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Who needs Judge Dredd? We've got Judge Adams!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by WickedBitch, Nov 2, 2011.

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  1. WickedBitch

    WickedBitch
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    Dear lord I have GOT to stop posting here when I've been drinking. SO sorry.

    While I don't recant anything I've said, you should know that I do not errantly beat my children but I am not above corporal punishment when it is warranted. The gist of my argument is and has always been, while I think what the judge did was not good, I can understand how one would get that frustrated, especially now that my oldest is getting older and more angsty. My poorly worded posts were a result of my drinking and I'm sorry for being an ass. I'm sure most of you will think that that makes me an even worse parent but whatever.
     
  2. Nitwit

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    This just hit the "Newsfeed"
     

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  3. xrayvision

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    Way to back pedal.

    But I still don't buy anything you've said.

    You can understand his frustration? Sure I can get frustrated too. But at what point does one have the chance to stop and think? Was it when he left the room to get yet, another belt? To continue the beating. To continue the verbal abuse? And then he blamed the computer. Give me a fucking break.

    Maybe its just the fact that I don't have kids. But I still think I can objectively see the difference between warranted punishment and a beating that would get a prison guard thrown in jail.

    I dunno, when I was growing up, my parents were busy loving me.
     
  4. Kubla Kahn

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    ...................


    Anyway I wholly support corporal punishment and psychological terror. It has delivered an almost inexhaustible stream of girls willing to perform in pornographic movies.
     
  5. Juice

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    Right, nice disclaimer. Drinking or not, you still seem to advocate hitting (lightly or not) your children out of "frustration." I don't have children but I don't need them to know that's still fucked up. Especially when they may have disabilities like Apergers, which makes it that much more appalling.

    Based on some of your previous posts, it seems like your problems go much deeper than angsty teenagers. Get some fucking help already.
     
  6. xrayvision

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    Agreed. If your kid is a piece of shit, it is YOUR fault. I smell an absent father. Not to say that, that is a guarantee across the board. People can turn out okay sans a dad. But right here, I sense lack of a dad.
     
  7. StayFrosty

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    This is almost a good backpedal...until you read

    Sorry, but if you can understand getting frustrated enough to do what he did, your idea of when corporal punishment is or is not warranted is questionable at best.

    I can't be the only one thinking it, and your flippantly passive-aggressive "fuck you" tone and snide comments that you've managed to insert in nearly every post you've made in this thread aren't winning you any sympathy.
     
  8. Noland

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    The judge wasn't frustrated. That motherfucker was enjoying himself. Big difference.

    Yeah, I get frustrated with mine. I don't hit them. I make them go to their rooms until I can conjure up some semblance of rational thought and deal with them then. And, for the record, I am above corporal punishment.

    I'm not saying I have the best behaved kids in the world, but, for the most part, they do what they are told when they are told and, if not, there are unpleasant ramifications that do not involve hitting.

    Make a 9 and a 7 year old scrub the front porch. It's wonderful. They hate it and I get to watch them do it and I get a clean front porch out of the deal. It's killing 3 birds with one stone.
     
  9. Aetius

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    BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES YOU ANGSTY LITTLE BASTARDS!
     
  10. bewildered

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    Everyone here sans WB seem to share similar sentiments about rearing kids. Some may spank their kids, but it is punishment and not out of anger. That is where the line that marks the difference between abuse and punishment exists.

    WickedBitch, I feel that you came here looking for validation with the way you rear your children. You did not get it, as outlined in the 4 past pages. You have often posted at TiB about certain parts of your life that seem, from the way you describe it, to be of utmost dysfunction. Please, if you love your kids, seek counseling.
     
  11. Omegaham

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    I don't really want to join the dogpile on WB, but I have a couple thoughts.

    Not everyone's kids turn out perfect. Some kids, no matter how they're raised, end up being little shits. That's because they're kids. I'm not going to automatically judge a parent if their kid's being a bastard. However, I will judge the parent for what they do when they respond to their kid's behavior.

