Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

WHO'S THE BITCH NOW SANTI CLAUS?!! FAGGY CLAUS!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by dubyu tee eff, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
    Expand Collapse
    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,383
    As someone who wasn't brought up in a Christian household, I've always held a bitter curiosity towards Christmas and Santa Claus. Every year, my friends would look forward to it for weeks and then rave about the presents they got for weeks after. It annoyed me to no end. The one time where I feel like I got some degree of schadenfreude'esque satisfaction was when the kids I knew found out
    Santa Claus wasn't real. Their disappointment pleased me to no end. I think I want to relive some of that right now.

    Plus, it is the middle of June, so what better time to have a Christmas related thread?

    Focus: Santa Claus. Did you believe in him growing up? How did you find out he wasn't real? How did you feel when you found this out?

    Alt. Focus: If you have kids, do they believe in Santa Claus? When will you tell them the truth? If you think you'll have kids in the future, will you have them believe in Santa Claus? Why or why not?

    *Bonus points for recognizing the quote that is the thread title.
     
  2. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
    Expand Collapse
    The White

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,571
    You Philistines have no souls.
     
  3. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

    Mantis Toboggan M.D.
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2009
    Messages:
    385
    Location:
    NC
    I figured out the deal with Santa when I was probably 6 or 7...but I played dumb for a couple years afterward for fear of seeing my Christmas haul significantly reduced. I can't be the only one on this board who did that.

    I can't remember the scene but it's gotta be Bad Santa.
     
  4. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
    Expand Collapse
    The White

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,571
    Isn't the thread title from the director's cut of Nightmare Before Christmas?
     
  5. Juice

    Juice
    Expand Collapse
    Moderately Gender Fluid

    Reputation:
    997
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    9,776
    Location:
    Boston
    I remember the moment I knew.

    I was in a bathroom at Macy's taking a piss at the little kid urinal, all the while hearing someone pooping in the stall next-door, (You know the sound, don't play that game). When the stall door opened, out walked a farting Santa, tucking his shirt back into his Santa pants while snorting boogers back up into his sinuses. He turned and our eyes met, he gve me a grin, and walked out without washing his hands. That's when I stopped believing.
     
  6. Tuesday

    Tuesday
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    3
    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    360
    It's definitely Bad Santa. Santa sees the guy across the bar, who then confronts him when Santa's heading back to his car.

    Focus:
    Meh. My grandfather or uncle would dress up every year on Christmas Eve. Until my sister and I started recognizing them right away. How we saw that and our older sister (7 years my senior) didn't is beyond me.
     
  7. Trakiel

    Trakiel
    Expand Collapse
    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

    Reputation:
    242
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2009
    Messages:
    3,158
    Location:
    St. Paul, MN
    I honestly don't remember if I ever believed in Santa Claus or not. I think my little kid thoughts at the time were that it didn't matter if it was my parents or some magical man putting presents under the tree; as long as they were there in the morning I was as happy as could be.

    What I do remember is making some kid in my 1st grade class cry when me and another boy convinced him that Santa wasn't real. I think I got scolded by the teacher for that.
     
  8. Blue Dog

    Blue Dog
    Expand Collapse
    Absentee Mod

    Reputation:
    64
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,657
    Location:
    South Louisiana
    I look at it this way- my memories of Christmas and Santa were some of the happiest and most magical in my life. If I can recreate the same feelings of wonder and excitement for my son, then I'm going to do everything in my power to make it so.

    As far as telling them the truth- if he figures it out one day, he's obviously old enough to question and understand certain things, so okay. I'll be a little sad that he's lost of a bit of his sweet childhood innocence, but that's just life and we all have to grow up someday. But what I'm not going to do is be the one to take that happy belief and squash it because I think I know better than he does.
     
  9. $100T2

    $100T2
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    101
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,962
    My kids still believe in Santa, and we're hoping it will stay that way for another year or two.

    Yep, and the guy was the other programmer (not Michael Bolton) in Office Space.


    Here's the exact scene for those of you who haven't seen it.

     
    #9 $100T2, Jun 13, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  10. Frank

    Frank
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    6
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    3,349
    Location:
    Connecticut
    I asked my mom when I was 7 or so after finding out I got WAY more presents than kids from families with less money and she just outright admitted it.

    I still don't understand why parents perpetuate the myth of Santa. You bust your ass to be able to afford all these cool presents and then you give the credit to some fat dude that doesn't exist? Motherfucker I was the thoughtful one that listened to you over the course of the year and figured out what you wanted, not some bearded peder-ass sneaking through our chimney while we're asleep.
     
  11. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe
    I didn't know until I was 13. I remember I was in 5th grade, and it was close to Christmas. The teacher was talking about the fact that Santa was coming to hand out presents at an assembly after church (I went to Catholic school. We had to go to church every Friday afternoon.) and the teacher asked the class not to tell any of the little kids that Santa doesn't exist. It took ever ounce of self control I had to sit at my desk and nod in agreement that telling the little kids would be a bad idea. Later that day, I went to the bathroom and cried.
     
  12. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    539
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,858
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I, being the little Nancy Drew that I was, figured out there was no Santa when I realized that the notes he left me were in the same handwriting as my dad's. Same thing happened with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

    When I told my best friend about my discovery, we argued about it for days. Best fight we've ever had.
     
  13. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
    Expand Collapse
    Honorary TiBette

    Reputation:
    68
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Messages:
    4,706
    Location:
    we out
    I sort of have the opposite story.

    I never believed in Santa Claus. The idea of a fat old white man watching me while I slept and telling me I was naughty and didn't deserve any presents seemed creepy and implausible.

