We are all dying, in a Sylvia Plath sort of way...

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html This blog is pretty to the point, the five biggest regrets of the dying:

"1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."


Focus:Do you have any regrets in your life so far? Do you see yourself having any of these regrets when the time comes? Any tricks you employ to remind yourself of what matters?

I see myself blocking my own happiness at times, getting caught up in work or some other bullshit and forgetting to smile and enjoy the day. This reminds me that life is short, no matter how long it is, and that wasting energy on negativity is not worth it.

 

Most of my regrets have to do with missed romantic opportunities.

 

Hmmm, regrets, regrets...

As I sit here in the probation waiting room, reading a vitriolic text message from my ex-wife, nothing comes to mind.

 

Predict what you would regret, then. It's funny, I have always had a "No Regret" mentality, yet when I stop and consider the whole scheme of things I can spot areas where I could improve the quality of my life.

 

Not applying myself more in school. I pulled off decent grades by doing the bare minimum, I even made it through my entire academic career without reading a single book that was assigned to me (read plenty on the side though). I'm in a good position no doubt, but a phd in applied statistics from a top school instead of a bachelor's in math from a state school would be a nice upgrade.

Then again maybe I wouldn't have appreciated things as much without suffering (relatively speaking) my first few years out of school.

 

Co-sign. I did not try NEARLY as jard as I should (or now: wanted to), but I'm trying a last shot of redemption right now at college, which added to two jobs and raising a three-year-old Tasmanian Devil who can punch harder than I can sure has packed up my life.

I also regret seeing the movie "Bewitched" in the theatre. I deserve death for that.

 

Add me to the list of putting more effort into school. Should have gone to uni instead of getting a trade.

 

I regret not serving my country by joining the military, for at least a few years. At the time I needed to make that sort of decision, I was too selfish and immature. Now I wish I could, but I'm too old.

 

I regret not picking up more activities and not developing more skills when I was a teenager. I'm trying to catch up now, but it still sucks, because I'll never be as good in activities I do as if I had started them 10-12 years ago. I could be really good at guitar or I could be a black belt in something at the moment or something equally cool.

I wasted too much free time playing video games or not doing anything that contributed to making me a better person. Consequently, I had no self-discipline at all growing up, because I never developed it (for that one, I wish my parents had pushed me more).

Edit: I forgot. I was really fucking passionate about money and finance when I was 15-16. I never developed that passion because I let my father influence me way too much (he suffers from middle class syndrome: he think all rich people are crooks and abuse the common people). I'm getting back on track as much as I can right now, but it breaks my heart that I wasted 10 years during which I could have learned a ton of stuff or picked up on interesting business opportunities. I still have anxiety sometimes thinking about money, that's how much my parents influenced me.

 

I have two "ones who got away." Strangely enough, I never actually dated either of them. #1 never lived in the same place as me for the few years we were in touch, and #2 was in a serious relationship when I met her and didn't get out until two years later.

Never really tried to start anything with #1, made one feeble attempt to become more than friends with #2. It was easy to not go for it because of the obstacles in the way, and in most cases those obstacles would matter... But I now know how rare it is for me to find someone who I'm really crazy about. Shit, I was only 17 when I met #1, I thought I'd meet all kinds of girls like her. 8 years later and #2 is the only one who has even come close.

 

I second this. I'll always regret not enlisting out of high school; instead I wasted two years fucking around at my first community college. With a criminal conviction, (another regret I've wrote about in other posts. I won't rehash it.) that opportunity is lost to me forever.

 

Sometimes I think back and start to regret that I didn't sign on the line after meeting with the recruiter, but then I think about how every choice I made in life, good or bad, has led me to this point and how happy I am with life right now. Then I realize I don't regret anything because a slight variation in that path could have led to a very different life.

 

My main regret in life which I'll hopefully be over on my death bed because I would have caught up on my life was following a girl to New York after my Freshman year of college, who cheated on me with a fat white guy not 3 months in after the move.

-I now can't tell if I hate New York City because of the association with the girl or because I hate the city on its merits. (Don't red dot me New Yorkers, I'm from Chicago, it is possible it is just an inherent rivalry.)
-I did not have the full college experience because it was a dry campus in a shitty suburb with mostly commuters and none of the students students actually had a decent party house.
-I did not go to the college in Chicago I should have, DePaul Univeristy where there are all 31 flavors of girls, a great party scene and...first and foremost
-I would have been in a city where I could have done internships and gotten into my desired career path at 21 and not still be knocking on the door at 25.

 

It is very important to me to NOT have this regret as I get older.

In addition to talking about our prostates and receding hairlines, me and many of my friends with families and careers are starting to bring up the topic of "work-life balance" when we get together. It sounds like a cliche, new age, bullshit term, but it describes what many of us in middle age are trying to deal with. And it is fucking HARD. One would think that doing less work would make things easier, but I find it more stressful at times than simply working late or on weekends to crank out the work product. I expend a lot of effort prioritizing, delegating, and juggling my schedule so that i can spend time with my family. I still spend too much time thinking about work, but I get off that treadmill as often as i can.

 

My regrets:
- Staying in a dead relationship instead of having the balls to call it quits and move on. Because of this I missed out on an opportunity with Miss Colorado.
-Quitting competitive hockey in junior high. When many of my friends went on to play junior and my brother played on teams throughout the country, I couldn't help but wonder what might have been.
-Settling for a shitty college and not applying to good schools I probably could have gotten into.
-Picking a major that can never get me a job.

 

I regret "Mama-Mia" - I will never get those hours of my life back. Even sticking my dick in crazy at least left me with some valuable life lessons.

 

When I was 18, right before I joined the Navy, I went to a strip club with some friends. Kind of a send off party for me. I talked to this really cute stripper for like two hours, and she didn't charge me a damn thing. She actually invited me back to her place after she got off work, where her and her stripper friends were gonna smoke some weed and party. I declined, because I had to work in the morning.

This is my one main regret in life.

 

My line of work is the biggest regret I have next to not giving a fuck about school, pay attention in school kids.

 

I regret seeing "Cats". Worst. Musical. Ever. I want those 2-3 hours of my childhood back!