    Right now, I think you're giving up on your kid. Kid's basically crying for help, right? He's lying about stupid stuff, not respecting what you say, and just being a little bastard. And instead of clamping down and doing what you have to do, (i.e. take everything that he loves away from him and telling him that he WILL behave, or else his life is going to become nothing but school, homework, and sleep) you alternate between hitting him out of frustration and saying, "Fuck it." You're giving up, when you're the person your kid needs the most. And THAT is why people are dogpiling on you. Not because your kid's being a little shit.

    I don't really know what to say. Kids are really, really perceptive. If they sense that someone doesn't deserve respect, they won't give it. As a kid, I knew perfectly well that my dad valued fairness above all things and that my mom was prone to being an idiot sometimes. As a result, I picked fights with my mom and accepted my dad's judgments at face value. Do you deserve respect as a parent? Imagine yourself, not as a parent, but as a leader among equals. Would someone else follow you? Or would they go "Yeeaaahhh.... fuck this?" If someone was watching your moves and taking notes, what would they say? Would they trust you to parent THEIR kids?

    It ain't easy. None of this shit is easy; that's why there are so many fucked up kids. But hey, that's duty.
     
  12. McSmallstuff

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    I will say I can honestly understand getting that frustrated. But if the children did something that gets me that upset, they go to time out somewhere where outside of arms reach. Believe me I know there are times when kids can pull some complete brain hemorrhage inducing fuckery. I can freely admit I have had beautiful day dreams of stringing all three kids to the ceiling and playing pinata until I can no longer swing the plastic bat. But as I have said if your kids get you to that point GET THEM THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU! Time out, early nap/bed time, a meal they must eat in silence. (I have three year olds so they can not do labor punishments yet, but believe me I am storing this material away for a later date.)

    On the other hand if you are just having a shitty day and normal kid stuff is driving you to your slicing up prostitutes place, put yourself in time out. Go to the bathroom, step out side and take a breath/smoke, go scream in a pillow for a few minutes*. Understand your kids are not at fault, and it is not fair to take out your frustrations on defenseless people who not only love, and admire you, but are COMPLETELY at your mercy.

    I take no objection with getting irate with a persons children. It is going to happen. No matter what bull shit people try to pass off, having a child does not push some magical perfect loving parent button. Both parents and children are going to have bad days. Unfortunately as a parent it is up to you to be the one to deal with both parties shitty moods in as constructive a manner as possible.

    Hell right now the girls daughter has pissed me off rather severly because she BEGGED for her Dora the Explore spaghetti-os. I told her she didn't have to eat at this time, and asked repeatedly if she was sure she wanted to eat. (She wastes a lot of food. And we simply don't have the money to have that happen.) However after her begging for about five minutes and assuring me she was going to eat I relented. Now I know all of you are surprised that she ate exactly one bite and then seemed genuinely shocked when I was annoyed. So cut to now, after stepping outside for a second because her not eating came with quite a bit of attitude and back talk really set me off, she is now on "toddler restriction" the fun things we were doing before lunch time went out the window. She also lost her television show. For a kid who loves to interact with everything being left with just a few toys and knowing that I am not happy with her is a pretty bad punishment. But she has also been yammering on about exactly what she did to upset me, and knows that come dinner time she will have an opportunity to redeem herself, which she seems genuinely excited to do. Also even in her punishment her attitude has taken a noticeable upswing because she was informed of how she went wrong, given reasonable consequences for her actions, and she knows how she can get back in my good graces.

    So Wicked, the frustration you spoke of is understandable. Any of you non parents who think ever even wanting to hit your kid is just completely crazy...wait. However where everyone is very reasonably taking issue, is that video was abuse. There are no two ways about it. Yeah, I agree she probably never pirated music again, she also probably jumped every time her father so much as looked at her for the next couple of months. And while I want my kids to respect me as fair, and have the good sense to fear that if they pull some dumb shit, I will be right there to sharpen them up if it needs to happen, I don't want my kids to flinch every time I walk into the room.

