Mine is something that annoys other people but actually is done with good intentions. I have many times been told something and only given half the necessary directions to get it done, but don't feel like asking forty questions so I just figure it out on my own, which leads to mistakes and confusion. In order to avoid that with other people when I explain things I go through them step by step, repeat myself and check to make sure they understand. Sometimes this comes across as me talking down to them and making it look like I think the person is simple, but it's better than them fucking stuff up later on so I do it anyway. (Oh and I like to hear myself talk, but this half of the explanation sounds much better)
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID HAHAHAAHAH oh man I'm hillAAAArious. I never use pencil sharpeners, I always use a knife and whittle my pencils. This is mildly annoying in that it creates a lot of mess, but it's less repulsive than the fact that I don't use nail scissors either. Nope. I WHITTLE MY NAILS WITH MY FUCKING SWISS ARMY KNIFE. Combine that with the fact that my Swiss Army knife is sharp enough that I can shave with it, I could get lost in the woods and despite being able to build shelter, forage for edible food, or deal with basic human needs, I could still leave a perfectly manicured and shaven emaciated and gnawed corpse.
I don't shave my legs unless I absolutely have to, though I do shave my pits at least every other day. I crop dust innocent people out in public and blame it on the baby. I put butter on my bagel before I put on the cream cheese. I hide food from the kids and sometimes my husband because I don't like to share. I will then cook/eat it after they have gone to bed. The main reason for hiding food from my husband is that he will get drunk and make ridiculous shit that I know he could barely taste. There was this one night where he cooked up 3 of 4 nice steaks we had in the freezer, leaving that one lonely steak to fend for itself (I believe it is even still in there, in fact). He fried them in a damn frying pan and drowned them in cheap brown gravy. It was, I think a Porterhouse and two ribeyes! I was pissed! The kids eat us out of house and home so if I share with them, they usually hog it all leaving me very little. They're savages! I had a whole list of these in my head waiting for this thread to come up and now I can't remember them!
I smoke. I own and frequently ride a sweet motor scooter. I have a leatherman that I utilize for small household repairs, manicures, removing callouses, picking my nose, minor surgeries, building shit, fixing my bike, and as a toothpick. I've once been caught by a friend giving myself a leatherman manicure while stopped at a red light on my scoot, smoking a cigarette. Due to breaking my nose twice, my snores resemble the eruptions of mount Etna. I have some gnarly blackheads on my nose, which I love removing, often using my leatherman. Popping pimples, blisters, and the red bumps around ingrown hairs gives me a feeling of great satisfaction. I shave my face no more than twice a month, usually only once, and tend to develop a scraggly pube-like beard during this time. I have some awful farts as well time to time, and crop dust with reckless abandon. How do I have a girlfriend you may ask? Well as soon as my dark secrets started emerging, so did hers. She finds that assaulting my occasional backne extremely entertaining. Her farts are rank as fuck, and I have sprinted out of the room before, damn near weeping after her olfactory terrorism. She enjoys romantic scoot rides and doesn't mind me smoking. At least she's well groomed, shaves, and gets professional hair and nail treatment. It did take some time for her to come to terms with my snoring and ravaged cuticles, however.
What does that even mean? I assumed you meant you rubbed your manly fur across random people and then accused your tiny squealing neanderthal midgets of humping local pedestrian wildlife in front of strangers, but then that would be taking the term "crop dusting" quite literally. I don't think I've ever heard of farmers using their crops to actually dust things, and I don't think I entirely understand the point when there are perfectly good immigrant workers to do the dusting instead. On the other hand, if I'm to apply my understanding of crop dusting to this statement then that means you are flying low over a crowd of people whilst spraying them with an even coating of urine...and then blaming your leaky offspring...who apparently can be easily mistaken for agricultural aircraft...and I imagine you'd try and drive your point home by chucking one of them through the air... On second thought, this little dilemma is making my head hurt. I forgot, how does anyone like me for the simple fact that I'm a giant flaming douchenozzle? All of several minutes ago Hotwheelz asked me how to copy and paste a graph in excel, and I responded kindly and patiently. Oh also my other friend was telling me how she dropped out of high school but still wanted a high school diploma. I lost focus on the conversation at this point as I became enraptured upon my own little arts and crafts of making her my own highly accredited diploma. Sometimes I honestly have no idea how I have so many friends.
I presume you're being mostly sarcastic, but just in case... <a class="postlink" href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crop+dusting" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... op+dusting</a> 2. Crop Dusting Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailent [sic] must suffer it.
I put ketchup on French Toast (apparently lots of people do) because that's how my dad ate it, and I only ate french toast when he made it ao I thought it was the only topping, not something weird like syrup. The first time I had french toast in a restaurant, it was one of those cheap-ass Bob Evans restaurants in the States, and when I put ketchup it everybody in the room stared at me like I gave away the ending to a movie or something. I'm not the weirdo here, everybody else is.
I'm frequently asked, "Was that really necessary?" shortly after explaining in perhaps a little too much detail why I disagree with someone's opinions, won't be keen on pursuing them for a relationship, breaking bad news. I'm not missing a filter in my brain that's supposed to tell me, "Keep these thoughts to yourself, they don't need a voice" its simply a case of finding that more often than not in these circumstances, being blunt and truthful is the only way to get the message across. I'm not very popular at work, but after a few visits and encounters with my colleagues, my friends now understand why I keep a distant, sparing relationship with tact.
