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Well, we're not getting any younger....

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by downndirty, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. downndirty

    downndirty
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    Inspired by this Cracked article:
    <a class="postlink" href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you- ... t-married/</a>

    and the dreaded two year anniversary of her getting tired of being called "The Girlfriend.

    Focus: When did you know know you should get married? When was it time?

    Ugh. I don't want to get married. Ever.
     
  2. guernica

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    A funny quote I saw recently applies to this:

    I guess you're pretty confident in those odds eventually. Or you don't really like your stuff that much.
     
  3. silway

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    Sadly, there isn't a great way to express how I knew in objective third party terms. Basically, and I had told my then girlfriend this, I did not want to get married until I felt that it was the inevitable outcome of our relationship. That is, that the thought of us not being together was so fundamentally counter to an ordered view of the universe that clearly we were going to be in a relationship forever.

    Well, we hit that point, that moment where it was just ridiculous to think we were ever going to not be a couple. Where i was giving serious thought to future plans and how our lives together would go and so on. At which point we proposed to each other in turn over the course of 8 days, which is another story, and got married shortly thereafter.

    So yeah, as unhelpful as it is, "you just know". I know that whatever challenges and joy I face in my life, I want my wife there with me. She makes good times better and bad times tolerable and I will love her forever. It was, in retrospect, surprisingly easy to decide to do. We didn't rush in and we didn't delay needlessly, it just hit that feeling of inevitability. In a good way.
     

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  4. kuhjäger

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    I am a sucker. I knew after a short time that I would marry Jägerette. I even posted it on the old board. However I dated her for another 4 years before asking her to marry me, and then we spent a year and a half engaged.

    I will be honest, there were times that I would wonder if I should be with her, but that was usually when I was up at 3am and lying in bed, which is a time where I question everything, so it doesn't count. But I thought about if our relationship was too serious for being in college, and right out of college. But ultimately I made the right decision I am sure.

    Here is a good test of a marriage.

    1. Before even proposing, live in a studio apartment for at least 1 year. If you still love each other, you are probably very compatible.
    2. Take time off and spend a shit load of time with them. I am on 2 months of having had only 3 waking hours of time away from her and everything is fine.

    Well to be honest, I really could use some time to just be alone, so I am planning a trip up to north of the arctic circle the next big geomagnetic storm to do an Aurora photography field trip. Sometimes I hope a polar bear eats me on this trip...

    Marriage is something that isn't to be entered into lightly. I know that form my parents, who hadn't been with anyone else before they got married. My mom even encouraged me to date multiple girls at the same time and keep it hidden, despite being cheated on.

    Don't marry the first girl who lets you get your dick wet. That is my best advice.
     
  5. silway

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    Emphasis added.

    So, I really don't get a deliberately long engagement period. If it's for logistical reasons, like getting the date you want, saving up money, some other technical issue, I understand, but a long engagement purely for the sake of a long engagement makes no sense to me. Why ask someone to marry you, or agree to marry someone, if you don't actually want to be married to them at the time? If you're not going to personally be ready for marriage for another year then don't say yes for another year. I just don't get it. Engagement is the time between deciding to get married and getting your logistical ducks in a row, otherwise it just seems to me like the people involved are deceiving themselves about their actual desires somehow.
     
  6. MoreCowbell

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    Trick's on them: I don't own shit.

    I view it as sort of like the cooling-off period on loans. OK, this seems like a good idea now. Let's see if it's still a good idea 6 months from now, or that was just some really good head.

    This will seem super obvious, but from my brother's experience (there were other things as well): you should not only know whether you want kids, but when. Both in terms of "in ____ years" and "once we've achieved goals such as ____, or after ___ and ___ have happened." Even knowing that you both want kids eventually is too damn ambiguous. It's a "Well, DUH!" sort of thing, but it happens more often than you think.
     
  7. 6PPC

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    I never wanted to get married, but after 20 years, I can say it is the best decision I ever made. I met my wife through a mutual friend the day after she met her now ex-husband. They were together for about 3 years, so she was off limits to me. But I was infatuated with her. She was my fantasy girl, the girl I thought of when I was spanking the monkey.

    While she was with her ex, I saw her a lot because we had many friends in common. Her relationship with her ex was terrible and they got divorced. She was having a very hard time and I was just being a friend. Over about a year, our relationship turned from platonic to romantic. Initially, the relationship was wonderful. I was in high heaven, dating my dream girl. About 7 or 8 months into it, it started getting rocky and we fought a lot, but over stupid things. About a year into it, we separated. We were so miserable apart and realized how much we love each other that after 6 weeks apart, we got back together and soon decided to get married.

    We have arguments every now and then, as all relationships do, but we resolve them quickly. Neither of us has to be right or needs to win the argument. Now, I can't imagine my life without her. I can't ask for a better spouse. This sounds kind of petty, but the only thing I have not had/experienced is a threesome. She even told me I can go and get a couple of hooker and get it out of my system, but I turned down the offer.

