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What do you choose, rookie?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by downndirty, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. D26

    D26
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    1) TV with 100 channels - This would be my primary entertainment, and I am a TV junkie, and 100 channels would actually be more than enough for me.

    2 and 3) Big 3 video game consoles with the 5 games a month. This would be the secondary entertainment option, and there are certain games that I could literally spend hundreds of hours on (i.e. Skyrim, Dragon Age, etc).

    4 and 5) Computer with Modem. This would be my primary contact with the outside world. Message boards, Facebook, and other various ways of chatting that shouldn't bring me close to the 3 GB of bandwidth use. Also: porn (albeit very limited porn due to the bandwidth limit).

    6) Water heater, because fuck cold showers

    7) Books, because quite frankly, I'd use this time to catch up on all the books I want to read.

    8) Ten movie/TV box sets, in case I got bored with the books, games, and other options

    9) Two dishes a day. Someone else put it best when they said you can order almost anything, so this offers the most variety. The gruel would serve for a 3rd meal, or I could order enough in two meals to spread it out for 3

    10) This is where I get stuck. On the one hand, exercise would be nice, so I'd want the garden/pool. On the other hand, my food is pretty much taken care of and it'd be hard to overeat to the point of getting obese, so maybe I'd go with the weed. Ultimately, I think I'd go with the weed, but if it moved up to 11, I'd add the pool for swimming exercise.

    You may have noticed I don't have any people in there with me. Why? Well, quite frankly, I've always been pretty introverted, and my wife hates it. At the same time, we both kind of agree that I could literally go months without leaving the house, using only internet and phone for contact with others, and be not only content, but extremely happy. I swear I could be a hermit and probably love it.
     
  2. bebop007

    bebop007
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    Well, here we go

    1.) Water Heating Unit - As others have said, fuck cold showers

    2.) MDMA pills/LSD tabs

    3.) Pen and paper

    4.) Books

    5.) Booze

    6.) 50 inch tv

    7.) Consoles

    8.) Video games

    9.) $100 fridge/oven

    10.) Weights

    The books, tv, and video games will give me any and all entertainment I could possibly need. The combination of drugs, booze, books, movies and pen and paper would, I would hope give me the inspiration to start work on some novels/screenplays I'd like to write. Because, if I'm gonna be stuck in prison, I might as well delude myself into thinking I could be productive. I'm jumping on board the fridge/oven bandwagon because I have zero cooking ability and this would give me a chance to rectify it. Plus, I could use my book allowance to snag some cookbooks to make myself things that are tasty and healthy. That combined with the weights means I could become/stay pretty fit for the duration of the ten year stint.

    So after ten years I'd potentially be - Fit as hell, well read, and no doubt produced some serious masterworks of literature and cinema. Not a bad way to spend ten years, I think.

    I sincerely doubt I could take someone inside with me. I was briefly toying with the idea of a famous still living person like David Bowie, Hayao Miyazaki, Stephen Fry, etc.. But seriously? Ten years with them in a confined space? No thanks. Especially if they are only going to be good company for only five years. And I don't think a lot of you know what you are getting into by choosing one of the genius types a la Newton/Feynman/Mozart/Tesla. I'd give you guys six months, maybe, before you offed them or yourself. One of my roommates is ridiculously smart. High school valedictorian. Notre Dame grad with Comp Sci/MBA background. Works for one of the top consulting firms in the world. He's also completely fucking unbearable. I mean most of the guys listed probably had at least mild to severe autism spectrum disorders. Add to that being completely obnoxious know it all bastards and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster.
     