I sweat when I sleep, regardless of the ambient temperature. Because of this, I change/wash my sheets and pillow case at least twice a week to keep them from smelling like a hobo nest. I have a habit of blowing my nose into the sink with the water running to wash away any monstrosities that might exit my nose. Some people find this disgusting however, and when I was in jail, the guys in my tank took a vote and treatened to have me kicked out if I didn't stop. Didn't stop me from blowing my nose in the shower though. I have to have water available when I blow my nose, because mucous doesn't just wipe away; it embeds itself in your pores and you can still feel it. And yes, I think anyone who doesn't do it my way is a disgusting degenerate. Like many other people on here, I am fanatical about popping zits and removing blackheads. If I am interested in a girl, and I notice that she has blackheads, that is a deal breaker for me. Rant: Spoiler HOW IN THE HOLY HELL CAN ANYONE JUST LEAVE THAT SHIT IN THEIR SKIN TO FESTER? REALLY, WOULD YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A SHIT, BUT LEAVE 10-15% OF THE SHIT IN YOUR RECTUM TO SAVE FOR LATER? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU DON'T ELIMINATE BLACKHEADS AND ZITS. BLACKHEADS AND PUS ARE BODY WASTES, SO TREAT THEM ACCORDINGLY. This is one of the only things I miss about my ex wife. We both had the same attitude about these things (even the blowing of nose in the sink), and would periodically go over eachothers' unreachable areas to get rid of zits, blackheads, ingrown hairs, skin deposits, etc. Mainly it was her doing it to me, because I used to have a problem with backne. Did you know that you can get blackheads in your ears? I've seen guys who have this problem and it is all kinds of gross.
I wanted to post exactly this but was afraid that it might be too gross even for you people. Also, I think I poop excessively. Like, I think I take a shit at least twice as often as the average person. Usually multiple, per day. This is hard to determine, however, because it's not the sort of thing the Census collects data on. I also will take inordinately long to shit, because I'm in the middle of reading something. I'll get sit there and read, as if it were a park bench. Well, a park bench where you're allowed to have your pants around your ankles. Look, I just want to finish the fucking article, OK?
This. I just want to be shocked and amazed by the disgustingness that is capable of coming out of my body. I will also second this. I like to make "jokes" about people, and say I'm just joking, but for reals I'm not at all. I'm just being a dick. And also in middle school/early high school, I perspired a lot. It was pretty gross. My mom told me she used to have this problem and it just went away. I'm not willing to risk a day of being sweaty to find out, so I will continue to use my $8 Secret Clinical antiperspirant.
HA! You think that's too gross?! Well, when I said "sink," sometimes I really mean "water fountain." I'm dead serious about this; I NEED water when I'm blowing my nose. I'll even stop at a total stranger's house, go over to their garden hose and let loose. (Not when the stranger is in the yard though. That would just be awkward.) Before anyone damns me for this, think which is more disgusting: carefully blowing your nose in a drinking fountain that birds have probably shit all over, or going to a public bathroom and not washing your hands? Think about it. If you are looking for information, I usually go twice a day, once as soon as I wake up, and again about an hour later. After that I have to take a shower. That is something else I have to do. After I shit, I have to wash my asshole/crotch area or else I feel filthy. Shit, like mucous, doesn't just wipe away, no matter what the toilet paper industry says. And yeah, I think anyone who doesn't is a disgusting degenerate.
I've spent too much time in the gym, as it started there, but this habit has bled over into my everyday life. I don't snot rocket, but I will blow my nose using anything and everything on my person. Usually I use the bottom of a my shirt. Sometimes I have a shirt that isn't ideal for this (a large that's shrunk), using last night as I sat on the couch as an example, and I start improvising. I picked up the sock I've been wearing all day and blew my nose on it. Blew my nose on my hand and wiped it on my boxers (I was wearing gym shorts). I stopped caring about 6 months ago, need a new GF.
Jesus. I thought I was bad because I don't wash the fruits or veggies I buy at the grocery store. Turns out, that's nothing compared to you guys.
I go weeks and months without shaving sometimes. I also will go a day without getting out of bed or showering. I become a grimy, hairy thing. I sometimes take advantage of my friends by asking them to do shit for me. I am unable to take things seriously. My number one defense mechanism is avoidance. I'm surprised that people still like me.
These habits are so tame I don't even dare go into mine, on a anonymous message board.... Jesus, no wonder I don't have a girlfriend
I think you need to visit this link <a class="postlink" href="http://ricedaddies.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-pick-you.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://ricedaddies.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-pick-you.html</a>. My father used to have me lay on my side while he probed and cleaned my ears. It's a weird sensation but I eventually got used to it and now I'm unsure upon whether masturbating or poking my ear feels better. But the more weird and disgusitng part though is that I highly enjoy scraping out that ear gunk from others. Some people suck though and have greasy / waxy ears. Those just aren't nearly as exciting as exploring an ear with hardened boogers colonizing inside. Yeah you read that right, some of you have boogers located in your ear canals. Lastly the outer portions of my ear tend to get greasy and have this yellowish buildup in it's crevices. So much so that I get the opportunity pick at new goo every day. It's awesome. And don't pretend you all aren't going to grab a flashlight and check out your friends / partners ears after you read this.