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Wedding Crashers

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Frebis, Jul 20, 2010.

  1. Frebis

    Frebis
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    The last wedding I attended was very progressive, yet very redneck at the same time.

    Redneck- We didn't wear tuxcedos. My friend didn't want to make the wedding party rent tuxcedos we would only wear once. Instead we were told to go to JC Pennys and buy this shirt/pants/tie combo. No jacket. The kicker? The shirt and pants didn't match. Only one person had a suit on. He was the preacher.

    Progressive- The maid of honor was a guy. Who reportidly was straight, yet I found him to be fairly efeminate. He was the brother of the bride.

    Now for the funny- If you watch the video of the wedding I can't stop laughing. The preacher has a lisp. The maid of honor is a fag. We are dressed in our redneck get ups. I laughed for a solid 20 minutes.

    The maid of honor gave a speach that made me feel so uncomfortable I almost left. He talked about how he was the only man that had ever seen his sister naked. And how they had tripped together before while naked. As if that wasn't wierd enough, he was talking about tripping and falling. It was very incestuous.

    The night ended with me blacking out and bumping and grinding with the brides mom while her father cheered us on.

    Chater - I have no clue why you don't want to go to weddings. Ones with an open bar are a blast. Everyone gets shit canned. There are lots of horny young girls. What isn't to like?
     
  2. Frank

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    Sorry if this is off focus but:

    Can we get a show of hands for people who have gone to a wedding where they didn't read "Love is kind, love is patient..." I'm assuming there are no hands raised because it has been read at literally EVERY wedding I have attended, it's so fucking cliche and stupid, I want to start a movement against it.

    I was thinking the same thing, weddings are the shit, I know I've complained about them on here before but they really were all worth it.
     
  3. Rush-O-Matic

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    Dude. Really? Sitting through the stupid ceremony is worth it to get to the reception and after parties. Some of the craziest times I had with my buddies were after weddings for the first 6 or 8 years after college. Unless the reception is at a church, you should go. And, even then, there will likely be a great after party. All the elements are there.

    So, you've never seen the groom kneel down with "Help Me" written on the bottom of his shoes? And, you've never seen the groom walk out slightly hunched over, because the other groomsmen handcuffed a bowling ball on a short chain to his ankle? You've never challenged the groom's father to a drinking contest, only to wake up on the floor, under a pile of clothes in a hotel room you don't recognize, with a hotel vacuum cleaner in the bed, and your buddy passed out in the tub, because three of the bridesmaids are asleep in the other bed?

    Oh, unless the wedding is at 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Then, don't waste your time.
     
  4. Hosstyle

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    Weddings are fucking awesome. Free Booze. Free Pussy. Free Food.
     
  5. TX.

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    I hate being in wedding parties. OK, I'm already taking off from work and flying in for your wedding. Now I'm supposed to buy a god-awful dress that I look hideous in and will burn after this? Oh, and I get to have it altered and buy ugly-ass shoes, also? Wait, nope, doesn't stop there. Manis and pedis, tacky hair, makeup, and jewelry all chosen by Bridezilla and Her Mom. Not to mention the bridal shower and "fun" wedding week activities. And, I get to buy you a wedding present! I've dropped over a grand to be in several weddings with absolutely nothing to show for it (not even a sincere thanks for being there on the big day...that would probably be enough even for my jaded, cold heart) except intact friendships with selfish bitches and a few girls I actually consider true friends. Fuck that noise.

    When I get married I'm gonna tell my bridesmaids to wear something in whatever shade blue so if they already have something/want to buy something they actually LIKE they can. Fuck being a bridesmaid. There is only one person I will do that for from now on and that's my best friend.

    The others are right, Chater. What's not to like about receptions? Dancing, free open bar, good food? It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
     
  6. BaseballGuyCAA

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    I've been working this summer as a bartender for a catering company that does a lot of weddings. So I'm pretty much going to a wedding every other week. One stands out as particularly memorable for all the wrong reasons. For one thing, both sides had been divorced several times already.* Everyone was either over 30, or under 15. And the under-15s made up a significant percentage of the population. Long-term, this led to the following scenario: 11:00, dozens of overtired children running around and screaming, several parents too drunk to care, the responsible adults trying and failing to control the kids. Not good times by any means. But that's not even the worst. The groom had ordered custom shot glasses for everyone in his party, and accidentally left his at the bar. So at the end of the night, we are packing up, and I decide that I really should give it back to him. I walk over to him, and he is sitting at a table, slumped over. I've been blackout, incomprehensible, near-comatose drunk enough times to recognize it. Worst of all, his daughter and new stepson were sitting next to him, trying to keep him awake. I tried explaining to him about how he had forgotten his shot glass, and trying to give it back to him, as he stared at me like I was speaking Swahili. I'll never forget what happened next. His daughter looked up at me, tears on her cheeks, and said "Please don't give it back to him, he'll drink more." Probably doing the most illegal thing possible, I gave the shot glass to the stepson. To be fair, he found out I was a college student and had been picking my brain all night as I made him a continuous string of Shirley Temples and, sad as it was, he was probably the most responsible person there despite the notable handicap of being 11. And, as if the night hadn't sucked enough already having to deal with that (and all the repressed memories of shit like that happening in my own childhood), the lousy rednecks on both sides of the aisle combined to tip me a grand total of $35 (for comparison, the prior weekend I had made $188).