    And yet one night I look out my bedroom window and sure enough...
     
  14. taste_my_rainbow

    taste_my_rainbow
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    97
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    937
    Location:
    NC
    I was 6-7 when I started questioning if Santa was real so my came up with an experiment... They said we would leave the ashes in the fireplace and see if we could see his boot prints. I remember that Christmas morning - seeing the print of a pair of boots (Santa and my dad both wore the same LL Bean boots) in the ashes, my jaw literally dropping. I thought I had that shit figured out. That shut me up for a couple of years. Until I caught my older brother making the prints late Christmas eve night. I don't remember being upset, just disappointed. My mom left our 'Santa' presents out, unwrapped, for a couple more years and finally gave up and asked if she could just wrap everything so she wouldn't have to hide stuff for so long. She also still insists that "if you stop believing, you stop getting". It's also acceptable in her house to buy something you want for yourself and mark it from Santa.


    When I was 4, I had asked for a She-Ra castle and my mom couldn't find one anywhere so she told me that Santa had called and told her that he had run out of them - I accepted that and didn't say anything else about the elusive She-Ra castle. Skip ahead a year - it's a week before Christmas and someone asks me what Santa is bringing me. "He's bringing me a She-Ra castle because he ran out last year." (mom's thought: FUCKKKK!) She didn't want to disappoint two years in a row, even though she had already bought all my presents, and on Christmas morning I had my very own Crystal Castle.
     
  15. Ins

    Ins
    Expand Collapse
    Average Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2010
    Messages:
    97
    Alt. Focus: If you have kids, do they believe in Santa Claus? When will you tell them the truth? If you think you'll have kids in the future, will you have them believe in Santa Claus? Why or why not?
    This is something I've never come to a conclusion on, I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I'm not mad at my parents for going through the whole Santa Claus thing, and on the other I wonder if I should feel alright about lying to any kids I may have some day. I've talked to some parents about this but I'd really like to hear what people have to say here.

    I'm not religious and neither were my parents, we celebrated Christmas and Santa Claus because it was just what we did. If I had kids and wanted to keep the tradition of the day to an extent wouldn't it be better to give the kids gifts because I love them? Instead of creating a lie that I know in the future I'll have to fess up to and possible hurt them?

    A lot of the general consensus is if you don't believe in teaching your kids about Santa Claus you're going to make a lot of enemies out of other parents. If I didn't teach my kids about Santa because I didn't believe lying to them is necessary, do I tell them to lie to other kids? Not to tell the others the truth? When I don't believe in doing it? My friends say "Don't ruin it for other peoples kids", motherfucker you're the one who's ruining shit for them by telling them a lie and saying it's fact, and then telling me to play along. What if I don't want to play along? I'm a piece of shit for not lying to your kids? Where's the logic in that?

    Some of my friends say it's great for their imagination... they're kids all they do is imagine, why does it have to be based on a lie? They'll come up with something creative based on reality.

    Like I said I'm not a parent, and I'd love to hear peoples thoughts. I have mixed feelings because I've been through it myself and I don't really think people are bad parents for doing it, but I was thinking about it the other day and when I broke it down it was pretty fucked up. This post may seem aggressive to people who teach kids about Santa Claus but it`s really me trying to figure out if I believe in doing it or not, so it`s mostly me yelling at myself I supposed.

    I'd want to keep the idea of getting together with family, and all the love etc. but I don't think I want to teach my kids about Santa, or necessarily continue the lie with other kids. Thoughts? What`s it like to be a parent and teaching your kids about Santa Claus?

    Although now that I think of it I suppose it`s the ultimate prank when the kid finds out. “You actually believed that shit? What a moron” and then high-fiving my wife, while repeatedly shouting “Face!”
     
  16. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    551
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    9,590
    I don't ever remember having a strong belief of Santa in the first place but I found all of the presents hidden in our gun room already wrapped up weeks before Christmas. That was it, pretty anti climactic.

    I do remember a few years ago when we went bowling with some friends who had their little kid with them. This drunk old dude with a white beard came in drunk as a skunk wearing a red jacket and santa hat. He was basically trying to play creepy Santa by trying to give hugs and cop feels on all of the super attractive women that usually hang out at bowling alleys. It was funny to see the little light in the kids eye and wonderment at drunken creepy Santa. The guy played it straight for the kid and the mystery was not broken that night for the 3 year old.
     
  17. Noland

    Noland
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    41
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,237
    Location:
    New Orleans
    I don't recall how old I was, but one Christmas my older brother and my cousin watched my parents and all of our relatives put out presents and then told me all about it the next day: which happened to be Christmas day. Life went on.

    My oldest, soon to be 9, still believes. Or he believed last Christmas. I expect this Christmas will be the last. Kind of sad, really. It's an almost physical sign of innocence lost.
     
  18. MoreCowbell

    MoreCowbell
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    14
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,185
    This but my mother. And I also noticed that of all the myriad wrapping papers in the world, Santa just HAPPENED to choose the same one as my mother.
     
  19. Lasersailor

    Lasersailor
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    225
    I was 5 or 6, and spectacularly sick. On christmas eve, no less. I was at the point where if I got any worse they would have driven me to the hospital in the middle of the night. To keep 2 sets of eyes on me, and put out the presents, they put me on the couch watching TV (Die Hard 2, I remember it distinctly).

    I was too sick to sleep, lo and behold Santa never came. I liked it better that way, knowing the presents came from my parents (and family) and not some guy I never knew. Even though I hated her (at that time), I never ruined the secret for my sister.
     
  20. taste_my_rainbow

    taste_my_rainbow
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    97
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    937
    Location:
    NC

    Wait... Santa wrapped your shit?