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[WDT] THE GANG SOLVES THE SUEZ CANAL CRISIS [NSFW]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bewildered, Mar 26, 2021.

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  1. bewildered

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    Map dicks, delays of shipping containers forecast into multiple months, 33 billion in revenue already lost (https://istheshipstillstuck.com/)

    Gang, we're going to solve the crisis, because we're smart, and we have liquor, and we have math and google.

    We've already heard about dropping bombs, offloading and towing, digging another lane into the canal, bombing glaciers at the poles to raise water levels. But we're just not there yet.

    Focus: Solve the Suez Canal crisis. I will give you 10 green dots as a reward and say nice things about you every now and again.

    And, because Egypt:
    [​IMG]

    PS: Can you believe this (instagram) model was arrested for this photoshoot? Scandalous!

    Happy Friday, Idiots!
     
  2. Revengeofthenerds

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    Fireworks? That’s always the solution for me
     
  3. GTE

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    Aim hoses at the area that's jammed into the sand washing the sand away. Sort of like hydraulic mining but on a much bigger scale.
     
  4. Rush-O-Matic

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    If the bow of the ship is jammed on the east bank, and the stern is jammed on the west bank . . . why can't they attach a bunch of ropes/cables to the bow and get a bunch of tractors on the west bank pulling west? Then, a bunch of ropes/cables attached to the stern, pulling east with a bunch of tractors on the east bank? Do the different governments cooperate?

    upload_2021-3-26_16-44-7.png
     
  5. GTE

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    I think it's because that bulbous thing on the front is wedged too far into the sand? Might damage it pulling it that hard from the side?
     
  6. Revengeofthenerds

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    Sand. Structures on both sides gotta have a serious foundation to anchor those pullies to, and to my knowledge, at least in that spot, there aren't any. I'm not an engineer (you would know if I was -- engineers like to tell you frequently they are one, like crossfitters), but even I understand the challenges involved in building a permanent structure on that kinda ground.

    Same deal with trying to pull it off using tugs or another ship -- not enough purchase in the water to get the force required to move it.

    Best bet is going to either be to lighten it up enough to float it off at a high enough tide, or dig it out and trench the way to open water.

    Regardless of what happens, I'm sure there's going to be some serious damage to the canal that's going to impair commerce for some time.
     
  7. dixiebandit69

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    Who is that model?
    She looks like she could be Jungle Julia's sister.

    My solution is to just dig another trench around the ship. It's just sand; how hard could it be?

    Then once we have the new channel in place, do a missile strike on the stuck ship.
    Just because.

    While we're on the subject, this situation is uncannily similar to a Clive Cussler book I read years ago, where the Chinese government had a plan to reroute the Mississippi River by sinking an old river boat sideways in the main channel, then blowing open a new channel to the Atchafalaya river, thereby bypassing New Orleans.

    I don't remember the title, but it was a decent story.
     
  8. Revengeofthenerds

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    Wait that’s a real picture? I thought it was a cartoon?
     
  9. Nettdata

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    Just throw down a shit-ton of fibreglass sheets and your sand has amazing structure.

     
  10. Crown Royal

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    It’s probably so heavy that that it either won’t move or it would shred the hull. It’s bigger than the Empire State Building.

    They may have to take it apart, like the crashed Italian cruiseship. Hell, every single one of those containers weighs at least five to ten thousand pounds. Empty.

    Try hitting it with a fucking comet.
     
  11. wexton

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    We get some big ships in. And that thing looks bigger then anything we have gotten in. That ship is fucking massive.
     
  12. downndirty

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    So hear me out: like ALL of the lube....

    It's wild how ship building has kind of stalled, and the vessels/equipment needed to take this apart are occupied....so this gets worse.

    I have friends who are contingency and COOP planners, and they are getting a lot more credibility these days
     
  13. Popped Cherries

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    Jeff Bezos to the rescue!!!!

    https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lube...1&keywords=drum+of+lube&qid=1616796623&sr=8-5
     
  14. bewildered

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  15. wexton

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    For size comparison, ever given 400m long, USS enterprise 342m long. The longest ship to ever dock in Canada which also happened to be our port was the COSCO Himalayas at 366m long.
     
  16. NatCH

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  17. Revengeofthenerds

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    yeah but do we really want that part of the world bullet proof?
     
  18. bewildered

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    @Rush-O-Matic gets a point for the drawn diagram. Really adds a personal touch.

    But.... @downndirty gets a point a creative, lube inspired idea.
     
  19. Juice

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    Ever Given is a stupid name for a boat. I wish it was something vulgar so the news would have to report on it.
     
  20. Malignity

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    Personally I'm quite happy it's stuck. One of my former employers was an import/export company. They would ship containers of shoes & clothes from China to the UK and then use road hauliers to deliver them to France & Italy.

    Customers would place their orders 6 months in advance and complain if they were a day late. If a truck broke down and the driver was stuck or a ferry couldn't cross the channel due to bad weather then the customers don't care - the goods are late and it's your fault. The boss would get it in the neck every hour from the customer.

    I can only imagine the pain that cunt is going through now. I have zero sympathy as she fired me because I didn't want to do overtime for the 3rd night in a row because a friend was in hospital and I was going to visit him and I was only given 5 minutes notice to do the work. I took her to a tribunal and won as she didn't have a leg to stand on.

    She was importing over a 100 contratinaers a week and so I hope she has a few hundred stuck in this jam and is getting grief left right and centre over it all day long which I know she will as those customers don't give a shit why it's late. One driver had a crash and was took to hospital and they said "It's your fault, don't let it happen again". I hope it's enough grief the cunt commits suicide over it.
     
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