One of my pet peeves are people who say "fuck it" and think they're above the rules that everyone else generally follows. For instance: It seems that the mayor of Vilnius, Lithuania, likes to ride his bike instead of drive. He has problems doing that, though, because a bunch of people park in the bike lanes. He has a solution. I fucking LOVE that. Kudos! I wish that I lived in a city/country where (a) the politicians had those kind of balls and (b) they'd do that without having some bullshit worry about liability insurance, someone falling down and skinning their knee and suing the city for billions, or other such pussiness. FOCUS: What rules do people break that pisses you off? What would you like to see happen to them? Illegally parking in the handicap spot? Then you get sentenced to being in irremovable leg braces and a wheelchair for a month. Driving in the HOV lane with only a blow-up doll as a passenger? Then you have to be chained to a doll for a week. Explain that to the boss.
I love how the mayor confronts the guy and the guy is like "oh, yes, yes Mr. Mayor." I think what the mayor actually says is "...and you're lucky the mafia guys that got me elected haven't decided to go over to your house and feed your wife and daughter their own entrails." The only people that really need to be killed are the people that steal a parking spot from you while you are waiting for it with your blinker on. Besides that most people I encounter generally follow the rules.
One of my coworkers is Diabetic. He has alarms set on his Ipad and Iphone to remind him to do something related to the diabeetus. Which isn't a problem. But he walks away from his desk, leaving both the Ipad and the Iphone on his desk with the volume turned up. So the alarms go off and both devices are keypad locked with a pin so I can't even shut them up. I'm seriously considering just breaking his shit next time he does it.
So if someone just ran over your car with an APC, you'd be dickish to them? Good luck with that. Minimum speed limit: Alternately, not knowing what the speed limit is. I live in California. If you're on a 2 lane road with no posted signs, the speed limit is 55. I drive one such road to work every day, and dumb shit's treat it like it's a 30mph zone. Honking, tailgating, etc, does nothing, people only get mad (which is why I stopped doing those, so save your red dots). There's no way to educate these idiots unless I pull up next to them and shout.
If you ride your bike everywhere, fine. If you take up more room than you need while you ride (you do), fine. But don't fucking tell me that you have every right to a road that my cars does when you blow every stop sign and red light with out as so much as slowing down. So, you need ten feet of space for something two feet wide, yet you're allowed to make cars with the right-of-way come to screeching halts at green lights? Fuck you, and fuck Lance Armstrong too. As well I'm sure some type of noise bylaw against it, but if there isn't I hold a special place in hell for fucktards that feel is necessary to vroom their motorcycle six thousand times in a row on their front yard at 8 am on a Sunday. Now, I LIKE Harley DEavidon. A lot. But you are not "clearing her out"or anything, you're bbeing a macho asshole. Bullshit. I simply refuse to believe that its necessary to rev a bike that much, that often, EVERY TIME YOU DRIVE IT. You're just being a phoney-cool turd and if I catch you doing this I'll beat your head in with the Sunday newspaper.
- People who stand still on escalators and don't move to the right. Are you fucking kidding me? Some of us aren't lazy sacks of shit and like to walk while we go up and down these, get out of my fucking way. The worst is people who are with someone and they clog the whole damn thing. I wish it was legal to suplex them. - People who have long conversations on cell phones while hiking. Unless it's an emergency, keep that thing in your pack, embrace the beauty around you and keep your mouth shut, there is plenty of time to talk about last weekend on the car ride home or when you get back. - I've said it before but can't stress it enough, people who pay for their groceries by check. I know this isn't even a widely thought of social rule, but c'mon, it's 2011 get a credit/debit card you neanderthal.
People who don't tip properly in restaurants. It's not a set-in-stone rule, but if the meal was good and the service wasn't completely horrible, at least tip the 15%. Most waiters work their asses off and make their money on tips. Don't be that asshole. I've found if you treat the waitstaff in a restaurant with respect and tip big, the next time you go to that restaurant, you get treated like someone important.
People who think whatever they need to get to is SO important that they need to barge up the escalator. It's what, thirty seconds of your life? Relax a little and enjoy the ride. That being said, I'll always be courteous and move to the right when someone wants to get by.
Good god, if you ever feel like getting really angry, spend a day in Brooklyn. Not a day goes by where I'm not almost run into by some asshole who thinks him and his vintage bike are the most important thing on the road and completely disregards red lights, stop signs, or one-way streets (I'm actually not even sure if bikes have to follow these, but it still pisses me off), or he's riding on the sidewalk and still thinks everyone has to make way for him. It drives me crazy. If I didn't think it would hurt me too, there would be a lot more bike "accidents" around. And then there's something like this, which isn't illegal but I still want to rant about it, where the guy is coming down a hill and I see him coming but know there's plenty of time to cross the street, and he starts freaking out and cursing me out to watch where I'm going even though I'm already safely on the opposite side of the street. That has nothing to do with me, man, that's you being way too scared to ride your bike in the big city and not wanting to admit it.
I cannot fucking stand this. Is it so hard to put them back? If you don't follow the rules of the gym, get the fuck out. It's common courtesy as well as a safety think. If I have to carry 90 pound dumbbells back to the rack but you left your shit on the ground so I trip and potentially seriously injure myself or others, then you should be forced to carry around a 90 pound dumbbell tied to your dick every day. The rule exists cause it's actually dangerous to not put them back. Living in the first most bike friendly city before college and having just graduated from school in the seventh most bike friendly city, I have developed hatred for bikers similar to most of the other posts on this board, so I'll keep it simple. If bikers want to be treated like they have the same right to the road that cars do (which they technically do), follow the same laws. Otherwise, fuck you.
