the battery of tests done. Turns out I'm clean and clear and likely had a reaction to the laundry detergent the one was using (she cleaned some of my clothes for me while I was at her place one night)*. Nothing like a little rash near your balls to wake you up. *I've known about my allergy or whatever to that detergent for quite a long time and didn't think anything about it.
Thankfully my various EMS stuff has forced me to get like 4 physicals in the last year, each of which included full blood-work and STD testing. Came back clean every time and the last time I got tested was four months ago. But, I've been sleeping on and off with audreymonroe for like 3 years and she was none too happy when she got her HPV results. She was certain she got it from me, which is entirely possible, but even when I requested specifically getting tested for HPV the docs told me they never bothered doing it for males. That seems like a pretty big flaw in the medical system. I've never had symptoms and audreymonroe is clean now so I assume I'm clean too, assuming at some point I had it at all, which maybe I didn't. But, over the last couple years I've fallen into a very awful, dangerous habit of being less stringent about using condoms even with randoms. This happens when I'm drunk, and the stupid drunk thought process is: I am drunk --> I like to eat pussy when I'm drunk --> if I'm willing to stick my face and tongue into it, and it looks clean, then how pretentious do I need to be to insist on using a condom? --> my penis agrees with this logic --> no condom. I always regret this and if I wasn't getting tested like every 4 months I would be pretty damn concerned. Um, which is not to say I still don't kick myself when this happens. In the meantime it's certainly nice to have the peace of mind of a clean bill of health, and I'll probably keep getting tested like 2-3 times a year just to have that peace of mind.
One of my best friends, when we were 20, had a standard physical workup. Her pap came back abnormal, and a few rounds of testing later it was determined that she had HPV and pre-cancerous cells in her cervix. She had to undergo an operation where - I think - they either cauterized or used a laser to remove the cells, and she had to go through tests ever few months for two years afterward. The exact same thing happened to my other close female friend when she was around 25, the only difference is that they discovered the HPV at the same time she was in her first trimester of pregnancy. It was advanced enough that the doctors gave her a choice: treat the disease and terminate the pregnancy, or continue the pregnancy and let the cancer develop. This would be a hard enough choice for any woman, but she's a born-again Christian, and her decision triggered YEARS of depression. It drives me crazy that people can opt out of the HPV vaccination and that there is controversy with it; this particular STD is terribly dangerous because certain strains cause cervical cancer. Two dear friends have had to undergo a fairly uncomfortable procedure and a great deal of stress because of it. People shouldn't be as reluctant as they are to get their kids vaccinated. I've never had anything. When I came back from travelling around the world, I had a full STD workup done just in case. It was at a walk-in clinic, and any Canadian will tell you that doctors at these clinics typically only just barely speak English and are not usually terribly impressive. This one, having read my chart in the hallway, walked in and without a word of introduction said, "You had unprotected sex in Africa! My, you like to live dangerously, don't you?" At the time, I was too taken aback to answer. Only afterward did I get extremely pissed off. What if I'd been in crisis and legitimately thought I had something serious? Is that the most compassionate way to address the problem? I'm going to stop typing now, because I can feel a rant about our health care system coming on.
Not me, but Jägerette. Her family gets really bad cold sores. It seems like Europeans get them worse for some reason. Well, about 4 years ago, she got really really sick, and her immune system was just shot to hell. It started to burn while she peed, and she figured it was a UTI until the pain got worse and worse. So she went to the doctor again to get it looked at. It was the dreaded herp. She was freaked out because she hadn't been with anyone other than me in years, and naturally, suspicion fell on me. Well, my cheating days were well behind me, so it wasn't me. Then the doctor came back with the results. Her immune system was so compromised that the cold sore strain, HSV-1 managed to travel down to her vag area. (I think she was playing with herself, and it transferred from an open cold sore.) She was so virulent that I got my first herp outbreak, herpes gladiatorum, which sounds manly, but it was a mark the size of a dime on my face that lasted 3 months.
I have a friend who fucked a black guy while living in South Africa. She got crossed of the list of people I would ever even hug.
Why not just play Russian Roulette with a semi automatic handgun? I'm sure your odds of having the firing pin misfire are about on par with not contracting Super AIDS. I do agree with the Gardasil comment though. I've never understood the fuss several parents make with regards to getting this vaccine for their child. I've specifically had Father's tell me "I don't want any of the non traditional vaccines for my daughter". Personally I'd rather see the insurance companies expand the indication to anyone at any age instead of making people over 26 pay out of pocket for it.