Why isn't my Timmy getting more playing time?

A recent post on here reminded me how much I hate sporting parents. The screaming, the rage, the taking of meaningless child sports way too seriously. I wish they would all drown in their own vomit.

I had to coach a soccer team for kids 8-9 when I was in high school to finish some stupid community service requirement for my degree. Of course they gave me 20 kids and I could only play 6 at a time. At any given time I was surrounded by no less than 8 screaming shit heads about how their kid wasn't getting enough playing time, or I wasn't putting the right kids out there to win. I couldn't care less whether the team won or lost. As I saw it, the point was just to let the kids have fun.

When I did flag football as a kid I had that stereotypical coach who cares way too much. I was a short kid so I never saw the field, nor did he take any interest in watching me practice. For all his planning and absurdly idiotic trick plays we finished second to last.

The worst I ever saw though was when I was volunteering for the special Olympics. Ok, so your kid is mentally disabled, which sadly means he/she probably isn't ever going to be really good at anything. These parents should have just been happy their kids were playing in a sporting event with peers of uh, equal talent. But no. It was among the worst I had ever seen. Constantly berating the refs, offering coaches 'pointers', trying to constantly get more playing time for poor souls who couldn't even learn the rules. It was fucking insane.

Focus: Terrible experiences with parents who take children's sports way too seriously. Also, coaches of little leagues and what not.

Alt Focus: Are you that parent? Have you ever found yourself screaming at the ref or hurling curses at the coach?

 

FOCUS: I'm in my first season of basketball officiating. So far, so good. I'm about 50 games in reffing 3rd grade girls playing basketball for the first time (ugh...) to 7th grade try-out boys.

I had a coach a couple of weeks ago say something real fucking stupid. It was a 5th grade boys try-out game and Team A was incredibly aggressive towards the other team. Not in a violent way, just in a general approach. They're pressing, trapping, double-teaming, running the floor. At this age level, that aggressiveness comes with a lot of fouls. They were up 24-6 in the first quarter but Team B was already in the bonus, eight fouls to one. Team A's coach started to get all combative at my partner and I, telling us we're controlling the game too much. My partner, had a little less patience than I did, and had a little shouting match with the coach.

I mean, you have an 18 point lead in the first half of a 5th grade game because your team is aggressive. Yeah, some fouls are going to be called. Team A ended up winning by 42.

Oh, I was in 4h grade for my first year of playing basketball. Our coach was a beer-drinking, muddy pickup-driving redneck who once was late to one of our games because he was coming from a bar. I think like six parents told him they wanted to kick his ass in the parking lot. I don't think we scored more than 10 points in a game all season.

 

By now most of you should be aware I'm a goalie coach of a prominent youth hockey organization around here. I've seen some terrible coaching, some awful parents but thankfully no physical abuse so far.

What I see most, and which I find disheartening, is when the kid doesn't want to play anymore and the parent thinks the kid is going to a show. There is one goalie in particular this year that I can tell just doesn't care, and his dad wants him to try out for the best team next year. This dad will follow the kid around from end to end during practices, end to end during games. Its almost like he's trying to intimidate the kid into doing better. The kid won't make the Squirt A team next year, he just won't, not enough talent or drive. I tried to tell this dad this once and has stopped talking to me since then.

I saw another father this year basically stare down his kid during a game, and scream anytime there was a goal or he made a save. I'm sure this is verbal abuse, not sure what happens when that kid gets in the car on the way back but I'm guessing it isn't good.

When my older brother was growing up he use to play with a goalie who had abusive parents. They would video tape every game and analyze every game the kid played in. Poor kid was just a house goalie, just trying to be a kid. He ended up not being able to take it and kissed a shotgun.

I really wish parents would remember its for fun, the kids success is the child's success not parents. If they play a high level great, if they play a low level thats great to, so long as the kid enjoys themselves thats what should matter. Sadly some parents around here get a kick out of saying their kid plays AAA or AA or for a certain coach and will do anything they can to get that social status. Some parents will casually drop the fact that little Timmy has a AA tourney in Michigan this weekend just to show some sort of superiority to other parents. Sad really

 

Ive seen the range of parents in soccer. My dad coached my team for 5-6 years and it was generally issue-free. Same core group of kids each year, parents knew each other and got along. But one year we got a new player who had moved to town over the summer. Decent player, nothing special, but his Dad was a piece of work. Midway through the season he started complaining to my Dad that his son wasn't getting enough playing time. Mind you, my Dad is an engineer, takes an analytical approach to everything, and every Saturday morning printed out a lineup sheet in Excel with each half broken up into three 10 min sections and the substitutions at each section and total number of minutes each kid was playing. So he could clearly show that every got similar playing times and new kid in fact was playing more than me, his own son and arguably the best player on the team stats-wise (5TH GRADE HUMBLEBRAG BITCHES) at the time, because the asshole's son had missed part of the last game with injury and my Dad felt generous. Dude was a bit flustered but then managed to spout off that he would like to see the lineup card every game to assure things were "in line". I'm shocked my Dad didn't tell him to get fucked.

