Happy National Wear Red Day! I think this day is about women's heart health or something. But hey, redhead in red lingerie is a more fun spin. This is also your friendly reminder that Valentine's day is in a week, so don't forget. Dinner with some new sexy red lingerie never misses the mark. I hope all you idiots are having a nice Friday. Just one more daily grind and you'll have your weekend freedom. TGIF!
The cruise I’m going on has a taqueria and tequila bar. You know there was some dude up at royal Caribbean pitching ideas all “well when I get drunk I want tequila y tacos! Let’s do that!”
Don’t worry about football being over, kids. Because the XFL is back! (cue soaring guitar notes) ....nothing makes you want to sit down and watch a gladiator sport like fourth-rate players the Arena League wouldn’t even touch. It’s been almost two decades and I am still out of breath from mocking it the first incarnation of it. I mean seriously .... it was a parody of an abortion of a shell of a football league.
If they just let players concuss the shit outta each other, the XFL would be a billion dollar league within two years. Remove QB protections, allow blindside blocks and targeting, cash bonuses for catch, run and hit of the night, make everyone sign a waiver before they join the team. Sure, they'd need a half dozen ambulances on standby, but you can't tell me you wouldn't watch the hell outta that.
you should also be allowed to sculpt your own cleats like we did for our rugby team in the high school machine shop. Bring in brass knuckles while we’re at it. Turn these motherfuckers into vegetables.
Hey guys, remember when I told y'all about how car alarms work, and how much I hate them? Well they're even worse than I thought. WARNING: Car talk ahead. Spoiler Today we got a customer with an especially obnoxious alarm (on a 23 year old F150...), one that automatically rearms itself and locks the doors UNLESS you start the engine. I decided to try a little experiment: could I start this truck WITH THE ALARM MODULE STILL INSTALLED? Not cut out/ bypassed? The answer is yes; yes I can. First, I disconnected the siren (so I don't have to listen to it), let the system arm itself, then opened the door. Lights started flashing, so the alarm was going off. Then I put the key in the "run" position, and went under the truck and jumped the solenoid terminals on the starter*. Presto, it started right up. Some "anti-theft" device. The box did nothing. You want to know what the best anti-theft systems I've ever seen are? Factory anti-theft systems that integrate the PCM or Body Control Module. Believe me, if one of those malfunctions, or detects a theft attempt, you are going to be in for a lot of work. My first day of work at this job, I had to diagnose a car with the GM Passlock II system that malfunctioned and bricked the vehicle. *I realize that getting under the vehicle isn't an easy way to do that, but I had the truck on a lift. For other cars, you can jump the terminals on the starter relay in the fuse box.
When I was in college, my 4th-gen Camaro had the resistor in the key security system and aftermarket wireless door locks. Apparently, the installer got it working by installing a weird bodge wire that made the resistance work out. I must have bumped this wire or maybe it corroded, but one day the car suddenly refused to acknowledge my existence. After a ton of effort, my brother ended up getting it to start again, but it kept being finicky, so we pawned it off on some other unlucky bastard..
Man, I am WAY too excited about this new pooper scooper I got for the backyard. I can pick up So. Much. Poop. Just filled up a 5gal bucket. Yeehaw!
Just one of the reasons I decided to go lo-tech and use The Club. Everything in the last 30 years or so is filled with confusing electronics and with one wrong move you can FUBAR the entire electrical system. If someone REALLY, REALLY wants to steal your car, they're going to do it regardless. As far a jumpering the starter....one my '70 Duster 340's had the ignition system go bad. It did have a locking steering column, but starting it was piece of cake. Hot wire from the positive battery terminal to the positive side of the coil. and a big assed screw driver to reach down to the hot side of the starter and short it against a ground...it fired right up.
A few days ago it was 80 degree and sunshine. Weather report for tonight is low of 11 degrees and up to 2 inches of snow. Texas, y’all.
Oh yes, brilliant. And after pick-ups throw you into concrete and turn your entire body into sandwich-spread you can mouth-type about all the would-be blowjobs you’d be getting if you could feel anything below your Adam’s apple. Just like our clever friend here: ...tie a kite to your body in a hurricane and you are rolling dice loaded against your favour.
shit like that is the reason I never liked snowboarding, and am very hesitant to wake board. At least with skis, if things go sideways they fly off and you just yard sale. With snow/wake boards though, you’re attached to the damn thing in an unnatural position. I tried snowboarding once. Picked it up pretty quick, but didn’t like the feeling that I was one fall away from blowing out my ACL, MCL, ACT, PCP, MCAT.
I ran into my mom at the store today and mentioned I was driving down to Springfield tomorrow for an appointment. She asks me what the appointment is for. I answer “a personal hygiene appointment” assuming that my mother probably doesn’t want to know that it’s a Brazilian sugaring appointment. I’m reminded that my mother is actually the worst when she says “it seems like you go down there all the time!” It’s once a month. I swear that had we not been in public I would have given her way more information than she wanted, and maybe I should have just to embarrass her. Are there people who have good relationships with their parents? What’s that like?
Me neither and I don’t recommend it. I am excited to have lunch with an old college friend today though.
I had to Google "Brazilain sugaring", which was brave, considering the things I've seen Googling other things. I'm curious, any writers or aspiring writers here? Any one else excel at procrastinating like I do?