WEEKEND DRUNK THREAD 1/15/10

I'm still at work. I hate all of you.

 

I'm working overtime, today and tomorrow. At least I'm getting a fuck ton of cash out of it.

Fuck. Ton. O'Cash.

I'm also getting ham-fucked-drunk-shit-headed tomorrow.

 

Its now 9:35am on Saturday morning and I was meant to be sober last night but due to a friends farewell I got suitably hammered and I was meant to be up at 6am to take the covers off the cricket field. Guess the captain is going to be shitty at me later. Another farewell tonight, jugs of rum all night go on.

 

6:53pm here in South Carolina. Beam and Coke numero dos. Heading downtown to meet friends later, should be a good night. Glad I'm getting to participate in one of the damn threads finally!!!

 

I guess I'm the only one ready to get hamboned tonight. I'm 4 beers in - takin it a little easy tonight. I've been dating this one girl for a couple months, and she's recently said that she's ready to have sex with me. She's a really nice girl, also, she's a virgin. I go to a Catholic university, more virgins here than you'd think. We're planning on me sleeping over at her place either tonight or tomorrow night.

I know it's commonly said that sleeping with virgins is a mistake, but I legitimately like this girl, so it's cool. Girls, guys, any advice on how to treat girls during their first time. Never had sex with a virgin before, just wondering if there's any tips that would do me good.

 

I am semi-retired and work as a consultant, on average I will do 10-12 days a month. I haven't worked since Wednesday. I am currently an ex-pat in London, England where it has just hit midnight Friday night. Twenty minutes prior I cracked my 3rd bottle of JD since Thursday lunch time. The worrying fact is I only have a slight buzz.

 

When you have a daughter, daddy must stay home on Fridays nights but once she goes to bed for the count that doesn't stop me from getting lit in the shed and throwing on Zombieland later.

I'll post later whe I'm feeling more charismatic. This isn't the Weekend Sober Thread. In the meantime:

Spoiler

...and no, I'm a Sabres fan.

 

It's customary, immediately following the deflowering, to flip the girl off of the bed by her ankles and begin inspecting the sheets for blood. You might also want to call her father in for this, so that he may proudly proclaim to have provided a true virgin for you, or so you can immediately demand that they both be stoned to death, if she does not produce the tell-tale signs of virginity.

Or just give her a couple wine coolers, lube your dick up and go easy. Don't just split it with the thumbs and jive. Save that for round two.

 

Fuck me. I just got off work and parked outside my apartment. The city is doing construction on my street, so they left a bunch of pipes next to the curb. Apparently I parked to close to one of the pipes and absolutely shredded my front tire on a screw connecting some of the pipes.

Can I make the city pay for this shit? God Damn it I'm already broke as fuck I don't think I can even afford a new tire.

It's time to get drunk. Angry drunk. This is not going to end well.

 

Lick it, then stick it.

 

Son of a bitch. Just got out last month's gas and water bills in. $98 and $354 respectively. Apparently the toilet upstairs ran the entire time while we were all back home for the holidays. This toilet refills with hot water. How much did we use? Just over 44,000 fucking gallons of hot water.

The 1.75 liter bottle of crown I got for xmas may disappear entirely tonight. Fuck today.

 

I have more vodka than I know what to do with. About 2.5 handles worth, and some other assorted fine liquors, sailor jerry being one of them...good thing some friends and I are pre-gaming here tonight. I believe I'll make my first drink right now.

 

Do none of you keep a fully stocked wet bar? Maybe its just the fact that my state doesn't sell liquor on Sundays, but I always have reserves, good for 30 or 40 people. Just curious about my position on the Alcoholic scale.

Started out drinking(at 11AM) Bell's Double Cream Stout until that barrel ran out, bar tender quickly put in a new barrel of Bell's Hopslam

Hopslam is a nice and even 10.0% ABV. I can't feel my face right now.

Sorry for rambling but the girl that's coming over (non-escort I swear) isn't here yet. Boo. My dick isn't wet. Boo.

 

I try to keep a decent stock, at least a little of something - vodka, whiskey, rum, gin. My problem is I end up drinking it all too fast to afford to reliably replace it when the reserves start to run dry. But I always have beer. If not my shelf in the kitchen fridge, then my mini fridge. Usually both.

 

I drank a lot and went out and had fun last night.

Today, school sensed that I had fun and might have had an uplifted spirit. It was not pleased. It sat, and waited, and plotted. And when I was least expecting, it ambushed me. It was a massacre. Machine guns planted to the front and rear, thick brush to my sides, without even a chance of a bayonet charged to take out as many of the fuckers as possible before they got me.

I hope the rest of you have a better weekend than this guy.

EDIT: Here's a funny story: I just got an e-mail from a prof asking if anyone found his car keys. Good lord. I suppose what makes it better is that he asked if we found them in the lecture hall, a room I distinctly remember him not being in today.

 

A dude I know that used to be a friend just announced to facebook that he has 5 cases of Yuengling Lager.

He refuses to share. Remember I have to go 3 hours to get Yuengling.

Fucking prick.

 

Stoli neat, and a Miller High Life (fuck you! It's cheap, and comes in a 30-pack).

Good liquor, cheap beer.

Probably will switch to gin and tonics after a few more of these. I hate wasting good vodka, and after a while I can't taste it well enough to enjoy it.

 

Really? Nobody grabbed this yet?

Just your tip. Just a little.

Really, though, you may as well tease her a little and at least eat her out like it's your last meal before you go in, because her first time will probably not be good, but if you make her legitimately want it, it will be a little better. Just treat her like you really care for her, and don't expect a lot in return.