What do you wish you knew at 20 that you know now?

Take any advice anyone ever gives you with one or more grains of salt.

Anyone. Ever.

 

Jobs and Bill Gates dropped out of college, as did many others. You forgot the part where Apple fell out of the sky and landed on his lap.

You can't point out someone's early lifestyle to explain their motivation. Many could argue he sacrificed a nicer lifestyle to create his own path. Road less travelled shit.

There's a huge difference between having a gameplan for your career, and a gameplan for your life. Not that either is a bad thing.

Some people want to be married by 25, some want their JD, and a few want both. It doesn't make them any more or less inferior to you. Sacrificing what you want in order to follow this imaginary checklist makes you a loser.

 

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To Me at 20:

1) Being a nice guy only pays off if you're the male lead in a shitty chick flick, not in real life.

2) Savor the music that you love RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT, because it's all downhill for the next twelve years.

3) Seriously, Tampa Bay is going to humilate the Raiders win the fucking Superbowl. Put some money on it. Seriously.

4) Go to Amsterdam every year, instead of waiting until you're 31. Move there. Don't come back.

5) If you meet a chick named Vicky, she will send your life into a 9-month tailspin of Hell and frustration. DON'T FUCKING DATE THAT SOCIOPATHIC BROAD, ASSHOLE.

6) Fun doesn't end when college does. In your case, it gets WAAAAAAAAAAY more fun.

 

I'm 29, turning 30 in a couple of weeks. Here is some advice I would give you:

Don't go into debt. Car Payments and Credit cards especially. If you can't afford to pay cash for it, YOU DON'T NEED IT. Houses and educations are the exception, and it sounds like your education is taken care of.

If you get into a relationship: There will come a day where you want to do something fun or otherwise, and your significant other will not want to do it, or won't want you to do it. This is Very important, DO IT ANYWAY. They will scream and cuss and pout and fight with you, but stick to your guns. This could happen several times, but eventually they will know that they can't control you, and life will be good from there on out. My brother gave me this piece of advice, and it was the best marital advice I ever received. He didn't have anybody to tell him this when he got married, he never stood his ground, and now his wife dominates him like a Nazi. Never exclude your significant other, unless it's a boys only thing (like a bachelor party) but if they don't want to do it with you, don't let them keep you from living your life.

 

Take this for what it's worth and how you can apply it to your own life. It may mean nothing, or it may give you an idea of how to go about things.

At 37 years old, I lost everything. Every-fucking-thing. I walked away from owning 3 houses, numerous toy cars and had nothing except for my pet bird who was more of a hindrance then an asset.

I signed everything over to my ex and walked away with my clothes, my bird, and a 14 year old car. Other then that, I had nothing.

But, I had a plan. I bought a mobile home and toughed it out for a year or so in the thing. Then I saved up enough money to buy a fixer upper house. I was handy with tools and was able to parlay that into a nice little windfall when the market went bat shit insane. At the same time I made few wise investments and kept from buying the latest, greatest whatever. At 42, I pretty much retired. My ex from long ago still talks longingly about leaving the big city and moving to the country. She's so upside down in debt she'll never be able to do it. She's more in debt then when we broke up because she has to have every new toy that hits the market.

Me? I'm happily rambling around a chunk of land that I can call mine and not having to worry about working.

(Not withstanding the ugly fight that has erupted over my father's and mine investment in the family farm. That's a whole different story.)

It took me all of 5 years to achieve this starting with nothing. I don't advocate my life to anyone, but if you can keep it simple and not buy new cars, and a new computer or TV every year it's easily attainable. It took me 5 years to go from nothing to owning a bunch of land and equipment and not owing a cent on any of it.

In short:

Don't buy anything on credit unless you're sure that purchase is going to make you money. Don't speculate and think it may make you money, either it's a sure thing or it isn't.

Never trust a sure thing. They're usually the opposite. (I realize I'm contradicting myself. Life is fucked up like that. Get used to it...life lesson #3.)

Just go out and have fun. 100 years from now none of the things you're stressing over at the moment will matter to anyone.

 

The advice I'd give myself at 20 is probably pretty similar to advice I'd give to any 20 year old:

- Your boss can be right or wrong, but they're still the boss. Either take the money and shut up, or walk. Staying and fighting is a no win situation.

- It doesn't matter what you have a degree in, or how smart you think you are; if you can't build a rapport with your clients/customers, it'll be worth squat.

- Don't be afraid of debt, but don't be reckless. If it isn't a necessity or a benefit, don't go into hock for it.

- Never walk into anything you don't have an exit strategy for.

- It only takes as long to get over something as you let yourself take.

 

Take care of your body. Work out on a regular basis and watch what you eat.
Realize that no matter what you do, you're gonna get older. Pop music isn't going to get any better and Dick Clark will probably outlast you.
Learn as much as you can about everything and never hesitate to stand up for yourself.
Hug your grandma every time you see her.

 

Keep a journal. It will highlight your progress/mistakes today so you can improve tomorrow.
Don't be lazy. Work today and you will have more fun tomorrow. Inversely, an indulgence today has to be paid in interest tomorrow.
Listen to yourself. People will come and go but you will always have to live with yourself.

And if you do fuck up, you can always ante up to fix the problem.

 

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1. Buy Google stock at the IPO price.

2. Do NOT fuck Susan (redacted). She is a kray-zee bitch and will turn your life upside down and inside out for almost a year. The sex will be above average but nothing special so you won't be missing out on much.

3. Don't be afraid to quit your job every so often. The bosses like money more than anyone and though you'll end up being re-hired you'll make significantly more money for the trouble.

Those 3 would about cover it.

