Well, it's not quite FOCUS, but in the spirit of the linked page I'll write an Esquire-style What I've Learned article. ~ ~ ~ ~ You can have healthy relationships with unhealthy people, but only if you let your interactions be with the healthy parts of their personality. If you let the boundaries become permeable and start engaging with the unhealthy parts, you're in for a lot of trouble. It is possible to really heal people who have issues like insecurity, fear, and lack of perspective. It's a long, arduous process and it needs some measure of cooperation from the other person. The cost is so high that sometimes it makes you wonder if it was worth it. Introspection and objectivity are skills that can take a lifetime to master. Many people don't even make a serious attempt at either. Having a grasp on these makes the world a much easier place to understand and live in. It seems to me people are motivated by pretty simple things: they want to be safe, they want to have security, they want to be unafraid, and they want to peg the pleasure centers of their brains often. Stuff like that. People have strange ideas about the best ways to achieve these goals, and I think those strange ideas are what does a good job of screwing up society. I look at a lot of awful behaviors, and behind them I see someone who is scared and who thinks that doing something awful will fix that. It almost never does. The problem is that they never make the connection back to the strange idea on their own, and nobody helps them do it. So awful behavior continues. There are also people whose awful behaviors are clearly due to some biological impediment. Real sociopaths and the like, who are just biologically incapable of understanding the consequences of their actions. I can sympathize with these people, too, but I'm also deathly afraid of them. I read this year that only 20% of people say they are 'very passionate' about their jobs. To me, that explains a lot. I wonder if we can do better. I fear the tragedy of the commons more than any conspiracy. I think a lot of people see conspiracies where actually it's just the emergent behavior of self-interested actors causing a tragedy of the commons situation. Ketchup and Knott's Seedless Jam are both just ways to add high fructose corn syrup to whatever you're eating. But they're so goddamn delicious I do it anyway. If you had really, really good eyes, or perhaps a telescope in space, and you focused really intently on one area of the night sky, you would see something that looks like this. That image covers one thirteen-millionth of the whole sky. In that image there are about 10,000 visible galaxies. Our galaxy has 200-400 billion stars in it.
And to quote Ferris Bueller who was quoting John Lennon: I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.
- Try. Give it a shot. The worst that'll happen is you'll fail and learn what not to do next time. - You can't save people from themselves - "I didn't get to where I am now worrying about how I'll feel tomorrow." ~Ron White
"You find out who your true friends are when you encounter trials and struggle." Overall 2009 was a difficult year for me: - Mom diagnosed with cervical cancer (Successful surgery, she's now clean and healthy!). - Girlfriend diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression (After two extremely difficult months, she finally found some meds that worked, and is doing GREAT now.) - Grandpa died suddenly of pneumonia on November 8th. - One of my best buddy's Dad died in a farming accident. Yet through it all, I've learned that I've got some pretty wicked friends who are loyal to the max! Here's to a tremendous 2010!
Learn to seriously take time to appreciate the things you take for granted in life. I mean things like a steady supply of food and water along with a place to lie down and sleep. Obviously this does not solve everything but you will be much happier in general if you do.
"A lot of people go through life never quite understanding that if things aren't as wonderful as they should be, it's their own fault." -Hugh Hefner "Everyone is dealt a hand in life and if you don't like your cards, you can fold and get five new ones." -My brother 2010 is going to be about me. I have a hard time saying no to people and it ends up negatively effecting my life. It's time for me to be a little selfish.
The friends you have, give a little leeway, but no one in your life is irreplaceable. The way a person treats someone when they're down on their luck, is a true mesure of that person. No matter if you love them or not, if your significant other makes you feel badly about yourself they need to be removed from your life. True friends are not the people that only warn you of a branch in the road. True friends are the people that, while laughing, pick you and dust you off. As much as I bitch about mine; When you have nowhere else to go, turn to family. And finally a lesson that I have struggled with all my life, but has really come home to me this year; The most courageous sentence a man can say is "I need help."
It's been a "fuck you" year in a variety of ways, so what I've learned is this. "If life's a bitch, be it's pimp." Yes, I am embarrassed that this came phrase came from an MC Chris album.
One of the best skills you can learn is the development of an outside ego. Stay diversified in knowledge. Even if a theory or postulation sounds ridiculous dig past the surface and make an informed conclusion. Selfish people just aren't worth it. Cut them out or limit them as much as possible. The central banks have way too much power and potential to get away with risky or failing ventures. There's opportunities to make money everywhere. Pay attention and you might just be able to take advantage of one.
"Always wear mesh shorts to the strip club" and to everyone posting what they've learned: Easier said than done. Everyone knows all of these things and thinks they are awesome, but actually implementing them in your life is fucking hard. I know. I've been spending the last year or two trying to do the shit that these lists are always filled with and you know what, I'm still fucked up in a whole hell of a lot of ways. Sometimes it's just easy to say fuck it and go get drunk, too easy in fact, and then the next morning I fucking hate myself. But I'm working on it. My main thing is, just be a good person. Yeah that's kind of a blanket term, and that means something slightly different to everyone, but it's all the same. Just be a fucking good person.
You can reinvent yourself, but you better be prepared to put your head down and work in order to do it. Once you feel like you've arrived, put your head down and work harder. Now is not the time to be complacent. There is no winning when you prove to a superior you're right by pounding a point into the ground. Just because you're right doesn't mean that you win.
Also realize that every change you make to yourself rocks the boat of other people's perceptions of you and, consequently, their perception of themselves. If you want to change something about yourself, follow VanillaGorilla's words and work to do it, and ignore those who tell you you're fine the way you are.
If you're going to sleep in your clothes after a night of drinking, take your wallet out of your pocket. Right after posting this thread I got a call from one of my friends who asked me if I wanted to spend the long weekend skiing up in Vermont. His family owns a house right inside the southern Vermont border, not far from Mount Snow. We arrived around 11 at night and started drinking almost immediately. Cut to the next morning; I wake up to find that my pants are wet. I didn't even have long enough to feel embarrassed for pissing myself when I discovered that I peed all over the side of my pants where I keep my wallet, over $400 was completely soaked. I was handing out piss-bills all weekend. If you happen to work at Mount Snow doing any job that involves handling money I am deeply sorry that you had to touch my pee.
Raising a baby is easier than I thought, but not THAT easy. When you tell people you're a Redskins fan, prepare to feel like the wimpiest dork in high school. Women still don't like being called "toots", and they'll physically demonstrate that.
Except for baldness. Focus: Appreciate what you have. No matter how bad you think you have it, there's a lot of people who have it worse off.
I had a very interesting year wherein the second half was some of the most progressive and productive months of my life. I study wine, beer, liquor and cigars [both for my current work and because I love it.] Here are some of the quotes that stuck with me as I was learning that applied to both my studies and life itself: "A person with increasing knowledge and sensory education may derive infinite enjoyment from wine." -Ernest Hemingway "We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer tasting them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age." -Charles Caleb Colton The second quote I've come to understand quite clearly this past year. Before I had thought it somewhat plain and almost a warning, akin to being told to experience all you can when you're young... but after finally affording myself certain challenges I'd have liked to attempt but didn't, where before I was either scared or financially unable to do so, it speaks to me more as an expression of revelry for challenging oneself and reaping the benefits of your risks.
Don't look now Shegee, but your x chromosome is showing. The only person who will always be with you, every day of your life, is you. Avoid making poor decisions that will make your life more difficult, and learn to be a person that you can like.