I've been NyQuilling for the better part of 2 weeks due to a lung infection and bad cough, up until 3 days ago, and yeah, I've been comatose at night, and stoned during the day. Work has been hell, as I can't think clearly or as well as I normally can. (Problematic when you're a programmer type). To quote Denis Leary: NyQuil, with that big fucking Q... it says to not drive when taking it, it should really say 'Don't make any fucking plans'. Haven't experienced any hallucinations or trippy stuff, but have felt "out-of-body" numb.
Apparently that last woodchuck I encountered. If it didn't know it beforehand, it's ghost does now. Trying to mount a woodchuck is tricky business, what with those teeth and all...they will fuck your shit up if you're not careful. Pro tip: Put out a saucer of whiskey for the rodent and let it imbibe for a few minutes. This renders them somewhat immobile and less likely to bite. Then comes the tricky business of stroking their fur and talking gently as you are about to violate their orifices. Apparently they get down right ornery when about to penetrated. Can't really say as I blame them, if someone tried to shove something roughly the size of my body into one of my openings I'd be pissed off too. This is where the whiskey comes in handy. Down the rest of the bottle yourself and you really won't care about the fact that you're fornicating with a small woodland creature or that it may disagree with your actions. And the fact that you may or may not see your penis come out its nostrils as you thrust like a hurricane on steroids. So the woodchuck doesn't survive, who really cares? Were you planning on raising children with it? In the end it's a dead woodchuck killed by a penis. That's something to brag about as you wave your manhood around the frat house..."This thing has killed before."
I used to have a serious Nyquil problem. I had terrible insomnia and would self-medicate to get some sleep. Living alone, over an hour from any family, it wasn't hard to hide my "problem". That was... until my mom came up for the weekend and found my stash. Yeah, I had problems, a couple bigger than my Nyquil abuse. I saw my doctor two days later and haven't touched Nyquil since. ............. I'm meeting friends for dinner & drinks in just over an hour. Chances of me walking normally are slim to none... you think anyone will notice? Edit: toytoy you are one twisted individual.
What? Drunk rodents are the original fleshlight. I didn't invent the genre, I just helped perfect it. Rodents=Penis sock puppets with attitude. And nasty teeth. Anyone can fuck a fleshlight with no danger to life and limb, banging a live rat...now that really takes dedication and fearlessness.
What... dealing with crazy-ass women isn't dangerous enough!? I routinely got phone calls from my ex-wife's shrink along the lines of: "I'm legally obliged to inform you that your wife has homicidal thoughts toward you that I feel are legitimate enough that you should take precautions." No shit. Still did/do love her, and her me, but yeah, mental illness can stir things up a bit. At least it was never boring.
Actually that came from drunkenly trying the wrong end of a squirrel. Fuck me running was that a traumatic experience.It was furry and soft and then all of a sudden ...OUCH MOTHER FUCKER PENIS GUTENBERG! THAT FUCKER HAS TEETH. I slinked off to the nearest pine tree to collect my wits and pack mud around my wounded and bleeding pecker. Learning experiences like this are priceless. Basically I learned to look for teeth before you stick your dick in anything. If I had a son that would be the first life lesson I imparted on him. How many of y'all's fathers ever gave you that sage piece of wisdom? Yeah, mine didn't either. I had to learn that shit the hard way.
One of my exes used to routinely leave death threats around the house directed at me. Living with a person with severe mental issues is not fun, especially when your house is filled with guns, knives, and all sorts of weapons. I slept with one eye open for about 6 months. Like you I did/do love her, but sometimes the whole crazy thing can really set you on edge when they write notes and leave them laying around about how they're going to end you.
When overseas in East Timor a few years ago they give us Doxycycline to protect agaainst malaria and shit like that. Didn't really get any of the side affects, maybe a few of the dreams but I already have some strange dreams anyway. But some of the guys would talk about wicked strange Doxy dreams they got every night as we had to take this crap every day. And toytoy I'm with rainbow on this one, twisted doesn't describe it well enough.
I'm still laying in bed drinking coffee. Life is too busy not to lounge around like this on a lazy Saturday. About rub one out and work up the motivation to make some lunch and hit the beach for a little snorkling and what not. Wish I was surfing but it's fucking flat. Living on the south shore in winter sucks.
Haha, would she leave notes in your shoe or jacket pocket saying, "When you go to sleep tonight I'm going to scalp you mother fucker"? The whole leaving homicidal notes thing just sounds hilarious to me for some reason.
No, she would leave 5 page handwritten letters around the house and send me e-mails while I was sleeping with one eye open describing how she would kill me. I'm still finding the damn things every now and then even two years later. Seriously, this is something I found on my computer a week or so ago: <a class="postlink-local" href="http://www.theidiotboard.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&p=21963#p21963" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">viewtopic.php?f=3&p=21963#p21963</a> I would've been better off fucking a deer, at least they don't have opposable digits to kill me with weapons and they can't type or write.
Deer are far more advanced than you think, they have thumbs which can rotate in and out of their hoof state, thus allowing them to wield weapons. No-one has ever brought this information forward because they're all dead. WATCH YO' BACK MO' FUCKA!
Jesus fucking Christ, where do you guys find these crazy women?! I have told someone I would kill him, but we weren't exactly dating, he was trying to assault me.
My crazy ex sounds like an angel compared to your's. She just yelled a lot and got pissed because I thought Hilary Clinton was a scary woman. I guess I'll have to look harder for one of the homicidal ones next time.
I had an "abusive" ex (as in, she hit me several times, and I couldn't hit her back because it would probably kill her), and she shoved me backwards down a full flight of stairs in her duplex. Her fatherput her in a full nelson so I could get the hell out since she was about to brain me with a frying pan while I was lying on the floor at the bottom of the foyer. That was the last time I ever saw her in person until a year ago. She's fat, alone, and has two kids with two fathers. Booya. The problem with having an insane cunt for a girlfriend is you literally CAN'T fight back physically. I just tried to make her feel as shitty as possible when she DID flip out. If she hit me, I told her "You hit like a fucking chick." When she threw the electric fan at me (still plugged in with no safety cage on it), I picked it up off the floor and threw it through her window. You need outlets when you're young, stupid, and stuck in a living fucking nightmare.