  3. TJMax

    TJMax
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    This is too easy. Having to pick two would make it hard. Hell, four would be easy:
    Water heater
    Computer
    Internet
    One of the food options; 3xSubway daily would go farthest, but I might try to stretch the $100/month in food with fridge and stove

    There you have it. 3GB of monthly bandwidth would be enough to keep me entertained (stuff to read and watch), and I can write stuff too. I have hot water, and food to eat besides bland gruel. But I get to pick ten? The ACLU can have all the mission creep they want, suddenly they're all right by me:
    Water heater
    Computer
    Internet
    $100/month food with fridge and stove
    2 plates any dish 1x/day; technically, that would include Subway, pizza and McDonald's, so I just sleezed my way into 13.
    10/10 blonde, smart, opinionated/slightly feminist is no problem.
    Galaxy S3 (I just got more bandwidth if I need it)
    30 books, swap every three months
    Boxxy the German Shepard
    Yard and pool w/pool boy

    Okay, this is bad why? Mad science fail.
     
  4. captainjackass

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    I don't know, both Dickens and Twain seemed pretty down to Earth, not autistic savant types. I also happen to agree, significantly, with a lot of both men's ideas. I mean, if you could choose 10 years with a few other people, or unlimited TV --- I think most prison inmates would choose other people. Even if they have very annoying habits. And hell, Dickens lived in an entirely different century. That's months of entertainment. You can order a McDonald's filet of fish sandwich one day, and watch him vomit in horror. The porn on the internet would keep him occupied for a long time as well.

    The math/ science guys may be a little nutty, but hell, Tesla actually invented shit. He could probably figure out a way to use the computer hardware, or maybe the oven, into a de-facto hot water heater. But yeah, possibly dump his ass.

    Either way, I like to ride and experience the highs and lows of life --- not settle for the middle ground. I think it would be much more interesting to live with the people not knowing what's going to happen, then live in safe cocoon spent entirely on predictable TV, video games, and porn. That's just me though. I know this is a fuckin hypothetical, haha. I'd rather emerge from the 10 year cell with some fucking stories to tell.
     
  5. toddamus

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    You should try having crackheads for roommates then, I bet you that'd be a wild unpredictable ride. When it comes to people I'm living with I want boring and predictable.
     
  6. fertuska

    fertuska
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    Not to derail too much, but your 'ridiculously smart' friend sounds like a douchebag that is above average intelligence at best. Being 'high school valedictorian' does not impress anyone, neither does graduating from a college with 25% acceptance and 96%graduation rate, that is not even in the top 15 in the US, let alone world (and even attending number 1 in the world doesn't mean that much). Sounds like he took the easier majors, and did not graduate with any distinctions, and now has a consulting job (that any college kid that isn't totally retarded can get), and is an unbearable douche on top of that.

    While I agree that some of the real geniuses were a little bit crazy/recluses, I have met a ton of people smarter than me, most of whom were very humble despite being very intelligent. And then there are douchebags that are too stupid to realize how stupid they are, like your roommate.

    To get back on topic, I'm pretty sure Tesla would happily live outside in the garden, as long as he could take his favorite pigeon with him, and leave you alone, not parading around telling you stories of how impressive he is. Newton would also likely happily spend a lot of time alone, not bugging you with stories of his awesomeness, and Feynman actually seems pretty normal, from what I've read about him.
     
  7. JWags

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    I'm not saying the dude is a douche (the fact that he went to ND and sounds like he is full of himself proves that) but are you serious? Computer Science is one of the "easier majors" now? I must have missed when it essentially became a blow off major for football players. And any non-retarded college kid can grab a gig at Bain, McKinsey, BCG or the like? Well shit, awful lot of retarded college kids I went to school with including my friend who is in grad school at Northwestern right now.

    Im not arguing that someone trumpeting their accomplishments to prove intellectual superiority isn't a tool, but that paragraph you wrote is every bit as douchey. Either you view your academic and professional accomplishments as vastly superior and are thus a hypocrite, or you are demeaning accomplishments with haughty judgement and still looking like an ass.
     
  8. JoeCanada

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    Porn+TV, Putin, cocaine. Done. I waive my right to my other six choices.
     
  9. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Except you have ten years - and no other competition - to work your mojo and charm her into the sack. If you can't succeed under those conditions, I don't know what to tell you.
     
