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[WDT] NATIONAL TELL A JOKE DAY [NSFW]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bewildered, Aug 16, 2019.

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  1. Nettdata

    Nettdata
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    Mr. Toast

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    Yeah, Ontario is a bit boring unless you like driving through the country and seeing/smelling farming. That has it's moments, but can't come close to the rugged outdoors of BC.

    I really miss BC, especially living in it where you could just drive for 30 minutes and be at a world-class fishing lake in the middle of nowhere.

    Stuff like that is here in Ontario, but Northern Ontario.... you need to drive for hours, while surviving the Toronto/Barrie cottager corridor of hell, to get to some lakes that offer something similar.

    If I had the time to do an 8-10 hour round trip to get to a good fishing lake, I might not miss it as much.

    I find I'm more "stay at home and do stuff" now, with my shop, gardening, etc, as a result.
     
  2. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    That’s what PEI is: a VERY small rural Ontario. They look very much the same....Except you can go fishing in a lake, drive for literally thirty seconds, hop on another boat and go deep sea fishing. No trains, no noise at night whatsoever except for their “anytime, anywhere” policy in regards to gigantic fucking fireworks. But the locals all tell me winter really sucks there. However once it’s warm, Beaches and water in every single direction, in no less than 20 minutes. And the food was phenomenal.
     
  3. Nmw20

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    Village Idiot

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    I live in PEI, the winters are not as bad as the ones we got when I lived in Eastern Ontario. The best part of living here is living in a 1200 square foot house right on the water for under 200k.
     
  4. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    My grandmother used to live in PEI, and it was pretty windy and cold in the winter... perfect "read by the fire", and "stay cozy inside" weather... didn't mind it at all.

    I actually quite love shitty winter weather when you have a nice, warm, comfortable place to live in.
     
  5. Binary

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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Sometimes it's frustrating that, the further you get up in the ranks of IT, the fewer clear-cut "wins" you get on a regular basis. Problems become either huge, or nebulous, or ongoing, and you don't get the opportunity to sit down and crush a specific, contained problem.

    It's awesome when that opportunity presents itself. Nice work!
     
  6. Revengeofthenerds

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    Bent over to get something from my son and he jumped up, smacked the top of his head right into my nose. My wife heard the crack from across the room.

    If I get black eyes like I did last time I broke my nose I'm gonna be fuckin pissed. My wife swears she can cover it with makeup but I'm not sure which is worse: going into work with black eyes and having to explain what happened, or wearing makeup.
     
  7. NatCH

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    Look on the bright side - you know without a doubt he’s your son.
     
  8. Revengeofthenerds

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    No, he broke MY nose with HIS head.

    Knock on wood neither of my kiddos have broken anything. Yet. Though early this summer my youngest did bite through his tongue requiring 10 stitches to close.
     
  9. bewildered

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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    Focus: National tell a joke day
    Here's one I just heard that I'll recycle here.

    What's the difference between a truck driver and a puppy?

    A puppy quits whining after 6 months.
     
  10. Revengeofthenerds

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    I was addicted to the hokey pokey...

    But I turned myself around.
     
  11. Misanthropic

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    Have you heard the one about the plastic surgeon?

    He stood next to the fire too long and melted.


    So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra . . .
     
  12. Revengeofthenerds

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    The "You Laugh, You Lose" series is great, but this is my favorite:

     
  13. NatCH

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    What’s the difference between pink and purple?



    Grip.
     
  14. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    A skeleton walks in to a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.
     
  15. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.
     
  16. GTE

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    I heard that one from my 17 y/o step daughter. Unfortunately, that isn't a joke.
     
  17. bewildered

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    I was really into dirty jokes in middle school. Like, if you were to find my internet search history for that period of time, it was about half dirty jokes, a quarter flying squirrels, and a quarter html code I could rip for my stupid geocities website.

    I did perhaps tell a dirty joke comparing a toothbrush to a dick to a minivan full of middle school aged boys while their mom drove us all home from school. I did not fully comprehend the joke I was relaying. One of the boys guessed "a dick right?" While I died inside and the mom was silent. "No, a toothbrush" I weakly responded.

    There was a lot of silence after that.
     
  18. Binary

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    You started a thread called "NATIONAL TELL A JOKE DAY" and then don't even tell the joke that got you in trouble?

    Sheesh.

    So these two pieces of string saw each other out drinking one night, and they both turn into the seedy bar. The minute they sit down, the bartender glares at them and snarls, "we don't serve string here!" The bouncer promptly grabs them and tosses them out into the street.

    The first piece of string is pissed but the second string tells him to cool off and just let it go. They go their separate ways. A couple hours later, the second string is walking back and sees his buddy, drunk and smoking a cigarette outside the bar they got tossed from.

    "Hey buddy, how'd you get them to let you in?"

    The first string replies, "well, first I tied myself up real tight. Then, I gave myself a really messy hairdo," and he pantomimes tousling his 'hair.' "Then, I marched in there and said, Bartender! Gimme a beer!"

    "The bartender immediately poured me one and brought it over, but then he eyed me suspiciously and said 'Hey, aren't you a piece of string?' he asked."

    "But I said no, I'm afraid not."
     
  19. bewildered

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    Something about...what's about 7-8" long, has some bristles, you move it back and forth (possibly in your mouth?). There was probably a bit more, and I am not sure exactly how I phrased these details. I've spent a lot of time not thinking about this event and actively blocking it out.

    There was silence in its delivery, and there was silence in its wake.

    I'm dying again. How many times can you die of embarrassment from one event?
     
  20. Revengeofthenerds

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    I first read that as “I DID that to my 17 yo step daughter” and now I feel dirty
     
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