What kind of dressing would you like on your salad?

I'm talking about licking the anus while fingering the jinur. If you can't figure out my screen name you are a dumbass.

 

I've only done it once, and I don't know if it counts, but here's the story anyway.

This friend of my friend was getting married, and my buddy was throwing the bachelor party. He called me up and said "Hey Ballsack - I know you're busy with your kick-ass legal job, but I've got to arrange this thing, and nobody knows how to find better whores to do cocaine off of than you. Could you help me out?"

Long story short, I set things up in my usual awesome way, but when the night got going I had an idea.

The whores tied the groom to a chair and put a blindfold on him before giving him lapdances. So after a bit I dropped trow (I always keep my asshole shaved - it's for hygene reasons) and sat in front of him. Soon enough I could feel his tongue caressing my taint. You could tell the whores were impressed by my manliness.

At the reception we played a slideshow of the whole thing, to show the bride what a homo her husband was. Hah! I still get a good laugh about it to this day!

 

Well of course it doesn't count. He was blindfolded. Everyone knows it only counts if you look each other in the eye.

 

I voted Chater salad because I mentally conflated it with tater salad and I'm hungry.


I'm not going to lie, I'm intrigued. Probably the taboo.



But how is this not horribly, horribly unhygenic?

Doesn't poop have all sorts of bacteria that I don't want in my mouth?

 

It's cleaner than human mouths. Sort of like a dogs mouth. But look out for dogs assholes. Those things are dirty.

 

Strictly speaking, yes. But consider:

1. the amount of poop on the outside of a clean asshole
2. the amount of bacteria that you ingest
3. how much of that bacteria will survive the acid environment of your stomach

I think people freak out because of the potential for poo; same way that people insist upon building a nest of toilet paper on public toilet seats which generally have a very low germ count (particularly pathogenic bacteria), but never think twice about how much germs are on keyboards or other shit like that. I mean, as long as it's cleaned, it's not that filthy. I say again; it's not as though I go straight for licking the pooper immediately after my girlfriend's taken a giant shit. For that matter, there are times when I'll try to go there but she'll tell me not to, for obvious implicit reasons.

This entirely conversation is purely theoretical, though, because it's a well-known fact that girls don't poo.

 

I'm a big fan. It feels amazing. I always make sure I'm fresh as a daisy beforehand. That's just common courtesy.

I've never given because 99% of men freak the fuck out when you go near the ass.

 

"oh I see you ate one too"

PICARD IN HEAVEN, TROUSERS, YOUR SUCH AND N00B.

Actually I think the rule you're thinking of is "It's not gay unless balls are touching". Then again, considering the fact that ballsack, well, is a ballsack...well...hey at least he didn't touch the guy's balls!

Continuing right along the path of "Jesus Christ, you're a nerd" I can't help but think of this video when the talk gets to any sort of butt ballet.

NSFW

http://www.moviepink.com/tour2/movie02_4.mpg

Anyway, I decided to see what Wikipedia had to say about rusty trombones:

There you go guys, the irrefutable source of a bunch of guys with computers say that butts are less bad than mouths. You might want to consider changing your repertoire to making out with her ass instead of her face at the bar. Why exactly is it that a dog has a cleaner mouth than it's ass, while a person is the opposite? I think the whole thing is a communist plot to return America to a system of state property, and I for one won't stand for it. So go out there, and kiss some ass, suck a meatless sausage tube, and enjoy the fruit of the loom before it's even popped out of the pile of shit on the field.

Focus: The best dressing is Hidden Valley Ranch. It's thick, it's creamy, and it's soothingly cool on your balls as you pump salad dressing in and out of her Hershey highway. Who said you can't have a cohocolate salad? And throwing in a high velocity meat rocket adds not only needed protein in a jiffy, but also a convenient utensil with which you can feed others.

I almost think I should export the service to starving children in Africa, but I just don't think I have the stamina to make that many gourmet chocolate-crotch-rocket butt salads. Oh well. I'm a humanitarian at heart.

Edit: Just a note: a high velocity meat rocket fires tungsten-core armor piercing sperm. This is important to know because it means even a kevlar condom won't prevent pregnancy. In fact, nothing short of a condom with an interlocking system of ceramic plates will stop these sperm from perforating her ovaries and possibly lodging themselves in her liver.

I need sleep.

 

From the Anal Thread a week or two ago.

 

Received? Yes. And really enjoyed it. You've got a gang of nerves in there, and the sensation, together with the ego boost, is something else. I'm strict about my anal hygiene, so if she's down, I'm secure about it.

Given? Sort of, I think? Once, in a 69, I wiggled my tongue around her buttcrack. Spur-of-the-moment thing. She didn't mention it, but she always wanted to 69 after that.

Also, for everyone who's freaking out about bacteria: It's called "rimming" for a reason. You're not chimney-sweeping the lower intestine. It's not a big thing. I practically demand blowjobs, and I piss through my dick every day.

 

I've given to my current girlfriend a couple times, but didn't get much out of it. She apparently found something appealing to it.

I do actually have an interesting story relating to this. The irony being is does relate to the title of the topic. My current girlfriend loves it and has been bugging me to do it again, which I've somewhat been putting off since I don't care one way or the other, but am just lazy. She knows my kryptonite. I will eat ANYTHING if you put Chic-fil-a's Polynesian sauce on it. That is the most AMAZING substance that has ever passed through my lips. And so yes, you can see where this is going. Shes come up with the bright idea of dribbling some of this stuff over the crack of her ass to get me to do it. While we haven't tried this yet, I'm SERIOUSLY tempted. Maybe not jelly or a cert, but when it comes to whether you, "know your eating ass," as Chrick Rock put it, I'm thinking this'll spruce it up a bit more.

 

This is good timing. Last weekend a guy licked my ass for the first time. We were both pretty drunk so that might have had something to do with it. He was going down on me and just went further south for a minute. It was alright. Not mind-blowing like some people describe, but I wouldn't push him away if he tried it again.

And we did kiss after that too. Its my ass. I guess if he's comfortable licking me there, I'm fine with kissing him. I didn't even think about it at the time.