    So in summation:

    THINKING "I want to beat this child stupid" = Fairly normal thought for any parent.

    ACTUALLY following through with it = Abusive ass hat who should be caned by Barry Bonds.

    *These are all things I had to do in the interest of not beating my children into a pulp.
     
  13. RCGT

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    This, right here. It sounds like a decent number of you got beat. I just got spanked. Open hand, no tools. My dad would also do the "reach around the seat and claw in" when I acted up in the car.

    On the one hand, I'm an upstanding member of society, a very good student at a very good school, and headed places in life (I hope). NB: It's not because of the spankings; it's because I was instilled with a work ethic, a value system, and a moral code. I didn't learn to do my homework because I was spanked if I didn't (I wasn't). I did my homework because the way I was raised, I was expected 100% to do it; not doing my homework was not an option in my mind.

    On the other hand, I have no emotional connection to my father (who was the one who would spank me). The only emotion of his that ever felt genuine was anger. I had early-onset hypertension in high school - my blood pressure was through the roof. I basically never go home for the holidays. Every couple of months, for a period of 1-2 weeks, I have nightmares about my father coming after me with a knife, a sword, a baseball bat. So you tell me.

    From TLP's article:
    Easily the latter, for my childhood. Me and my brother knew there were certain times to walk on eggshells around Dad. I was more savvy about that then he was, and I was also less clumsy (spilling milk/knocking shit over/etc). I am about to graduate college, whereas my brother has a much lower GPA, had to take a year off, and spent 2 weeks in a suicide ward about 2 years ago.

    This.
     
  14. D26

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    First, WB, counseling. Not just for the kids, but for you. From everything I've read about you that you've written, I've noticed a few things:

    1) Your husband is an unmitigated prick and (seemingly) treated you like shit. At least, that is my assumption based on what you've said about him. Clearly, your husband showed you very little respect. Now, you're surprised when your son (who most likely models his behavior after his father, his closest male role model) shows you very little respect. Kids pick up on those things, and if Dad feels that he shouldn't respect Mom, then the kids are going to feel they don't have to respect Mom. That kind of thing is not fixed with beatings. That kind of thing is solved through family therapy.

    2) Your next son as Aspergers. This is a serious condition, and this child sees the world in a completely different way than you. As was stated earlier, you need to find a support group to help you develop strategies to deal with him, and to help you see the world as he sees it. Again, family therapy will be immensely helpful. I should also add that it doesn't just affect your relationship with the son with Aspergers, but it will also affect the relationship between the son with Aspergers and his other siblings, so a good family therapist can really help in that respect, as well.

    3) The general consensus seems to be that there is a world of difference between "spanking" and "beating." Spanking is done deliberately, without emotion (not out of anger), and it is preceded by and followed by an explanation of what the child did wrong. It is consequence that is very clearly tied to an action. A beating, and the video is an exceptionally extreme beating, is out of anger. All it does is model one simple thing to the child: "If you don't like how someone is behaving, hit them. If someone does something wrong, hit them. It is totally okay to lash out physically in anger." This is why kids who are beaten are much more likely to beat their own children, and why kids who are beaten tend to have strained relationships with their parents. I may well spank my child (I can't say for sure yet), but I am positive I won't be beating my child.

    Seriously, WB, family therapy. Don't just find counseling for your son, or for all of your kids, or just for yourself. You need to sit down with a therapist that is trained in dealing with family interactions and family issues. Counseling, in your case, needs to be something that strengthens the bonds between you and your children, and gives you all a chance to sit down together, and get to know each other better, with someone who is professionally trained to facilitate it. It will help your sons gain some respect for you, and then maybe they'll start listening. If nothing else, it will force you and your kids to sit in a room and interact with each other and get to know each other better for at least an hour or so a week, without any distractions like TV or video games.

    I apologize if this feels like piling on, as I don't intend it to come off that way. I genuinely think you came here for validation (which I can't give) and advice, and this is the best I can do. Your frustration with your situation is understandable, but you need help to handle this. That problem won't just solve itself.