 

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Here's something people should know at 10, 20, 30, and so on.

 

You are in for one hell of a ride- even more than your college years.

The overlapping theme of most of this advice is to follow your own path, and don't make any decisions that will have lasting effects unless you're absolutely sure that's what you want.

To that end, do what makes you happy. Sometimes you have to do something you don't want to do or something that downright sucks in order to achieve a greater good- that's a big part of being a man. That said, if you're doing something that doesn't make you happy and there's no light and the end of the tunnel, stop doing it. This applies to friendships, relationships, and your career.

What I mean is don't do something just because others are doing it or because it's the "right" path. That's how you wind up 45 with a fat wife, a job you hate, and shitty kids. Do things because you've decided that they're right for you.

 

DO NOT GO INTO CREDIT CARD DEBT! It's a recurring theme in all these 3 pages of posts for a reason. I couldn't imagine being 40+ with the kind of worries I had when I was in college, with bills and such.. especially with children and a wife counting on me.

Always remember that when your cash is in your hand, EVERYONE works for you. Don't let Doctors push you around. Don't let car salesmen intimidate you. Don't let repairmen guilt you. They all work for you, and you have the power to walk away.

Stay in touch with your friends and be genuine in your relationships with them. Take friends up on invitations to do things you may not necessarily feel like doing. Go to the weddings (there's a ton right around the corner), go to the kid's birthday parties. Be sincere and truly take interest. One day it'll be you and you'll truly appreciate the gestures. Just GO. Things change, but it's easy to find yourself alone in a matter of a few years.

 

Just for emphasis, I'm going to tell you "DON'T GO INTO CREDIT CARD DEBT" again. It's absolutely awful knowing you have a great job and probably make more money than all your friends, yet they have cash to go out and do fun stuff, and your paycheck is gone as soon as those credit card bills show up. It sucks to sit at home, alone, when your friends are out having fun. Guess what, if you pay the minimum, or close to it, and buy as little as a tank of gas a month on that card, the balance will never get any smaller. Ever. Until you get your shit together and cut the damn thing up, and pay twice the minimum, you'll never make any progress.

Just because you now have a real job, and you're making more per paycheck than you used to make all summer long, you're not rich. There's a limit to what you can afford, and you'll go over that limit a few times. Don't buy a brand new car with 0 down, no matter how good a deal they give you on the price, and how low the interest rate is. A year later, you'll have a used car, be upside down in a car loan, and have a huge car payment that you hate. My car payment was almost as much as my mortgage payment is now.

If you like where you live, and you're going to be there for a few years or more, look around at the real estate market. If prices are low, and you find a great deal, buy yourself a house. Get someone that's done it before to help you through it all. Don't trust any mortgage broker or real estate agent, ever. They just want your money. They may be telling the truth, but it's up to you to find out if they are or not. If you stayed out of debt up til now, you'll be rewarded with a better mortgage than most. If you've done everything right, as long as you don't trash the house, and you didn't buy during a housing bubble, it will be tough to lose money on it. Even if you lose a little bit, was it less than you'd have paid in rent?

Don't let anyone move in to your house with you, especially male friends. If they don't own it, they don't care about it, and it's probably gonna get trashed. Even if it doesn't, your friendship is probably going to suffer, and you're not going to have the time alone you need in order to grow up. Whoever told you to live by yourself for at least a year is totally right.

Don't worry too much. Especially if it's something you can't control. Shit will eventually work itself out, just enjoy the ride. Go do stuff you've never done, even if you don't think it sounds fun. Sure, you may suffer through some horrible things, but being surprised by how much you like something you didn't before makes up for it. You'll probably make a lot of new friends that way too.

Your current group of friends is going to start drifting away. You're all going through a lot of new, exciting, interesting changes in life. Some of you will grow into different people, and move apart. It happens, don't sweat it. You'll be surprised how some of you will start drifting together again later. Don't worry about calling all your friends all the time to keep in touch. There may be friends that you only talk to 1, 2, maybe 3 times a year if you're lucky, and they live thousands of miles away. What's cool is when even though you haven't seen each other and/or talked for 9 or 12 months, you'll pick up like you just saw them yesterday. That also means that you shouldn't get all worried or pissy if your friend doesn't call you. Just relax, and when he does call, pick up right where you left off.

Keep your eyes open as you move through the next ten years. A lot is going on around you, and most people don't pay attention. You'll probably see some cool shit, you'll probably see some terrible shit. Like you already said, try and see other people's mistakes and learn from them. It's a lot easier than having to make the mistake yourself to learn from it. Keep an open mind about everyone you meet, sometimes they'll surprise you. You may very well find someone you absolutely love, and they're nothing like what you thought you wanted. Again, make sure it's fun. Looks fade, people gain weight, things start to sag. If you truly enjoy being around someone, and they make your life fun, you can look past all that.

And finally, the most important thing: As cliche as it sounds, just be yourself. Sometimes, the image you have of yourself may be completely false. Who you think you are, and who you really want to be, can be completely different. It's probably going to take you a few years before you even start to realize that, and slowly you're going to change. Sometimes, you wake up and suddenly realize you're not that person. Don't be afraid of changing, if you're moving in the right direction it should be enjoyable. You'll probably end up a completely different person 5 or 10 years from now, and again 5 or 10 years after that. If you don't like who you are, that's fine. Pick a direction to move in, and start. Even if it's the wrong direction, at least you went somewhere.

Life is almost completely random, there are very few things we can directly influence. Most we can't at all. The sooner you learn to recognize the difference and stop wasting time and effort, the better off you'll be. Then you can start enjoying the randomness around you.