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Who needs family?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bigtom0404, Jul 2, 2011.

  1. bigtom0404

    bigtom0404
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    If anyone has read my recent Rant on the board, they would know that currently I am in a situation that involves dealing with my uncle who I consider to be the lowest form of a human being on the face of the planet and that is putting it nicely. This man has slapped me around when I was 12 and he was 45, he has made my mothers life hell since they were 10, he has made my 14 year old sister cry for a week, and now he has sucessfully made my grandma passing away all about him in an effort to control everything. Some highlights of this mans life include, completely pushing away all of his blood family to the point were no body wants anything to do with him now that his mother is dead. He has also taken in 2 kids from the ghetto of the Bronx as his god kids and treated them better then me and my sister, his flesh and blood nephew and niece. When I was 12 he told me I was "A fucking retarded little kid who will amount to nothing in life because I am little asshole who is as stupid as a fucking rock" all because he thought I slammed his car door too hard getting out of it, WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD!

    This is just a small list of things this man has done to me in my life to make me hate him.

    Focus: Have you ever had someone in your family, someone flesh and blood to you, that made your life a living hell? Did they constantly talk to you like your stupid, did they treat your siblings like shit? What did they do to you that made you never want to speak to them again?

    Focus 2: How did you get back at them? How did you let them know how you feel? Did you call the cops and have them arrested or a restraining order? Did you write them a letter, did you tell them to their face, or did you bottle it up for years and just not talk to them?

    I have tried to reason with this man and talk to him like an adult to tell him that the way he treats me and my family is not right, and is uncalled for. The problem, he is 53 and he is not an adult, he is a fucking 2 yr old, there is no reasoning with him. So instead, I am looking for methods to tell him or get back at him. I am considering writing a very long letter detailing how I have hated him for 15 years, but if anyone here has better ideas or suggestions, I might just use one if I like it.
     
  2. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
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    Experience has led me to believe that there is far more need for therapy than society will ever be able to provide. Even if society dropped everything and half the people worked 100 hours a week as therapists, we would still not meet demand.
     
  3. NotaPharmacist

    NotaPharmacist
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    You cut them out of your life as much as possible. If the letter helps you move on, or get a handle of how he hurt you, that's great.

    But look at the metaphor you used. You called him a two year old, and there's no reasoning with him. Nothing you do or say is likely to change that, no matter how long or well-articulated the letter is. You can't force change on people with words in most cases. And it'll tax you if you keep waiting and hoping for what you say to have an effect. Excise the cancer from your life, and live the part that's not diseased.
     
  4. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
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    He doesn't bother me exactly, but I do have a cousin who is in his early 30's and has the mentality of a 10 year old. At least once a week, he gets into a fight with my 10 year old brother for being too rough in the swimming pool. I have another cousin who was born a little before my brother who hides from him because he doesn't understand limits when it comes to roughhousing. The worst part is that he has an 8-year old daughter who is maybe 19 pounds who he throws around like a rag doll.

    I think the worst thing I have ever seen him do, though, was when my cousin moved into his apartment. He was moving out, so he made a deal that if she cleans his apartment enough for him to keep his security deposit, she can keep a bunch of his appliances that he doesn't need. The problem was that the apartment looked like it was occupied by two children. There was caked toothpaste on the floor and ceiling of the bathroom. He never did dishes for the entirely of his two years in the apartment, and expected my cousin to wash two years worth of dishes. And finally, the apartment just stopped smelling like wet garbage, and my cousin moved in six months ago.

    Obviously, he did not get his deposit back because there was no way to clean that apartment properly. Instead of realizing this, though, he called my cousin at three in the morning and started screaming at her that it's all her fault he didn't get the deposit back. He also let her use his washer and dryer for a week before breaking into the apartment and taking it back without telling anyone.
     
  5. lust4life

    lust4life
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    What's the point of "getting back at him?" That only serves to further escalate the situation. As notapharmacist said, excise this tumor from your life. If no one else in the family wants anything to do with him, marshall the family together to make that a united front, disassociate yourselves from him, and let him live with his two god sons. If he persists, get a restraining order. Shutting him off from all family contact prevents him from being able to do what he does to you and your other relatives, which in a way, is a form of "getting back at him" because you're taking away the power he has to make you miserable. You're not going to change the past, so don't let if ruin your present or future. Let it and him go, and move on.
     
  6. Roxanne

    Roxanne
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    My father and my sister have the most toxic relationship on the planet. She is his little princess and he is her provider-of-all. The only validation they need in their lives is from each other. That means they feel that they are free to emotionally abuse the shit out of the rest of the family, as long as they can tell each other it was justified.

    My dad actively tried to prevent me from graduating college, once he realized that I would no longer depend on him and would be able to make my own way in the world. My sister purposefully tried to screw up my interview to get into grad school so that I would be forced to stay and help her with my niece a little bit longer.

    There is a very long laundry list of other awful things they've done, but these two were the straws that broke the camel's back for me, and aided me in cutting them out of my life.

    It's hard, because you're taught from a young age that family will always be there for you when no one is. But in my case, though they are always "there" for me, it is only to tell me that I will never be better than what they want me to be. Who needs that? Say goodbye in your head and move on. If you need more closure, write an email. Don't bother confronting them though, because people like this only know their own selfish desires, and no matter how correct you are in your assessment of their character and the situation, they will spin in their heads that you're the asshole and ruined the perfectly functioning relationship.
     
  7. RCGT

    RCGT
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    My grandmother was just lying on the floor drunkenly thrashing about and making whale noises for two hours. She also requested that I cuddle her to sleep (I said no, if you're wondering). For reference, she has a touch of pneumonia.

    If she dies, I imagine the funeral will be living hell, but it'll probably be worth it.
     
  8. AlmostGaunt

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    I don't understand people who have family drama with non-immediate family. We had a lot in my youth - every Xmas was an ordeal of angst and rage which just totally fucked up everybody's day. So I stopped going. I refuse to associate with, or acknowledge, my aunties on one side of the family because they are basically the worst people I've ever met. When my grandmother had a stroke, my 92 year old grandfather didn't cope very well, so we went round there every day with food, clean washing, etc. (Note: apparently there were men who had never fixed a meal or run a washing machine in their lives back then). I vividly remember my aunties turning up on our doorstep in a rage because we were 'trying to get a bigger share of the will by being nice to him' and 'he had to learn to fend for himself'. When my grandfather died and my grandmother entered a nursing home, they hired a lawyer to try and stop my Dad being executor of the will - because he wanted to spend the proceeds from selling my grandmother's house on the best nursing home we could find, which wouldn't leave anything for them. My Dad visits her 3x a week, bringing her books, clothes and food. One auntie has visited three times in the 3 years, and the other refuses to speak to grandma because she is no longer receiving money from her. I would murder both of these people in their sleep if I thought I could get away with it. Instead I do the next best thing - refuse to see or speak to them. Works for me!
     
  9. selective misogyny

    selective misogyny
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