Around this age/level, I remember asshole coaches of opposing teams (usually parents) doing shit like crouching/kneeling on the sideline on the touchline or just over it as a way to intimidate players on the other team from going over there, parents standing near the goals and jeering the goalie or "encouraging" their team by disparaging the goalie's skills.

I coached a travel team for U-12 Boys for a semester in college. It was really fun and I enjoyed it. Parents would sometimes start to get out of pocket, but the head coaches/directors of the club were some pretty menacing looking Serbian dudes who didn't take shit or any sort of harassing of their coaching staff. Niko and Tomi grew up playing soccer in the middle of a civil war, like hell are they gonna let some tool driving a Volvo mess with one of their young coaches. It was great knowing they had my back.

The worst is probably AAU/travel baseball. I never played but I would travel on the weekends with friends sometimes, including one whose Dad coached one of the better teams in the State. These were 10-12 year old boys yet they were talked about like faceless minor league prospects who were only known on paper. "Stevens has no wheels." "Jacobs...noodle arm" "Gotta shift at Short cause Johnson has no fielding poise after the 4th" It was absurd.

 

My daughter has been doing soccer since she was 5 or 6. In all those years I haven't seen much bad behavior, I don't know if the rec league made sure of that or we just live in a more laid back part of town. There was one season when she was 8 or 9 that I was asked to be the team mom (organizing snacks and the end of season dinner) and it was The Worst. I don't think it is usually that annoying, I think I was just unlucky. There was a group of parents who did not like the coach and would complain all the time. I recall one couple that would make fun of kids messing up, though fortunately it was only within my earshot. Then there was a big rift over whether the kids should get trophies. It was something that had always been done, but some parents thought they were too old to be getting trophies just for participation and were very vocal about it. I decided as the team mom to just forego the trophies and said that I would present them with certificates that described their best skills and a pin. I worked hard on those certificates and on finding pins that looked nice and were within my budget. The night of the dinner one of the parents came up to me and said that they just couldn't bear to skip the trophies because the girls looked forward to it so much and so they pitched in and got some (along with plastic cups filled with random shit). I was so pissed off and humiliated, but all I could do was smile and act like they were being so thoughtful and generous and helpful.

If I am ever asked to do something like that again, I will laugh in that person's face.

 

JWags brings up a great point about the coaches, some of us, and even me at times, can catch ourselves talking about the kids like they're pro athletes, nitpicking every little detail.

Its not uncommon to hear things like, "What the fuck is wrong with Andersson today? What happened to his wheels? Kid don't got it anymore". Mind you Andersson is is an 8 year old kid. Or, "Whats wrong with the goalie, he lets in one goal and gets all pissed off" That goalie is a teenager, teenagers are known to have issues regulating their emotions and focus. Not shocking that this happens.

Evaluations are the worst for this. As a goalie coach I'll say things such as "Yea, so and so is a good practice goalie but Tommy really is a gamer." But with evaluations it is somewhat necessary to be a bit critical. What drives me nuts about this process is how much bullshit happens behind closed doors. Some really good kids get cut because the other kids parents game the system.

Another thing for parents on here. Your kid plays on a team, your kid wins and loses game. You can not say "We won this weekend" You are not part of the team you did not win. Fucking drives me nuts every time. I get hockey is an expensive sport, I get there's a huge time commitment as well, but your child is playing you are not. Keep a healthy emotional detachment. Support your kid if they need to be supported, give them room if they need room. You are there for your child, your child is not there to compete for you.

 

I posted this in a drunk thread a few weeks ago. Youth wrestling is a really good sport, except there's two kinds of parents that I wish were banished from gyms forever- Howling Mom and Ref Dad. There's at least one at every tournament. I started wrestling in third grade and had to "volunteer" as a ref at youth tournaments in high school so I saw

Most wrestling moms are the type that show up and are all nice and social, but when their little Timmy is up on the mat they just watch it through their hands over their face or latch onto whoever is next to them in a silent cringe (at least my mom did) and cheer after the match. Howling Mom on the other hand literally sounds like a fucking howler monkey the whole time, just drowning out every other person in attendance. HALF HIM TIMMY HAAALF! Then if the kid gets pinned they do an imitation of the Wicked Witch of the West dying.



Ref Dad is the guy that, no matter what, obviously knows more than the actual referee of the match and assumes we are staring at the wall the entire time. Even if their elementary aged kid is already winning the match, every single point or escape/takedown becomes a life or death issue and is worth having a shouting match over. Thankfully the organizers could recognize the Ref Dads quickly and would usually ask them to tone it down or leave.

Of course these parents still exist and annoy everyone else when their kids reach high school, but it seems a magnitude more ridiculous when their kid isn't even in junior high.

 

I'm a baseball mom. Y'all know that.

I let the coaches coach and anything I see (from my perspective as a coach) lacking - I make up for on my own through cage time, lessons, or whatever.