    *By my count, approximately 100% of couples who have both been divorced choose "Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts as their wedding song. If you know this ahead of time and can find another person at the wedding with a gambling problem, this is the easiest $50 you will ever make.
     
  7. shegirl

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    Weddings are great as long as you're not in them. For sometime it seemed like many of my closest GF's were getting married. That's because they were. That shit is expensive. You've got the wedding and costs for that alone. Then the shower. Then the bachlorette BS. It's ridiculous. And don't even get me started on the joy that is the baby shower that comes next. You guys don't even realize how lucky you are, although I heard something recently about a co-ed baby shower. What dude would want to attend that kind of thing?

    The most fun I've had at one was one I was not in. The couple was very well off so the reception was at a swanky hotel downtown. The food was outstanding, the venue was gorgeous, the bar was open (top shelf none of that cheap out wine&beer only bullshit, that is not an open bar folks) and the music was live. It was great. I stood at the bar and watched the grooms Father and Uncle get absolutely shitty on shots of Patron. They were hilarious.
     
  8. effinshenanigans

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    I was in my cousin's wedding a couple years back and had a fucking great time. The ceremony was non-religious and was over very quickly (thankfully--considering it was about 95º out). While all the regulars went to the cocktail hour, the wedding party went to a private room with a ton of food and all the booze we could drink. I had about half a bottle of bourbon in me before we even went in.

    The reception was a ton of fun. Food was shit, though. I've learned after going to a few weddings to never, ever get steak if it's an option. They kill the meat. Stick with chicken or fish. The reception was open bar and so I drank endlessly until I lost count. I danced my ass off and probably looked like a fool, but it was a lot of fun.

    After the reception, my then-horribly drunk oldest cousin decided to tell everyone that was still hanging around (roughly 70 people) to come back up to our room because we rented out the Presidential Suite and there would be plenty of space. He didn't cue us in on that. My dad opened the door and people began flooding in and out onto the balcony. We had planned on not drinking anymore, but a party is a party, so we cracked the bottles open again.

    Shortly after, I had to pee, but didn't feel like going inside. So I went to the edge of the balcony next to a large beam and peed on the glass roof of the very fancy restaurant below*, much to the disgust of the other people there. I laughed like a lunatic the whole time.

    Soon after, I apparently tried to have sex with my girlfriend. She was equally ready and went to the bathroom to put something on for me. She came out some 30 seconds later to find me totally passed out in the middle of the bed naked, snoring, and unresponsive. She tried everything to get me to wake up, including blowing me, but to no avail. So she rolled me over and went to sleep.

    I woke up the next morning sweating Knob Creek with a high school drumline marching through my skull. Totally worth it, though.

    *For those curious, here's where it happened:
     

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  9. botox

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    It's that time of year again! Nothing says eternal romance like formal wear in 95 degree weather and warm champagne.

    I have been to several this summer but by far the most eventful was several weeks back at a very upscale hotel near the UNC campus in Chapel Hill. The rehearsal dinner and later booze expedition was a blast; I had so much fun, in fact, that I fell asleep on a bench outside and evidently let my arm hang over. The next morning I awoke to a sensation much different than the typical "arm fell asleep" that I am familiar with and began to fear I had suffered a mild stroke as my entire lower arm had no maneuverability. I shrugged it off in hopes of a full recovery later in the day but had no such luck. My girlfriend had to help me disrobe and put most of my suit on while an uncle tied my tie. The after party provided many chances for me to demonstrate my self-imposed handicap including - the weakest handshake known to man, inability to retrieve keys/phone/money from pocket (laugh it up mr. valet,) and of course spilling my double-fisted drinks throughout the lobby, ballroom, entirefuckingplace.

    I went to the E.R. after getting home and was diagnosed with "Saturday Night Palsy," a condition that forced me to quit my job and left me with a floppy wrist for over three weeks. Over a month and a half later I still have weakness and pins-and-needles sensation. Fuck.

    I would also like the join the chorus of "open bar = mandatory" comments.
     
