Damn you and your interesting sounding shots. "Ohhh Sam, you should try a surfer on acid! (look at my tits) Want me to get a round for you all? (look at my tits)"
I would like to formally apologize to any old fogies out there who have bemoaned the loss of the stubby bottle. I never really cared that it was small, wouldn't't tip over, you could put it on any shelf of your fridge, and you didn't get a lot of foam building up from the awkward neck of the bottle. I figured, the new bottles have been around for a while, stubbies aren't coming back, and they look cooler than stubbies. So. Having now bought a six pack of stubbies from a brewery that still uses them, holy crap. They do fit in whichever shelf of the fridge you please. And they really don't tip over. And they are smaller. And those long-neck bottles were only made because women liked them better in the first place. Secondary: I hear that beer bottles in Newfoundland have shorter necks, and whenever Newfies come over to the mainland, they are always smacking themselves in the teeth with the unusual mainland bottles. Anyone ever seen this? I heard it from a Newf, but haven't seen any reference to it anywhere else.
Fantastic. Now, you hasta 'scuse me-Tony and Paulie Walnuts wants me ta take outs dis palooka over in Joisey.
This is close to the Breakfast of Champions. Personally, I add in generous helpings of chocolate Hagen Das, and my professional milkshake machine/blender, and it's the hangover cure of the gods. Had one this morning. Went out for "a" beer last night after work, and met a couple of new girls from work, and before you can blink we're discussing things like vaginal rejuvenation, labia lipstick (really!?), asshole bleaching, leather outfits, and the erotic uses of honey. Then a shrink-friend/douche of theirs shows up, and tried to play the intellectual snob of the group, and I handed him his ass on a platter. (Being married to a schizo-affective bi-polar for years has the advantage that you tend to learn a shit-ton of stuff about psychology/psychiatry). He tried to analyze me, so I laughed and analyzed myself (yes, I have emotional attachment issues, etc) and filled him in on the history between me and the ex and all the shit we dealt with (homicidal tendencies, suicide attempts, etc, etc). Then I gave him my analysis of him, the obvious "friend-zone" issues he's got with the one chick he came to see, and his apparent insecurities. He got so pissed he actually left in a huff after being shut down. I guess I was pretty close to the mark. Seems that he tried to hit on the chick at her new year's party, and she laughed it off in front of the entire group, etc. Again, last night, he was trying to make his move on her, and again she embarrassed him in front of the group to get him to stop. Fun times! Then the girls asked me to "do them". It was pretty easy, as they wear their psychological shit on their sleeves, but again it seemed that I was close enough to the truth that everyone got all quiet for a while. (The one girl was constantly proclaiming all guys were misogynists, so it was easy to see that she was hurt in a recent relationship, and the other one had obvious body-image issues, as she was smoking hot and did nothing but talk about calories and her workout she was doing in the morning, etc). Then the rounds of tequila came, and we were again having fun. And I think I need a nap.
It's been colder then a witch's titty in a morgue down here the past few days. (-10 wind chill Fahrenheit? I thought I left that shit in Idaho.) All the ponds are frozen over and the hillbillies are burning old couches (Sometimes with grandma still passed out on them.) But that's not worries me. Oh no, it's the "Men with Shiny Eyes" that I've been watching in my yard the past few nights. I suspect they may be Al Queda operatives. Either that or Argentinian Nazis trying to get a foothold in rural America for God only knows what evil doings. No worries though, toytoy is keeping a close eye on our boarders and is well armed. Y'all can sleep safe tonight.
Fuck yes, Mighty Ducks is on. I was gonna play some MW2...but I can't pass up on this. Time to crack open a shiner.
Ratatouille is on and the wife went out for the night. (She and the girls all had a craving for margaritas, so they're going for Mexican food and drinking frozen drinks when it's 25 degrees out. Smrt.) So I have a belly full of wine and curled up on the couch with the kids. Demented and sad, but social.
Is that what they're calling chasing illegals at the bar now? My ex always said she was going out for a burrito with extra sour cream.
I just my learned that my kids believe black people are chocolate. How did I learn this? Both of my kids greeted a black friend of mine as "Chocolate".
If she got big tits, I squeeze 'em and hold 'em...while she suck my dick and lick my scrotum. I'm back on it-just a few beers tonight, but I sure do feel better than I did earlier. A friend of mine is going on a first date with a smoking hot chick tonight. They didn't know what they were going to do after dinner, so I invited them over for a night cap. I hope they show up-she's good scenery.
I am trying to drink this shitty sports day away. Started sucking at noon when UConn lost a 19 point lead to the fucking Hoyas. Then the Jets won and I am going to have my sport section dominated with that and fat ass Rex Ryan saying retarded shit. Now the two teams I hate most in the NFL (Eagles and Cowboys) are playing. At least I switched to the Mighty Ducks thanks to being informed it was on.
Might this be the first weekend in many that I haven`t gotten rediculously drunk at some pointÉ Yes. And my shift key makes ÉÉÉÉ when I try to make question marks.
Those dudes with the shiny eyes are back. There's 12 of 'em...ie...I counted 24 shiny eyes. I can hear them mumbling amongst themselves, but it doesn't seem to be language I recognize. I'd fire at them, but at best I'd only hit one, give away my position and then they'd open up on me like a sitting drunk...errr...I mean duck. No, it's best to bide my time to give them a false sense of security and then when they group together I'll make my assault. With my luck it's 12 game wardens wearing reflective glasses just waiting for me to shoot something out of season.
Huh. Felt a little earthquake earlier and ignored it as I figured it was a tiny aftershock from a quake the other day. Turns out there was a 6.5 a couple hundred miles from here. Nice.
FUCK ME RUNNING! It wasn't game wardens, deer, gophers, bunnies, or anything natural. They crept closer and closer, all the while mumbling in some language I couldn't understand. I was starting to get a bit worried but I kept calm enough not to fire. Then they got close enough for me to make out exactly what has been stalking for the past few nights... You're not going to believe what it was. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. It was a herd of 'giners holding flashlights. A whole fucking herd of them. Some of them were big, some were...uhhh...even bigger and kept dropping their flash lights because it didn't fit. Jesus. This is like a Freudian nightmare come to life. I'm being stalked by wild 'giners. They also left a slime trail all over my yard.
I wasn't about to find out what they wanted, although I suspect it might be D cell batteries (At least for the bigger ones.) I fired a couple of rounds and ran away. I'm now hiding in the closet and I can hear them climbing the windows like mutant clams with super suction power. Y'all are worried about a vampire apocalypse, well I'm living a much worse fate. There's at least two dozen rogue vagina's trying to get in my house and I'm a feered for my life.