When I was Your Age...

A few friends of mine follow the blog http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/ and I finally decided to give it a look. While I don't agree with all of his rules, some are good and I like the concept. As I age I'm finding that I'm more like my dad and grandfather than I would've liked to admit as a teenager. Since I've been in my 20's I've realized that they gave me some damn good advice that has molded me into a decent human being and helped me out in many times.

Focus: Add to the list. What advice or rules would you pass on to your son if you should have one? For those of you that already have a son, what have you passed on and what else you planning to pass on?

Alt. Focus: What rules or advice did your father pass on to you?

 

My general thesis would be "don't be a dick."

Rules for your (un)born daughter are allowed, too - just be sure to indicate which one you're talking to.

 

The best advice my mother ever gave me was "No matter how intelligent a man is, when it comes to sex, they're all functionally retarded" She wasn't referring to technique. More to the fact that you have to tell a guy what you want in the bedroom, bring at least 2 condoms (the first for when he doesn't have any and the second for when he "accidentally" puts it on wrong), and generally to not just lay there.

 

I'm teaching my son this one at the moment:

"Work first, play later."

This is on the basis that you do both.

I, especially, suck at this but I'm better than I used to be. This is partially because I learnt the bastardised version from my father, which was:

"Work first, work later. Work in the middle. Make your sons follow in your image."

This meant that now that I can self-determine, I tend to focus on goofing off because I never really had the chance. I alternate this with periods where I work to the exclusion of all other things.

It has also created a situation where my dad is now retired, has no friends, no spouse and no hobbies. He's filled the gap with "making his sons' lives unbearable". At least he can't argue when I respond to his calls with attention by saying "I have work to do."

 

My father told me in my early teens that I might be good at a sport, but nowhere near athletic enough to be a sports star; I might be kind of funny, but nowhere near enough to become an entertainer; good looking, but nowhere near enough so to be a model....so I better start studying. It's rather harsh, but it's true, and it has stuck with me.

Not sure if I'll quite put it in those terms, but if I have them, any child of mine will know that education is the only sure path to success.

 

Dear future daughter: if any guy pulls shit like the above, walk out. He's a dick.

Dear future daughter and/or son: the world may not judge you by how you treat those that you have some kind of privilege over (pets, employees, waiters and waitresses, the disabled, cleaning staff, etc.) but it should. Act accordingly.

 

Dear children: For the love of sweet Jesus, use a fucking condom. While, to some people, there is no other joy than having a baby, by the time they turn 18, they'll break your stuff, eat you out of house and home, and disrespect and/or disappoint you in some way. I should know, as I did all of those things to your grandparents. And then there's stuff that makes you burn when you pee, so that's not good either.

 

Never litter.

Be on time. If you're at least five minutes early you're on time, if you're just on time you're late, and if you're late you're dead.

Give someone the benefit of the doubt only once.

You will regret the things you didn't do far more than the things you did do. Ask the girl to dance for god's sakes.

Never drink and drive; never get in a car whose driver has been drinking. This is cliche, because it's true.

Above all else, think critically and for yourself.

 

I forget where I heard this:

Son, you know those tall girls? The ones who seem kinda awkward now, like they haven't quite grown into/gotten used to their body? Be nice to them. You'll thank me in three years or so.

 

Pretty much the only advice I ever got from my parents was if I didn't have good table manners, I wouldn't be able to marry a rich girl. Never occurred to them that not having parents with rich friends also rules out that possibility.

 

My mom always told me to have fun, just don't get caught.
Both parents instilled in me the necessity to do well in school and think for myself. With out that, you're just another cog.

I feel like when I have kids I'll say the same things; although I'll stress the importance of following your passions, because why not?

 

In high school before I'd head out for the night, my mom used to say, "Okay, have fun and don't get arrested! ...Because I'm not bailing you out if you do."

I believed her.

 

My dad gave me 2 rock solid pieces of advice growing up:

A man always has a handkerchief and at least $5 in cash on him at all times.

and

Only assholes and bank robbers back into parking spots.

 

Can you explain that one? It seems more responsible and aware to back into spots, making exiting easier, as opposed to just pulling in, which seems lazier to me. As long as you're not holding up traffic while you back in, why not?

 

Did your dad cry a lot?

With this kind of good advice, I would love to see what kind of bad advice he gave.

 

"Always tell the truth, because if you lie and get caught it's going to be much worse than if you just fessed up in the first place." - I can verify this as fact, because when I didn't heed this advice when I was a kid I did in fact get it worse.

 

I have a daughter, so naturally my advice to her will be night and day, but if I was to tell anything to a son it would be:

There is no such thing as "sin". Gays are not going to burn in hell, and Baby Jesus doesn't cry when you have sex so you can put on a condom and fuck all you want.