After 3 shits, 2 rolls of charmin, and an alarming amount of blood, I've determined that yes, that Mexican food was too spicy yesterday. No cheese will save you. The ghost of safe, comfortable tacos al pastor weep for you. You have burrito butt at your girlfriend's house.
In case you wanted to take her up on her offer of oiling up her legs with new leg oils while she resist stroking your long cock. Also the other picture sent:
Tangentially related, I'm forced to be in Chicago for a work conference. The hotel I'm staying at is a Marriott that provides me a semi-decent view of the river downtown. As far as my asshole is concerned, I may as well be staying in a dirt floor log cabin in the Yukon. Couple this with me eating like a sewer rat and I've been basically wiping myself bloody with sandpaper. I miss my wife, my kids, my dog, and my bidet. It's corporate-provided lunch time now, which means I get to eat cafeteria food and try and avoid as many conversations as I can.
With how grainy those pics are and how good cameras are these days, that woman is probably 50 by now.
Maybe it’s hemorrhoids, maybe it’s time for a colonoscopy? Regardless, it’s an experience I’m gratefully naive about.
I was looking forward to a conference in Chicago in September, but I’ve learned it will be held at a hotel at O’Hare airport, and therefore will suck. No good views, no good restaurants, just trapped in an airport hotel for 3 days.
Correction: a half mile East of the airport, technically Rosemont I guess. Any suggestions on how I can salvage this trip other than spending it in the hotel bar are welcome.
Medieval Times is a short drive away. Get drunk, wave flags and cheer for low level actors riding horses.
The behind the scenes footage of the jousting in A Knight's Tale is perfect for that. Bunch of Ukrainians just fucking giving 'er, for real jousting.