    The Cracked article made an important point: you have to be able to enjoy each others non-sex company. If you can't, then it's not time yet to get married.
     
  8. TX.

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    This is the stupidest thing I've read on this board in a while, and that says a lot. There are no rules when it comes to things like this. Not everyone is a lying, cheating scumbag looking to screw someone out of a large sum of money. Maybe your friend just has shitty taste in women and missed dozens of warning signs along the way.

    I'm sure that your friend will have tons of success with quality women with his new attitude and rules.
     
  9. Kubla Kahn

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    What about the good old fashioned surprise knocking up?


    I felt kind of bad when a buddy of mine, who I've known since kindergarten, got married and didn't even let me know he was getting married (outside of the facebook engagement shocker a mere few weeks before). I talked to one of our mutual long time friend's he asked to be the best man and he told me it was a rush job and my friend only asked him to be best man a few nights before. Fast forward about a month after the wedding and she is posting pictures of her large baby bump. Guess they wanted wedding photos before the second trimester.
     
  10. Crown Royal

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    I got engaged after being with my wife for a little over 2.5 years, it was about a week before we were moving into our first apartment together. We were married a little over a year later (2006). I did not take me weeks/months to build up the courage to propose. I only needed time to buy a ring, and when I did I asked her on her birthday. It was a great way to get out of having to buy her a gift also, so win-win.
     
  11. Muley05

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    My anniversary is Saturday, so the timing on this thread is good. We will have been married 6 years on Oct 1.

    I had other long term girlfriends before meeting my wife (two relationships that each lasted about three years, and was engaged to one of those). But when I met my wife I knew it was different.

    We met in May. After a couple of weeks, I basically moved into her house. My apartment lease was up in October, and I officially moved in then. Engaged in December, married in October.

    It sounds cliche, but it truly was a "you just know" type of thing. We both knew within about a month of meeting each other that we would get married. Now we have two little kids and are perfectly happy.
     
  12. Rush-O-Matic

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    Well, I don't know if that's the stupidest thing I've read. I mean, have you seen Nom's WDT posts? Amirite? High five!

    But, I do have to agree with TX. There are no rules. You know there are lots of people who get married, and stay happily married, right? And, there are lots of people who get married after short engagement and dating periods. Now, I'm old, so I have a larger sample set, but I know several people who dated / got engaged for less than a few months and have been married for over 40 years. Happily. Neither that example nor the quoted one is the norm. There are no "rules."

    "Maybe your friend just has shitty taste in women and missed dozens of warning signs along the way." Yeah, and also -- no offense -- maybe your friend is a dick.

    Bolded part - or that they'll love you. As I said, there are no rules. People get it wrong all the time. But don't commit when you're 100% sure you love somebody. After that happens, commit when you're 100% sure they love you.
     
  13. Winterbike

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    Been married for two years, met the wife two and a half years ago. I... just knew it.
     
  14. shimmered

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    The room feels better with that person there. You don't have to be doing anything specifically...but the room feels better and your very being is at peace. Your day is made better with their involvement.

    And they feel the same way about you. They live you as much as you love them. They don't want to see you hurt.

    That said...I doubt I'll ever get married again. I don't know that I have that kind of trust in another person.
     
  15. uzisuicide

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    My wife and I dated for 4 years, and have been married a little over a year now. We talked about marriage for a while before I actually proposed. Someone mentioned earlier that it feels ridiculous to imagine yourself and your future life without that person involved, and that is spot on.

    That said, married life is awesome so far. We should have done it sooner.
     
  16. Chirpy

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    When you stop saying things like "should" and replace it with "want."

    Seriously, if you don't want to get married and she does, dump her. It's not fair to be with someone when you don't share the same goals.
     
  17. BrianH

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    I've been dating my fiancee for over 6 year. We get married next month.

    It took me at LEAST 4 years to properly vet her financially and morally, so I can't imagine getting married quicker than that. I know it gets done, though.
     
  18. Disgustipated

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    I'm not married, so I don't know shit. But to add to all the other advice here, I'll add my $0.02:

    Ask yourself if you can imagine yourself without them.

    If the answer is no, you shouldn't be getting married. The correct answer is "I can, but I don't want to." When you can't imagine yourself without someone, you're still too caught up in the infatuation stage and not seeing things properly. It's more likely that you'll only see the good things and ignore/pass off the bad. The good things are awesome, but after a few years it's the bad things that will really grate on you. If you can't accept them as they are and tolerate the shit, the marriage won't work.
     
  19. Volo

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    Start at page 102 of Dr. Rob's book, "Crazy".

    Play it by ear. It's really that simple.
     
  20. AlmostGaunt

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    People who rush into marriage puzzle me. It seems to me that if this person is the love of your life, then they will still be the love of your life in a year or three. Why the hurry?