  10. fertuska

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    Come on, there are plenty of harder majors than Computer Science and Business (and plenty of easier ones, but that was not the point, the point was that some dude thought he was super smart because he did computer science). And when I was talking about being not retarded as passing the bar for consulting jobs, I was of course slightly exaggerating - in addition to not being an idiot, you also need to work for it a bit. I never tried to get those jobs, but all my friends had no problems getting them, some straight out of college, and never felt the need to brag. I stand by the intended meaning of my post, which is getting a consulting job isn't the most impressive thing a person can accomplish. And I'm pretty sure your friend that is in grad school at Northwestern could get a consulting job if he wanted when he graduates. This is America! You work hard and get what you want (right?! Or did I move the the wrong country?)...Or are like that one dude who goes around talking about how he was a high school valedictorian and graduated from college and we should all admire him. I'm worried because bepop007 seems to buy into this dude's crap. I am much more impressed by the well adjusted humble 18 year old girl getting an Engineering PhD in my husband's lab, than that clown bepop007 described, and I guess if that makes me douchey in your eyes, I'm comfortable with that. But trying to compare that 'ridiculously smart' clown to guys like Tesla made my pretty little head hurt.
     
  11. bewildered

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    My top choice is the Asian lady. I want her to teach me her black voodoo magic, clean up after me when I am done throwing spaghetti on the walls, and give me massages. If I could get a long massage every day for 10 years....sploosh.

    The magical food. Because shit. Basically the only limit is my imagination on that one and I LOVE FOOD.

    The hot water heater. If I'm stuck in a single place for 10 years I better be comfy.

    Mark Twain. After coming to terms with my general inadequacy, I think I might actually enjoy our conversations.

    Barbell and bench. I bet I could teach the Asian lady to spot me too.

    The pool....more exercise to fill the void.

    The booze.

    The computer and

    Video Games

    The phone

    The dog


    Runner up was the gun and Tyra Banks. The Asian lady is also pretty handy at disposing of bodies.
     
  12. Parker

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    I definitely think that 10 is too much, because this is a little simple for me. I only struggled on like 9 and 10. Not in any order of importance

    1. 50 inch TV with 100 channels. Need to keep up on my stories folks! Also, keeping up on news, current events, and sports, sports, sports.

    2. The Computer internet porn, facebook, and basically access to the outside world. You can Skype, you can text, you can download movies illegally! Probably a major time sink.

    3. Water heater for obvious reasons, hot showers do wonders for the mind, body and spirit.

    4. Wireless router. Duh, computer needs interwebs.

    5. Fridge and oven. I like to cook. I can use these 10 years to become the next top chef for when I come out.

    6. Garden + Pool. Swimming is great exercise, gardening is a great way to pass the time, and really theraputic. Never hear of any non-fiction psychopaths that have gardens do you?

    7. Punching Bag, Mitts, Gloves and Rope. The first 3 just to keep the stress low. Punching and kicking shit always makes me feel better.

    8. Home Bar, probably like 20 wines, and 10 hard liqours. Hard liqours are pretty much leveled on quality so you need less of them. Wines are more flavorful and have more variety. Plus sometimes you need a slower buzz.

    9. Sasha Grey. She's smarter than you think, she loves having sex, she's a wee bit more interesting than you think, she loves to fuck, she has a really cute laugh, and SHE IS DOWN FOR ANYTHING! I mean this works as long as I can get her to shave her bush. She definitely wouldn't be hitting me with bullshit feminist talk and speaks English.

    10. 60 Year old Asian Woman. She can cook, she can clean, but who the fuck am I kidding? Sasha Grey is DOWN FOR ANYTIHNG. THREESOMES. I think the two will balance out decently to a 5 or a 6.
     
  13. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I don't know; seems kind of risky to me. What if the 60 year old asian woman turns out to be the greatest pussy eater in the history of mankind? The description did say she was great in bed. What happens when your tongue and cock just aren't doing it for Sasha anymore and you get relegated to a bi-weekly pity fuck while she gets her rocks of with Mrs. Miyagi?
     
