GOD DAMNIT! I was all set to eat pizza tonight and then I realized that I am out of lactose pills. Awesome. I am eating a giant breadstick (bread-J?) with a side of whiskey. Gotta make up those cheese calories somehow.
Maybe a swimming pool and a couple of ankle weights would solve this problem. That baby looks like a 40 year old man.
Seriously, where did you learn to cook? Like, a primer for "so you wanna learn how to cook?" please. Like every man worth his shit, I can grill or bbq anything, and I'm damn good at cooking vegetables both on the grill and in the pan. But when it comes to everything else... I'm lost.
At the risk of sounding like a paleo-assassin or whatever, all you need is meat and veggies. You're good.
Sounds like a challenge. Unfortunately, also sounds way too much like me when I drink too much. I go from sober/a few drinks and being paranoid, let's do dangerous shit but be ultra safe (like shoot reactive targets with AR-15s but have commercial-grade fire extinguishers on hand), to gin and tonic/whiskey neat crazy drunk of "let's just light this all on fire with all this gasoline I have!!!!" But never drunk drive. Seriously. That's just fucked up.
My cousins husband taught their kid, who famously named his pets "Secret of the Mountain" and "Carwash Lobster," the lyrics to Taylor Swifts song 22. But instead the kid sings it: "It feels like the perfect night, to dress up like Hitler."
There's something to the theory that stressful circumstances can enhance the taste of booze. I posted this earlier in another message board: FYI: if you want to make bourbon taste really fantastic: drive an hour to Busch Gardens, walk around for five+ hours, drive an hour back, spend an hour getting the kid to finally go to bed, sit down and enjoy that goddamn fantastic bourbon.
Drunk driving on the public highways is fucked up. I'd be lying if I claimed never to have done it, but after my DUI in 1989, I haven't. However, drunk operating heavy equipment on your own property is a kick in the ass. It's just you and 10,000lbs of snorting steel and hydraulics vs. Mother Earth. My first time operating my road grader I took out about half an acre of scrub trees because I didn't realize that among the myriad of controls I had at my disposal was a lever that would tilt the front wheels and drastically reduce my turning radius. We won't even talk about all the damage I did to alter the face of the Earth on my back hoe. * Disclaimer: This is also a way to significantly lower your property value (Who wants to buy property with holes randomly dug everywhere?) and dangerous. I used to crab walk my back hoe over streams and holes just for the fuck of it. (Crab walking a back hoe involves using the out riggers and the hydraulics for the rear bucket to pick the thing up and cross a hole.) Jesus. It's a small wonder I didn't kill myself now that I think about it.