  10. ghettoastronaut

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    I was home a few weekends ago, and my mother guilted me into going over, briefly, to a baby shower to say hi to my godparents. I should explain that being home for me is a rare enough occasion of its own accord, especially at this time of year. I walked in, my godmother looked at me and said, "Hi [astronaut]. Wait, [astronaut]? What are you doing here? Get out!" Turns out she's not as bad a human being as my mother.

    Last wedding I went to, and the only one I've been to as anything approaching an adult, was back in February. Drank a lot of scotch and other things, vomited in the car ride home due to the insane motion sickness I get whenever I hop on any mode of transportation after drinking. At one point me and some cousins were doing boilermakers at the bar and some girl came up and asked to join in, excited about doing a "guy drink" with us. After the drinking, we discovered she was seventeen years old and still in high school. Be wary, gentlemen.
     
  11. lust4life

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    In our circle, the guys would get together and have a poker game during the shower. Somebody had to load the gifts into the minivan.

    One of the most fun weddings I attended was a college buddy's. He lived in El Paso and was marrying a girl from Juarez. The ceremony was in El Paso, and then the reception was held at the bride's parents' house in Juarez, all the food was prepared by family (and there was a lot of family, so a lot of really, really good food), and a lot of tequila. A lot of tequila. Really great wedding. Really bad hangover.
     
  12. kuhjäger

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    My story will be short as i am on my honeymoon and typing from my ipod.

    At my wedding my best man, who has zero game managed to pull the prudish maid of honor. As they started fucking he noticed something was off. He looked down and saw that there was blood all over the sheets. She had started her period.

    The next day aftrr checkout jägerettes dad asked why there was a charge on the best mans room for sheet replacement.

    We also had some crashers, and someone stole several presents. I was most pissed about the bbq basket full of primo acessories being stolen.
     
  13. lostalldoubt86

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    The strangest wedding I have ever been to was my friend's mother's:
    [*]They got married on the front porch of their double-wide.
    [*]Everyone in the wedding party wore cowboy boots. Not because it was the theme, but because the ground was all muddy.
    [*] The minister, a man who got ordained on the internet, rode up to the ceremony on his Harley and wore a denim leisure suit.
    [*]The ring barer was a dog.
    [*]The reception was trough of beers and 3 Toby Keith albums on repeat.
    [*]It was crashed by a a teenage cousin's baby daddy who got arrested the night before for a domestic disturbance.
    [*]An hour after that I accidentally walked in on the cousin and her baby daddy fucking in the bathroom while their 5 year-old daughter was outside playing with the neighbor's rottweiler.
    [*]The groom slapped my ass as I was getting another beer.

    I guess it sounds kind of trashy, but it was actually a lot of fun.
     
  14. Dyson004

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    Both of the weddings I've attended have sucked.

    Dry reception? Check.
    Horrendous bridesmaids? Check.
    Forced to wear a chocolate brown suit with a dark purple vest? Check.

    The first wedding I was in the wedding party and it was for one of my close friends. His wife has him henpecked and she's kept his balls in her handbag since they started dating. This man wasn't even allowed to have a real bachelor party. We took him to VA Beach and tried to get him to get on some ass and later on, some strippers, but he was just a broken, hollow, shell of a man. I snuck a bottle of hennessey into the reception and proceeded to get toasted with the other cool groomsman. The bride made my friend make all 3 of her brothers groomsmen. She also made sure that her nephew got to be a member of the wedding party, which of course, worked out great when he started bawling during the ceremony. I showed a female friend the wedding pictures of my friend and his blushing bride to be, and she deadpanned "Well, at least he can look forward to having a bangin' ass mistress."

    The second wedding I went to, I automatically understood why people bring a date to a wedding. Bringing a date when you're a member of the wedding party is a pain in the ass, but when you're just kicking back, you want to have someone to laugh at the foolishness that is about to happen. I was a guest of the bride, we went to Africa together back in undergrad. There was no alcohol, I was almost late and didn't have time to stop by the ABC store. I was bored out of my mind, but I would have never heard the end of "You didn't come to my wedding!" I spent the majority of the time flirting with my old boss's sister (who was in her mid 30's, but still attractive enough), but alas, I got no play at the end of the night.
     
  15. jennitalia

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    About 95% of the weddings I've been to have been second cousins who I don't care about. 100% of those lame weddings have consisted of dry receptions and family bands. One of these weddings had a dance, but it was only country music and nobody even danced. Thankfully most of the cousins are now married off and the remaining weddings will be fun. I've decided that since I don't want these lame cousins and the millions of offspring they have now produced at my wedding, my only option is a destination wedding.

    There have been two weddings I actually enjoyed going to: my parents' and one of my good friend/former coworker's.

