I stopped at McDonald's the other day. I usually only stop there on occasion for breakfast because the coffee is decent and fuck you, hash browns are like crack. Anyway, I had missed breakfast by ten minutes and unlike Muricah, we don't have all day McBreakfasts. But I was already in the drive thru line and didn't want to just leave so I got a sandwich. A fucking filet o fish. I haven't had one since I was in high school and for some reason blurted it out at the last minute like a sad reflex. Even the girl running the window seemed sad for me as she took my money and handed me the bag. As I unwrapped it and bit into it, the hot capery jizz of "tartar" sauce squirting out the back and dripping onto my shirt like a bukkake preview, I knew I had made a major mistake. That first bite was my last. Those things are disgusting. Focus: Everyone always talks about their resolutions for the new year and how they're going to improve themselves. Fuck that. What mistakes have you already made in 2016?