It's G'day mate. And you forgot to mention the abundance of flora and fauna all of which is expressly designed to kill you in the most painful way imaginable.
Skip ahead to 9:55 for how I would run my country. It's quite alarming how similar Duckman and I are in many ways. I would name my country "Eat a Dick" and since it would be so popular and constantly traveled to you would hear the following phrase and its variations at least ten times a day: "The wife and I are going to Eat a Dick this summer."
For a while, I thought about all kinds of beneficial programs I'd implement for the good of humanity, but, most likely, I'd wind up having to sit there all day, signing bullshit papers and dealing with corrupt and/or incompetent cronies. I would probably use lots of expressions such as "bungling incompetents" and "how fucking stupid can you get?", and have my minions regularly beaten by the goon squad because they can't get anything right. Of course, this would probably lead to me being assassinated pretty quickly, so, I'd set up a few initial rules, then let someone else take charge who actually wants to deal with that shit. The only stipulation will be that I'm not subject to any laws that I choose to ignore, and that I get to pimp-slap people who piss me off. The initial rules would go as follows: - No complicated 'public safety' laws. Do what you want, when you want, but if you hurt someone else without their consent, you get your choice of hard labor or gladiatorial combat. False accusations get you the same. Of course, if someone pisses you off, you can simply challenge them to a duel. - 'Social services' would be privatized. You can't be turned away, but if you can't pay in cash, you pay in labor or trade goods (or gladiatorial combat). - The week is changed to ten days, with a three day weekend. - The few employees that the government has would have a five-year limit. - You can take bribes, but you are required to disclose them (and thus ruin your credibility).