    After reading through this thread (and with my first kid on the way), I'm stashing away a lot of these (non-beating) ideas for the future. I'm thinking the wife and I need to just make a "time out" room. At the very least, I am damn sure that my kids aren't going to have televisions in their bedrooms. When they get sent to their room, and it will be a punishment, not "oh, okay, I'll just watch TV someplace else."
     
  15. xrayvision

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    Or, if all else fails you could use one of these...

    This way you can still hurt him physically, but its not technically by your own hand. So its ok. Right?
     

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  16. Canada_Girl

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    As a parent, I can honestly say I've never thought that. Not once. I know I'm not a perfect parent, but the most anger I feel is towards myself. When I could use more patience and instead I snap, "Enough already!" My child is well-behaved, courteous, and polite. And he's 4. I couldn't stand to watch more than one minute of that video without cringing in terror. I can't imagine what that CHILD was going through. I don't think I've thought about beating ANYONE like that. Ever. I'm not a violent person, and my kid doesn't walk all over me. No hand is necessary in my opinion. How would you like someone laying a hand on YOU? Don't kids deserve the same respect you demand?
     
  17. AlmostGaunt

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    That sucked to watch. I had to turn it off. I'm disgusted to the point that I've deleted this post a couple of times already because it's pissing me off to think about it. I don't really feel like writing a coherent post; I feel like spewing anger and rage and venom at the Judge and WickedBitch and anyone else who thinks this is acceptable behaviour. But then, that's what this whole thing comes down to, isn't it? Do you take the emotionally satisfying route, or do you do the constructive thing?

    Look, parenting is a really fucking hard gig. There is no doubt in my mind at all that every parent has had moments they regret and are perhaps even ashamed of; it comes with being human. Raising a child can be impossibly trying, and more than anything else, requires near infinite patience. I have a shit ton of sympathy for parents.

    That said, WickedBitch, the only lesson your kids will learn if you hit them in a fit of rage is that their mother has a weak personality and isn't very bright. That she doesn't deserve respect. That she can't communicate honestly, and can't even control her own emotions and actions. Best case scenario is that they realize these are personality flaws localized to her; worst case scenario is they think that that's just the way people are, and it's acceptable to hit people that frustrate you. Good luck climbing the corporate ladder with that attitude; most likely they end up working a dead end job and married to people they despise.

    Bottom line: your kids don't respect you. It doesn't sound like you much respect yourself, and you certainly don't command respect from your husband. Hitting your kids won't change that. Kicking your husband out and demonstrating that there are consequences for disrespecting you might.

    Also, don't take your anger on your husband out on your kids. No shit you could give the same lecture to either of them; that's what procreating is, passing on your genes to the next generation. You chose to help him continue the spread of those genes; that's on you, now deal with the consequences. Your kids didn't choose to have a fuckwit father and a burnt out mother. You owe it to them to get your shit together.
     
  18. Sam N

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    Ghettoastronaut linked to http://www.thelastpsychiatrist.com wayyy back on the first page, but I'll put a few words from his article on this very video out here for easy reading:

    Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say you aren't sympathetic down there under your rage, that could even be its causal factor, but it might warrant some thinking...
     
  19. Queen-Bee

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    As a woman who was (is, it NEVER goes away) abused and the mother of an amazing grown child, I feel I have something to contribute here. However, attempting to put into words the pain, sorrow, fear, anger and bewilderment that this thread has conjured up in me was overwhelming and I had to stop. I haven't even brought myself to watch the video.

    I'm going back to my happy place so that I can get through my work weekend and I'll make another attempt at swimming around in my dark place Monday (if the thread is still open).

    One thing...keep it up WB, your children will always hate your guts. Always. Ask the mother that I haven't spoken to in 7 years and never will again. I look forward to the phone call telling me the wicked witch is dead. I'll piss on her grave.

    (No, no, move along, noooo issues here)
     
  20. Juice

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    [​IMG]
     
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