    My parents' wedding was held in our backyard when I was 4 (yep, I am a bastard child). I was the flower girl and my brother was the ring bearer. He dropped the ring and it was lost in the grass for about 15 minutes. I remember being excited because my mom was wearing a pretty dress, I got to have flowers in my hair, and we got to eat cake.

    The good friend's wedding was awesome - lots of booze and a ridiculously hot bartender.
     
  16. caseykasem

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    My ex girlfriend insisted that I accompany her to every wedding she was invited to while we were dating. I was actually invited to two of them and I was the very uncomfortable and reluctant +1 to two others. Only one of these was any fun. The bad weddings all had dry receptions. At one of these weddings, the groom and groomsmen all wore suits with really long coats that were inspired by 19th century Hungarian military coats and the bride didn't wear a dress so much as she wore a cloak with a hood on the back. Apparently she was really into elves and Lord of the Rings and shit like that. Her wedding band even had some "elvish" writing on it. During the wedding they played some traditional Hungarian songs as well as her favorites from Lord of the Rings. I was holding in laughter the whole time. These people were un fucking real.

    Now for the fun one:
    Open bar? check
    Bartender serving me while under age? check
    fight breaking out outside of the reception hall? check
    police being called and arresting a wedding crasher? check
    ex girlfriend getting shit housed drunk? check
    ex girlfriends parents paying for me and her to share a hotel room? check
    getting the best sex I've EVER had afterward? check
     
  17. Racer-X

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    The last wedding I went to was for one of my college buddies and I was the officiant. I am a duly ordained minister of the Universal Life Church (aka That place on the internet that will make any jackass a minister). The ceremony was small and went fairly well. I used my years of experience in watching weddings on sitcoms to cobble together a pretty decent ceremony. I was terribly hungover from partying the night before and the wedding was outside in Texas in July so that part sucked, but overall it was fun.
     
  18. cadet07

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    Everyone has posted about how awesome weddings are, I am 25 and have yet to attend a wedding. It's not due to the lack of invites it seems like every month someone from college or my unit is getting married.

    Yeah weddings have easy girls and (possibly) free booze, but it's just not really worth my time. There has yet to be a wedding that is held with in 2 hours of where I live meaning I will have to spring for a place to stay, travel, spend my entire weekend devoted to the wedding. Screw that I can just head to the nearest party/bar pick up a chick and spend less money and still do something the next day. Just not worth my time or money it's simple economics.

    Well Cadet I guess these people are not good enough friends for you to "waste" your time to celebrate their union. Well here at age 25 my friends either are far two young < 23 to even really realize that maybe the girl you met at your 3,000 person undergrad is the women you are suppose to marry. The other half are now 24-27 and think "it's time" to get married. I had a private just come back from R&R and his reason for getting married was because it's what you are suppose to do. Seriously...I will allow that there are stupid people and not everyone has this fucked up logic.

    I may as I get older start attending weddings due to decrease amount of pussy being thrown at me and the more serious and mature of realtionships might actually last I will have to see.

    Funny enough my best friend since middle school actually is getting married this october and I was going to be his best man, but I am currently deployed to the afghan and his wife wanted to get married sooner then later so that did not pan out. I could have based my R&R around that date attempting to make it however I instead chose to head to Germany for 2 weeks (can't pass up on the army paying my ticket there and back)

    What is up with the "saving money" aspect of the wedding, if I ever get married I am going to do it ONCE, it's going to be an epic wedding. If you don't have money to spring for a open bar, nice reception hall, inviting everyone I want to come without paring down the guest list etc... Just wait a year a save some money, the women already has diamond on her finger and now a day's most couples already live together, wait a year for your tax break, do the freaking wedding right.
     
  19. TJMax

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    My brother's best man went up to do his speech, and after advising any children (none) or the easily offended (definitely some old people in attendance) that now would be a good time to go potty, he launched into reminiscions(sp) of conversations he'd had with our mom, in which they figured my brother was gay. He went on to say that this wasn't really fair, as:
    "If you drive one nail, nobody calls you a carpenter. But you give one blow job..."

    So if you have best man duties coming up, use my friend Eric's speech! Or not. It did go over surprisingly well, though.
     
  20. Binary

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    Probably because a lot of people realize that $30k is a down payment on a house, or a few awesome vacations, or a car, or a lot of other things that aren't one crazed day that the bride and groom barely have time to enjoy as they are pushed from one person to another, and where it's all over in 6 hours except for the massive bills to be paid.

    I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong to spend a bunch of money on a giant party, but don't dismiss those who might have their priorities set elsewhere. Fuck thirty grand on a wedding. You want memories? I spent 12 days on a boat in the Galapagos Islands last summer. I'll never forget that, and I could have done it twice for the cost of a decent wedding, and still came home with more than enough for a couple plane tickets + hotel to fly to a nice island beach and get married.