Shit! This reminds me... I have a pretty nice gym at my apartment complex, two of everything, nice dumbell set, nice machines, etc. I usually like to hit weights after my cardio, it's not usually a problem if others are there working out also. Unless it's this girl I refer to lovingly as "Alien" to Mr. P. (She is wretchedly thin, with an oblong head, almond eyes, like a fucking alien!). She leaves weights laying around, her sweatshirt over one bench, her towel over the leg press, her water bottle on the OTHER bench, seriously a trail of fucking destruction. I never see her actually push any weight, just fiddling with her goddamn phone. I don't usually like to touch people's stuff without their permission. However, she will never look at you, catch her eye and try to communicate via gesture to her shit and she ignores you. So I now move her things to the side, which apparently hasn't made any sort of learning take place, as it still happens. Next time I should throw her shit against the wall closest to her, rip her little earbuds out of her creepy big head and scream etiquette at her. That should be effective.
People who simply don't know how to form a line piss me off. I don't care if you're waiting for a bus, in line to buy coffee or at the grocery store. That person who was there before you? Stand behind them and wait your turn. That's how the line concept works, asshole. Even ants know how to form a goddamn line.
You all are missing the second part of the focus... if it were up to you, what would their punishment be? I figured THAT would be where the funny creativity would be.
I fucking hate people who use equipment for things it wasn't intended for. For instance, those who think they can go to a bench and "do forearms" or walk into a squat rack to curl. A bench is for benching. A squat rack is for squatting. That's how they got their name. Get the fuck out of there and let the big boys play. Maybe that's why I train at a private gym now. EDIT: Their punishment? I'd go Terry Tate on anyone who misuses gym equipment. It's not very original, but it's very satisfying.
I'm a big fan of cattle prods as an educational tool. The asshole with the ipad and iphone is prime candidate for a cattle prod to his expensive pieces of shit.
Assholes who park so haphazardly they end up taking two parking spaces. If I were a lot owner I'd ticket/tow every shithead who did this - after all, they didn't pay for two parking spaces so they're costing me money. Punishment: You know those simple flash games where you have to maneuver your mouse pointer through a maze without touching the boundaries? Something like that except they'd have to drive their car through a painted line maze and if they went over the lines they'd get a nice electric shock. Fuckers. Litterbugs. Self-explanitory. Punishment: Every time you litter on someone's property, they get to come over to your house and take a shit on your living room floor and use your curtains as toilet paper. The people who like to get into arguments or make a general ruckas on the sidewalk at 2 am when I'm trying to sleep. Punishment: A disgusting fat couple moves in to the apartment right next to them and has loud sex every night.
Is that a joke? Escalators are like the moving walkways in airports, they're designed to be a faster set of stairs. Stand right, walk left is actually a rule you're supposed to follow when you're on them. If you want a leisurely ride to the next floor, take the elevator. Anyway, I am going to join in with everyone else on the bicyclist thing. Living in Portland, I would run every single bastard over who runs reds but yells at me for driving too close. Even more annoying are the ones who ignore the bike lane altogether and drive in the middle of the street, slowing me down to 5mph, and then continue to ignore traffic rules. I would bring the stocks back. But I'd put them on wheels. Then I'd lock the cyclist in the stocks and send them down a hill where they will inevitably hit an intersection where they run a red. Whatever happens, happens.
I'm totally in agreement with Frank. Sometimes 30 seconds means a lot in the course of a day, and in either case, it's not your right to impede me to prove a point. If just one person is on the left in a wide escalator, they've effectively ruined the option for walking up for an entire line of people -- this adds up to maybe 10 wasted minutes over the course of a single ride. Obvious punishment: hire a group of tourists to walk slowly directly in front of them with large maps, fanned out so that they can't walk buy. If they complain, the tourists can cheerily say, "look around, the city is beautiful!"
I live in a somewhat "un-bikefriendly" city, therefore there are fewer bike riders. The people that do ride bikes around here all seem to be idiots. The ones that annoy me the most are the people who ride their bikes TOWARDS oncoming traffic. I can't go one week without almost running straight into one of these idiots. Don't get me wrong here, I don't care about wiping anyone who is dumb enough to do this out of the gene pool. The fact is, I'm worried about the risk of damaging my car. As far as punishment. I think getting smashed head-on by a car is punishment enough.
Racist comment of the day: Those fucking Asian people that hike in groups of fifteen, going five abreast in more open areas and completely clogging the narrow trails up the mountain and never pulling to the side to let people pass. Motherfucker, that kills me. Why only Asians (it's tourists from Asia, not Asian Americans) do it, I don't know, but they're the only ones that seem to completely disregard other people on the mountain. As for punishments: I agree with Nom that slow tourists is fitting, but I also like my original piledriver idea. It's not about the time, it's about the inability to move because some cocksucker is breaking a social code. I agree with you that if someone bull rushes behind you as you're getting on the escalator before you have time to move to the right, then yeah, fuck him. But I've only ever seen that once and it was on an airport walkway and the guy was about to miss his plane, so I'm guessing that you're just really fucking slow and get pissed off that people expect you to move to the right at all.