Who? Oh my girlfriend? Naw didn't feel like bringing her...

Whilst I was standing in the kitchen?

I actually have no idea. Just being a cunt.

Probably when a friend asked me, "Does the idea of only ever being with one woman for your whole life not terrify you?" I bloomed[citation needed] late.

 

When she went through my phone while I was sleeping, woke me up and started freaking out on me because there was a Christina in my call log. Christina being my boss. I explained this to her and she started crying a lot, at which point I broke things off.

 

My girlfriend back in 1999, The Destroyer, has woefully insecure and would throw jealous fits just for the sake of painting me into a corner. If it wasn't for the fact that I've seen her cry, I would have pegged her for a sociopath. For the first few months, we got along perfectly. Then all of a sudden, she ALWAYS had to know where I was. She would never come over to my house, I could only go to hers. We went out for nearly nine months and I had to cut teeth for her to hang out with my parents fucking twice. The, apparently I was fucking all her friends. I found the funny, since most of her friends would not be accused of being, say, "attractive women" by any standard. She treated her 3-year-old daughter wonderfully at times, too. I think Mo'Nique thanked her in her Oscar speech for the inspiration.

This is the same lovely little nymph that "broke the camel's back" by shoving me ass-over-tea kettle backwards dows a steep flight of duplex stairs then shattered a ceramic bowl over my head. Krazyglue works great on head gashes in a pinch, by the way. It hardly scarred.

This girl could put some real love into her violence too, not to mention fucking innovation. I once saw her take the safety cage off an oscillating fan and chuck it at her brother's head while it was still plugged in. Wow.

So this is that "one relationship" in where I could probably watch her be staked down and eaten by crows.

 

SMBC has a good one on this subject today:

Spoiler

 

Variously, when (in different relationships):

- The hassle of kick starting her comatose libido overtook the hotness of the sex when it did finally awaken; coupled with her complete unwillingness to discuss the issue.
- I woke up on Valentines Day to find her gone with no note to say where she'd gone (this was pre-cellphone days) and I couldn't be assed trying to find out where she was.
- Having a massive argument because I was apparently standing too close to the microwave and would get "the cancer". I think I may have actually uttered words similar to "I hope I do get cancer and it eats the part of my brain that has to process your fucking bullshit."
- My mother took me aside and told me I should "get a move on" because "that girl's ready to get married". It was the furthest thing from my mind at the time.
- She said we needed to talk and proceeded to give me a list of 15 things that I wasn't do to her satisfaction, despite approximately half of them directly relating to her job being shiftwork and a further 3 or 4 revolving around her delinquent son and how she couldn't handle him.
- She decided that her drug dealing, junkie, unemployed, physically and emotionally abusive ex was a safer option than coming to visit me, in a country she'd always professed to wanting to visit, to at least check out the situation.

 

Focus: I dated a girl throughout college which was a huge mistake in itself. There were several signs along the way but the biggest one that comes to mind is when she wouldn't shut up about getting married. She constantly asked if I had "talked to her dad yet". She expected he and I to "have the talk" when I took him to a hockey game. I knew that there was no way in hell I was going to talk to him about marrying his crazy daughter. As we ate dinner all I could think about was how quickly I could end this relationship. It ended a few weeks later.

 

1) When she texted me saying she wished I'd be more affectionate in public. No, I'm not going to make out with you when there's random people and kids around. I prefer not to make other people uncomfortable just so I can get some attention.

2) When she cried (and I mean bawled) because I teased her about something insignificant. If you can't laugh at yourself, then you have issues I don't want to deal with. Make fun of me all you want, and know that I'm going to make fun of you. It keeps things interesting.

3) When she told me she was ready to have a kid 6 months into the relationship. Add that to the stream of selfish behavior from this one and I predicted a "forgotten" BC pill in my future. Just talked to her a month ago; she has a kid. Glad I dodged that one.

 

When she gave me this speech:

Her- "All this hanging out with your friends every weekend is gonna END. This is BULLSHIT. I'm your girlfriend, and you need to be spending time with ME, and not your FRIENDS. Right now, I only get to see you like four days a week. If this relationship is gonna work, you're gonna have to make me a priority instead of your STUPID FRIENDS. You don't need to see them anyway. You need to see ME."

Me- (After staring at her for a few seconds) "We're finished."

 

When I finally realized that him jokingly saying he wanted to fuck my 18 year old sister six ways from Sunday wasn't a joke.

To avoid confusion, he didn't actually sleep with her, but it was due to her loyalty to me, not his.

 

My God, I am staggered by half the replies in this thread. And I thought I had problems...

1. This is the saddest one for me as the girl is an absolute sweetheart and deserved better, but; she went away for a week and I realized I didn't miss her. I had more fun hanging out with my friends than I did with her. Game over for that relationship.

2. I started to cringe every time she spoke. She wasn't a bad person, she just lacked self awareness and consequently much of what came out of her mouth was ill considered.

3. "I can't orgasm. Don't worry, I still enjoy sex, but I'm basically numb down there". Totally not her fault and I feel like a dick for penalizing her for something she was born with and has no control over, but bottom line is I need to be getting my partner off to enjoy sex. Call me weird, but fucking a numb vagina just rubs me the wrong way.

 

In response to a rep, I stayed with her a few more weeks because we were in college and finals were three weeks away. I didn't want to deal with her shit during finals so I decided I would wait until they were over to break up with her. Stupid and juvenile but welcome to the mind of a 21 year old. She actually beat me to the punch and broke up with me a week before finals. I've never felt more relieved in my life.