  14. Parker

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    Whoa, who said I'd be trying to fuck Sasha? They did say the asian woman was amazing in bed. Plus asians love black dudes. And seriously, have you heard about my legendary penis? No woman, not even Sasha would get tired of it.
     
  15. LongVin

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    Let's see:

    1. Hot Water Heater - I'm not spending 10 years taking cold showers. Screw that shit.
    2. The computer - I need my computer, plus it doubles as the pen basically I'm assuming there is word on it
    3. The internet - what's the point of the computer without the internet?
    4. The books - I'm a rabid reader. I can bang out a book of a day if I want. Plus I've already waited long enough for the next GRRM book to come out. I want that right away.
    5. The Fridge - Variety is the spice of life.
    6. The 2 meals - see above
    7. 10/10 blonde - Used to dealing with slightly psychotic girls.
    8. 6 video games a month - Need some games for the computer obviously.
    9. Big 3 consoles - Might as well go for it also
    10. Big screen TV - Needed for the consoles and regular television watching.

    I'd be pretty damn content.
     
  16. katokoch

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    Garden/pool. I'll need some space outside, and the garden would give me something enjoyable to do with my hands (not to mention fresh food). Also, the poolboy has got to go.
    Fridge/oven. Because I enjoy cooking and variety.
    2x food deliveries. Because I'm not always in the cooking mood.
    Barbell/bench. Something productive to do, and there's lots you can do with weights and a bar.
    Computer and Internet. Access to outside world + tons of entertainment options.
    10/10 Blonde. Hopefully she provides some good conversation, but if all else fails she's still a hot blonde.
    Puppy. This is a no brainer. If the blonde girl can't provide companionship, the dog definitely will.
    Hot water. Because cold showers suck. Can I turn the pool into a hot tub too?
    Weed. I'm in prison. Fuck it.
     
  17. NickAragua

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    I would take the guns and blow my brains out at the first opportunity. Or overdose on the hard drugs. I don't do very well when cooped up for long periods of time, and, frankly, the scientists can go fuck themselves - they're not getting ten years of data out of me.

    I'm also amused that a lot of folks are picking the women. The main problem: why do you think they're going to want to have sex with you? Also, do you really want to share a 10x10 cell with a scientific or literary genius for ten years? Those fuckers must be insufferable.

    That, and it's great how people aren't picking their husbands/wives/whatever.

    I'm assuming that sanitation amenities are provided "for free", so I don't have to worry if I spill my food on the carpet or the dog poops indoors or something.

    Suicide aside, my choices, in order of priority:
    Computer
    Internet
    Garden + Pool
    Books
    Food "to-order"
    Consoles
    Video games
    Movies/TV series
    The dog
    Weed

    But really, what I'd do is spend the ten years trying to escape, in which case, the equipment list becomes completely different. Sitting for ten years in a cage, even a gilded cage, is not something I want to do at all. So, for escape purposes:
    Computer
    Internet
    Barbell + Weights
    Punching bag + accessories
    Guns
    Pen + Paper
    Garden + Pool (for more potential escape vectors)
    Water heater
    Fridge + Oven
    Cell Phone

    So the first thing I'd do is call the cops. Failing that, I'll use the computer and internet to contact the outside world and put together some kind of A-Team/McGyver style gadget that'll catapult me over the walls and to freedom. Note that all of this stuff is either for communication or things that can be taken apart to build other, somewhat sturdy (or possibly explosive) things.
     
  18. bewildered

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    I love my husband and...pretty much every person I know personally, too much to pick them and have them develop schizophrenia before my very eyes simply because I picked them.

    Try living with yourself after that.
     
  19. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Like I said earlier in the thread - they're cooped up with you for ten years, and you have zero competition. If, given those conditions, you can't convince the women to have sex with you, then you fail as a human being. Even Durbanite would get laid in this scenario.
     
  20. toddamus

    toddamus
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    He could but would he want to? Judging from his previous apparences I'm convinced he'd rather be by himself in a corner than, you know, with woman. I think if he saw a vagina he'd throw a rock at it.