I won't tolerate bad language directed at the team. I won't tolerate sexist, horrible examples of coaching (see: my son's coach screaming and ranting and calling them 'little girls'). I won't tolerate name calling. Coaches who do that shouldn't be coaching, in my opinion.
I don't like parents who get crazy about the sport. I love baseball, I love my kid. I love watching my kid play baseball. I love watching a team come together and make some really stellar plays. But I'm not going to badmouth another kid, or coach, or team. I'm not going to shout at an umpire. We just don't do that. And, when the other team makes a ferocious good play - I'm not going to try to wheedle out of it and call it anything but what it was - a good play on a hard hit ball. No excuses.


Coaches coach and parents parent and I'm cool with that, but especially - ESPECIALLY - in select and travel baseball teams (I can't speak to others but I know they must be as expensive) that cost me nearly 5 grand a season (ONE SEASON) between team dues and travel expenses/accommodations - I expect the coaches to actually teach the game. Not how to maneuver through the game. The fundamental lessons of the sport. How to turn two. How to read a pick off attempt. How to get the jump on the steal. How to read the pitch coming in. How to place a fastball. How to fundamentally and solidly play the game. I expect drills and repetition and situational lessons, as well as the calisthenics and sprint work.

I won't fight about it - I don't do that anymore. I just finish the season, and find a coach whose team embodies the philosophies we want our kid to learn.

I'd love to coach baseball but it's hard enough to push the boulder up the hill when it comes to coaching S&C. My son's baseball coaches didn't believe him that I knew my shit until they saw him clean, squat, and sprint. Now they're marveling at the 145 lb freshman who's squatting almost double body weight, and cleaning more than body weight. Lots of hand slapping and 'fuck yeah'ing there, then asking him where he learned it. "My mom's a coach, coach. She's not going to let me do this wrong. Ever."

 

A lawyer we did with business years back was telling us how he wanted his sons to grow up to MLB players. He then proceeds to tell us that he ties his two sons(who were like 2 and 4) right hands to their bodies because they were born rightey's. He wanted them to be left handed so they would be better pitchers and since genetics said they were right handed he was going to make sure they never used their right hands.

 

Well, some people invest in the stock market. Others do different retirement planning . . .

 

My first year for tackle football in 6th grade, I ended up on the lunatic's team. You know, the coach who is taking what is essentially supposed to be fun yet challenging, and turning into a near Marine Drill Instructor chewing-out some hapless fuck-up recruit for offending him inadvertently. To paint the scene of my first tackle football coach, imagine getting kicked in the chest, by a full-grown man. Also imagine being constantly grabbed by the front of your helmet's face-mask violently and roared at by a bearded, angry, scarily muscular man who oddly resembled a Hulk-proportioned Wil Wheaton. Now imagine after all that shit, your "drills" for practice consist of racing down a field, flopping like a soldier leaping onto a grenade to save his battalion every time the cunt blows a whistle shrilly, and just doing that, for forty minutes. For the rest of practice (all of fifteen minutes or so), practice (read: scream and halt) a couple of basic play scenarios, and cussing or upbraiding everyone for "fucking it all up!". Not fun, and surprising no one, he was fired soon after the end of the year. One of the dads filmed him kicking kid's legs out from under them and reported his ass fast to the authorities. What the fuck even?

My Little League and soccer (insert soccer jokes here) were WAAAAY better, namely because someone wasn't about to have a rage-stroke. I don't know why 6th to 12th grade tackle football attracts the most batshit insane people to go out and be the coach.

 

I will never understand using your kid as a vessel in order to fulfill your own life-void. No parent could do that and then say "Why would my kid want to be making memories with friends when he could be spending Saturday in the hot sun running drills?"

I was lucky my parents watched my games as a kid but they also kept their mouths shut. Other kids, I would never stop hanging my head in public if I had their parents. Your kid is not of a higher station than any other kid. Shut the fuck up, deal with it, let them have some fun and most of all don't force them to compete in something they don't even like.

 

I coached my daughter's 5th/6th grade Rec basketball team this year. I was in a shitty position: I had 10 girls (no other team had more than 7), 4 of whom had never played before (no other team had more than 1 of those).

I was warned that I had one asshole parent by my friend Steve who was coaching with me and had dealt with this girls' older brother. So, I was pre-emptive: This is part of the e-mail I sent out before our first practice.

I did my best to keep minutes even, but honestly when you're juggling 10 girls, sometimes you fuck up. In one game, I forgot to put one girl back in during the 4th quarter.

Her father comes up to me IMMEDIATELY after the game. Doesn't say "Hey coach..." "Hello" anything like that. Just goes, "I thought Rec was equal minutes" while my back was turned. I turn around, see it's the Dad my friend had warned me about and go, "Excuse me?" He says again, "I thought Rec was equal minutes. My daughter was out the whole 4th quarter." I said, "Oh, really? Don't worry, it will all even out in the end." He kept pressing, talking about how his daughter "got more rebounds than anyone else" (not true in any way, ever), etc. I looked at him and said, "OK, I know you saw the e-mail I sent out about being a good teammate, giving everyone opportunities, etc. Are you SERIOUSLY counting minutes and keeping stats? Because honestly, this is my team, I'm running it and you have two options and two only: Get on board with how I do things, or request your daughter change teams."

He shut the fuck up the remainder of the season.